Date: Sun, 3 Mar 1996 01:27:25 -0500 From: Janette Z Subject: Song Challenge: Always (1/3) HF Spoilers This is a song challenge for the song Always by Bon Jovi. It is also a *major* Human Factors Spoiler, including a slightly edited scene, so don't read it unless you've seen it!!!!! Major thanks to my many Beta-readers, as well. This is also my first attempt at Fan Fiction, so please be gentle! Flames, praises etc welcome at Janette92@aol.com All standard disclaimers apply. Song Challenge: Always (1/3) *Yes, Romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood it's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up. It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowing in the flood. See I've always been a fighter, but without you, I give up.* Nicholas walked into the Raven, looking around slowly. It was a rather quiet night for a change, with maybe 30 patrons in all, spread leisurely around the club. Nick walked straight for LaCroix, his steps predatory. "Where is she?" he asked sharply. "Whom?" "You know who." "If you mean Janette, I haven't seen her." "I don't believe you." "Believe it, Nicholas. She is quite angry with you, in case you didn't notice." LaCroix poured Nick a glass of human blood and pushed it over to him. "I need to see her!" Nick practically shouted. "Then go ahead. You're her master now, you should be able to sense her." LaCroix turned away from him, taking a sip of his own glass. Nick frowned at that, then nodded. "You're right." he said softly. "Of course I am, Nicholas. What would you expect?" Nick, ignoring the offered blood, turned and left, focusing all of his senses on Janette. He found her, ironically, waiting for him at the loft. She looked up at his arrival. "Nicolas." she said softly, her eyes still carrying a haunted look that was all too familiar to her new-found master. "Janette, I've been looking everywhere for you. We need to talk." "About what?" she asked. "About everything. I'm sorry." "For?" "For bringing you across. I had no right to do that against your wishes and I am sorry." Nicolas, let us be honest here. Given the same situation, you would have done what you did again, yes?" Nick sighed. "Yes." "Why? Why did you bring me back across? I didn't wish to live anymore, without Robert, I had nothing to live for." "Because the thought of losing you, after so many years... so many centuries... I couldn't bear it. I couldn't sit there and just let you *die* Janette." "Even if I didn't wish to live? Even if I wanted to die?" "Yes. It was selfish, I know. But without you..." "Without me what? You have Natalie, your mortal friends, your life as a cop. What would you have been lacking with my death?" Nick sighed and turned away, finding it hard to stare into her blue eyes. "I would have been lacking a part of myself." Janette gave him a look. "Oh, really? You were fine without me the entire time I was gone, were you not? You didn't go searching for me, you did not seek to find me..." Nick interrupted, "Because LaCroix told me you didn't want to be found!" "Oh, and since when have you been the obedient child of LaCroix?" "I was trying to listen to your wishes..." he started. That only angered Janette more. "My wishes? You were trying to listen to my *wishes*? You brought me across against my will, and now you are concerned for my wishes? My wish was to die, Nicolas. What is the difference between me being dead, and us never seeing each other again?" "Because, you were there... you were alive at least." "And how come when I was here, you didn't have this sudden wave of affection for me? When I was running the Raven?" "I..." "You have lost this argument, Nicolas. Face it. What you did was selfish, and nothing else. You didn't listen to my wishes; all you cared about was your own." Janette turned from him angrily. "Janette..." "What?" she spun around to face him. "WHAT?" You were going to do the same for Robert," Nick countered, trying to make her understand his reasoning. She nodded. "Yes, because I loved him more than my own life. And the thought of living *a day* without him was more than I could bear. You managed to live many years without me." "It wasn't always my choice." "Don't say that. If you really missed me that much, you could have found me at any time." Janette turned and left without another word. *I can sing a love song like the way it's meant to be well I guess I'm not that good anymore, but baby that's just me. And I will love you, baby, always And I'll be there, forever I love thee always. I'll be there till the stars don't shine till the heavens burst and the words don't rime, I know that when I die, you'll be on my mind, and I love you... always.* Nick went home that night after work feeling slightly irritable and more than a little vulnerable. He knew that he'd have to find Janette the next night and make her forgive him; he couldn't bear the thought of her being angry with him. He walked into the loft and froze as he saw Janette's portrait. It stood in the middle of the loft and Nick turned, seeing LaCroix standing by it. "Even Leonardo couldn't capture all of her beauty." LaCroix said softly, staring at Janette's portrait. "Strange how things turn out, isn't it? Through hellish circumstance she obtains what has proven so elusive to you, only to have that one-in-a-billion happenstance taken from her by you. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry for you, Nicholas." "She must have left it here when I left for work." Nick said equally softly, transfixed by the portrait and the memories it evoked. But a stray thought made him turn to LaCroix. "You haven't told me everything." "No. But then, neither have you." he responded cooly, meeting Nick's eyes. "It seems that I have lost a daughter, and regained a son. Plus sa change, Nicolas, plus sa change." *Now the pictures that you left behind are just memories of a different time, some that made us laugh some that made us cry. One that made you have to say goodbye.* --------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry for taking so long in posting part 2, but I honestly forgot all about it. Thanks for all the nice comments so far, and to the people who reminded me to post part 2!!! Major thanks to all my beta readers as well, (you know who you are!) The lyrics to the song are out of order, (my own fault for doing a Song Challenge first, and pretty much ignoring the song!!!) Comments, praises, flames etc welcome at Janette92@aol.com (And don't forget I'm a first timer, so be nice... on second thought be mean, I deserve it for waiting 2 weeks to post this!!! : ) Standard disclaimers apply. --------------------------------------------------------------- *If you told me to cry for you I could if you told me to die for you I would take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay, to say these words to you* Nick spent the night searching for Janette, calling in sick again so that he would have more time to find her. It wasn't easy, but he eventually found her in a hotel room that seemed completely out of character... or, at least, out of character for the Janette he had known for eight centuries. Janette looked up at him slowly when he walked in, her expression a mixture of annoyance and exasperation. "Janette, we need to talk," he said. Janette simply sighed. "We did talk, last night. And I, for one, do not want a repeat performance." "You have to understand..." "Understand what?" "That I'm sorry." "Yes, yes, you said this all last night. You are always sorry, and I don't want to hear it again Nicola." She turned from him in disgust. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she turned back to face him. "Janette..." "WHAT!!! Nicola, I am not in the mood. Do you hear me? Do you understand? I do not wish to speak to you or to here your voice. I don't even wish to see you, now GO!" "Janette, please just listen to me." "No. There is nothing you have to say that I wish to hear." "Why... because you're too stubborn? Because you're afraid I might be right?" "NO! Because I am sick of it. I am sick and tired of you, Nicola. Do you understand that? Maybe I am tired of you constantly going back and forth. Maybe *everyone* is sick of it, Nicola. One day you're Nicola Knight: Homicide Detective. Next day you are Nicola de Brabant, the vampire. PICK ONE!" "Janette..." "Is that all you can say is my name? You know, Nicola, one day everyone is just going to give up. Did you ever consider that? Because I have, Nicola. That's it; you win. I've retired. And I won't be the last. Because you are so... so... inconsistant!!!!! Do you honestly think Natalie is going to continue trying to cure you when every other week you want to be a vampire? Did you honestly think I'd just wait in the Raven for the times you wanted me, and be content to do nothing else the rest of the time? You know, I think one of these days even LaCroix is just going to give up and find himself another fledgling!" Nick looked stunned for an instant by her words, as the truth of them penetrated his skull. He could think of no answer for her accusations, because they were correct. He wasn't consistant. And he expected everyone to just be there when he changed his mind. He never seriously considered that Natalie would simply get tired of his backsliding... and he also knew that if Janette knew of all his recent back-sliding she would have had a lot more comments to say on that matter. And he'd been stunned when Janette left... because he expected her to just wait for him. The thought of even LaCroix simply giving up though... was it seriously possible that one day everyone would simply get tired of his constant mind-changing? Janette watched his face carefully as he considered her words, and felt an unwelcome stab of sympathy. "Do you have any idea what you want any more, Nicola?" she asked softly, closing the door and turning to face him. Nick was speechless still, and Janette took a step forward, slowly, as old feelings came back to haunt her. "One day, Nicola, you are going to have to choose. Once and for all. Do you want to be mortal? Have Natalie and your mortal companions? Or do you want to be with me, and LaCroix? The entire family together again? Because everyone is waiting for your decision. I want you to be happy, but you have to know what would make you happy. I honestly don't think Natalie has a chance to cure you if you simply don't want to be cured. And I have been waiting for your desicion for centuries... and I simply stoped waiting. What do you want?" Janette sighed, taking his hand in hers and looking into his eyes. "LaCroix wants you to embrace your dark side, Natalie wants you to embrace your human side... but have you thought lately of what *you* yourself want?" Nick pulled his hand away more roughly then he'd intended and walked a bit further into her hotel room towards the windows, looking outside at the night sky and considering her words carefully. She followed him over to the window and looked out upon the city. Her expression was soft and a bit... sympathetic? Nick turned to her and realized at that moment how much she had truly changed. And not just from when she returned from Montreal. She had been acting much more reserved and quiet those last few times he had spoken with her before she had left. She hadn't been herself, many things about her had been missing. She hadn't flirted, and her normally vibrant presence seemed subdued.. Her eyes had been soft, her expression demure and un-Janette like. And he hadn't seen the signs, had payed no attention to them, because he had been so sure that she would always be there for him... he hadn't considered *her* feelings. And he realized at once with blinding clarity that she'd been right when she said that his intentions were entirely selfish... only he'd been selfish about much more then bringing her across against her will. "Now, do you see?" she asked him. "Can you finally understand what I am saying, and why I left? Oh... yes you had begun to infect me with your quest for humanity, but it was more than that. It was more than me being accustomed to my immortality that kept me from seeking your help. Do you finally see how much pain you have caused me, and probably Natalie as well?" "Yes," Nick said softly, quietly. "Good. There is only one way for you to fix this, Nicola. You must decide. Can you manage to do that? Because if you can't, then I will ask you to leave now, and never come back. And if one day you find that Natalie doesn't care what you do anymore, and you go to find LaCroix and he doesn't either... don't say I didn't warn you. Or can you choose?" "I'll choose, Janette. But I need time." "That is fine with me. But don't take another 8 centuries." Nick smiled without humor. "I won't. I'll be back with my answer tomorrow night." he said to her. "I will be waiting." she walked over to the door and opened it. He followed her, and gently kissed her hair, a small peck he usually reserved for Natalie. But Janette threaded her fingers through his hair and guided his mouth toward her lips. When Janette finally pulled away, they were both breathless, and for a second Nick almost thought he could hear his own heart beating. "Tomorrow," Janette breathed softly, and Nick walked out the door. *When he holds you close, when he pulls you near when he says the words you've been meaning to hear, I wish I was him, cause those words are mine, to say to you till the end of time and I will love you, baby, always, and I'll be there forever I love thee always* End Part Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Notes: I am so sorry this took so long!!!! I've given up on the song challenge bit, none of the lyrics fit the story anymore Many thanks to everyone who has written me telling me that they like it, or yelling at me for taking so long. Also many thanks to all 8 of my beta-readers who have been very helpful!!! Also thanks to Amy, who helped me to write a couple scenes that didn't want to be written! All comments, flames, and any thing else to me, please, at Janette92@aol.com. BTW: There is Human Factor Spoilers :-) (as usual lately) --------------------------------------------------------------- Nick decided the best way to say goodbye to Natalie was not to. He handed in his resignation to Joe Reese, who didn't look overly surprised. It wasn't as if this was the first time Nick had resigned. He immediately headed to his desk, hoping against hope that Natalie wouldn't hear anything about his leaving. But that, of course, was impossible. Natalie came storming over to his desk, her eyes wide with anger. "What are you doing?!" she hissed, trying to resist the urge to shout. Nick sighed, "I'm leaving, Nat. It's been too long. I've been trying to regain my mortality too long." Nick shook his head and continued to pack up his things. "And when were you going to tell me?" Natalie asked, the hint of pain in her voice immediately covered by anger. Nick couldn't think of an answer to that, so decided to try being honest. "I wasn't planning to." Natalie didn't bother to hide her anger or to lower her voice. "After all this time you weren't even going to TELL me? Am I that unimportant to you?!" A few people began to glance over at them and Natalie sighed, "I'm going to the morgue. And you are going to come, too," she ordered him, then turned and left. Nick closed his eyes briefly, pondering whether he should go to her or go back to Janette, but Nick also knew that she would not approve of him taking the coward's way out. And, of course, he couldn't do that to Natalie. He placed the box on the table and was about to head down to the morgue when he suddenly thought of another desk he'd cleaned out, only a few months before. With a sigh, Nick pushed thoughts of Schanke from his mind, right now he had other things, and people, to worry about. Natalie was busily writing on a clipboard when Nick walked in. She glanced up at him, pretending nonchalance, and continued her work. "Nat?" Nick asked. "Just wait one second..." Her voice trailed off and she began to take notes again. "Nat," Nick repeated, a small amount of scolding in his voice. Natalie put down the clipboard and turned to Nick. "What?" she asked him, exasperated. "You said you wanted to talk." Nick said, a bit lost. Natalie resisted the impulse to roll her eyes. "Am I wrong in assuming that your decision is already made?" she asked. Nick shook his head. "Then we have nothing left to say to each other." Natalie turned away abruptly. "Natalie... please listen to me." Nick couldn't understand why Nat had asked him to come down here and was now ignoring him. She turned back to him, and, for an instant, he saw the hurt in her eyes. But it was gone before he could even be certain it was there. "Why should I?" she asked him slowly. "Because I need to tell you how I feel." Nick said, watching her face carefully. She turned her gaze away from him and towards the wall just past him. "YOU need to tell ME how YOU feel?" She asked, and, for some reason Nick couldn't fathom, she looked like she wanted to slap him. "Yes." "This better be good." she said, crossing her arms and avoiding his gaze. "Nat, you'll never understand how much I truly care about you. But with everything that has happened recently I simply..." At the word recently Natalue turned to look at him and held up a hand for him to stop. "Recently?" She demanded, emphatically. "Yes, recently." Nick said, at a loss. Understanding flashed in Natalie's eyes. "Nick," she said softly. "I understand. Believe me, I do. I know it must have been hell for you, watching Janette die in that fire -- *especially* because you had the power to bring her back." Sympathy filled her eyes. "But, Nick, you can't blame yourself for that. Letting her go was heroic, Nick. Heroic." "Nat..." "No, hear me out. Believe it or not, Nick, I DO understand. The woman you once loved was dying, and the only way you could save her was by betraying her, yourself, and me. And I also understand how guilty you must feel. But blaming yourself won't bring her back, Nick. And neither will leaving." Nick looked stunned, but Nat continued. "There's nothing you can do for her now but honor her memory. We may not have seen eye to eye on anything, but I know that in the end she agreed with you and your quest. And the best way to honor Janette's memory is by becoming what she became. Becoming mortal." Nick was speechless. He didn't want to believe that what he was hearing was coming from Natalie, but there was no way to avoid it, no way to hide from the truth. Those words were Natalie's. And she thought he was leaving because he felt guilty over Janette's death. Now that he thought about it, Nick couldn't understand why he had just assumed Natalie knew. "Nat.... we need to talk. There's something... there's something I must tell you." Nat nodded, "Just let me get my coat." Nick and Natalie ended up on a park bench directly under the moonlight. Natalie was staring up at the sky. "It's so beautiful tonight, isn't it?" Nat asked softly, her eyes focusing on the stars. Nick nodded absently. "Natalie, I have to tell you something, and it's very important that you listen to me." She turned to him. "So, tell me." she said. Nick sighed, then continued, "Janette isn't dead." Natalie stared at him, her mouth slightly open, as Nick filled her in on all of the details. When the story was over, her eyes were wide with shock and disappointment.. "How could you?" she breathed softly. "How could you *do* that!?" Nick looked away, "I couldn't let her *die*, Natalie." Nick said. Natalie's eyes narrowed. "You didn't bring her across because of *her*, you did it because of you and your own selfish needs!" Nat must have noticed the stunned look on his face, because she added, "What is it?" in a sharp tone. "You sound exactly like Janette did." he said, surprised. "Maybe because we're both right," she spat, standing and walking in front of him. "And now you want to leave, hmmm?" "Nat, it's not like that." "Like what? Like there have been too many setbacks for you to continue on your quest? It's not like you've just given up completely?" "No, it's not." Nick said softly. Natalie huffed once and sat back down. "Then, do tell, how is it?" "Nat, don't do this." said Nick pleadingly. "What am I doing? What have I done? Nothing, nothing but try my best to bring you back across, to give you what you want. And everytime we make even the tiniest bit of progress you turn around and do something like this!" "Like what? What is the big deal about me bringing Janette back across?" Nick regretted the words an instant after he said them. Natalie stared at him a moment, her eyes wide. "What is the big deal? You have betrayed *everything* we have worked so hard to accomplish. Everything! And now you are leaving. To do what, I wonder? Go back to feeding upon mortals?" Natalie's tone was sarcastic. "Nat," he reached a hand out to her, but she flinched back and stood again. "No," she said harshly, "go." "Nat," he said again, his hand still out as if she were where she had been. "you have to listen to me." When she looked back to him again, Nick could plainly see the pain in her eyes. The devastation, the look of anger that had been there only a moment before was gone. Replaced with anguish. "We could have been together," she whispered. "What about everything we had planned?" <>, she thought. Nick stood and walked over to her, laid a hand on her shuolder, and this time she didn't move away, but let him hold her. Nick stroked her hair gently, trying to figure out why she'd so suddenly changed moods, and not able to. Understanding women was the work of more than his mere eight centuries. She pulled away gently, stared up at his face. "Can you honestly tell me you don't want to be mortal again? You don't want your mortality, children, a chance at a normal life?" "No, I can't. But I also can't say that I entirely *want* it either." Nick gave a frusterated sigh. "I don't know. All I know is that leaving is what I have to do, for everyone's sake." "Leaving isn't going to make everything better," Natalie said, going back to the argument she'd used at the Coroner's office. "I have to leave." Nick looked at her face, the moonlight casting her eyes in shadows. He thought for a moment about using his vampiric vision to see her face, but decided ultimately against it. He wasn't sure he wanted to see the pain he knew was in her eyes. Instead Nick looked up at the moon itself, shining brightly upon the two of them. And he heard her voice, so quiet that even Nick had to strain to hear it. "Go," she whispered, crossing her arms over her chest. Nick knew in that instant that this moment, right then and there under the moonlight with Natalie, was the real choice. It wasn't a choice between mortality and vampireness. It wasn't a vhoice between Janette and his job. The true choice was between Natalie and Janette. Light and darkness. And they had known it all along. The look on Janette's face when they'd kissed before he'd left, the way Natalie was holding herself, as if protecting herself, revealed that they both knew. And he also realized that he wasn't so sure. He closed his eyes and thought. He thought of his fear when LaCroix had threatened Natalie's life, thought of the raw desire he'd had to suppress when Natalie asked him to bring her across, thought of how he'd immediately felt something for her even when his memory was gone. He thought of how she'd been there for him, day after day, setback after setback. But he mostly thought of Natalie as she had looked the one time he saw her in the daylight: so beautiful, vital, and alive, the sun glinting off her hair in a way dull night never could. Though the drug had muddled his mind then, and, to an extent, his memories now, he would never forget the way he felt at that moment, certain of his own mortality, with Natalie at his side as the sun shone full upon them. And just as he was about to turn back to Natalie, to take her in his arms and hold her with all his strength, he thought of Janette. He thought of the night he'd wanter her more than his soul, thought of the horrible hole she'd left in his life when she broke things off in the Renaissance, thought of how their psychic bond had tied them together across continents, oceans, centuries. He thought of how she'd waited for his return, year after year, as he'd pursued a cure. But mostly he thought of her as she was when she'd come to him at the lakefront hardly a year before: so elegant, intense, and mysterious, the shadows enfolding her in their knowing embrace, the moon smiling on her like a sister. His memory ran back to the night he'd offered her "eternal friendship," and her sweet promise, "maybe more." The choice was made. He bent down and kissed Natalie's hair softly, then took to the air as fast as he could. Had he stayed a moment longer, he would have seen the hopeless tears fall down her face. Nick went back to the station to pick up his things, then into the car. While driving to Janette's hotel room he turned on CERK. and heard LaCroix's voice: "It is always hard to choose between things. Or people. Sometimes choices are easy, simple... fun. Other times, choices weaken and destory. Ulysses dallied years with Circe before he chose to return to Penelope. He was ill-equipped for the choices he faced; he never knew what he really wanted. Do you, at last, know what it is you want? "Most know to deliver their choices into the hands of those better equipped to make them. Those who will not must ask yourselves, what is it that you are choosing? Was the choice ever really as difficult as you have made it appear? No: the choice was inevitable, and every fiber of your being has cried out for it. `You have a choice between life and death; you will get whichever you choose'..." Nick shut off LaCroix's voice in the middle of the Nightcrawler's sentence, and drove the rest of the way in silence. --------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Notes: Yes, this story is FINALLY over!!!!! Sorry it took so long, as usual, and thank you to everyone who's made nice comments, and yelled at me for taking forever, etc, etc. Special thanks to Monica, for bugging me more than most :-) This contains Human Factor Spoilers, as usual. And all comments, flames, praises, and anything else you can think of to me, please, at Janette92@aol.com. --------------------------------------------------------------- Nick arrived at Janette's hotel, his mind still on Natalie and the pain on her face. He didn't think either of them had any idea how hard it was for him to choose between them... he loved them both so much. When he got to her room, he opened the door to find Janette in the bathroom, half dressed, pulling her hair up the way she used to. "Janette?" he asked, taking a step into the room. She turned toward him, a slight frown on her face. "Have you chosen, Nicolas?" she asked, turning away from him again and back to the mirror. "Yes, I have." he said, walking towards her. He laid a hand on her shoulder, his reflection shown in the mirror next to hers. Janette's reaction wasn't at all what he'd expected. He'd expected her to say something along the lines of: so you've finally come to your senses. But instead there was a sadness in her eyes, a flash of pain. "I see." she said, turning her eyes away from the mirror, away from him. Nick's eyes widened, as he realized what she thought. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to face him. "Janette," he said, in a voice she'd never heard him use before, and at the sound of it her heart dissolved and went out of her body, evaporating through the soles of her feet and her palms and her fingertips. She would never be the same again. She shut her eyes without speaking. She could feel him rest his parted lips against her hair. "I love *you*." She looked up at him and opened her eyes. Janette's lips moved to form a soundless "No." That was when he kissed her. His intend was to kiss her tenderly, lovingly, but the moment there lips touched.... And in that instant all coherent thought was lost. She was swept away by the salty wave of sheer FEELING. It was like being caught in a riptide, sucked under, tumbling helplessly head over heels with no way to stop. She never knew how long they stood that way, locked in an embrace that should have burned them like the sun. She only knew sometime later that without letting go of her, he was guiding her over to the bed. Janette buried her face against his shoulder. And found peace there. The uncontrollable passion had given way at last to a warm, drowsiness. She looked up at him, opening her eyes and feeling strangely vulnerable. And she knew, with a certainty that frightened her, it would be better and easier to simply walk into the daylight then to say goodbye to him again. Their gaze held. And in that instant, Janette recognized the emotion that had darkned those blue eyes. Not disbelief, but realization. A dawning understanding, and a wonder that made Janette feel weak. He was . . . remembering, she thought. And seeing their history in a new light. Realizing on a conscious level how much she had always loved him. She felt tears in her eyes, and resented just how close she was to sobbing in joy. She took a breath, trying to regain her composure before he saw just how affected she was by him, and his presense. But it was to late, Nick was looking down at her, one finger gently wiping away her blood red tears. She leaned against him, then, and let herself cry -- let the love of eight centuries rise with her tears. He held her tightly, stroked her hair. Janette tried to build up her walls again, tried to act as if she could care less what was happening, but didn't have the strength. Instead she held on to him as a child would cling to her mother. Held on to him with everything she was, and had been. She stayed that way for uncountable time, crying on his shoulder. Tears of joy, for this moment, and tears of pain for the past. Finally, after what must have been hours, she stopped crying and simply let him hold her, feeling his love around her. "I didn't know." Nick said softly, staring down at her. "I had no idea." she glanced up at him, pushing her tears away. She shivered and he held her tighter. "I never let you find out." Janette replied, moving closer to him. There was no real warmth in his embrace, but the closeness of him seemed to warm her anyway, to make her feel safe. Nick stared at her, the memory of Natalie's pain of the moment losing its edge with the thought of Janette's pain of centuries. "I'm sorry," he said, finally. She looked up at him and shook her head. "There is no reason for you to be," she said. "It is my own fault. I never let you find out; how could you possibly have known." "I SHOULD have known. I had CENTURIES to figure it out." Nick said, sounding guilty. Janette sighed, regaining her composure. "It wasn't your fault, Nicola. It was my own. And PLEASE don't start feeling guilty. Not now." "I won't." he siad. "But why didn't you TELL me." "Tell you what? That I loved you? That I wanted nothing more out of existence then to be with you?" "Yes." "Because I could not. I took you for granted in the beginning. Then as time went on, we broke up. And I was afraid to tell you then..." "Why?" "Because," Janette loooked down, a bit tired of appearing vulnerable. "I was afraid you would rejct me." she looked back at him defiantly, as if daring him to say anything. Nick smiled affectionatly. "I wouldn't have." "Yes you would!" She countered. "You were so obsessed with getting out from under LaCroix's thumb, when I first wanted you back. Then after we thought he was dead all you were able to think about was your Natalie, your Schanke, your life here! WE never had the time." "We do now," Nick said. "We have all the time in the world." "You know it's inevitable that LaCroix will follow us." "Yes, I do. But I can deal with that. So long as I'm with you." Nick hugged her fiercly, and for a moment she reveled in the feeling of being in his arms, being held by him. Then she pulled away. "You can be with me later," she said, standing up and doing the best she could to regain her dignity. "Would you look at this dress! It's ruined with blood spots." She shook her head. "I need to go get changed." Nick looked at her for a moment, his eyes holding a touch of mischeif. "Need any help?" he asked. Janette smiled slowly. "As a matter of fact, I could use some help," she said. Nick stood and was about to undress her, when she bounced away from him with a wave of her hand. "I need help putting another dress on! And you can just wait right there while I change." She looked at him pointedly until he sat back down on the bed. She walked into the bathroom and stood there for about 5 minutes playing with her hair and examining her jewelry, then came back out. "I have NOTHING to wear!!!" She shook her head. "I mean I KNOW I was mourning Robert, but enough is enough! Grief is no excuse for bad fashion decisions. I guess I'll have to hold off on that new dress till tomorrow." She smiled again and headed back towards the bed. THE END (finally :-)) (I'll leave the rest of this to your imagination, this isn't jadfe after all!!!)