Return-Path: kward@neosoft.com X-Sender: kward@popmail.neosoft.com (Unverified) Date: Fri, 30 May 1997 23:02:09 -0700 To: fkarchiver@fkfanfic.com From: Kristine Ward Subject: Few Regrets Everlasting thanks to my flawless beta readers, Cousin Jules and Wicked Cousin Tippi. Without them this wouldn't have happened. Disclaimers: You know the drill. ------------------------------------ Few Regrets Kristine Ward, 1997 "Damn you, Nicholas!" The stake arced down and all was darkness. ****** 2 Years later: "Nat, do I have any socks?" Lt. (formally Det.) Nick B. Knight looked out of the bedroom at his wife. Nat sighed and turned away from the kitchen sink where she was rinsing off the breakfast dishes. "Nick, they’re in the same place they always are, the top right drawer of your dresser." She sighed again in exasperation and turned back towards the sink. She called back over her shoulder, "Hurry up, Nick, or we’ll be late for work. I have to go in early today for that staff meeting." Bending over to put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher, she turned around to find Nick standing behind her, his tie still undone. She jumped. "Nick, don’t _do_ that! You know how that bothers me!" Nick just crinkled his nose at her and finished with his tie. Kissing her on the cheek, he said, "I’m ready, are you? Let’s go." He scooped his keys off of the kitchen table and walked towards the door. Wiping her hands first on a dishtowel, Nat picked up her briefcase and walked out behind him. Nick and Natalie stood on the front porch in the early morning sunshine. While Nick locked the front door, Nat just stood there, drinking in the light. "What a beautiful day this is going to turn out to be. I wish I didn’t have to spend the whole day indoors." "Mmm-Hmm." "Maybe you can come get me and we can have lunch in the park today?" No response. "Nick, what’s wrong?" He turned away from the door and started walking towards the Caddy in the driveway. "Nothing, Nat, I just have a lot on my mind today." She thought and went to get into the car. On the way to the city, Nat stared out the window. She knew from past mornings like this that Nick would be absolutely hopeless for conversation, so she didn’t even try. As usual in quiet times like this, her mind wandered, almost inevitably to that terrible evening two years ago when Nick almost killed her and he had almost died at LaCroix’s hand. Luckily for the pair of them, Captain Reese was worried about Nick’s state of mind after his partner Tracy Vetter’s death and had stopped by the loft to see if he wanted to talk. After overcoming the shock of the scene in front of him, Reese had called for an ambulance and rushed them to the hospital. All Natalie needed was a massive blood transfusion and 3 weeks of bed rest. Nick needed emergency surgery to repair the hole the stake left in his chest, and a transfusion, also. One hoped-for, but not really expected, outcome of the affair was that he was mortal. In going over the events of that evening, the only plausible explanation they came up with was that the combination of the shock of the stake to his system, his constant half-starvation and Janette’s cure, all working in tandem, were enough to bring him back across. Initially, Nick was ecstatic. He ran Nat ragged those first couple of months, dragging her to the Caribbean for two weeks on the beach, taking her on picnic lunches every day. Every thing that he could do now during the day, he did. They both transferred to the day shift, and Nick was quickly promoted to Lieutenant. Exactly 1 month after he became mortal, Nick proposed. She quickly accepted, and got that big church wedding she always dreamed of. They sold Nick’s loft and moved out to the suburbs. While they both wanted children, they decided to wait for Nick to get a handle on mortality again and to adjust to living in the sunshine just like everyone else. When the first year came and went and LaCroix (or the Enforcers, for that matter) had not appeared to drag Nick back into the fold, or simply kill both him and Nat, they breathed a sigh of relief. They could get on with their new lives and put the darkness behind them. Natalie snuck a look at him. He stared straight ahead at the road with a distant expression on his face, not even noticing her looking at him. She turned back towards the window and put her chin on her hand. For the past year, she had noticed him slowly becoming more and more vague. He always fended off her questions with the excuse of, "It’s nothing, Nat, just a busy day at work." Lately, he didn’t even give her that excuse any more. He would just get up and leave the house, and she never knew where he went. She would lay awake in bed waiting for him to come home, worrying. The next morning, all he would say was, "I was driving around, Nat, just driving around. It’s the only way I can clear my head." After a couple of months of this, she quit asking. He would leave anyway. He was gone almost every night now. She would sit in front of the TV, cuddling Sydney, wondering if he was having an affair. She hurriedly avoided that train of thought. Noticing that they were pulling into the parking lot, Natalie gathered her things. Nick kissed her goodbye, and they then parted ways to go to their respective jobs. That night over dinner, silence reigned. Nat put her fork down (she really didn’t have an appetite anyway) and decided to lay her cards on the table. "Nick, we have to talk." He looked up at her from his plate where he was also playing with his dinner. "What is it, Nat? I’m tired." "I’m worried, Nick, about us," and she looked down at her hands which were tying her napkin into knots. Forcing her hands to relax, she gazed up at him again. "You’re never here, and I’m concerned. Is there something you want to tell me?" She took a deep breath. "Are you having an affair?" The question hung in the air. Nick put his fork down and started toying with the edge of his plate. Silence. "Nick, answer me, please. I need to know what’s going on." She hated the pleading tone in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. "Nick?" Finally meeting her eyes, he said, "No." From the way he said it, she knew he was telling the truth. From the very first time he tried to lie to her about drinking his protein shakes, she always caught him. His answer did nothing to relax her. With Nicholas de Brabant, things were never simple. She tried again, when a further explanation didn’t seem to be forthcoming. "What is it? I can’t go on with the silences and your absences. Please tell me!" Nick stopped playing with his tableware and looked her straight in the eye. "Nat, I’m bored." She almost started laughing with relief. "That’s all? Welcome to the real world, Nick! We’re _all_ bored. Life can’t be an endless succession of parties and excitement! I thought you knew that when you wanted to become mortal again. This is what humanity is, Nick!" Gradually, her smile died. She looked at him. His expression was sober. "You’re not kidding, are you? You really mean it." Tears started to well up and she impatiently dashed them away. "Is it me? Are you bored with me? With our marriage?" Nick stared down at the congealing remains on his plate, not really seeing what was in front of him. "Nat…." He cleared his throat and tried again. "Natalie, I love you. I always will, until my dying day. I’m just having….a few regrets about this." Natalie put her napkin over her face, so Nick wouldn’t see the tears streaming down her face. "Regrets about what, Nick? About marrying me?" She wished he would come over and sit next to her, put his arm around her shoulders. "No, Nat! Not about that! I love you!" Natalie could see over the top of the napkin that his expression was shocked that she could even think such a thing. "What _is _ it then, Nick?" He took a deep breath. "Nat, I’m not sure I want this life anymore." Nat stared at him in horror. That feeling quickly gave way to anger. "Just because you’re bored, you want to just pick up and leave? That it’s not all sunshine and roses? Well, buy a clue, Nick, because as things go, we have it pretty good. So what if we can’t jet off to Paris or the Orient every time we get the urge!" She was yelling at him by now. Nick shrank back in his chair, startled at her vehemence. Throwing her napkin on the table, Nat jumped up and started pacing around the kitchen. She needed the physical movement to put her thoughts in order, or else she would so something really dumb, like throttling him. After a minute of pacing, with Nick following her every movement, she gradually calmed down. Nat arranged her thoughts and spoke softly. "Nick, I love you. What was it that brought you to this conclusion?" Nick shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I don’t know, Nat. It’s everything and nothing. My job is now nothing but endless paperwork, and I miss….the excitement of being a detective." Nat could tell that he was going to say something else. Was he going to say LaCroix? her mind whispered evilly. He continued, "In a way, things were so much simpler before. It was just the three of us, and as long as I didn’t go against LaCroix’ wishes, he let me do anything I wanted. Now, I have to play politics with everyone, from the rookies on up to the Commissioner. I hate it, and I’m not very good at it. I feel like I’m stuck in a cage, and I have no chance of getting out. After 800 years, it’s hard to break old habits," Natalie quietly interrupted, "And before, when things got too monotonous, you would leave. You would put everything and everyone behind you and move on to a new life." She sank back into her chair. "And this is what you want to do now, leave everything behind and start all over again, isn’t it?" Nick half-ashamedly nodded his head. "That’s what I’ve been doing every night, like I told you. I’ve been driving around, trying to talk myself out of this, that what I’m feeling is self-destructive and stupid." He added in a low voice, "I think I’ve also been looking for *him*." All of Natalie’s fears of the past 6 months came crashing down on her. "That’s it, isn’t it?" She whispered, "You want to go back across." Her voice became drained of all emotion as she repeated dully, "You want to be a vampire again." Nick didn’t answer her. His silence at her statement was confirmation enough. Nat sunk her face in her hands. She was beyond tears, the despair was too overwhelming. He crumpled his napkin and got up from the table. She could hear him walking over to the counter where his keys were. Picking the keys up, he walked over to her. "Nat….I…." He reached out a hand to her, but didn’t touch her. If she looked up at that moment, she would see that on his face was an expression of sadness, and a growing resolution. "Do what you have to do, Nick." She waved him away. "You’ll do it anyway, I’m not your keeper or your master." As he walked towards the door, he could hear her faintly, "You’re breaking my heart, and I still love you." Natalie sat at the table for a long, long, time. After several hours, Nat rose from the table and started to clear the dinner dishes. She noticed that the food had dried to a rock-hard crust. crossed her mind. With that thought, she slid down to the floor and started sobbing wildly. Eventually, the tears slowed to a steady stream and then stopped altogether. After a few more minutes, she got up. She saw from the clock over the stove that it was after 3AM. Nat filled the sink up with soapy water and put the dishes in to soak. Turning off the light, she went to bed. An hour later, sleep still hadn’t come. Nat tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, trying to escape the thoughts that filled her mind. chased themselves endlessly over and over. Looming over all was the fear, She finally sat up and turned on the light, chasing away the darkness. As she was propping up the pillows behind her, she heard the front door open and close. The *crish* of keys being thrown on the counter, and then, footsteps coming towards the bedroom. Nat held her breath, waiting. Nick stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. Nat glanced up at him, then back down at her hands. With no emotion in her voice she said, "You did it. You found him and he brought you back across. I bet LaCroix was just waiting for you to come back." She looked back up at him. "I hope you’re happy." Nick crossed the room and sat down on the bed. He was pale, and if she looked closely, she would see a small bloodstain on one corner of his mouth. He sighed. "Natalie, look at me, please. This is very hard for me." "Hard for you? Hard for YOU?? How do think this is for me?" Nat laughed bitterly. She looked up at him. "You just went back to the person that you’ve fought against for all these centuries for something you truly believed in, and in two short years, you’ve thrown all that away. Why, Nick?" "Nat, I found that this is truly what I am. I had been a vampire for too long to be mortal again. It’s all I’ve really known. The world had changed too much for me, and I had to go back to what I know." He reached out to her, and she recoiled from him in fear. She didn’t mean to, and seeing this, Nick rose from the bed and moved to a corner of the room. He continued as if nothing had happened. "Nat, there is a way we can still be together. I meant it when I said that I loved you, and I always will. You are my heart." He waited for her reaction. Nat drew her breath in sharply. Was he offering to bring her across, something that he always denied her, even when they thought the world was ending? Even though it was something she had been fighting against all these years, it was a way they could stay together. A wild irrational hope sprang up inside her. "We no longer have to kill, and I found that I can’t live without you. Will you come with me, into the darkness?" He moved to her side of the bed and stood there, waiting. In one moment, Dr. Natalie Lambert-Knight threw away everything: her home, her career, her life. With one sentence, "Yes, Nicholas, I will," she tossed it all away for love. Nick sat down on the bed next to her and smiled at her. His eyes had already taken on a golden hue, and his teeth were long and sharp. Against her will, Nat found herself shivering in fear and anticipation. He noticed this and soothed her, "It’s OK, Nat. I will do it right. A moment of pain, then it will all be over. And then, we can be together, forever. Do you trust me?" "Yes, Nick, I trust you. Do it now, before I lose my nerve entirely." She stroked his face, a small part of her was screaming, She quashed it ruthlessly, and smiled back at him. "Lay down, Nat. It will make it easier." After she did so, he leaned over and kissed her long and deep, his fangs making small cuts in her lips and tongue. He moved his kisses to her face and so on down the side of her neck, where he paused. "Are you sure, Nat? There won’t be any turning back after this. What we accomplished before was a once in a life-time." Nat closed her eyes and turned her head so that her neck was fully exposed. "Just do it, Nick. I’m not afraid." With that, Nick plunged his fangs into her neck and started to drain her. Instead of the horrific images she was subjected to the other time, all she could feel from him was his love for her, and his willingness that they never be apart, ever again. Her body felt like it was getting heavier and heavier, and sounds were getting distant and vague. The last thing she felt was him withdrawing from her with a sharp tearing sensation. Natalie laid there, drifting in a cloud of cotton. Then, she felt liquid trickling into her mouth and a far-off voice saying, "Drink, Natalie." An electric snap moved through her body, and she reached up to grab his wrist. It was ambrosia. It was Life. She couldn’t get enough of it. She was still suckling hard on his wrist when he moved it away from her. Without being consciously aware of it , she growled in anger that he had taken away her food. Nat stopped herself in surprise. she thought in a brief moment of regret. Quelling those thoughts for the last time, she smiled at her master. "I love you, Nicholas B. Knight, my husband, my heart." She raised her arms up to him, and he sunk into her embrace. Together, they slept. Finis Comments and raps across the knuckles gratefully accepted at kward@neosoft.com. Flames cheerfully used to light cigarettes.