Just couldn t get this thought out of my mind   Permission to archive
at Mel s site.

*****************************************************
The End of Amateur Night (01/01)

LaCroix stood in the back of the auditorium, conspicuously somber in
his dark clothing.  Around him, wild colors and clothing adorned the
teeming masses sitting in the seats.  They had all come to hear the
group that was currently onstage.  A family group, he had gathered
from the marquee outside.  From what he could see, it was inane,
imbecilic  there were not enough adjectives to describe his feelings
about the people on stage.  Suffice it to say, they were *not* his cup
of blood.

He had followed an attractive young woman into the theater, intent on
having a small snack before he continued his nightly activities.  He
would not kill her  merely take a few sips and erase her memory.  What
he found instead had further strengthened his belief in the total
decline of humanity.

The group onstage continued singing their songs.  Their outfits were
tacky, their dance moves childish and out of sync.  "Really," he
thought to himself, "why in the world are they so popular?  They're
nothing but amateurs."

The young girls in the audience screamed whenever a particular member
of the group stepped forward into a solo.  A young man with curly dark
hair and blue eyes  yes, he could understand why the young females
were attracted to him.  Still, there was very little *real* talent
onstage from what he could see.

The campy songs, bad singing, and horrible dancing grated on his
nerves the longer he stood there.  Finally, he abandoned his original
victim, and exited the theater, moving around to back where the
group s station wagon was parked.  He took up residence and waited.
No matter how much he might disdain mortals and their lives, he
figured that he would also be doing every member of the Community a
favor if he acted now and removed this annoyance from the earth.

***********
two hour later

LaCroix  sat huddled in his bedroom, curled up in a ball, trying to
erase the thoughts that coursed through his mind.  "They ve poisoned
me!" he thought   He was incapacitated in the aftermath of his
encounter with the family group.  He had not stopped to savor their
blood, but had carved a bloody  through their father and mother, all
the way back to the youngest child, a girl with curly blonde hair.

Their lives flashed through his memories, nauseating him with their
saccharine sweetness.  Bits of conversations and thoughts swam in the
mire.

     "Why is there astroturf in the back yard?"
     "Why do we have a dog house, but no dog?"
     "What happened to Fluffy?"
     "Where s the toilet?"
     "Mom always said not to play ball in the house.."
     "What s for dinner tonight?" "Pork chops and applesauce."
     "OH!  My nose!"
     "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"


"Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh!  MAKE IT STOP"  LaCroix s inhuman
scream echoed through his part of town, causing many who were still
awake to wonder *WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT*?

*********************

the next morning .

TV and newspapers all across the country flashed the same headline:

     "Brady Bunch Mysteriously Murdered After Performance on Talent
Show."

And, recovering in his room, LaCroix thought to himself, "There s
going to be hell to pay for this one."  A satisfied smile made the
barest appearance on his lips, "But it was worth it."

finis

author s note:  Episode #93 of the Brady Bunch was titled Amateur
Night.  It originally aired January 26, 1973.  (from
http://www.bradyworld.com/episodes/guidet.htm).  It s the one about
the Silver Platters.  (I liked the title tie-in.)


Carla Martinek
copper6500@yahoo.com





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