Date: Thu, 28 Dec 1995 15:23:52 -0600 From: Julie Randolph Subject: Chances 1/1 ** I dunno, I'm just sitting here feeling depressed so...well, I dunno, let's see what happens...okay? ** JCR Chances 1/1 Julie Randolph The night cast misty shadows across the city. I stood on top of a building, watching the cars 25 stories below, wondering... wondering if perhaps this was not the only way out. The only thing left. For what did I have now? No family, no friends, no job, no home...the list could go on forever, the only thing left to me was a choice...this choice. One I was beginning to consider carefully as I watched the glittering lights through tears of agony and defeat. I have no idea how he saw me, or what could have possessed him to want to save a life that was for all means and purposes, useless. He was tall, well, taller that I am, perhaps 6'0. In the darkness, his eyes had a shimmering shade of dark blue, his hair, obviously blonde. Goodlooking man, but why me...and why now. I was at the end of everything I had believed in, I was at the end of all I had hoped and dreamed, stripped away from me like I was nothing...how could he possibly know that pain. He never introduced himself, like a mysterious being that wanders into your dreams by night, soothing tears you did not realize were there, caressing wounds that one way or another ripped open your soul, creating a wound that would never heal. He asked me why someone so young would stare down at the street as if it were their savior. I almost spit at him, I had no savior, mine had deserted me, along with every other peron on this planet. I had no friends, I had no life, I had nothing except a fantasy world of fiction, and that too, was ripped away forcing me into the tragedy that is reality. I was unprepared to come here, I was not ready, so I sought shelter, so I tried to find hope and was given none. People died, I began to starve, I lost my home and family, what did I have to live for in a world that had turned its back on me, for the last time. Now, for the very last time. He did not smile, his face remained immobile, but he nodded as if he somehow knew my pain, and slowly, out of the grim darkness, his voice lifted away the lonliness as he began to speak. "When I was younger, perhaps younger than you are now, I was a deeply religious man. I understand your need to seek out God, for only they who seek Him can understand the uncontrollable desire to find...want eventually they realize is not there. But still, I persisted, having nothing else to cling to. It was a time of war, a time of death and pain, but I clung to that God as if that was my only salvation and whether it was or not, I shall never know. I kept my life at a distance from the others, buried in Bibles and other readings. I had problems with their philosophies on life, you see, and to question them would have meant death, certainly. But inside my soul, I did question. Not god, but these, his people, who struck down they who could not believe or did not care to, who killed them in cold bloodfor no reason other than that. My God would never condone such a thing. Your God, He let your family die? He took away everything you have and now you offer yourself up to damnation? Is that the way it's supposed to work? I have done the same, don't believe for a second that I didn't stand at one point where you are now. All hope gone, death was eminant, I would die for my God and so I turned to someone who could help me, I turned away from the light, I took the darkness in all of its glory and gave up my salvation for the damnation you now stand on the edge of. Don't waste away what you have been given. Life, human life, is so very short, if you are here, then you rae here for a reason and nothing can change that. Destiny, I have found, is not something we can get away from, and it is not your destiny to die here tonight, not now." I looked at him, stepped down and sat on the edge watching him. If he was right then things could only get better, if I was wrong, I lived in damnation forever. "It hurts." I don't think I said anything else, he simply pulled me into his arms and rocked me back and forth, gently, until the tears started falling...all that pain, all that anguish and I had not even realized it festered there, inside my soul. He held me for a long time that night, speaking in low, muffled tones, words of endearment, encouragement and kindness. He looked up and saw the darkness of the sky slowly turn to gray, he picked me up off the ground and smiled, touching my cheek,"Don't ever give up." And then he was gone, I didn't even see him leave. ***************************************************************** all response, flames, oreos, letters of recommendation, definitions of "irony" and/or Geriant Wyn Davies home address to randolph@tenet.edu "I do hope this wave of altruism passes quickly, it is quite...distressing."--LaCroix, Night in Question *****************************************************************