The Drive (1/1) 11/12/99 From: Laurie A Rock Whoever said "Life Imitates Art" in my opinion, got it wrong. For me it's the reverse. I don't own them, they belong to TPTB. I just got inside one character's head and saw things through her eyes. Or maybe she saw them through mine. Permission to post granted to those listed above, and to Mel at the FK Fanfic site. All others please ask. The Drive Laurie Rock Nov. 12, 1999 She left behind her acquaintances and entered her vehicle. The engine started with a roar. Why? Why is she doing this to herself. You know where he is. The insistent beep from her dash drew her attention. Feed me! The gas indicator was announcing its level. I Need To Feed! She pulled into the service centre. The attendant enclosed in glass. Offering no services with the exception of relieving her of her hard earned money She pulled the pump from its retainer, flipped the lever, and delivered the meal to the ever-consuming vehicle before her. An endless cycle. In exchange for a service, a price was to be paid. How true. The clerk took the offering with dull lifeless eyes. Returning to the car, she mulled her possibilities. I can go home, take a bath, relax. But that wouldn't settle the thoughts traveling within her brain. I could go and have a drink. That would settle my nerves. Yes, It might. But you would end up thinking about him. Then where would you be? It's not like that! So you say. You can't deny how you feel. I'm not denying anything. I'm not admitting anything either. Lair! Leave me alone! She kept the key turned a little longer then necessary. The shocking screech of the starter's continuous grind broke her from the momentary stasis. The shift moved easily into gear. Keep that up and the price you end up paying could break you. Oh shut up! The movement of the vehicle created a soothing balm. Relaxing the muscles that were made taut and painful from the rigors of work. The bath may be a place to think, but a ride definitely had its advantages. The conscious part of her brain took the backseat as she made her way through town. The stop signs and traffic lights were of no major concern. The path she followed had no discernable destination. The hand moved, the arm responded the vehicle did as commanded. Why? She asked herself. Why did she continue to let herself be treated in this manner? There was so much that she could do otherwise. Her life was an open book that had yet to be completed. The possibilities were endless. The future has yet to be written. She had thought about leaving. Instead she took a short vacation. When she left, with no destination in mind, the only thought she had was to see what else there was available. Frightening. In the first twenty-four hours, the thought kept coming back. What am I doing! Over and over. She lost count after twenty times. Why am I doing this? I should just turn back. Go home and curl up with a good book. I shouldn't be here. She didn't. She called into work and made up a lame excuse to delay her return. After several days, the self-doubt ended. In it's place, a peaceful acceptance. She drove on. The light before her was red. Stop! Stop this right now! I can't. Suit yourself. The light changed color. It was time to go. Thought eluded her. Her hand moved, the arm swung. The vehicle responded. She pulled up to the overhead door and stopped. A glance through the windshield confirmed her deepest wish. He's there. What are you doing?! What I should have done a long time ago. Are you prepared to accept the consequences? Yes! Are you sure? I found out what he is. I accepted his being and offered to help. I fell in love with him. She entered the security code. You love him, but does he love you? Yes. Why are you so sure? He never said so. Because I have faith. Faith. That's for the uncertain. Those who doubt themselves. No! Can you truly believe that this will work out for the best? Yes. Why? Because I love him. And faith is more tangible than anything else in the world is. I have faith in him. The door opened and she left the self-doubts behind in the lift. "Nick? There's some thing I have to tell you." The End? Comments?,Critiques? At this point, I'll take anything. Laurie Rock LaurieRock@Juno.com " I trust you" __________________________________________________________ The Reaction (1/1) 11/15/99 From: Laurie A Rock Now I've done it. This is a continuation of The Drive and The Announcement. I really didn't think it would get this far, but as long as the words keep coming, I'll keep writing. Reading the first two stories explains a lot, if you don't...sorry. I don't own them, they belong to TPTB. Permission to post granted to those listed above, and to Mel at the FK Fanfic site. All others please ask. The Reaction Laurie Rock Nov. 15,1999 She opened her eyes, he hadn't said a word, hadn't moved an inch. He just stared at her. His jaw clenched, his brows drawn together, his eyes staring into her soul. She couldn't look anymore. Her head dipped. What have I done? You can't take it back. I know. She listened to the friction of the leather. Heard the tread of his shoes as he walked past her. The creak of the stairs leading to the second floor. He doesn't love you. You're just a friend. Get on with your life. She got up and left the loft. Taking the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. It took too long. By the time she got in her car and started the engine, the tears she cried inside her heart broke through. Slowly, one after another. Her hand moved, the arm swung, the vehicle responded. The sun started to rise. She took no notice. She drove. She was numb. You have only yourself to blame. I know. You had Faith. Yes It didn't help. I know. The tears continued to roll down her cheeks. What am I going to do now? Start over. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You knew it was a possibility. I really didn't think it would happen. But it did. And now you have to move on. Move on. Yes. Her hand moved, the arm swung, the vehicle responded. The sun rose higher, traffic increased. She took no notice. She drove. She was numb. The streets fell behind her. The city fell behind her. Small towns fell behind her. Her tears stopped. She took no notice. The fuel gauge cried for attention. I just filled you! I Need To Feed! My God, where am I? You're on the 401. No kidding. The approaching sign displayed the answer to her location. Sort of. Marysville 33 2 Km She yawned. You've been driving for hours. Get some gas, and then get some sleep. She yawned again. Yeah, I'm exhausted. She drove up the exit, pulled into the conveniently located gas station and had the eager teen fill the tank. When she finished paying, she asked, "Is there a motel nearby?" "Down the road a ways." "Thanks." She headed in the direction he pointed. As soon as she checked in and entered her room, she removed her clothes, folded them neatly, and crawled into bed. There were no thoughts, no dreams, just sleep. The first thing she noticed was the feel of the sheets. Did I forget the fabric softener? She opened her eyes, darkness greeted her. Where am I? A sliver of light invaded her realm, beckoning her towards he source. A window, heavy drapes. The light vanished then quickly reappeared. Expanding like bellows, brighter, darker, brighter, and darker. She rubbed her eyes; they were sensitive to the touch, the skin extremely pliable. Why? She remembered. Crying does that you know. Don't remind me. Too late. She threw off the covers and dangled her legs over the edge of the bed. Memories flooded her. The decision, the speech to Nick, his reaction and her response. The hours of driving. You mean the escape. Yeah, I guess you could call it that. Without a doubt. You're here, God only knows where or even how far away you really are. Light years. Well it's time to go home. You can't hide away forever. She turned the bedside lamp on. A soft light put an end to the mystery of her location. On the nightstand was the motel's welcoming brochure "The New Day Is Dawning" Cute Hey it fits. I guess it does. Come on, you can't stay here forever, get going! OK, OK, I'm going. Once she showered, she felt better. Before leaving the bathroom, she checked her face in the mirror. Not too bad. A little make-up and no one will know the difference. She looked again. Except me. She flipped on the TV as she dressed. The news was on. Pulling on her shoes, she looked at the screen. The day and time was plastered on the bottom section of the screen. Stock prices cruised beneath the numbers. November 15, 9:01 AM. Damn! I've been asleep for TWO days. I got to work tonight! Call in. I can't, I have to get on with my life. Are you ready? I guess… Well, leave that option open. She stopped at the Main office, settled her bill and grabbed a coffee and Danish to go from small restaurant across the street. She drove to the 401 and headed west. How am I going to get through this? The first steps are always the hardest. That's an understatement. You'll be fine. I hope so… Not The End Response, either way, is most welcome and desired. Laurie Rock LaurieRock@Juno.com " I trust you" ______________________________________________________ The Decision(1/1) 11/20/99 From: Laurie A Rock This is a continuation of The Drive, The Announcement, and The Reaction. Sorry for the delay but Retail is a nightmare this time of year. Thank you all for the suggestions. This is the result. Author's note; I never truely believed Nick got all his memories back. I don't own them, they belong to TPTB. Permission to post granted to those listed above, and to Mel at the FK Fanfic site. All others please ask. The Decision Nov. 20, 1999 He closed the door behind him and tossed his keys on his kitchen table. Well that's it for a while. Hey, you finally have some time off. Time off? If I want time off, I'll take it. Who needs a vacation? You do! No I don't. Yes! You do. If you don't take this time, they'll become suspicious. Who ever heard of a cop refusing time off. Besides you've worked almost three years straight with only three "sick" days off. And even then you weren't 'sick.' And when I was shot? One day! You were checking out the warehouse the next night. Leaving Natalie asleep on the couch. Natalie You had the perfect opportunity to push your relationship. What do you mean, relationship, I took advantage of her. I didn't even know her. She let you kiss her. Repeatedly. I pushed it. I tried to seduce her and… She enjoyed it, and wanted more. No, she was just trying to help me, that's what friends do. But she could be more than a friend could. Tell her how you feel. I can't. Yes, you can. I don't want to hurt her. You love her! Yes. Then tell her! I can't, I can't have that kind of relationship. You could if you tried. No! It's too dangerous. For who? For her. If I forgot myself for one moment, lost control, I could kill her in an instant. You wouldn't. I might. So what then? You're trying to become mortal again. Yet you stand on the sidelines, letting your fear dictate your life. It's not like that at all. That's exactly how it is. You have to take the next step if you're ever going to cross back. You have to have Faith. But what if I'm doing this for naught? She's never given any indication that she feels anything for me other than friendship. How can you be so sure? Have you ever asked her? How will she ever know unless you tell her how you feel? OK, what if I do? What if I tell her how I feel and she's not interested? Or worse yet, she tells me that I'm just experiencing an infatuation with my doctor? If that happens she may end up distancing herself. Or tell me she can no longer help me. She wouldn't do that. She might. I couldn't bear that. Now you're using that as an excuse. If she rejected me, left me… There would be no reason for going on. That's all the more reason for telling her! I can't take that risk. Oh, and you would do better if she continued to remain "friends", but went on, married someone else, and had the family that should be yours? No… Then stop hiding. It's time you made something of your existence. Build a future filled with promise. This is the opportunity you need to leave a legacy of hope. Tell Natalie how you truly feel and go on from there. She loves you too. All it takes is Faith. You have more of that then you give yourself credit for. Nick rubbed his face with both hands, walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. Without a second thought, he pulled the pitcher containing his protein supplement out and went to the cupboard. He filled a tall glass and drank the mixture. He could do this, he would tell her. She wouldn't leave him. He had Faith. I'll tell her. Tonight. Why wait? Why indeed? Nick picked up the handset, a quick glance at his watch verified the time, and she'll have been home for some time by now. He dialed her number. The answering machine picked up. Before he could leave a message, the lift engaged. It was her. Not the End Response, either way, is most welcome and desired. Laurie Rock LaurieRock@Juno.com " I trust you" __________________________________________________________ The Shock(1/1) 11/21/99 From: Laurie A Rock In weaving this tale, I had to incorporate it in the only way I could figure out at the time. This apparently has confuse some, with good reason. Others, I don't know. Maybe a FK marathon can do the trick. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. It's well past my bedtime and here I am STILL writing. This is the fifth installment of what started as a whimsical piece that got out of hand. It follows The Decision. I'll say it now. There's more to come. Patience. I don't own them, they belong to TPTB. Permission to post granted to those listed above, and to Mel at the FK Fanfic site. All others please ask. The Shock Laurie Rock Nov. 21, 1999 She's here. You see, all things will come together. Yes, and now is the time. He took a moment to look at her and started to smile. The action was halted by her words. "Nick? There's some thing I have to tell you." His eyebrows went up in question. "Nat?" He watched her slow approach. "There's some things I have to tell you. It's very important to me and it's going to be a bit difficult to get out so before I begin I don't want you to speak. Just hear me out first OK?" "Sure Nat, but what's this all about?" His stomach started to tighten. "I'll explain everything…just let me finish first." His eyes followed her as she made a wide circuit and passed him to sit on the chair to the side of the couch. Something's very wrong. You don't know that. Let her speak. For a second he made to sit close to her but thought against it. She had purposefully kept her distance. All right I'll give her room. He sat in the corner of the couch. Sinking comfortably into the soft leather. She was a mere eight feet away, but it seemed like a mile. It's bad news. Not necessarily. You can see it written on her face. She's giving up on me. Nick watched as she collected her thoughts; the actions she displayed worried him. Her head was bowed, her hands held tightly together. A long sigh. "I've been thinking a lot lately and I need to know where we stand. Don't answer yet. Let me finish. I… How do I put this…" Her voice trailed off Uh oh! I knew it! "We've known each other for what…six years. And in that time we've come to know each other pretty well, under the circumstances. In that time, many changes have occurred in both your life and mine. I mean…Hell you awoke on my table… I thought you were dead…I…" He took his hands from his lap. Placed one on the arm and the other on the back of the couch. "No you weren't." She looked up. He met her gaze but she returned her attention to the floor. "You tried to hypnotize me. Make me forget." Is she laughing? Wait. "From that time till now, I've always been there for you. I've covered for you and the community. I've tried to help you whenever I could. I'm not sure why." Here it comes. She's leaving. Wait! I can't listen to this. "At least I wasn't sure at the time. I mean…" She shook her head several times but refused to look at him. "I did that to help you. I did that because I…" Oh Nat, I'm so sorry. "I…" She hesitated. "I…I love you, and I didn't want you hurt. I didn't want you to leave…" She loves you. She loves me! "I didn't want…" He started to get up. To tell her how he felt. That she wasn't alone in her feelings Natalie, I love you too. I told you she loves you, you just needed Faith. "No! Please let me finish." He sat back down. Those three beautiful words, 'I love you' filled him with such warmth that he thought he had died and gone to heaven. No, It's better than that. Your 'Heaven' is sitting right before you. Yes. "I tried to stop myself. Tried to just remain friends." Oh, if I had known. Well I'm going to show you how I feel about you. Again he started to rise but was stopped by her raised palm. His right hand gripped the couch's arm, causing a groan of protest. He ran his left hand through his hair. "But somewhere along the way, it happened. I found myself thinking about you more often then I should've." And I you. "Every time I saw you with another woman, I'd feel jealous. I know I had no right to. We were JUST friends." He watched her shake her head. A sob escaped her. His heart ached at her admission. I didn't know. His expression became grim. How could I have missed that? Oh Natalie, I never meant… That's because you were afraid. While you were trying to protect her, you were actually hurting her. I didn't know. "Yes, I want more." He missed what she said. Too busy chastising himself. "I NEED more. I need to know if what I feel for you is strictly one-sided. If I'm only to be considered a friend and nothing more." You are so much more, my love, my life, my soul. "I can't go on like this…I just can't. I'm at a crossroads here and I have to know which path I'm going to take." I don't care what path you take as long as you let me walk it with you. I've been a fool. At his acknowledgement of his own stupidity, Nick got up, walked upstairs and went to the closet. He removed several boxes before he found the one he wanted. The lid had dust marks from the former occupants on the surface. He hadn't opened this in a long time. Inside, various articles were lifted up or pushed aside in his quest. There you are! He lifted a small leather pouch, gently untied the strap holding it closed, and emptied the single item inside into the palm of his hand. He enclosed it securely within his fingers. The feel of it and the meaning behind it brought forth a peace inside his soul. His eyes closed. Its quiet. Too quiet! A car door slammed shut. Nick left his bedroom. An engine started. "Natalie?" She's gone! Why?! Go after her! He raced down the stairs. The stairway door didn't want to open. I was ripped from its hinges. Wait! The car pulled away. Please! Don't leave! The outside door followed its inner companion. Don't leave me! The sun stopped him. The taillights turned the corner. "NATALIE!" Not the End By now I guess I really deserve the stakes and flames, but hey, you made me do it. Laurie Rock LaurieRock@Juno.com " I trust you" _________________________________________________________ The Wait(1/1) 11/22/99 From: Laurie A Rock Here's the next one. It follows The Shock. I don't own them, they belong to TPTB. Permission to post granted to those listed above, and to Mel at the FK Fanfic site. All others please ask. The Wait Laurie Rock Nov. 22, 1999 "Come back!…Please!" You blew it. Why did she leave? Why do you think? She said she loves me. She does. Then why? Think about it. She came here, professed her love for you, wanted your response and what did you do? What do you mean? You walked away from her when she needed you most. I went to get the ring. She didn't know that. To her it appeared that you turned your back on her. She took it the only way she could. She believes I don't care. Now you're catching on. She thinks I don't love her. That maybe I was just using her for my own selfish gains. Exactly! Oh God! What have I done? It's not what you've done, you know that already. It's what you're going to do. I've got to tell her. Before it's too late! Yes. But how. I can't go after her. The sun is up. Try the phone. Oh, yeah. His fingers flew over the keypad, but like his earlier attempt, the response he received was automated. "Hi, you've reached Natalie Lambert…" If only it was true. "I'm not available to take your call, so please, leave a message. If this is an emergency, you can reach me through my service at 555-1234. Bye" Her voice was so cheerful. "Uh, Nat…It's me. You left before I could…Please, call me as soon as you get home." Coward. You should have told her. I'm not going to say that over the phone. She deserves better. Yeah, better than this morning. Enough already. He reset the phone and dialed again. "This is Detective Knight with Metro Homicide. Yes she does…yes… have her call me as soon as possible. No, that will be fine." All I can do now is wait. Try the morgue. She just got off work; she wouldn't be there. If she is…? He called her workplace. Well, she isn't there. And to top it all off, she's got the next two days off. Hey, that will give you both time to work things out. Only if she calls me back. If she doesn't, then go see her when the sun sets. Nick walked around the room and turned off all the lights except for the one above his stove. The cold fluorescence casting shadows in various shades of gray. He sat in the armchair that earlier held his life. He stared at the phone, willing it to ring. Call me Nat; don't leave me like this. For the sixth time that day, the voice on the machine mocked him. "Natalie I'm worried, if you never want to see me again, I understand, but please, let me know you're alright." He replaced the phone and hung his head. She won't even answer the phone. Then take the initiative. The sun's going down. Go to her. She won't see me. Then SEE her. You never let something as trivial as a door stop you. I won't force her. Who's talking about force? She loves you and you her. Just explain it to her. It'll work out. You'll see. I don't know. Have Faith. The shutters opened as the sensors measured the available light. Go! He did. Nick drove the Caddy. The last vestiges of daylight still made an occasional appearance. Flying would have been too dangerous. The trip was automatic, his thoughts centered on Natalie. His hand moved, the arm swung, the vehicle responded. The windows of her apartment were dark. That's not a good sign. She could be asleep. I don't know. Well, find out. He pulled into the parking lot in the back of the building. She's not here; the car's gone. She probably went to the store. Go in and wait for her. I should leave. You can't run away. You've done that too many times. You have to see this through. For her sake and yours. For her sake. When he arrived at her door, he took a moment to collect his thoughts. He knocked. He listened. No answer. Again he knocked. A sound. A soft meow, and the padding of Sydney's feet. He removed his keys and opened the door. The blinds were open allowing some light to enter. Before he could even turn on the lights, Sydney was pressing his head against his legs. "Yeah, you can see in the dark too, can't you boy?" Nonetheless, he flipped the switch. Sydney trotted to the entrance of the kitchen. "Meow?" His eye closed then opened. Clearly an invitation. "What's wrong boy?" As Nick approached, Sydney proceeded into the room. He pulled the cord for the overhead light. Sydney was by his empty food dish, a pleading look in his eyes. The large water bowl still had plenty in it. She hasn't been home. Now I'm really worried. Don't panic. Calm down. There's a reasonable explanation. Like what. I don't know. She wouldn't leave her cat like this. He's got plenty of water, and from the size of him, he could skip a meal or two. Where could she be? As Nick pondered that question, he filled Sydney's dish with dry food, gave him fresh water, and as an afterthought, searched through the cupboard and retrieved a can of tuna. When the unexpected bounty was placed before him, Sydney immediately dug in. Little squeaks escaped him as he happily consumed the fish. One problem solved. As for the other… I should call the precinct. Report her missing. You can't, she hasn't been gone long enough. Besides, what are you going to tell them? 'I didn't tell her I love her and she took off on me?' I can check the hospitals. You're overreacting again. She's fine. She probably just had to get away, take some time to think. She'll be back. She wouldn't leave her cat. Nick let out a small chuckle. Yeah…so what do I do now? Get something to eat. It wouldn't do for you to snack on her when she does come home. I guess that wouldn't be a bad idea. He suddenly realized he hadn't had any blood since last night when he went to work. Just the protein drink. Thinking about that brought a smile to his lips. I've been so worried, I hadn't really noticed. If it's working, keep it up. But make sure you have some bottles handy just in case. He did just that. Flying home in the now black sky, he gathered his needed supplies and returned to her apartment. He drank the shake and refilled the glass with blood as a precaution. Sipping the liquid as he walked through the rooms. His mind wandered back to the times they had been together as he viewed the evidence of their history. Every once in a while he came across an item that would make him smile. Other times his heart would tighten. I didn't realize what I did. You never knew how she felt. I'm a detective; I should have recognized the clues. It wasn't that obvious. Besides you know now. Things are going to be different. I hope so… Nick took a book off the shelf and sat in the living room. As he started to read, Sydney jumped onto his lap, settled down and awaited his mistresses' return with the man who so thoughtfully fed him. The sun rose. The blinds were closed. He covered the windows with a blanket. The rooms were comfortably darkened. He didn't sleep. She didn't come home. The sun set. Sydney was fed. He consumed one bottle of blood and the rest of the protein mix. He didn't sleep. She didn't come home. Dawn approached. He drank another bottle. He didn't sleep. She didn't come home. He called the hospitals. She wasn't there. A minor relief. He called the morgue. No one had seen her. She was due in tonight. He called the precinct. She hadn't been there. Aren't you on vacation? If she doesn't show by tonight, report her missing. If something's happened to her, I'll… Have Faith. Right now that's all I have. He continued to pace the floor. Back and forth through the living room and kitchen. Exhaustion was taking its toll. He finally entered her bedroom. There was no sun coming through the windows. Since she also slept days, the room was shielded with a thick roll-down shade and heavy drapes. Nick sat on her bed and hugged her pillow to his chest. Her scent still clung to the fibers. He inhaled deeply. Her image flooded his mind. "Please come back to me Nat…Please." He buried his face in her pillow and curled up on the bed. Please… Silence answered him. Sleep claimed him. A solitary liquid crystal dropped to the bedding below. The End Laurie Rock LaurieRock@Juno.com " I trust you" Got you going didn't I? ________________________________________________________ This is it. Thanks again, Mel, Laurie Rock LaurieRock@Juno.com " I trust you"