Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2000 21:48:40 -0800 
From: Storm Born <the_stormborn@YAHOO.COM> 
Subject: XOVER: C-C-Can You Say CyberVamp? 
To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU 


Disclaimers: the Forever Knight universe and its
characters are the property of James Parriott and
Sony/Tristar.  While I don't know who created or owns
Max Headroom or its characters or concepts, no
infringement on their rights is intended. No profit is
being made from this piece of fiction.
Archiving permission: www.fkfanfic.com
Comments to:  the_stormborn@yahoo.com
I had to write this one, folks, I just had
to...forgive me!


C-C-Can You Say CyberVamp?
By Molly Schneider
Copyright 2000


As the elevator door slid open Nick Knight, vampire
cop, stepped into his loft with a contented sigh.  It
had been a busy night, but a satisfying one: he'd
whammied confessions out of two murder suspects and
taken another down with a
*literally* flying tackle, spent a few pleasant
moments stringing along Natalie, and managed to get
out of the precinct without doing a shred of
paperwork.



He shrugged out of his leather jacket and opened the
fridge.  Feeling virtuous, he chose the protein shake
instead of the bottle, then settled down at his
computer.  What to do, what to do?  Check his email
first, or tidy up his accounting?  Ten minutes later
he was clicking on the sound files on the "All You
Ever Wanted to Know About Bubble Wrap and Then Some"
page when the happy popping noises vanished, along
with the pics, and the warped animation of a man's
head filled the screen.  "M-m-m-Max Headroom!" he
announced gleefully, "And you are?"


"Nick Knight," Nick responded automatically, then
pressed the Escape key.  He pressed it again, then
again.  When that didn't work, he did a
Control+Alt+Delete to find out which program wasn't
responding so he could shut it down.  Meanwhile, the
head tilted on the screen, as if watching him do all
this, then yawned elaborately.  Nothing Nick did made
the talking head go away and he sat back in his chair
frowning at it...him...


"Max.  Headroom.  In case you f-f-forgot," the head
said helpfully.  Max tilted his head toward the right
side of the screen.  "Whatcha drinking there,
N-Nicky-boy?"


"Protein shake.  What *are* you?"


"I am a self-replicating artificial intelligence
computer program," Max announced with some degree of
pride.  Giggling, he added, "That means I can learn
things!" and actually blushed.


'Max' had an interesting way of speaking, Nick
observed.  In addition to the erratic stutter, his
voice rose and fell in the artificial cadences of a
game show host.  His facial expressions were over
elaborate, also.  Whoever had put this program
together was brilliant-- but why was it on his
computer?


"And w-what are you?" Max asked.


"I'm a cop."


"G-g-gosh!"


Nick grinned wickedly.  Just as there was nothing that
said he had to tell the truth to a computer, there was
nothing that said he had to lie, either.  "I'm also a
vampire."


"Really?!"


"Really."


Max looked from side to side as if checking for
eavesdroppers, then appeared to lean closer.  Dropping
his voice, he said, "Can I s-s-see the fangs?  Huh,
can I?  Puh-leeze?"


Why on earth was he confiding in a computer program,
Nick wondered suddenly-- but then on the other hand,
why not? He did a full vamp-out, complete with roar
and glowing eyes.  It was kind of fun, really.  The
effect it had on Max was gratifying, too: the talking
head jerked back, his jaw dropping and his eyes
widening.  "W-w-w-WOW!!" he said.  "Th-that's neat!"


While Nick was taking a moment to recover himself, Max
was apparently doing some thinking.  "So, what's with
the p-protein shake?  Sh-shouldn't you be drinking
b-blood?"


That reminded Nick why vamping-out wasn't neat, or
supposed to be fun.  Quietly, he said, "I'm trying to
abstain.  I want to be human again."


To his surprise, Max chortled and shook his head.
"T-take it from me, buddy.  Suuuurrre, there's no
built-in ob-so-so-so-lesence...but they wear out so
quickly!  And," he confided, "they're really messy.
Humans!  Oh, brother!"


"You don't understand, Max"-- although Max tilted his
head as if he were really listening-- "Vampires are
evil.  They kill people.  I don't want to be like that
anymore."


"Hmmn... Hmmn..."  As Nick watched, Max spun slowly
against his background, then vanished.  After a
moment, Nick decided the program wasn't coming back.
He ran a virus check on his computer, then shut it
off.  Taking a sip from the shake he winced and went
to the fridge.  This called for the real thing.  As he
swigged from the bottle, he began worrying.  'Max' was
obviously a high-level piece of programming.  If he
could actually see Nick in some way, could he also
save what he saw?  Was there a picture of Nick
vamped-out in Max's memory, and ultimately, on a hard
drive somewhere?


"What have I done?" he whispered to himself.


What he had done became obvious the following night.


Captain Reese was in his office, enjoying a nice game
of online Jeopardy, when an animated head suddenly
replaced his screen.  The head appeared to lean closer
to him.  "Pssst!" it said.  "D-d-did you know that
D-D-Detective Knight is a vampire?!"


"What the hell--?"  Reese jiggled keys at random but
the head stayed on his screen, smiling smugly.
"Knight, get in here!"


His star detective shot into his office.  "Yeah, Cap,
what is it?"


"What is this?" Reese demanded, pointing at the
screen.


Nick looked, and his heart sank.  Max grinned
cheerfully back at him, but thankfully stayed silent.
"Uh, how would I know, Captain?"


"It knows *you*.  It just said, 'Did you know
Detective Knight is a vampire?'"  The captain shook
his head in disgust.


"It's probably just some sort of prank.  I'll, uh,
check with the people down in Systems."


"You do that-- right away.  I can't have this nonsense
on my computer; I've got work to do."


As Nick was leaving, he heard Max sing out cheerfully,
"I'll take Transylvania for 500, Alex!"  Instead of
heading for Systems, though, Nick took the air route
to the morgue, appearing in Natalie's office with a
whoosh.  She stifled a shriek and pressed her hand to
her chest.


"Do you know how annoying that is?" she demanded.


"Sorry, I was in a hurry."  He leaned over her to
switch on her computer.  It booted up automatically
into the Metro Services network.  Just as he was going
to click on the Internet icon, a familiar face filled
the screen.


"Max!" Nick hissed through gritted teeth.


Natalie stared at him.  "What are doing?"


"Hey, N-N-Nicky-boy!"


She looked from Nick to the screen.  "What is that?"


"I'm a self-replicating artificial intelligence
computer program," Max announced.


"Max, what are you doing in the Metro network?"


"I can go anywhere!  Wheee!"  Max spun around
gleefully.  "Well, anywhere there's a
n-n-net-net-net-work, that is."  For a moment Nick
could have sworn Max looked forlorn, but then he
leered.  "So, Nicky, who's the dame?"


"Dame?!"


"This is Natalie.  She's my friend.  She's helping me
become mortal again."


"Ahhhhh!  Wh-wh-where are my manners?  Nice to meet
you, Nat-a-Nat-a-Natalie.  My name is M-M-Max
Headroom."


"Uh, hi.  Nick, he's actually blushing."


"W-well, she's really cute, N-Nick," Max giggled.


"Listen, Max.  You have to stay out of this network.
You can't go popping up on people's computers, and you
especially can't tell people I'm a vampire!"


Now Max really did look forlorn.  "I was just
t-t-trying to find out about my n-n-new friend.  You
are my f-f-f-friend, aren't you?"


"Yeah, Max, I'm your friend.  But if you tell people
I'm a vampire, they'll do bad things to me."


Max gulped.  "L-l-like kill you?  And you'd g-go
away?"


"Yes."


It seemed as if Max's head hung lower.  "I'm sorry,
N-N-N-Nicky.  Are you mad-mad-mad at me?"


This is ridiculous, Nick thought; this is a computer
program, for pete's sake.  Still, he couldn't help but
say, "No, Max, I'm not mad at you.  I just want you to
be careful, OK?"


"O-O-O-kay.  Is *she* m-mad at me?"


Nat smiled at the screen.  "No, Max, I'm not mad at
you."


Perkier, he declared, "Well, I gotta go!  Data
clusters to see, beta-testing to do!  Wheee!"  And
with that he was gone.


"Aw, the poor guy."


"Poor guy?"  Nick couldn't believe it.  "Nat, it's a
computer program."


"I know, but...he just seems so lonely.  Besides, you
told him you were his friend."


"He does have that sort of effect on people,
apparently."


"How'd he know you were a vampire, anyway?"


He confessed.  "I, uh, told him."


"You what?!"


"He showed up on my computer for the first time
yesterday morning.  I thought it was just some clever
little program, so when he asked me what I was, I told
him I was a vampire."


"And a cop, too, obviously."


"Uh, yeah.  There's more, too..." He trailed off,
embarrassed, then whispered, "I showed him."


"Showed him what?"


"He, uh, wanted to see the fangs."


"Oh, Nick!"


"So I showed him.  And the eyes.  The whole nine
yards, as a matter-of-fact."


"And it never occurred to you--?"


"Not at the time, no!"  For a moment they glared at
each other.  "Look, I know it was stupid; it just
didn't seem important at the time.  Anyway, you're the
one feeling sorry for him-- it-- whatever."


"He can't get me in trouble for feeling sorry for
him."  Relenting, she went to Nick and hugged him.
"What are you going to do?"


"I'll call Aristotle.  If anyone can find out who Max
belongs to, it's him."


****


It was hard to imagine anyone looking less like a
vampire than Aristotle.  Short and stooped, with
greying hair and tiny wire-rimmed glasses, he exuded
none of the glamour most vampires did.  Probably, Nick
reflected, because it would have been wasted on his
beloved machines.


Since early days Aristotle had served as a sort of
one-man database and information center for the
vampire Community.  Through the centuries, he'd kept
ahead of each new development of information and
communications technology.  Now, all around his vast
headquarters hard drives and servers hummed busily.


Aristotle didn't waste time on bells-and-whistles;
even his screens were simply monochrome.  Still, Nick
wondered uneasily... "Can Max get in here?"


"Are you kidding?  I've got so much ice on these
machines that nothing gets through unless I say so."


"Ice?"


"Security.  However, in the week since you called I
did visit with Max once on a stand-alone connection.
Interesting program."  He waved Nick into a chair and
sat down himself.  "Apparently Max was an accident.
He was developed at the now-defunct cable network,
Network 23, in the early 1980s.  Their resident whiz
kid, a 13-year-old prodigy, was playing around with
self-replicating clusters and early AI programs.  The
program he developed melded itself with the pictures
and personality profile of one of their hot-shot
reporters, Edison Carter-- and, behold, there was Max
Headroom."


"Thirteen years old?  That explains Max's sense of
humour," mused Nick.  "Who runs Max now?"


"Well, no one.  He doesn't need anyone to run him.
Network 23 closed down in 1988, the developer died of
cancer in 1992.  Apparently Max has been on his own
since then."


Natalie said he was lonely, Nick thought.  "So what do
we do about him?"


Shrugging, Aristotle said, "There's nothing we can do.
 He's got a lot of ice of his own.  Even if we could
lure him into a hard drive and then close the
connection, we couldn't destroy him.  Just hope he
doesn't go around telling people you're a vampire.
Why did you do such a stupid thing, anyway?"


"It was...fun," Nick explained lamely.  "I don't have
a Web cam, and, well, there's no way the Internet can
take a picture of me, is there?"


"Not yet," the ancient told him drily.  "But don't do
it again."


****


Natalie's hand hovered over her computer's ON button.
What if Max didn't want to visit her?  What if a
medical examiner was boring to him, compared to a
vampire cop?  She smiled as the talking head filled
her screen, his normal background of colored lines on
black replaced by irises and lilies in yellow, violet
and peach.


"Hi, Max."


"Huh-Huh-Hi, Natalie!  These are for you," he added,
blushing.  "D-D-Do you like th-them?"


"Why, Max, how sweet!  They're beautiful."


"G-Guh-Gosh... I'll, um, just go put them on your hard
drive for you."  The flowers vanished and Max beamed
at her.  "S-So, what's with the pr-protein shakes,
huh?"


She found herself telling Max everything, spilling the
whole story of the last six years into his sympathetic
ears.  At last she stretched and looked at the clock.
"I'm sorry, but I've got to go to work."


"No problem!  I've got s-some research to do wh-while
you're gone.  Um... c-can I c-come see you again,
Nat-Nat-Natalie?"


She patted the top of the monitor affectionately.
"Anytime, Max, anytime."


****


Settling back into his chair, Lucien LaCroix took a
first sip from the cut crystal glass of blood and
logged onto the Internet.  His radio persona, the
Nightcrawler, had quite a following on the 'net, and
periodically he visited their websites to see what had
been added.  He had just surfed over to one of his
favorites, the homepage of the Crawlies, when an
animated male head filled his screen.  He glared at
it.


"D-Don't adjust your set!" Max announced, then leaned
over conspiratorially.  "It w-won't do any good."


Having seen many odd things in the last two thousand
years, LaCroix didn't bother, although he did ask the
by-now-usual question.


"I'm a self-replicating artificial intelligence
program," Max answered in a bored tone.  "L-L-Look,
the im-p-p-portant thing is, what are we going to do
about Nick and Nat-Nat-Nat-alie?  Huh?  D-D-Don't you
think there's a p-problem there?"


Intrigued, LaCroix leaned forward.  "What exactly do
you mean?"


****


Lounging on the couch with a Leafs game on, Nick
didn't bother to take his eyes off the screen when he
heard the familiar whoosh of displaced air.  "One of
these days I'm going to have to take that skylight
out," he remarked.


"Don't be a spoilsport, Nicholas," LaCroix said.  He
moved around the couch, blocking the TV.  Nick tried
to crane his neck around him, but gave up and switched
off the game instead.  When his vampire father was
determined to visit it took drastic measures to
dislodge him.  LaCroix quirked an eyebrow at the
bottle in Nick's hand.  "Cow?" he inquired.


"Hey, at least it's blood."


LaCroix shuddered.  Not in *his* opinion.  "I had a
most interesting visit this morning, Nicholas, from a
friend of yours named 'Max Headroom,' I believe."


Uh-oh.  "I can explain," he began, but his father cut
him off.


"Oh, there's no need.  We had a long and most
interesting chat, and when it seemed as if he would
outstay his welcome, I simply turned him off."


Nick looked up at him.  Doubtfully, he inquired, "You
liked Max?"


"He has flaws, of course.  Like ourselves, he is based
upon a human personality.  However, like ourselves he
is *not* human."  He stopped and looked at Nick
pointedly.


"You know, I've been thinking about that..."


****


Max spun around gleefully in his screen.  "I enjoy
being unreal!"  he sang.


"So you had a good time?"


"Oh, it was won-won-wonderful!  Those Palm Pilots are
a little cramped, but h-h-hey, you have to put up with
a little in-con-con-venience when you travel!  It was
the first time I've ever been outside!"


The elevator motor whirred; Nick glanced at the door.
"That'll be her now, Max.  Wouldn't want her to know
we've been talking about her, right?"  He winked.


"Oh, right."  Max winked back and vanished.


Natalie hummed a little to herself as the elevator
rose.  She was just here to share her good mood with
Nick, that's all.  She certainly had no intention of
gloating.  Nope.  Not her.  Not at all.


Nick greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the
forehead.  "You're cheerful."


"Max and I went on a picnic.  Do you know it was the
first time he'd ever been outside?"


Pretending ignorance, he commented.  "Well, it must
have been a real treat for him."


"It was for me, too.  As Max says, 'all productivity
and no entertainment makes for a dull operating
system.'"


"I've heard something like that before, but it seems
more meaningful coming from someone who lives inside a
machine, doesn't it?  By the way, LaCroix dropped by
last night. Max paid him a visit, too."


Natalie sat down and looked up at Nick, wide-eyed.
"What happened?"


Grinning, he said, "It seems as though Max and LaCroix
agreed that I'm becoming a 'dull operating system'
myself."


She was afraid to ask.  "Does this mean you're giving
up on a cure?"


"No.  It just means that I take a break every now and
then to enjoy being what I am, just as Max does.
Nothing drastic," he hastened to reassure her.  "In
the meantime, Max, with his incredible research
capabilities, will track down anything he can, from
folklore to physiology, to find a cure."


"And LaCroix agreed to this?  I don't believe that."


"LaCroix's so sure there isn't a cure that he's fine
with it.  In fact, we made a little sporting wager on
it."


"What are the stakes?" she asked, expecting some
dreadful risk to Nick's life or soul.


"Two million dollars," he said casually, "and the deed
to a chateau in the Loire Valley that we've been
arguing over since about 1670."


"Well.  OK.  So... how about I run out for some videos
and pick myself up some Chinese takeout?"


"Nah, I've got a better idea.  Go home and put on
something sexy.  Let's go do some dirty dancing at the
Raven."


Max, she thought fervently, I owe you--big time.


****


"Th-Th-That's impossible!  Not again!"  Max stared in
disbelief at the chessboard on the split screen below
him.


"You keep forgetting, Max.  It's a war game; I was a
general.  An undefeated one, too, I may add."


"Hmmn.  M-Maybe we ought to switch to another game for
a little while.  Like, say, poker?"


LaCroix slowly smiled his shark smile.  "Why,
certainly, if you'd prefer.  But as you've no use for
money, what stakes shall we play for?"


Max leaned forward eagerly.  "If I win, can I s-s-see
your fangs?  P-P-Puh-leeeeze?"


"By all means.  And if I win... you do my tax returns.
 Forever."


Beaming, Max declared, "Y-you're on, my f-f-f-friend!"


END



=====
Molly/StormBorn
Innmate/FKPagan/Cousin/Seducer/Ravenette/DT
the_stormborn@yahoo.com
http://members.tripod.com/~StormBorn/fk.htm
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