Date: Tue, 12 Dec 1995 18:05:33 -0600 From: Julie Randolph Subject: Alone **Okay, so I'm getting waaaaay out there on the "experimental fiction" edge of the universe, but oh well. Ahh, there is nothing to explain, read it and you will understand.** Alone Julie Randolph We have seen it happen a million times, inside the mind, inside the soul where a trivial word or a mundane gesture lay dormant and finally erupts creating a halo of pain about our hearts. Oh, yes, we have seen it, and in very few other was it so prominent as the young man I observed last night. However, I am starting at the end, let me begin again. My name is Dr. Corie Weathers and I am a psychologist. I study abnormal psychology, mostly lonliness and the sense of aloneness that so many people feel because I too feel it, and it makes me curious. Why does it happen, where does it come from and who amkes us feel this way? Is it some god, or some internal need of the human psyche. Well, to the latter I would have to say no. Why? Because, the young man I watched last night, as alone as she might have been, as plagued by lonliness he might have seemed, was not human. I should think he had not been human in several hundred years. Oh, anyway, what happened was this. I was standing outside of a church, a tall cast-away building wth rotting wodd, but heavy laid in brick. I sometimes watch the homeless not because of some strange internal need to feel surerior, but because these people, amny of them, are recluse to the point of being xenephobic. That, it itself causes rusehe of lonliness, most of the time they can be washe away with alcohol, but sometime they eat away at your spirit. I was about to turn away, assuming so one was in the massive building when I was sure I saw a candle flickering in the top most portion of the attic. So I watched, and as sure as I am standing here, a young man emerged, standing in the window, a candle visible in one hand, as if it might penetrate throughthe night and take away the shadows. He was good looking from what I could tell, long dark hair hung down his back in waves. Sharp, gleaming brown eyes searched the night, though they never fell on me, and for that I was grateful. It is hard to observe someone being alone, when they know you are there, for they are then no longer alone, are they? Or are they? Well, listen. I realized he was not of the "human" persuasion when he took off into the sky, extinguishing the candle with a gust of air and it fell with a thud, almost directly at my feet. I now wonder, ifhtat had been an accident, or if he had really meant it to land ther. At any rate, I stepped around and followed to a place, I can certainly say, I would never go into alone. The supernatural content of beings inside that room was enough to make my head swim. I followed anyway, assured that he had perhaps come here to be with someone, but he met no one, he talked to no one, he never spoke a word. All the while, I felt sure I could feel dozens of hungry vampires looking at my neck and wondering if I should not leave. But, I was captivated, and that is not unusual, I suppose, being sourrunded by vampires. He was approached by another man, taller, with shrt-cropped white hair and flashing blue eyes, they exchanged words for a moment and then he continued to survey the crowd until his eyes fell to me. I wasn't stupid, I relaized he had known I was there the entire time. why then would he lure me here? to see if I would follow? My observation had come to its conclusion, but he moved so fast as I turned for the door that I haden't the time to make but one stpe. "Why are you watching me?" He cocked his head to one side, looking vaguely like a puppy, cute, harmless, yeah...right. "I found you interesting." He wasn't sure what to make of that,"Do you know what I am?" I sighed, what do you say to a point blank question like that,"Yes." "What are you searching for?" "Nothing...exactly." He shook his head,"Will you then have a drink with me?" He held out a hand, and I took it, I have no idea why, it just seemed appropriate at the time. We sat in the corner and began to talk. I told him of my studies, of my quest for the cure to linliness and he actually listened, strange that I hand't realized how much Ihad needed someone to listen until then. Finally he laughed,"I believe I can solve your riddle for you doctor." "Can you?" He gestured around the room,"I am here, and yet I am still alone, that is why you find me fascinating, right?" I nodded,"Yes." "But in your company, a quiet, one on one conversation, neither on of us is alone anymore, why do you think that is?" I though for a moment,"The few, as compare to the many?" He smiled,"Yes. And could we not sit here in silence and still be together, rather than alone?" "I suppose we could." I nodded ,"Do you have someone like that in your life, with whom you can sit?" A shadow crossed his features,"I did have. Or perhaps I never had. I don't really know. I have :friends" but are they truly people who would be there no matter what happened to me...I don't know. One perhaps." "I see." I smiled,"And who is that?" He laughed,"She is...a bright woman, a little too..ummm...clean? for me, but she has this aura about her, this energy that seems to flow through her into your own soul that makes you wnat to do things. She listens, perhaps when she finally find me less fascinating as a vampire and more fascinating as a man, we can be true friends." "You do not have that now?" "No, not really. I worry about her, well, she's a detective. Sometimes it is so frustrating to see your friends out in the line of fire and know that the could be dead with the snap of a finger, and you can do nothing. that is why I hate mortal friendships." "That is why you close yourself to the world around you?" He looked up from the table and smiled,"Yes. So my "aloneness" is actually of my own making." I sighed,"Yes, but we all do it to ourselves. We want to be close, and yet, we cannot because it might hurt, or we might end up with more than we bargained for." "Exactly." he said slamminghis fist against the table and waving to a couple who had just walked in. The pair walked over to us and he stood, motioning me to keep my chair,"Det. Nick Knight, Dr. Natalie Lambert, this is Dr. Corie Weathers, a abnormal psychologist." Natlaie laughed,"If you wanted abnormal, oyou have found the right group." I looked at Vachon, the young man with whom I had been talking,"An d now the lonliness grows further away as you add people, or does it grwo more?" "We're discussing lonliness." Nick smiled,"I dare say I'd probably be an expert on that subject." I looked at him, fair, blod hair, sparkling blue eyes. I shook my head,"No, I don't think so, Detective." I motioned to Natalie Lambert."YOu have found the cure to your lonliness, and there she is." Nick leaned over and kissed her gently on the temple,'Ahh, you may be right doctor." Natalie was beginning to thoroughly enjoy the conversation,"So what do we do about Vachon?" Nick paused and eyed the young man with humor, Vachon squirmed, so I cut it,"Just as you had to find your own hope, Nick, so he must find his, and since my observations for the evening are over, I believe I will go back to my office, goodnight genltemen. lady." They nodded and then Vachon hopped up to escort me out..how avant garde, how chilvarious, how 1500's. "So," Nat said after the pair had left, "Do you really think Vachon is that alone?" Nick turned and watched as he escorted the doctor out the doorm"I would say, not anymore." ***************************************************************** Response, flames, letters of recommendation, definitions of "irony" and/or Geriant Wyn Davies home address to randolph@tenet.edu "I do hope this wave of altruism passes quickly, it is quite...distressing."--LaCroix, Night in Question *****************************************************************