Usual standard disclaimers...etc apply.
 
     This story was inspired by a truly awful bowl of Hot and
Sour soup, and someone's comments to my last story - Chain
Letter - suggesting Schanke as a veg etarian.
 
    Note:  I'm not up to writing about homicide cases, yet.  The
main focus )s on the main charachters.
 
     Death By Tofu
     by Lara Sandala
 

     "Come on, Nick.  Open wide.  This won't hurt a bit."  Natalie
Lambert held a spoon filled with lumpy white things resolutely in
front of Nick's mouth.  His lips were firmly pressed together.
No way was he going to eat <that>!  Natalie tried again.  "Here
comes the little airplane."  She flew the spoon around in the
air making vroom-vroom noises.  Nick's eyes followed it warily,
suspecting some hidden trick up her sleeve.  Natalie's patience
was wearing thin.  She decided to hit below the belt.
     "Nick, remember those blue BVD'S of yours?  The ones with
the pink daisies on them?"  At his nod, she continued, "I
snuck them out of your underwear drawer last night when you were
at work."  His eyes narrowed.  She manouevered the spoon into
position and dealt the death blow.
     "Now they're tacked up on the bulletin board at the
precinct."  His eyes bugged out and as he opened his mouth to
splutter, she neatly popped the pay-load in.
     "Grulmpf!"  Poor sucker didn't stand a chance.
     "Nick!  Don't you <DARE> spit that out!!" With Natalie
glaring at him, he reluctantly began chewing.
     "Stop looking like an abused cocker-spaniel, Nick.  It's
only tofu, not strychnine!"  He began to swallow the
tasteless glop, shuddering.  It was truly awful.
     "There, now.  That wasn't too bad, was it?"  Natalie
asked sweetly.
     It's horrible!"  Too late he realized his mistake as
Nat1lie quickly spooned another helping of tofu into his
open mouth.
     "Gotcha!" she crowed.
     Nick glared at her and reached for pen and paper.  He
wasn't going to give her another opening if he could
possibly help it!
     *You're enjoying this, aren't you?* he wrote.
     Natalie's ear to ear grin was his only answer.
     *You're sadistic!*  Natalie pouted.
     "After all I've tried to do for you, this is the thanks
I get!"  He had the grace to look abashed.
     *Sorry Nat.  Thanks.*
     "That's better.  I've got to get to work, Nick.  I'll
see you later.  Try to finish the tofu, huh?" Now that she
was out of range it was safe for Nick to speak.
    "Bye, Nat."
     She shook her head exasperatedly and walked out.
Nick eyed the bowl of tofu chunks on the table in front of
him.  Hmm...maybe if he doused it with ketchup...
 
Later that night, at the precinct.
 
     Nick walked into the lunchroom, inwardly wincing as he
checked out the buleting board, and heaved a mental sigh of
relief.  She had been joking about the BVD's after all.  After
Natalie had left, he had gone thru his underwear drawer, and the
blue skivvies with the pink daisies <were> missing.  He had
feared the worst, but it looked like she was holding onto them
for a rainy day.
     Spotting Schanke sitting at one of the tables, he walked
over and sat down opposite his partner.  Schanke didn't even
notice him, he was staring intently at a brown paper lunch sack,
as though he hoped it was a figment of his imagination that
would dissolve into mist and fade away if he stared at it long
enough.
     "Schanke?"  Nick asked tentatively.  "What's wrong?"
     Schanke didn't look up from the 'lunchbag of doom'.
     "Myra says we're going Macrobiotic.  Nuts and weeds and
that kind of stuff."
     Nick grinned.  Something new to tease his portly partner
about.
     "Oh, Nick!  There you are!"  Natalie walked up to their
table.  She held a small brown paper lunch sack.  It looked
suspiciously like Schanke's.
     "I brought your lunch."  Nick's grin was immediately
wiped off his face as she place the bag in front of him.
     "Bon appetite, fellas!" she tossed over her shoulder
as she walked jauntily out of the room.
     Nick and Schanke's eyes met sympathetically.  In unison
they looked at their respective lunches and shuddered.
     "Time to bite the bullet!" Schanke said as he began to
unwrap his lunch.  Nick did the same.  They both had
identical tupperware bowls.  They began to pry the lids off
and confronted their worst nightmare.  Tofu.
     "There must have been a sale", Nick joked weakly.
Schanke groaned.
     "Actually, it's not so bad if you douse it with
ketchup." Nick offered.
     Schanke got up and collected two ketchup bottles from
neighboring tables.
    "One for you!" he plonked one down in front of Nick.
"And one for me."  They began hurriedly pouring on ketchup.
     "You go first."
     "No, <you> go first!"
     "<I'm> not going first!"
     "Why don't we flip a coin?"
     Nick dug a quarter out of his pocket and tossed it in
the air.  "Your call."
     "Heads," said Schanke.
    It landed tails up on the table.  Picking it up and
suspiciously looking at it on both sides to see if it was a
two-tailed coin, he conceded defeat.
     Lifting the spoon filled with ketchup covered glop, he
began to open his mouth.  Just then, Captain Cohen walked in.
     "Schanke, Knight, in my office, now!"
     "Yes!" Schanke hissed gleefully.  Looking ceilingward,
he said "Thank-you!"
     As he and Nick walked to the captain's office he said,
"Ya know, Knight, I think this is the first time I've ever
actually been <happy> to be called into Cohen's office!"
     "Tofu'll do that to you", Nick agreed.
 
End of part two