From:         Lara Sandala <bp116@FREENET.CARLETON.CA>
Subject:      A Milkshake Knightmare 
 
Insanity Disclaimer:  I had a bad cold when I wrote this,
           probably a fever, too...
 
Usual mundane disclaimers, etc...apply
 
A Milkshake Knightmare
by Lara Sandala
 
 
     Nick Knight looked despondantly at the glass in his hand.
Swirling the contents gently, his heightened vampiric sense of
smell caught a whiff of the swill Natalie had ordered him to
ingest.  Supposedly it was some kind of soy protein blended
with chocolate malt powder.  Supposedly it wouldn't kill
him to drink it.  Supposedly swimming at the Jersey shore
nowadays wouldn't give  you a lethal disease, he thought
morosely.
     He tentatively touched the tip of his tongue to the
concoction, just barely restraining the gag reflex, as it
kicked in at the awful taste assaulting his taste buds.
His stomache quivered as he decided to just do it, and
pinching his nostrils shut, (he'd heard that was supposed
to help) he chugged the milkshake in one vast swallow.
    "Gaagghh!!!!"  Clenching his jaw shut, and gripping
his mouth closed with both hands for good measure, he
managed to keep from regurgitating, while writhing on the
floor in excruciating convulsions.
    After several too long minutes, the waves of agony
subsided.  Taking a weak, shuddering breath, he managed
to sit up.
     He felt quite ill, and decided to call it a night.
Turning out his bedside lamp, and pulling the covers
over his head, he desparately wished someone had
bothered to invent a mouthwash for vampires...the
awful aftertaste of that witch's brew of Natalie's was
still in his mouth.
 
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......
 
 
*******(Dream Sequence)******************
 
     Nicolas sat alone in an empty auditoriom.  As the house
lights dimmed, and the curtain rose, he looked toward the
empty stage.
     Suddenly a 6 foot purple dinosaur appeared from stage
left, doing a pretty good soft-shoe routine and singing.
     Wait!!  It wasn't a dinosaur, it was LaCroix, wearing a
purple dinosaur costume, with his head peeking out from the
beast's mouth.  As he tap-danced his way across the stage,
Nick could make out the lyrics LaCroix was lisping...
 
     "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family,
     with a great bit hug, and a kiss from me to you,
     won't you say you love me to!"
 
     "Yaaackkk!" Nick screamed and raced out of the theatre.
Running down the hallway, the scene changed to the
county morgue.  Nick slowly walked up to the sheet covered
body on the slab, and removed the covering.
     A decayed Natalie Lambert sat up and held out a green
cupcake, or maybe it was a lump of Bleu cheese, he wasn't
sure.
    "Have some, Nick." Nat said and cackled.
He turned to run, but could only move in slow motion.
As he tried to run, he was pursued by Natalie, who was
now joined by an equally decayed Janette and LaCroix (out of
the dino costume), all of them waving a green cupcake(or maybe
it was Bleu cheese) at him and shrieking "Have some, Nick!".
 
    Sweat was pouring over him in rivulets, as he strained
to escape.  He rounded the corner and heard Captain Cohen's
voice.
   "In my office, Knight, NOW!"  He struggled to her office, and
slammed the door shut in relief.
"Bwahahahaha!"  Oh no!  Nick turned to confront a decaying
Schanke and Cohen waving those green cupcakes(Bleu cheese)
at him.
"Have some, Nick!"  Schanked grasped Nick's throat with both
hands and proceeded to shake him like a rag doll.
"Nick!  Nick!  Nick!"  he heard a far off voice say as he
slipped into unconcio
slipped into unconsciousness.
******************************************
and woke up suddenly, sitting bolt upright in bed,
drenched in sweat, as Natalie loosened her grip on his
shoulder, which she had shaken vigorously to awaken him
from his dream.
 
"Nick, Nick, are you alright?"  Natalie examined him.
 
    "Wha....what...??" Nick looked around, completely
disorieted.
     "I came to see how you did with that milkshake, and when
I opened the door, I heard you screaming.  You were
thrashing around in bed, screaming.  Nick, what happened?"
    "I think I had a nightmare, Nat."
    "Nick, that's wonderful!" Natalie exclaimed.
    "Uh, it is?" he looked at her bewilderedly.
    "Yes, Nick!  Nightmares are <human> things."
--------------------------------------------------------
 
     Outside the window of Nick's apartment, LaCroix
chuckled when the door slammed firmly shut behind Natalie
as Nicolas threw her out without saying a word.
     How interesting, he mused.  He had cought glimpses
of the dream from his connection to his offspring's mind.
    First thing to do was invest in a purple dinosaur
Halloween costume, and rent some Barney videos.
Nick was about to find out that the nightmare was just
beginning.
 
-----"Now he wants to escape from his world of darkness,
       from his endless, forever, nightmare!!"-------
 
___________________________________________________________
acknowledgement for unauthorized use of Barney(tm)
character.
###