From leeann@uniserve.com Sun Aug 23 01:42:42 1998 Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1998 22:38:06 -0700 To: fkarchiver@fkfanfic.com From: LeeAnn Pultz *********************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 *********************** Well folks -- it was bound to happen sooner or later! Since I discovered the www.fkfanfic.com site last July, I've been devouring fanfic at an enormous rate. But I've always felt like I should be contributing something...you know, paying my 'rent'! So, now, nearly a year after discovering Forever Knight, I've seen all the episodes, found a whole bunch of great sites out there on the 'net, joined a bunch of kewl lists, played in a War, and generally, just met a whole lotta great people who, like me, have a healthy obsession for a tv show that some nasty people went and cancelled! I blame the existence of this story *completely* on the Ravenettes, who welcomed me into the group, *knowing* that I was secretly a Nick&NatPacker, and who encouraged me to write war posts for War 9! If you haven't guessed yet, this is my *first* ever piece of fiction (unless you count all the reports and papers I wrote in five years at university for my marketing, organizational behavour and total quality management classes), and I'm scared, but *really* hoping for comments -- constructive criticism please! A *really* big thank you to the ladies who quickly volunteered to beta this sprawling thing (it just kept growing!) - Thank you KC and Kelly! And to Teresa - Chapter 10 would have been a *disaster* without your amazing wealth of knowledge - Thank you! The title, "Dark Night of the Soul" is the title of a song by Loreena McKennitt, off her 1994 album, "the mask and the mirror". I listened to this album over and over again while writing this story, and the title seemed to fit. Before this becomes longer than the story itself, let me just say: It's *definitely* a Nick and Nat story. Angst, mushy stuff, you know the drill! Everything is PG though...and no violence. This story is set somewhere in the 3rd season - but Ashes to Ashes and Last Knight *never* happened! Got it? I knew you'd understand! Obligatory Disclaimer: The characters that you all recognize don't belong to me, but to TPTB, who aren't using them anymore! No characters were harmed during the writing of this story, and I put them all back in their Tupperware(tm) containers to keep them fresh when I was done. Kale and various other supporting characters belong to me, thankyouverymuch, and the *irritation* is NOT gone! (I think the writing bug bit me!) Permission? Heck, if you think it's good enough, I'd be *honoured* to have this posted to the www.fkfanfic.com and ftp sites! Anyone else, ask me first. You must see End Part 'X' to have received the whole chapter. Without further ado - here it is! Let me know what you think! ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 1/14 ****************************** "May I come in?" Nick looked suspiciously at the man in front of him. It was very close to sunrise, and he wasn't sure he wanted to spend the day trapped in the same room with one of his master's peers. "We need to speak Nicholas, but I promise you, I will leave, should it become prudent." Reluctantly, Nick stepped away from the elevator door, indicating that his unexpected visitor should enter. Heading over to the refrigerator, he called out, "Can I offer you something to drink?" "Whatever you're having Nicholas," came the calm rejoinder. Staring into the fridge, Nick pondered his options. The lure of the blood was hard to resist, and he couldn't help thinking of his esteemed guest's reaction to being served cow blood. Then his eye lit upon the new protein concoction Natalie had whipped up. Grinning broadly, he poured some of the vile mixture into two mugs. It would be worth it just to see the expression on the other vampire's face. Schooling his features into a composed mask, he carried the two mugs over to the fireplace, where his guest stood, admiring the intricate scrollwork. Handing him one mug, Nick took a big gulp of his own drink, then waited expectantly for the other to react. Peering into the mug, the other looked quizzically at his host, then, raising his mug in an ironic toast, he grinned, and tipped the contents into his mouth. The expression on his face as the concoction hit his tastebuds was priceless, and Nick tried in vain to keep his expression blandly polite. "Touche Nicholas!" his guest admitted, "You aren't actually subsisting off this swill, are you?" Grinning in return, the younger vampire admitted, "No, I try them as Nat makes them, but they are really awful, aren't they?" The elder vampire put his mug down on the end table, then turned back to Nick. "I suppose you know why I'm here, don't you?" "LaCroix sent you." "Why would you think that?" the other asked, curiously. "He wants me to accept the beast inside of me, to return to the life of a killer." Nick replied, staring balefully at his unwanted guest. "And I won't. It doesn't matter what you say, what arguments you use, nothing will force me to return to that existence, or to give up my search for a cure." "Think about it logically for a moment Nick," the other responded. "Do you really think that LaCroix would ever admit to his peers that his son is a disappointment to him? That his prodigy repudiates the gift of immortality?" The words conjured a ludicrous image of LaCroix sitting in a rocking chair on a porch with other vampires, comparing stories of rebellious offspring. Grinning, Nick put his own mug down, and shook his head. "No, I guess not." Turning back to the other, he asked, "Why are you here then?" "You know me as Eric Lang, but in the Community, I am known as Kale." ****************************** Recovering from the shock of realizing that the oldest vampire alive was sitting on *his* black leather sofa, Nick met the other's eyes and asked him pointblank: "Are you here to kill me?" A look of pain and utter loneliness swiftly crossed the Eldest's countenance, before the mask reappeared. A short, sharp bark of bitter laughter escaped Kale's lips before he replied, "So I'm being used as the vampire's bogeyman -- how thrilling." Meeting Nick's gaze steadily, Kale reassured the younger man, "No Nicholas, I am not here to offer you harm. But it has not escaped the Council's notice that you are...less than satisfied with your current existence." It was Nick's turn to laugh bitterly. "Less than satisfied." He crossed the room to stand in front of his latest painting. Dark, roiling colours covered the canvas, conveying unending darkness, bereft of hope. Waves of despair threatened to crash over him, as he recalled the pain he had caused in the past 800 years. His voice threatening to crack, tears standing in his eyes, he turned to face the Eldest of his race. "I cannot bear the pain any longer. I seek to atone for my sins, and hope to regain mortality in order to achieve salvation...can you understand that? Do you have *any* humanity left in you...having lived millennia with the beast inside us, you *must* feel something," Choking off the words that spilled out of him, Nick glared at the impassive face before him. "But no, you're like all the rest, you feel no remorse for what you do, you believe that my desire, my need for mortality makes me weak." Drained, he flopped listlessly onto the sofa beside Kale, unwilling and unable to muster the energy to fight any longer. "Poor Nicholas." The tone was not the mocking laughter used by his master. Instead, compassion and sympathy radiated from the vampire beside him. "What a trial you must be to your sire." His mien serious now, Kale turned to face the younger vampire, and asked him, "Why do you seek mortality Nicholas? What do you hope to achieve?" Incredulous, Nick searched the other's face for the mockery that usually accompanied such a question from another vampire. Instead, he found a quiet interest and honest desire to learn the answer to the question asked. "When I was mortal, I left my family to participate in a Crusade. My dream was to become a renowned knight, pure of heart, and full of honor." He grimaced, "Somewhere along the way, my dream withered...I can't say exactly what it was, whether it was the cruel torture suffered by the so-called enemies of the Church, or whether it was my soul crying out for the chance to do more, see more, and live long enough to see everything. But at some point, I realized that I was not invincible, and death was something I feared. When LaCroix offered me immortality, I succumbed to the temptation -- the prospect of living forever, of experiencing life to the fullest..." Nick broke off. "And you've done that, haven't you?" asked Kale. "You've seen the world change and grow, experienced the delights of a thousand men..." "I've experienced more sorrow and pain than a human soul should have to bear. Being the agent of death to so many...It wasn't long after LaCroix brought me across that I realized the price -- to cheat death, I had to bring death to countless others. The price would be paid in the coin of other's lives. Eventually, I became determined to seek a way back, to regain the light, to rid myself of the evil inside me." Nick raised imploring eyes to the Eldest vampire, "Don't you see? It's the only way to be rid of the evil inside me...to become human again...to be able to walk in the sunlight, to love a woman, have children, grow old...and eventually, attain Paradise, should I be forgiven for my sins." The silence in the room was broken only by the faint sound of the refrigerator humming to life. Eventually, Kale seemed to rouse himself from deep thought. "Mortality. What does that mean to you? Do you want the ability to grow old and die? To procreate in the mortal fashion? Eat food? Walk in the sunlight? Is mortality a physical or a spiritual concept to you Nicholas? Does mortality simply mean the ability to shed what you term the 'evil' within you? Do you believe that by achieving mortality you will begin again, with a 'clean slate'?" The words were not said with malice, but they challenged Nick to think. "Can you truly say that there is *nothing* in this life that you would miss if you were to regain your mortality? How long would you survive without the abilities you have relied upon for eight centuries? The ability to withstand bullets, to fly, to influence the minds of those around you? Are these abilities truly that reprehensible to you? Do you have *no* desire to see what will come about in the next millennium?" Kale met Nick's eyes, forestalling his instinctive protest, "Don't answer right away. Think about what I've said." He stood up and walked over to the elevator door. Turning to look at the bemused Nick, he continued, "You have been a vampire for much longer than you were ever a mortal man Nicholas. Should you ever regain your mortality, do you really believe that the man you are now would disappear with the hunger for blood? Take a close look at yourself -- who you are, who you have been, your actions and feelings over the past eight centuries. Is the 'evil' of the vampire really a separate entity? Only once you accept who you are, can I begin to help you." Pulling open the door, Kale stepped into the elevator and left the loft. Nick remained on the sofa, thoughtful. ****************************** End Part 1 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 2/14 ****************************** Upon entering the morgue's examining room, he paused, his attention captured by the woman peering intently into the microscope. If he was honest with himself, something he hadn't been in centuries, *she* was the reason he continued in this life. Without her constant support, faith, and the love they never spoke of, he would have left after Schanke was killed. He would have given up on the pain of trying to integrate himself into this world of mortals. But he couldn't live without her. Moving soundlessly, he neared her. Instinct warring as always with desire -- whether to sink his fangs into her neck and taste her very essence, or to sweep her up into his arms and show her just how much he loved her. And, as always, he fought off both of those desires, and settled for sneaking up on her -- a subtle reminder of what he was, and the differences between them that yawned like a chasm. Natalie caught a flash of movement, and then he was there. In front of her. She looked up, to catch a brief glimpse of sadness and regret, which was replaced almost immediately by the mischievous expression of the eternal boy who couldn't help but grin at her startlement. "Hi Nat" he said. Smiling back, she replied, "Hey you." Realizing that she was just sitting there grinning at him like a lovestruck idiot -- no scratch that, just an idiot, Nat got up from the stool and walked across the room. Keep busy. "So, what brings you down here? I thought you had the night off?" she asked, as she straightened the files on her desk. "I do." He was behind her again. She could feel the magnetic effect of his presence. She turned to find him staring at her. "Nick?" He broke off his stare. "Sorry. Listen, you know your friend who came in here the other night?" "Eric?" Nat asked, puzzled. What could he want with another vampire, especially one as young as Eric? Nick looked confused for a moment, then nodded, "Yeah, Eric. Anyway, do you have a way of getting in touch with him while he's in town?" "Mmmm...yes, he wrote down the name of the hotel he and his fiancee are staying at, I think I have it in my purse ... but Nick, why do you want to talk to him -- I thought you had cleared him?" Natalie looked at Nick, who seemed a bit uncomfortable, as if trying to decide how much to tell her. Nick was so relieved that he wouldn't have to go ask LaCroix about Kale's whereabouts that he almost missed Nat's question. "No, no, it's nothing about the case. I just wanted to talk to him again -- you know, welcome him to Toronto...that kind of thing." How could he tell her that her friend, who she thought had been mortal just a few years ago, was actually the Eldest of his kind? Was it even his secret to tell? Searching through her purse, Natalie tossed back, "Since when did you become the Welcome Wagon for new vampires in town?" Nope, there was no way she was just going to let him off the hook after *that* lame excuse. Holding up the aforementioned slip of paper with Eric's Toronto address, she waved it at Nick, challenging him to tell her the truth. He looked *really* uncomfortable. Tough. She realized that she was suspicious of him, and wavered a bit. Why did she think that he was going to hurt Eric? Where had that thought come from? Sensing her resolve wavering, Nick snatched the paper out of her hand and, leaning forward, gave her a quick peck on the forehead. Smiling, he said, "Thanks Nat, I'll explain as soon as I can." He moved quickly toward the door, then turned, and, with one of those lightning-quick mood changes, was entirely serious as he said, "Nat, we need to talk later...will you come by the loft in the morning?" How could she ever resist those blue eyes, which seemed to see into her very soul? Besides, she rationalized, maybe she would find out what he wanted to talk to Eric about. Nodding her head, Nat smiled and agreed. "I'll bring breakfast." Biting back a grin at the nauseated expression on his face as he left, she turned back to the paperwork that covered her desk. But her mind wasn't on her work. Instead, she worried about what Nick wanted to *discuss*. Was he giving up on the search for a cure? She knew that he had been disappointed so many times, and lately it seemed like they took three steps back for every step forward...Or was he leaving? Squaring her shoulders, Nat pushed away that thought. He wouldn't leave. And if that *was* his intention, well she would *discuss* that with him. Turning back to the computer, she determined to push thoughts of their impending discussion out of her head and concentrate on finishing the report in front of her. ****************************** end Part 2 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 3/14 ****************************** Her mind refusing to concentrate on the work before her, Nat found herself reliving the events of earlier that week. "Natalie, there's been a big accident!" Diane came rushing into the morgue, where Natalie had just finished up the autopsy on a Mr. James Thorpe, who had died of a gunshot wound to the right temple -- self-inflicted. "Do we know what happened Diane?" Natalie asked, as she stripped off the rubber gloves. "Some kind of explosion," the assistant answered. Natalie froze. Explosion. That meant fire. Forcing herself to continue preparing, she asked Diane, hoping her voice didn't betray her fear, "Do we know how many are hurt or were killed?" "So far it looks like just one dead, but Nat, the radio said there were children involved." Diane cried. Not children. Please, don't let the children be dead. She didn't think she could handle it if the burned corpse was that of a child. Grabbing her bag, she got the address from the assistant and headed out to face her worst nightmare. ****************************** The scene was ugly. At least at night the darkness helped you ignore everything except what you *had* to look for. The daylight made it worse somehow. There were uniforms crawling all over the place, but Nick and Tracy's day shift opposites hadn't been called in, because it didn't look like a homicide. Just a terrible, terrible accident. The officer who had met her had told her that the boiler had exploded. It was a miracle the children hadn't been hurt, but they had all been outside when it happened. No, they didn't know why the children were outside, someone was talking to the staff members right now. Natalie *really* wished she hadn't agreed to cover for the day Coroner, but the other M.E. had called in sick, so here she was, working a double shift yet again, today and then tonight yet. The body was too big to be that of a child. Thank God. But that was about all she could tell at a glance. And a glance was about all she could deal with right now. He was burnt, in some places seared nearly black. Abrasions all over his exposed face and arms. She ordered the body placed in the bag and loaded up, then went to help those who were still alive. As she bandaged up the arm of a young girl, she asked her what happened. "There was a big noise, and then the wall broke," the little girl stated. "Pieces of wood came flying out at us, and Miss Jonas told us to duck and cover our heads with our arms." "Why was everyone outside?" Nat asked. "The man told everyone to get out," the girl replied. "He pulled the fire alarm!" she confided. "What man?" Natalie asked. "The man who came to the school to talk to the principal. I only know because I had to go to the bathroom and I saw him in the office with Mr. Black," the little girl answered. "You won't tell Miss Jonas will you? I was supposed to just go and come straight back." She looked worried. "No, I won't tell Miss Jonas." Natalie promised. She finished cleaning and binding the shallow scrape on the girl's forearm and looked around. The others seemed to have been taken care of. Seeing an officer speaking to a young woman, Natalie went over to see if she could find out any more about this mysterious man. "Officer, I told you, I don't know who the man was, just that he pulled the fire alarm, and told everyone to get out. We weren't out more than a minute when the boiler blew up. Whoever he was, he saved us all. The playroom we were in was right on top of the boiler room." The woman was clearly shaken, but seemed fine otherwise. "Thank you Miss Jonas, if we need anything else, we'll contact you," the officer stated, closing up his notebook. "I don't think he made it out. I don't see him anywhere." Miss Jonas seemed to realize. "Oh my God, is he dead?" The officer looked helplessly at Natalie, and, sensing that he was in over his head, Natalie took pity on him and stepped closer. "Miss Jonas? My name is Natalie Lambert, I'm the Medical Examiner," she began. "Is he dead? Did he die to save us?" the teacher looked as if she were about to cry. "I'm afraid so. The body we found was quite burned, but it was a man, and everyone else seems to be accounted for." Natalie guided the distraught woman over to the crisis management staff that had come out to the scene to help the children deal with the trauma, and, satisfied that the woman would be taken care of, went back to her car. "But he wasn't dead, was he Nat?" she mused. "It was deja vu all over again." She had put it off as long as she could. Every single report that had needed to be finished was done. All the t's were crossed and i's dotted. The day staff had all gone home, and the night staff had come on. Grace had tut-tutted her for agreeing to work a double shift, but as she had told her friend -- it's not as if I had anything better to do is it? Moving toward the bag on the examining table, she repeated her mantra, "Forward momentum, keep moving, don't stop." If she could just force herself to begin, she could keep going until she was done. Gloves on, hair tied back, she forced herself to unzip the bag. Nothing. "Open your eyes doctor, you can't do an examination with them closed," she scolded herself. Great, now I'm talking to myself too. She looked into the bag. The corpse looked back at her. Then he blinked. "Oh shit." She stepped back, nearly knocking over the tray beside her, as, in an eerie replay of an incident she would never forget, the corpse on the examining table sat up and looked at her. She stared back. After sputtering a bit, her brain began working again and she realized that she knew the corpse, pardon me, man, sitting on her examining table. "Eric?" she asked. "Is that really you?" "Natalie?" he rasped through burned and cracked lips. Then he began to get up off the table, but staggered slightly. Natalie instinctively moved to help him, but he waved her away. "No, don't come too close. I'm rather...hungry," he cautioned. She knew how to deal with this. Moving to the fridge, she removed a package and handed it to him without a word. Grinning, he took the package from her, and, eyes glowing at her, punctured the bag with his now-extended fangs and proceeded to drain it. She could *see* the lesions on his face healing before her eyes. Already, he looked just slightly sunburned, not the charred and blackened corpse she had been expecting to have to deal with. "Thanks Nat," he said, as he tossed the empty bag into the contaminated waste container. "You never cease to amaze me. Nothing fazes you does it?" "You'd be surprised," she commented dryly. Then, "Eric, I've missed you! You just disappeared after graduation!" Nat cried, wanting to embrace her old friend. "I'm safe now," he grinned, "Come on." Natalie moved to hug her best friend from med school, laying her head on his chest, when the door to the morgue burst open. Suddenly Nick was there. Between her and Eric, and he was *not* happy. The two vampires glared at each other, and yes, she could swear they were growling at each other. Nat looked at them, then stiffened as she heard Tracy's voice in the hallway. "Guys!" she hissed. "Guys! We've got company coming -- button it up -- now!" The two vampires seemed to realize what she was saying, and managed to get back to normal just as Tracy burst into the morgue, "I don't know how he got in here so fast...he must have run straight in...oh there you are Nick, what was the rush?" Nick ignored Tracy as he continued to stare at Eric. "Eric! You *are* here!" a young blonde woman cried, launching herself into the recently deceased vampire's arms. Tracy came over to Natalie, "I don't know why, but she was sure that her fiance would be here at the morgue...and here he is!" "Umm...he came to visit me." Natalie covered quickly, "Eric, this is Detective Tracy Vetter. You've already met Detective Knight." With a stern glance at Nick, she continued, "Tracy, Eric and I went to med school together, and he showed up tonight to visit." On cue, Eric chimed in, "Yes, Kelli and I are here for a couple of weeks, and I tracked Natalie down through the Alumni office." Turning to his fiancee, "Kelli, I'm sorry I worried you for nothing. I'll explain it all back at the hotel." Grabbing a pen and paper, Eric scrawled his Toronto address and gave it to Natalie. "We're here for another 10 days or so. Let's get together and do lunch, shall we?" Looking sternly at him, Natalie replied, "You bet your boots mister. I think we have a *lot* to talk about." Grinning, he looked at Tracy, "Nice to meet you Detective Vetter. Sorry for any problems we may have caused." "No problem. I'm just glad we found you!" Tracy replied. "Detective Knight. Perhaps I'll see you again before I leave?" Eric said as he looked at Nick. "Perhaps," the blonde detective allowed. Hand in hand, Eric and Kelli left the morgue. The perfect couple. Well, except for the fact that one of them was technically dead, Nat thought. ****************************** Once Tracy left to return to the precinct, Nick folded his arms across his chest and looked expectantly at Natalie. "Well?" he demanded. "Nick, I knew Eric when we were in med school together. He was mortal then. When he woke up on my examining table, I fed him and then..." "He was attacking you." It was almost a growl. "He was *hugging* me." Natalie corrected. "Why was he *hugging* you?" "Nick, we were friends. Close friends. In school. A long time ago." Natalie couldn't believe this. "How close?" This *was* a growl. Grinning, Natalie moved closer to the blond vampire who didn't seem to realize that he was the centre of her world. "Not as close as this." She stood up on her tiptoes and daringly kissed him full on the lips. He looked stunned. Ooh, she'd definitely have to do *that* more often. Natalie giggled as she stepped back out of his reach. "Are we done playing twenty questions yet?" she asked innocently. ****************************** end Part 3 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 4/14 ****************************** Landing silently in a darkened corner of the penthouse courtyard, Nick wondered to himself whether this was a good idea. Just as he had decided to leave, a young woman's voice called out to him. "Detective Knight? Are you out here?" Nick stepped out of the shadows, slowly, so as not to startle the woman. Kelli looked at the man in front of her, and laughed nervously. "I guess you are here. Kale said you were, but...well, I guess I should know better than to question him about this kind of thing." Nick studied the woman in front of him. She reminded him of Fleur - not just in the blonde hair and blue eyes, but in the vitality and joy that emanated from her. She loved life, and, despite the strangeness of her situation, she was strong and was determined to seize happiness with both hands. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he smiled at Kelli and replied, "I'm sorry for bothering you, I can come back another time..." "No, no, you're very welcome, please, come in and sit down - Kale is just in the shower, he'll be right out." Left with little choice, Nick followed Kelli into the penthouse suite. Tastefully decorated, the windows had dark curtains on them, which had been pulled back to let in the night. The couches that Kelli led him to were a warm brown leather, inviting, and, as he discovered when he sat down, very comfortable. Kelli stood, waiting for him to finish his automatic assessment of the room, before asking him, "Can I get you something to drink?" Nick studied the woman in front of him. There was no fear, no uncertainty in her eyes. But she knew what he was. Had had experience with the beast that lived within his kind. Only Natalie had ever looked at him like this. Like he was human. The words came tumbling out of his mouth, "Why? Why don't you look at me with loathing and hate? Why don't you fear me? You know what I am, what I can do?" He needed to know her answer. Sitting down on the couch beside him, Kelli put her hand on his knee, as if to reassure him. She smiled at him, "Nick, think about it. Yes, you're a vampire. But you're also a homicide detective -- you catch those who kill people, you don't imitate them. You live in the world with mortals -- without mocking us, or seeing us as nothing more than your next meal. You're in love with a mortal woman, who loves you back." She stopped, sensing that he didn't see where she was leading. "Nick, I am a woman, right?" Not waiting for his response, she continued, "and that defines my life -- to an extent. Yes, it means that I can't father children, and that I can't grow a beard, and that I will always be physically smaller and weaker than many men. But that's it. It doesn't control my soul, my personality, or my actions. The fact that I am a woman helps to create the underlying framework, but it's what I do, and how I act that determines who I am." As Nick looked at her thoughtfully, she continued, "And the vampire is the same way. It physically puts constraints on you -- no sunlight, the need for blood, but it doesn't define who you are. Your actions and beliefs do that. The way you choose to deal with your physical limitations and how you choose to live your life determines who you are." Realizing that she had probably given him much to think about with her unplanned burst of emotion, Kelli stroked Nick's cheek with her hand and stood, heading to the kitchen to get refreshments and leave him alone for a few minutes. ****************************** Kale stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his hips as he shamelessly listened to the conversation between his fiancee and Nicholas de Brabant. He smiled, knowing that the good detective was having to rethink much of what he had believed for centuries. Dressing quickly, Kale ran his fingers through his hair and moved silently into the kitchen, unnoticed by Nick, who remained seated on the couch, facing the courtyard doors, deep in thought. Coming up behind Kelli, who had just finished placing a bottle of blood on a tray along with two wineglasses, he waited until he was sure she wouldn't drop anything, and then leaned in to kiss her neck. She whirled, smiling, and reached up to twine her arms around his neck, kissing him. What had started out as a simple hello became deeper, as Kelli clung to him, almost desperately. Breaking off the kiss, Kale looked at her questioningly. "He's so *lonely*, and it's because of the vampire, and I can't help but think that there must have been a time when *you* were lonely and alone because of what you are, and I can't bear to think of the pain..." Kelli cried. Immediately, Kale pulled her close to him, as she pressed her face into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head, thinking again of how lucky he was to have found her. Trying to reassure her, he replied, "Kelli, shh, it's okay. Look at me." He pulled back and, tilting her chin up with his finger he met her tear-filled eyes. "Know this -- I would have suffered a hundredfold the pain and loneliness if it meant that I would live to love you. What's past is past, and I am here now, and neither one of us is alone any longer." Smiling tremulously, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Kale kissed her gently on the forehead and held her close for a moment. Kelli took comfort from the strength and security of his arms, then resolutely pulled back. "We have a guest and I think he needs to talk to you." Turning, she picked up the tray and proceeded into the living room. Nick was still seated on the sofa, but turned when he sensed Kale's presence. "I'm glad you came Nicholas. Please, have a drink with me." Nick looked at the tray as Kelli set it on the coffee table in front of him. She gave him an encouraging look, then excused herself, saying that she was tired and was going to go to bed. ****************************** end Part 4 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 5/14 ****************************** Kale poured the thick red liquid into the two wineglasses, then placing the bottle back on the tray, gazed challengingly at his guest, who shook his head slightly. "I drank what you offered -- and I guarantee that this isn't as bad as what you made me drink." Sipping from his wineglass, Kale motioned for Nick to drink from his. "That's half the problem," whispered Nick, his eyes locked onto the glass, refusing to breathe, not willing to risk catching the scent of the potent red liquid. "Nicholas." He tore his eyes off the forbidden fruit and met the steady gaze of the Eldest. "It's cow." Blinking, Nick looked first at the glass, then back at the vampire in front of him. Picking up the glass, he inhaled the scent -- bovine. Sipping the liquid, he controlled his distaste -- even after nearly a century of subsisting off cow blood, he still hated the taste. Replacing the glass he looked again at Kale. "Why?" "Nicholas, I am not here to mock your beliefs. I would not invite a Muslim into my home and offer him alcohol, nor would I invite a vegetarian and offer her a steak. I respect your preferences, although I can't say as I share them." Sipping again from his glass, Kale continued, "I realize that you expect to be ridiculed for your choices, and only your age and your sire's standing in the Community have protected you from some of the rasher members of our kind. But I am not here to disparage your choice, merely to offer you the chance to talk about it." "Talk? I don't think that I have ever really been able to just talk about what I want." Nick stared bemusedly at the glass in his hand. Millennia old and he wanted to talk to a vampire who hated what he was. "Any time I tried to explain how I felt to LaCroix, he would mock me, or become angry and accuse me of being ungrateful for the *gift* he gave me. It was always I, defending myself and my beliefs, without being heard. And Janette, she listened, but she never understood -- at least I never thought she did, until she told me that she left Toronto because of me. But even so, she didn't want to accept how I felt, always tempting me, trying to get me to return to her and LaCroix." Nick looked at the vampire in front of him. "Why do you want to talk? You have said that you don't agree with me, I'm not going to convince you that I am right, and you've said you aren't going to try to bring me back into the Community. What do you gain? What is the point?" Kale stood and moved around behind the sofa. Leaning over the back, he whispered into Nick's ear, "The point, my dear Nicholas, is that until you work it out in words, and explain it to someone who doesn't have a vested interest in what you're saying, you *don't* know what you want." Moving back to his seat on the comfortable chair beside the sofa, Kale continued, "You can't talk to LaCroix or Janette, because they don't want to lose you to mortality, so they have a vested interest in convincing you that you are on a fool's errand. You can't discuss it with Natalie, because you believe that it would devastate her if you *ever* admitted that you were unsure about giving up your immortality -- and how could you confide these things to her, if you aren't even sure how you feel?" Nick stared at him, amazed at how easily Kale saw to the heart of problems that had plagued him for years. The Eldest continued, "I, on the other hand, have no vested interest in whether you continue on the way you are, whether you fully embrace the vampire nature, as LaCroix wishes, or whether you achieve a cure and return to mortality. In fact, I am the perfect sounding board for you to use. By explaining to me what it is that you want, you will be putting into words your vague feelings and desires, and once we have determined *exactly* what it is you want, we can move toward helping you achieve it." "Now, have you thought on what I said about defining what humanity means to you?" And so, the conversation began. ****************************** end Part 5 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 6/14 ****************************** Weary unto exhaustion, yet strangely exhilarated, Nick slipped into the loft just as the sun rose over the Toronto skyline. The night he had spent with Kale had forced him to begin to accept some things about himself that he had denied for a long time. But it had also helped him to better understand what he wanted for himself, and had given him hope. The last thing Kale had said to him before Nick had left the penthouse was that once he had spoken to Natalie, the two of them should return to the penthouse and they would discuss the future. Nick nearly skipped to the fridge, his heart light in a way that it had not been for years. "I wonder if he was ever a priest?" Nick asked the room. "If who was ever a priest?" Nick whirled around to see Natalie standing in the door leading from the stairs. "I said, if who was ever a priest?" She smiled at him, wondering what had happened. He looked younger -- yeah right Nat, he's immortal, he can't look older or *younger* - but something had definitely happened last night. "Kale. I think he must have been a priest at some point ... or a psychologist." Walking over to Natalie, who was mouthing "Kale?", Nick pulled her into his arms and kissed her fiercely. Stunned at *this* turn of events, Natalie was pulled into a vortex of desire. She responded instantly, kissing him back, not knowing or caring why he had started it, but not willing to let *this* chance go by. Eventually, they separated. Natalie looked up at Nick, unsure what was happening, but willing to learn and hoping to understand. For his part, Nick could have cried for joy at the happiness he felt, imagining their future together. Realizing that Natalie didn't know what was going on brought him reluctantly back to the present. "Nick, what happened last night?" Natalie asked. "Nat, I need to talk to you. I need you to listen, and to understand." Suddenly, Nick was worried. What if she didn't understand? What if she wasn't willing to accept him? Then, he remembered what Kale had said -- if you don't give her a chance to know *you* how can you accept her love? She needs to be given the chance to understand, to know the good as well as the bad. Natalie felt a stab of fear at the serious expression on Nick's face. What had happened? What was he going to say? Trying not to show her anxiety, she sat down on the sofa and motioned for Nick to sit beside her. When he did, she met his eyes...and nearly drowned in the deep blue serenity she found there. Whatever it is, she thought, it must be a good thing. Drawing a deep breath, she looked him in the eye and said, "Okay Nick, whatever it is, I'm ready." He couldn't believe her courage. He could hear her heart -- beating rapidly, and he could tell that she was afraid of what he had to say, but she was so strong. "Nat, I've told you all the things I despise about being a vampire. The killing, the bloodlust, having to hide what I am day in and day out for fear of seeing disgust, fear and loathing in people's eyes. Being denied the sunlight, the simple pleasures of food...of not being able to love you the way you should be loved..." he broke off, unable to continue right away. Natalie started to reassure him, but he stopped her, "No Nat, I need to say this, I need to tell you how I feel." Uncertain of where this was going, but willing to help Nick in whatever way she could, Natalie settled for putting her hand on his where he gripped his knee. Meeting his eyes, she said, "I'm listening Nick." Breaking eye contact, Nick looked toward the fireplace. "I never told you the good things about being a vampire. I never wanted to acknowledge that they existed. To give myself the strength to deny what I was, I had to ignore the parts that I enjoyed, or I would never have been able to do it." "Nat, the ability to fly, to soar high above the world and look down upon it from a vantage point that, until recently, no mortal ever saw, to feel the wind rushing against your face, to know that you are in complete control, to swoop, climb and dive, again and again...it's like nothing else." He looked at her, and saw the awe on her face, and realized that she understood, if not the actuality of what he had said, at least how he felt about it. It gave him the courage to go on. "And the blood." Unconsciously, he turned his hand to meet hers and gripped it tightly, "Nat, tasting someone's blood is the most intimate thing I have ever felt. To *know* someone, from the inside out, to understand who they are, what they believe and how they feel...When our victims are unwilling, it's a violation, and wrong, but...when it's given freely, in love and trust, then it is the most sacred gift that can be imagined. That's why vampires tend to cling to each other -- because we can share with each other without fear that we will hurt the other person." Realizing that he was gripping her too tightly, Nick released her and, unable to meet her eyes, he examined her hand to make sure that she wasn't hurt. Raising it to his lips, he softly kissed it, then raised his eyes to meet hers, certain that he would find disgust and fear there. Natalie knew what he expected. And she wasn't sure how she felt. He had never told her how much the blood meant. She knew it was more than just food, but, this. Hoping that he would see only the love and trust she felt for him in her eyes, she met his gaze. Needing to know, she asked, "And the cow?" He grinned. "Nat, even after almost a century, it's still like drinking spoiled milk or rancid oil." Serious again, "Since I'm being totally honest, I'll tell you now -- the cow blood allows me to survive. Period. I'm nowhere near my full strength or abilities, and only my age and the fact that LaCroix is my master has stopped a younger, stronger vampire from expressing his opinion of my lifestyle choice." "My proclivities are not generally accepted Nat, and there's a great deal of prejudice and hate out there in the Community." "But you know, despite the fact that I've been trying to regain my mortality for centuries, I'm glad I never succeeded." Natalie looked up at him, shocked. "Nat, if I had succeeded in finding a cure before now, I would never have met you, and I would have lived and died without ever knowing you and loving you. So I have to thank LaCroix for this at least -- without him, I would have died without having met the woman who completes my soul." She moved to embrace him, heedless of the blood tears rolling down his cheeks, pulling his head to her chest and stroking his hair. The tears in her own eyes spilled over and rolled down to dampen his blond waves. She had always hoped that one day they would be able to say the words. She knew that he loved her, and she hoped that he knew that she loved him. Oh, on her off days she wondered if he really did love her, but in her heart, she knew that they could never acknowledge their love. What would have been the point she had wondered, it would change nothing to say the words. The situation would remain the same -- they couldn't be together unless he regained his mortality or she became a vampire. Neither of which seemed to be likely in the near future. But now she knew. Despite the fact that nothing had changed physically, hearing him say the words, understanding the depth of his feelings for her, made all the difference. It strengthened her, gave her peace in a strange way, because she knew that whatever happened, whatever obstacles they had to overcome, he loved her. She needed to do the same for him. To give him this prickly gift. Putting her hands on his shoulders she pushed him away gently. He looked at her, fear that he had said too much apparent in his eyes. No. She wouldn't let that look stay, because she couldn't let him feel as if she were about to wound him. "Nick. I love *you*. The man, the vampire, don't you see, it's all one. I never met Nicholas de Brabant, Crusader - and I never will. I met, and fell in love with Nick Knight, homicide cop and vampire. You didn't try to hide what you were from me -- remember? You warned me, right from the beginning, I asked you if you wanted to hurt me," "And I said that I didn't, but that I might anyway." Nick finished. "I accepted the risk. And we've come close a few times, but you've never done it. Nick, I love you, and I want to be with you, but I want you to be happy. I don't want you to regain your mortality only to regret what you have lost." She was crying now. "I was selfish -- I wanted you to want to regain your mortality so that we could be together. I'm sorry, I never really tried to understand exactly what you would be giving up, what you were going through. I treated the vampire like a disease, something foreign to you, without realizing that it's not -- it's part of what makes you Nick Knight, the man I love." "Nick, you've overcome so much. The strength of will that you have is a result of your experience with the vampire's desires. You, of all the people I know, are the most balanced soul." He started to shake his head. "No, let me finish. I'm not talking about what you have done in the past, but the fact that you have taken a hard look at the choices offered to you in life, and have made decisions based on a clear set of moral guidelines. Nick, most people go through life never really questioning their own actions, but you've done that, you've questioned what you did, and made a moral decision not to do it again. *Despite* people you should be able to trust telling you that it was okay, you listened to your inner self..." "Nick, answer me truthfully." She turned to face him, capturing his gaze. "Do you really want to give up immortality? The ability to live centuries, millennia, to learn so much more, *do* so much more, than you could in a normal lifetime? Could you live with the mortal restrictions? Do you even remember what it was like to be mortal, and fragile? Nick, you've lived almost 800 years as a vampire, you only lived 30 as a mortal -- which do you think makes up more of who you are?" "Nat, you amaze me." He shook his head in wonder. "I should have talked to you sooner. I always wanted to shield you from the horror of my reality," "No, Nick. I admit it, sometimes I didn't really want to hear about it, but I know now that if we're going to do this right, we have to talk. I *need* to know what you feel, what you're thinking, if I'm going to understand this." "I know what I want now. I spoke to Kale last night -- he forced me to realize that I *wouldn't* be happy as a mortal, because, like you say, I *don't* really remember what it was like. Mortality has been my ideal for so long though, it's hard to realize that it was just a symbol for what I really wanted." Nick turned to face Natalie, and clasping her hand gently between his two larger ones, he continued. "I want to be able to walk in the sun, to not feel the urge to feed off my friends or strangers on the street. I want to be able to make love to you, and not have it end in death or darkness." He smiled crookedly at her, "But I don't want to die. Even after 800 years, I find I'm still greedy for life, I still want to see what will happen next." ****************************** end Part 6 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 7/14 ****************************** They lay comfortably entwined together on the sofa. Neither one of them really sleeping, but neither did they want disturb the fragile peace of exhaustion that had come with the day's soul-searching. What next? Natalie thought sleepily. They had voiced their feelings for each other, but their situation had not changed. Nick didn't seem to feel that way though. He had acted as if coming to the realization that he didn't really want *mortality* was a positive step towards attaining what he *did* want. What did that mean for them though? Was he giving up on her search for a cure? No, he had said that he wanted to be with her. She had to trust in love and have faith. Right now though, she needed to sleep. She was exhausted. Emotional upheaval does that to a person, she thought sleepily as she cuddled closer to the solid bulk of the man she loved. Eventually, as afternoon turned into evening, they both awoke, and realized that it was only a matter of time before the outside world would intrude. It was with a sense of inevitability they bestirred themselves and prepared to head into work. As Natalie prepared to head home for a quick shower and to change for work, she turned and asked, "Nick? This morning you mentioned a name...it sounded almost familiar...what was it, Kane?" "Kale." Nick answered, unsure of how much he could say. "He was the one I spoke to last night, the one who really helped me gain a better perspective." "Is he a priest?" Nat asked. "No. At least I *think* he would have difficulty with that job." Nick chuckled. "He's a vampire then?" "Yes, Kale is a lot older than I am." Nick smiled at Natalie, "He's seen many things, and he said that if I figured out what it was that I truly desired, that he would help me." "Are you sure you can trust him?" Nat asked. "What if this is some trick of LaCroix's? I mean, you said yourself, others in the Community don't approve, and if he's old enough, maybe LaCroix doesn't frighten him." Worried now, Natalie looked at Nick, wondering whether he could stand to be disappointed again. "Nat, it's okay. Really." Nick reassured her, "In fact, he wants you to come with me tonight after our shift is over -- to talk to him. He interested in knowing what you've discovered about the vampire condition." Great. Just great. Did he even stop to consider that this 'Kale' might want to prevent her from finishing her research? Looking into Nick's bright blue eyes, so full of hope, made it impossible for her to say no. "All right. I'll come. Pick me up tonight?" Crossing the room, Nick gave Natalie a quick hug. "Thanks Nat. Yes, I'll come by after my shift is over." Picking up her purse, Natalie crossed the wide expanse of the loft. Opening the elevator door, she turned and said, "Nick. I *really* hope this works. Whatever *it* is. But either way, I'm here for the long haul." ****************************** end Part 7 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 8/14 ****************************** Urs sat at the bar of the Raven, sipping from the wine glass that held a thick red liquid. She was between sets, but she really wasn't in a dancing mood tonight. These fits of melancholia came over her every now and then, and there was nothing to do but to work her way through them. Sighing deeply, she allowed her gaze to wander over the patrons in the club. Typical crowd, although there seemed to be more vampires than usual tonight. She knew that if she forced herself, she could go join some of the younger vampires, and if she worked hard enough at pretending to be happy, it might work. For a while. No. Not tonight. Just then, her attention was caught by a new entrant in the sea of roiling dancers. He entered the club, moved down the stairs purposefully, and then, scarcely seeming to notice the dancing throng, he move gracefully toward the bar. A little over average height, he wore a black blazer over a gray button-down shirt. Both were exquisitely tailored. He had a shock of thick dark hair that fell in a smooth line to his shoulders, but was pulled back and tied with what she supposed was the elegant male version of a scrunchie. And then, suddenly he was there. Right in front of her, and, as she looked up she realized that his shirt matched his eyes. Old eyes. Urs shivered slightly as she seemed to fall straight into those still pools. "I'm looking for the owner." He was talking to her. She struggled to concentrate on the words, and not the velvety deep voice that rolled over her like thunder. What had he said? The owner. Startled, she said the first thing that came to mind, "You don't want to see the General." In answer, he placed the tips of his fingers on her forearm. Although she hadn't been able to tell before, with that touch, she could feel the fact that he was a vampire, and that he was *much* older than she was. She had never felt such contained power. It was a wonder that the hair on her arms wasn't standing straight up. Yes, he could probably handle LaCroix. "Through the door back there," she pointed, moving away from his touch as she did. It wasn't a conscious decision, just something that the part of her that was interested in survival did. A flash of disappointment, then resigned amusement crossed his features, and she immediately felt guilty. After all, he hadn't offered her any harm, had he? As he turned to go, she impulsively touched his shoulder. When he turned back to her, a quizzical look in his eyes, she smiled tentatively and said, "My name is Urs." "I am happy to meet you Urs," the other replied, then paused, and, as if making up his mind, introduced himself, "I am known as Kale." Not waiting to see the incredulous look on her face as Urs realized that the legendary Eldest was *real*, not to mention in Toronto and in the Raven, he moved quickly toward the back of the Raven. He had a meeting with LaCroix. ****************************** When LaCroix heard a brief knock at the door to his office, his immediate response was to ignore it. After all, he had *specifically* requested that no one bother him tonight. On second thought however, he decided to allow the impertinent fool on the other side of the door to feel his wrath. "Enter." When the door opened and LaCroix saw who was on the other side, he realized that he was not going to be taking his anger at being interrupted out on *this* particular visitor. Recovering quickly, and unwilling to show fear before *anyone* LaCroix rose smoothly from his chair. "Kale. To what do I owe this...pleasure?" "LaCroix," the other acknowledged. Coming further into the office, Kale closed the door behind him. "May I offer you some refreshment?" LaCroix asked, playing the role of the good host. It would not do to have *this* one become suspicious of him. "No thank you. I am not here to exchange pleasantries with you," the other replied, as he sprawled bonelessly in the chair across the desk. Sitting back in his chair, LaCroix's' mind was racing. What could he want? Had he been sent by the Council? Had the Council finally had enough of his son's foolish quest? Damn Nicholas! He had no idea of the danger he courted with this ridiculous search for a cure. "Are you here on business?" LaCroix managed to ask, with just the right tone of studied indifference. "No. Unless there is something you wish to bring to my attention?" The question was asked lightly, but the eyes that gazed at him were bright with meaning. "I don't believe that there is anything occurring in the Community here that necessitates the involvement of the Council." LaCroix responded smoothly. You old goat, you wouldn't want the Council's *involvement* even if the Community in Toronto had gone mad. You don't relinquish your power and control unless forced. But there's something else, Kale thought, something you *really* don't want me to bring up. "If not business then, may I ask what brings you to Toronto?" LaCroix asked. "And specifically, into my club?" "My financial affairs required me to come here, and my fiancee and I decided to make a vacation of it." Kale's gaze challenged him to comment. He couldn't resist, "Fiancee?" Kale grinned, "Yes, Kelli, my fiancee." And that's *all* you're going to get from me. "As to why I'm here, well, I find that it is better if I announce my presence to the leader of the Community when I visit. It's only polite to let you know I'm in town, and to reassure you that I have no intention of disputing your leadership here." Kale looked at LaCroix, noting the satisfied expression that crossed his features. Standing, Kale said, "Well, we're here for another week and a bit, so if you need me, call." Tossing a card on LaCroix's desk, he moved toward the exit. Opening the door, he looked back over his shoulder and said, "Oh, by the way, I ran into your son, Nicholas, the other night. He and I had *quite* the discussion." Satisfied at the look of startlement and fear on the other's face, he left, closing the door behind him. That had been cruel, but then, the old goat deserved it. On his way out, he caught Urs' concerned look and grinned at her, to let her know that he was fine. Moving closer to her, he whispered in her ear, "Perhaps you should vacate the premises for the rest of the evening. I don't think I left him in a very good mood." Leaving her with a thoughtful look on her face, he headed back out onto the streets of Toronto. Whistling a happy tune, he walked back to the hotel where Kelli waited for him. ****************************** end Part 8 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 9/14 ****************************** "Nick." "Nick." "Nick." Tracy sighed in disgust. Sometimes she thought that the world could crumble around her partner's ears and he would be oblivious to it all. Tonight had been different though. Nick had come into the precinct in what could only be described as a *perky* mood. He had been hyper all night -- well, granted, there wasn't much to do, since it seemed as if all of Toronto's criminal element had left town this week. Not that she was complaining mind you, but the thought of being trapped across the desk from her partner for much longer was *not* a pleasant one. But now, well, he seemed to have slipped into one of those meditative trances as he was so prone to doing. Sometimes they were helpful -- he'd come out from that 'outer-space' gaze and have some off-the-wall idea that would end up helping them solve the case. It was almost as if he was accessing old case files or something in that brain of his. Tonight's trance however, didn't seem to have anything to do with a murder investigation, if that silly grin on his face meant anything. She almost hated to break into his reverie, he was so rarely lighthearted, but the other cops were beginning to stare and make comments. Besides, he hadn't touched a single key or turned a single page in at least 45 minutes. Knowing that it was cruel and unusual punishment, but rationalizing that she *had* tried calling his name, Tracy got up from her desk and moved to sit on the edge of Nick's desk. Mr. Attention-to-detail didn't even notice. Looking over Nick's head, Tracy smiled brightly and said, "Hey, what's Nat doing here, I didn't think we were waiting on any reports from the Coroner's Office." She hadn't even made it past "Hey what's Nat doing here?" when Nick nearly gave himself whiplash twisting around to look where Tracy was indicating that Natalie was. Seeing nobody, Nick turned back to Tracy, "What did you do that for?" "Well, I had to get your attention *somehow*" Tracy grinned at her partner. Just friends -- ha! "You've got it. What do you need?" Nick had *definitely* lost some of his perkiness. "The Jones file? If you're not going to work on it, can you at least pass it over here so *I* can finish it? The Captain wants it ASAP." Looking guilty, Nick fished around on his desk, finally finding the file folder and passed it over to his partner. Tracy took pity on her partner. "Listen Nick, you're not doing any good here tonight. Why don't you see if you can book off early tonight. There's nothing here that can't wait till tomorrow night." "Yeah, maybe I will. You sure you're okay here?" Nick responded. "Trust me. I'll be fine without you. And if anything major comes in, we'll call you in on your cell phone." "Thanks Trace." Nick pushed his chair back from the desk and headed toward the Captain's office to book off. ****************************** Arriving at the Coroner's Office, Nick found Natalie in much the same straits as he -- unable to concentrate on her work. Persuading her to book off early wasn't difficult, and the two of them left for Kale's hotel suite just after midnight. The closer they got to the hotel, the more agitated Nick seemed to be. Finally, Nat had had enough. "What's wrong with you? I thought you said this would be okay? We don't have to do this you know..." "Nothing's wrong. Well, it's just, look, trust me, Kale won't try to hurt you." Nick answered. But you might just murder him, he thought helplessly. ****************************** end Part 9 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 10/14 ****************************** As the elevator doors slid open on the penthouse level, Natalie caught sight of someone familiar just leaving the suite. "Kelli?" "Dr. Lambert! I'm so glad you could come!" the other woman cried. "It's Natalie. But what are you doing here?" Natalie responded, confused. Kelli looked at Nick. "You didn't tell her?" Nick had the grace to look abashed. "I didn't think it was my place to tell her." "Tell me what?" Natalie demanded, looking from Nick to Kelli. "What didn't he tell me Kelli?" Just then the door to the penthouse suite swung open. "Tell you that I was the one Nick came to talk to last night." Kale answered. "Eric? But Nick said that the vampire he spoke to last night was older that he is." "Older than Nick, eh?" A hint of a smile danced on Kale's lips. "A bit of an understatement, that." "Why don't we continue this discussion inside Nat?" Nick said, propelling Natalie into the suite. Kale smiled at Kelli and motioned that she should go, he had the situation under control. She blew a kiss at him, and entered the elevator, intent on giving the three of them some time alone to talk. ****************************** "Okay. Someone. Start at the beginning and tell me *exactly* what is going on?" Natalie demanded, having been seated on the sofa. The two vampires looked at each other. Nick's expression announced that he wasn't touching this one with a ten-foot stake. "Nat, you knew me in med school as Eric Lang, right?" Kale began. "Right. But you weren't a vampire then." Nat replied. "Um, well, actually, I was." "Sure. I *distinctly* recall you surviving on beer, pizza and Ramen noodles. And half the time you never *cooked* the noodles." Natalie retorted sarcastically. "Since when do vampires eat Ramen noodles?" "Since they're old enough to tolerate solid food." Kale replied seriously. "And before you mention the noon-hour Frisbee contests, let me reassure you that I'm old enough to tolerate sunlight too." Stunned, Natalie turned to Nick. He nodded in confirmation. "It was news to me too Nat. But then, I'd never met a vampire older than LaCroix before." He answered her unspoken question. Recovering slightly, the scientist took over, "So, hold old *are* you then Eric?" "Actually, my name among those who know me for what I am is Kale. And I do recall the Bronze Age." He grinned, "You've heard the expression 'Death rides a pale horse' haven't you?" "Nat, Kale is the Eldest vampire in existence. He is the closest thing the Community has to a leader." "Okay, so I'm sitting in a hotel room belonging to the oldest vampire in the world," Nat began, then stopped. Suddenly furious, she stood up from the sofa and advanced on said vampire, "Why didn't you tell me? You let me think that you were mortal, that you were my own age...I thought we were friends..." she trailed off, realizing belatedly that she was berating a creature who could literally kill her before she could take a single breath. "Nat, you know that we don't tell mortals what we are." Nick started. "No, Nick, she has a right to feel betrayed. After all, she told me her secrets," Kale winked suggestively at Natalie, who blushed furiously and found a *truly* remarkable piece of carpeting to study. "But seriously Nat, how would you have handled it if Eric Lang, who exhibited *none* of the typical vampire characteristics suddenly tried convincing you he was one of the bloodsucking undead." "Well, if you put it *that* way," Nat agreed reluctantly. "But I still reserve the right to be upset with you." "Of course," Kale agreed magnanimously. Her wrath extinguished, or at least reduced to embers for the moment, Natalie seized on an important piece of information. "If you can tolerate food, and sunlight, then your DNA must have evolved, changed somehow. I need to study it, to see if we can replicate these changes in Nick's DNA" she began, excitedly. "I *would* like to see your notes sometime, if you'll permit me...I did try to keep up with current medical discoveries after we graduated. But that's not really why I asked Nick to bring you." Kale said. "Did you tell her what we talked about?" he asked the younger vampire. "I told her that I've realized that mortality was the ideal, and that realistically, I have to accept that I am not the person I was 750 years ago." Nick answered soberly. "And have you made your peace with this realization? Have you accepted that you cannot blame the vampire for everything you have done? That you are not *separate* from the 'beast'? " Kale asked. "I have." "Wait a minute Nick. What's going on here?" Natalie cried, dismayed at this turn of events. Turning to Kale she demanded, "What are you trying to do to him? Are you trying to get him to give up on finding a cure? I won't let you do that to him!" "No, Nat, it's all right," Nick tried to reassure her. "Natalie, do you understand what Nicholas has been striving for all these years?" "He wants to be mortal again." "Yes, but what *is* mortality? Do you really, truly, believe that Nicholas would know how to function as a mortal after nearly 800 years as an immortal being?" "He could learn." Natalie replied stubbornly. "Would he survive long enough to learn? The first time he went after a criminal, would he remember to duck the bullet? Habits are ingrained. But, moreover, would Nicholas be happy as a mortal?" Belatedly, she recalled their discussion of the previous evening. "No..." she admitted. "Natalie, I have to accept that I have caused pain and suffering to many people over the centuries. But I cannot believe that by regaining mortality, those sins are washed away. My soul will remain stained until I repent and have been forgiven. I have lived 800 years, and the person that I am is a product of my experience, my actions, and my choices. I need to accept this as fact, and ensure that the choices I make in the future lead me to become the person I *want* to be." Nick walked over to Natalie, and clasped her hands between his. "Natalie, what I want more than anything, is to be free to be with you, in the sunlight, without the bloodlust that I have lived with for 800 years. I want to share my life with you, to be there when you gasp for joy at a beautiful sunrise, and to be there for you when you are hurt or disappointed. And I'll do whatever it takes to achieve this." Turning, he stood and, acting on a hunch, crossed the room to kneel at Kale's feet. Bowing his head, he pleaded, "Father, will you hear my confession?" Smiling ruefully, Kale commented, "Always the detective, eh Nicholas?" Gesturing that Nick should precede him out to the courtyard, Kale sent a reassuring look to Natalie, who was trying to grasp the concept of a vampire as a priest. Once outside, Kale sat on a stone bench and motioned for Nick to take a seat beside him. Instead, Nick knelt at the feet of the ancient vampire. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned." Calmly, Kale made the sign of the Cross and intoned, "May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy." Nick began. "Father, I have been a vampire since 1228. I have killed to slake my thirst." He sank into silence. "How long ago did you last kill, Nicholas?" Kale asked gently. Nick's head snapped up, "I haven't killed for blood since 1890." "Why did you stop killing, Nicholas?" "It was wrong. I couldn't allow the evil in me to reign any longer." "Why did you kill?" "To feed my hunger. The hunger for blood, the hunger to possess, to know someone so intimately. For a long time, I believed that vampires were somehow separate from humanity, that I no longer had a soul to jeopardize by my actions." "Why did you feel you no longer had a soul?" "Others told me so. That I had lost my soul when I chose to come across into this world of darkness. At first, it was easy to believe, because if I had no soul, God and morality had no power over me, and I had no responsibility for what I did." Silence. "And later?" "Later, I began to question. I had believed that my aversion to crosses and other religious artifacts was proof that I had no soul. But, if my soul was truly gone, why would I feel pain at the touch of a cross? Without a soul, God should have had no power over me." "So what did you do?" "I began to search for a way back across, a way back into the light. I refused to sate the vampire's lust for blood. I tried to repay mankind for my sins." "And have you done so?" "How can I ever repay society for what I have done? Nothing I do will bring back those that I have killed." "Nicholas." The blond vampire looked up, tears coursing down his cheeks. "Do you take responsibility for your actions?" "Yes." It was almost a sob. "And what of Janette? Lacroix?" "Janette. She seduced me, brought me to Lacroix, who offered me eternity. But I cannot blame them. *I* made the choice to return, to turn away from the light." "And do you hate them?" "No. How can I? As much as I hate to admit it," Nick gave Kale a crooked grin, "Lacroix and Janette are the only family I have had for the last eight centuries." "Nicholas. Do you believe that God can forgive you? Do you trust in God?" He bowed his head, "I don't know." Kale said nothing, knowing that Nicholas had to work it out for himself. "What I have done, is a mortal sin. I was taught that if I committed a mortal sin, I would be cut off from God." "Do you wish to be reunited with God, Nicholas?" "Yes." Nick looked up, torn between hope and despair, "But I'm frightened." "Fear of God? Or do you fear to let go of your guilt? Do you believe that, once absolved of you sins, you will no longer have them as your shield?" Nick looked down. "Nicholas, you are a complex man. The Crusader inside of you cries out for formal absolution from someone of authority. But the man who has lived for eight centuries, and who has lived with his guilt and pain for so long is not so sure that it will make any difference. That is your fear." Moving to place his hand comfortingly on Nicholas' head, Kale continued, "Nicholas, for all you have done, you are still human. You have proven this time and time again. How many times have you put yourself in danger in order to save another? How much have you given back to society - in any way you can, to make people's lives a bit better. You have been a teacher - drawing upon your experience to bring history to life and hopefully allow others to escape repeating the past. You have been a police officer, using your talents to protect the innocent and ensure that the guilty do not go free. How much easier would it have been to remain separate from the mortal world, as LaCroix would have you do? Instead you chose to take the harder path. Living amongst mortals. Constantly fighting to keep the hunger at bay. Maintaining relationships with people who you are doomed to watch wither and die." "Nicholas, you are already serving your penance. You have shown your desire to atone, and you have not sinned in this way for over a century. I tell you now, Nicholas de Brabant, you are worthy of seeking forgiveness." Nick raised his head, cautious hope apparent on his features. "Nicholas de Brabant, do you seek forgiveness?" "Yes Father I most humbly seek God's forgiveness." It was a quiet statement. "Are you determined to try to avoid sinning again?" "I am." "Then Nicholas, as penance, I charge you to continue as you have done. Seek always to use your abilities in the service of the greater good. Put the past behind you, and move into the future knowing that God is with you, and has always been with you." With a final blessing, Kale finished, "Go in peace my son." Tears coursing down his face, Nick stood, staggering slightly, and whispered, "Thank you Father." Needing to be alone, the blond vampire moved further into the dark shadows of the courtyard, needing to come to terms with his own heart. It's not finished yet, but it's a good start Kale mused, watching the figure moving into the garden. Standing, he went back into the suite, to reassure Natalie that Nick was okay. Seeing Kale, Natalie began asking questions, "Is Nick all right? How could you make the sign of the cross? Were you *really* a priest?" "To answer your questions, yes, Nicholas is fine, he just needs some time alone, no, the cross does not bother me, because I do not believe that I am a damned soul, and yes, I was *really* a priest, long, long ago." "That's all it takes? Belief?" Nat asked incredulously. "Ah, always the scientist, looking for the rational answer. The power of the mind is a force to be reckoned with. If you sincerely believe that you are damned, that your deity looks upon you with displeasure, you will find reasons not to be around symbols of that deity. Eventually, those reasons can become quite compelling." Kale explained. "Case in point being the fact that most vampires find religious symbols physically painful," he finished. "What are you going to do for him? He said that you could help him, help us." "I can help Nicholas." Kale answered, "But you must also make a choice Natalie." "What choice?" Natalie asked. "What would you do if you were offered immortality?" ****************************** end Part 10 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 11/14 ****************************** LaCroix had followed the link that existed between him and his son. He needed to warn Nicholas. Perhaps now that Nicholas had met Kale, he would be more willing to heed his sire and to realize that the Council was aware of *exactly* what he was trying to accomplish. Nicholas had no concept of the danger inherent in being the subject of the Council's displeasure. Landing in the courtyard of a penthouse suite in one of the most expensive hotels in Toronto, LaCroix suddenly realized where he must be. No! It must not be too late. Pushing into the link, he braced himself to feel pain and fear from his son. Instead he found something that he had not felt from Nicholas in centuries. Peace. Hope. Tranquility What was happening? It didn't matter, LaCroix knew he had to get Nicholas away from the Eldest immediately. Looking into the depths of the courtyard, he saw Nicholas curled up at the foot of a stone bench, an introspective expression on his face. "Nicholas" he hissed, "We must flee." Nick's eyes opened. What was LaCroix doing here? What was he saying? Leave? No! They couldn't leave now. Pulling himself up to a standing position, he faced his master. "I am not leaving." "Nicholas...do you have *any* idea of who Kale is?" LaCroix demanded. "Yes, he is the one who is going to help me regain what I truly want." Nick replied "He will *kill* you!" LaCroix responded, and made to grab his son's arm and physically drag him away. A new voice broke in, "And why do you assume that I will destroy your son?" Turning, LaCroix saw Kale at the patio doors, the infuriating Dr. Lambert right behind him. "The Council has decreed that all dangers to the Community will be destroyed. That is why they created the Enforcers." LaCroix began. "And do you truly think that Nicholas' search for a cure presents a *danger* to the Community?" Kale asked. Trapped. If he said yes, it would be signing a death warrant for his son. If he said no, then Nicholas would feel justified and would never consider giving up his fruitless search. Kale watched as LaCroix struggled with his dilemma. Finally, taking pity on him, he continued. "Besides, as the Eldest, I am not responsible to the Council for my actions." That, LaCroix could understand. "Nick, do you want him here for this?" Kale asked the younger vampire. "Not really." Nick looked defiantly at his sire, "I don't think he'd have anything productive to add to the discussion." "Leave" the Eldest of the Council instructed the Roman General. Reluctantly LaCroix decided not to pursue the matter. Wrapping his dignity around him like a shield, he left. ****************************** End Part 11 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 12/14 ****************************** "Natalie, I told you that the reason I tolerate solid food and sunlight was because of my age." Kale began, as he turned to face the woman Nicholas loved. "That wasn't precisely accurate. Actually, I have always been able to walk in the sunlight and to eat solid food. I have never been plagued by the bloodlust that characterizes the 'beast' Nicholas describes." "But, how?" Natalie asked. Nicholas looked envious. "I was one of the first of my kind." Kale explained. "Somewhere along the line, the gift became polluted, changed. We don't know why it happened, or even when, but the result was that vampires inherited an intolerance to sunlight, garlic, and the need for blood became all-powerful and consuming -- hence the bloodlust Nicholas and the others struggle with." Sprawled in the armchair, Kale continued, "Something happened, and every vampire created since, has been paying the price." Sighing heavily, he confided, "This is not public knowledge -- the Council has decreed that no one must find out, since I am the only one left." "It was covered up then?" Natalie asked. "With good reason. Can you imagine if it were discovered that 99% of the vampires in existence were, to put it gently, *diseased*?" "Oh, we tried to stop the spread of the disease, but the increased bloodlust meant that young vampires created offspring faster than those of us in full control. Eventually they outnumbered those of us who could walk in the sunlight," he stopped. "And of course, there are always those who *enjoy* the bloodlust, who accept it and revel in it, and do not miss what they have lost." "While there were still enough of us left, the eldest of us determined to leave the situation alone. The price to be paid meant that these new vampires had weaknesses, and needed to preserve their secret -- limiting to some extent, their effect on mortals." "So you just decided to let this go on? To allow this disease to rage unchecked and loose these creatures on the world?" Natalie couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Yes," Kale admitted. "Perhaps it wasn't right, but it was the decision we made at the time." "We did agree, however, that as long as one of our kind still lived, he or she would watch for those of the new breed who could not accept what they had become and to offer them a choice." Nick perked up, "What choice?" "We were to speak to them, discover whether they really knew what they wanted, and then, if we judged them ready and worthy," Kale broke off, looking directly at Nick, and moving to stand directly in front of Nicholas, he solemnly offered the younger vampire his hand. Reaching out, Nick took the proffered hand. Kale seemed to loom larger than life, eyes glowing, fangs extended. The power of the ancient vampire roiled around him, an almost visible entity. "Nicholas de Brabant, you have been deemed worthy of the offer. You must choose. I can offer you the existence of the vampire -- as it was meant to be. Immortality. The powers of the vampire. But you will be free of the bloodlust you have struggled with for so long. You will still need blood to sustain you, but much less, and you will not be controlled by your hunger. You will walk in the sunlight and eat mortal food." Tears streaming down his face, Nick looked at Natalie, who was wiping her own tears away from her eyes. "You may take time to decide." Then suddenly, the ancient, powerful, entity was gone. Kale, grinning mischievously, released Nick's hand and moved to the doorway. "Wait." Nick cried, unwilling to let go so swiftly, the dream he had cherished for centuries. "Before you go, can you tell me, *is* there a cure? Is it *possible* to regain mortality in truth?" Somberly, the Eldest vampire regarded Nick, "You do not *truly* seek mortality Nicholas. That is not the choice offered to you at this time." He stepped out of the suite, closing the door behind him. ****************************** end Part 12 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 13/14 ****************************** Entering the elevator, Kale wondered whether he had made the right choice in offering Nicholas what could be seen as power without a price. Sighing, he considered what he knew of Nick's long life, and nodded to himself. This one would be all right. He had a strength of will, and a morality that would stand him in good stead. He had suffered greatly, and deserved a chance at happiness. Oblivious to the regular dinging as the elevator made its way down to the lobby, Kale was surprised to find the door open and several of the hotel's guests staring at him, as if wondering whether he was going to emerge. Shaking himself free of the ghosts of the past, Kale grinned impishly at the suit and tie crowd, who were *quite* certain that this long-haired young man in blue jeans and a leather jacket could *not* be a guest of their hotel, and moved into the lobby. Ignoring their disapproving looks and haughty *sniffs*, he moved into the hotel's restaurant/bar. Kelli sat at a table, nursing her chocolate sundae and reading the local newspaper. There was still no word on the anonymous stranger who had rescued the children from the explosion the other night. The corpse had been claimed from the Coroner's office by an anonymous family member who declined to speak to the press. It looked as if the city of Toronto was not to know the identity of the mysterious saviour. In related news, an anonymous foundation had donated a large sum of money to the facility to pay for repairs and renovations in the wake of the explosion's destruction. As Kale watched Kelli, a tiny frown of concentration creasing her forehead as she stared intently at the newspaper, her spoon captured between her lips, he was again amazed at how lucky he was to have her love. Moving smoothly across the restaurant, he slid into the booth across from her. Startled, she looked up. Seeing her fiance, she smiled and said, "So tell me, Mr. Anonymous Saviour, what were you *doing* there anyway?" He looked down at the paper, where she pointed to the article in question. "Officially, I was there as a representative of an anonymous donor, to deliver a cheque to the facility, to help them out. It's a halfway house of sorts. Children who cannot, for one reason or another, stay with their parents, and who haven't been placed in a foster home yet, or who are in transition, stay there. It was one of the reasons I had to come to Toronto -- to inspect the facilities and see how much they needed." He looked at the paper, which had a picture of the scene. "It was just lucky that I was there at that time - I heard the boiler struggling, and figured out that it was going to go." He smiled sadly, "I've been around boilers you know -- and I've been there when they've blown." Reaching across the table, Kelli covered his hands with her own, realizing that at least once, he had *not* been able to prevent the deaths of those around him, and hurting with him. With a visible effort, Kale shook off the melancholy memory. "So, how's the food down here?" "Not bad. This sundae had *just* enough chocolate." Kelli responded. "Thank you for giving us the time alone," Kale said seriously. "You're welcome. Did you give him the choice?" she asked, curious to find out what Nick had decided. "I did. I haven't told Natalie yet though," he answered. He flagged a waiter and ordered himself a plate of french fries, which he intended to thoroughly drench in ketchup. He and Kelli would give the two people upstairs some time alone before they returned. ****************************** end Part 13 ****************************** ****************************** Dark Night of the Soul by LeeAnn Pultz June 1998 Part 14/14 ****************************** A stunned Nick looked at Natalie as the door shut behind the vampire who had just turned his world upside down. "What does he mean?" he whispered. "Nick, remember what you said yesterday? About how Kale told you that you had to discover what it was you *truly* desired -- well you have." "And now you have the chance to get it," she finished sadly. And you'll leave me behind one day. Seeming to read her thoughts, Nick pulled her into his embrace, "I don't want it if I can't be with you," he whispered. "No, Nick, don't you see? This is your chance. It's what you want, you have to take it." Natalie cried. They sat together, each wrapped in their own dreams and hopes for the future. Eventually, Nick pulled away, and looked into her eyes. "Nat, I think I need to go sit down somewhere and think about all of this. It's so sudden, and it's *not* what I had imagined all this time..." She smiled and touched his cheek with her hand, "I understand. You need to come to terms with all of this." "Go. I'll be waiting at here when you get back." With his eyes and his half-smile, he thanked her for understanding, then, lifting her hand to his lips for a brief caress, he stepped out onto the patio and left. ********************* As Natalie settled back into the warm comfort of the sofa, she recalled the words Kale had spoken, what seemed to be ages ago now. "What would you do if you were offered immortality?" She shook her head. He couldn't have been talking about her. He had been interrupted by LaCroix's arrival, and just hadn't gotten around to finishing what he had to say. Natalie heard the door opening, and looked over her shoulder to see Kelli and Kale come in the doorway. Kelli looked around, and not seeing Nick, frowned, "Natalie, where's Nick?" she asked. Standing, Natalie reassured the young woman, "He needed some time and space to think. He'll be all right." Turning to Kale, she asked him bluntly: "If Nick takes what you offer, can he and I be together...physically?" Despite trying for a professional, detached demeanour, she could feel herself blushing. 'Well, dammit, it's important!' she thought to herself. "Natalie..." Kale looked like he wanted to say something, then thought better of it, "Yes. Without the bloodlust, it is possible for a vampire to make love to a mortal." Looking at Kelli, he asked her, "Would you mind making some tea? I'm going to go shower and change, and then we can talk." "No problem, " Kelli answered, looking at Natalie, "Take your time. I think we girls need to chat for a bit." Indicating for Natalie to precede her into the kitchen area, Kelli gave her fiance a quick peck and shooed him into the bedroom. ************************** The two women stared intently at the kettle on the stove. Realizing that their situation *was* rather silly, Natalie looked at Kelli and chuckled, "I guess it's true then?" Giggling, Kelli agreed, "It's never going to boil, is it?" Serious now, Natalie met the other woman's eyes, "Can I ask you something?" "You want to know about Kale and I," she answered. "Well, he *is* the oldest vampire on the planet..." Natalie said, realizing as she did that her situation was different only in terms of degree. "Yeah, and I'm only 25, I know, the age gap is rather excessive, isn't it?" the other girl smiled ruefully. "Natalie, I don't know what to tell you. He completes me, it's like he's the other half of my soul, and I don't know what I would do if I lost him." She grinned, "I guess in that sense, our guys are a bit more durable than the normal version, eh?" Natalie thought about it, and grinned back. "Yeah, I don't normally have to worry about Nick being shot in the line of duty." "But, well, what are you going to do when he needs to move on? Or when you find yourself aging and he stays the same?" Natalie asked. "I will move with him. We're lucky, he feels he can spend another decade in this life, since he just began it a couple of years ago." Kelli answered. "And as for growing older, we've discussed it, and he will bring me across when and if I'm ready. He wants me to have the chance to bear a child if I want one." "A child?" Natalie was stunned. The thought of having Nick's children.... "Well, Kale thinks we can do it, if we're careful." Kelli answered. "It would have to be by artificial insemination, and he'd have to play with the gametes he says, but it would be *his* child. And we'd have to begin a new life as soon as we had the child, so that we could offer him or her the stability a child deserves, but we're talking about it." "But I would have to still be mortal for it to work." Kelli finished. "The vampire's body can't bring a child to term. And since I'm not yet ready to have a child, we're waiting." The kettle began to whistle, startling them both. Kelli recovered quickly, and turned off the stove, pouring the water into the teapot and carrying the tray out into the sitting room. Natalie followed her, still lost in her own thoughts. ******************* Once the tea had steeped, Kelli poured three cups. When Kale emerged from the bedroom, hair still damp, he picked up a cup. Sipping the tea, he asked Natalie, "So, did you girls chat?" Natalie nodded absently. "Do you have any more questions?" She smiled ruefully, "Not right now, but I'm sure that the minute I go home, I'll think of twenty." Placing the teacup back on the tray, Kale reached out his hand to Natalie. Confused, she looked to Kelli, who nodded and smiled encouragingly at her. Accepting his hand, Natalie rose to her feet and moved toward him. "Natalie Lambert, know this," Kale's voice seemed to vibrate right through her, "you have been deemed worthy and judged ready for the gift." "You have an old soul, Natalie Lambert, and a warm heart. That, plus your passion for learning, for understanding, makes you special." Beginning to understand, Natalie shook her head, she wasn't ready for this. Natalie felt as if she was drowning in his eyes, being pulled down, deeper and deeper into a place where she was welcomed and loved. "You do not need to decide immediately Natalie, but know that whenever, wherever, should you decide that you wish to join us, you are welcome." Stepping closer, Kale closed his glowing eyes, and kissed her forehead in benediction. The warmth and peace emanating from him was calming and serene. Releasing her hands, Kale looked down at her, no longer infused with the ancient power he seemed to be able to call at will. She smiled shakily at him, and, making some excuse, moved out into the courtyard where she could be alone with her thoughts. ******************* She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, when she felt a stirring of the air behind her. Turning, she saw Nick. "Nick!" she cried, moving toward him. He met her halfway, and crushed her into his embrace. The stood like that, together, each breathing in the scent of the other, feeling safe, secure and loved. Eventually, Nick released her and looked into her eyes. "Natalie. Forgive me. I feel as if I am betraying you, but I'm going to take Kale up on his offer," he whispered. Looking away, because he couldn't bear to see the pain and anger he was sure would be in her eyes, he continued, "I *need* to do this Nat, to resolve this suffering. I can't *not* take this chance -- there may not even *be* a cure, and..." "Nick." He forced himself to meet her eyes. And nearly drowned in the peace and love he found there. "Nick. It's all right. You need to make this decision for yourself. You have to do what will make *you* happy for once." She smiled, "I love you. And I want you to be happy. You *deserve* to be happy." Reaching up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to meet her lips for a kiss. And besides, she thought, you never know what might happen next! ****************************** end Part 14 ****************************** I just wanted to say that, before I wrote this, I admired people who could write stories. Now that I've tried it - I *really* *really* admire and respect people who do this! It's hard work! To all our authors out there - keep writing stories! And again, thanks for all your comments! It means so much to know that these aren't just going out into the great black void! So? What do *you* think? Let me know at: LeeAnn "Why don't you try a more conventional lifestyle, like living in an apartment? Real people live in apartments and houses, not warehouses." -