Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 13:48:36 -0500 Sender: Forever Knight TV show stories From: Amanda Sullivan Subject: Final Goodbye 1/3 To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Okay, despite the overwhelming apathy from you guys, I'm going to post the rest of this piece. And, since it's changed a little, I needed to start from the beginning. I know that I said it wouldn't end happy, but I am the great Pollyanna at heart, so you have to take that into consideration. My betareader, waving at Karen Gross, said it made her cry and that this was a good thing. I wouldn't know. I don't read my own stuff,s. Thanks Karen for being my guinea pig. And thanks to all of you for letting me exercise a few demons. This July marked a 10 year anniversary of sorts. I thought I had put the anger, resentment and guilt behind me, but I guess I was wrong. As usual, no infringement or damage is intended. I only play with these characters, I don't own them. To understand this story, you need to know that it is an alternate reality piece. In this time line, only the first and second seasons took place. Spoiler for AMPH and BMV. A Final Goodbye The woman lay in the hospital and looked out the window into the moonlit night. Lines of exhaustion were more deeply etched into her face than they had been a few hours ago when she had been playing with her granddaughter. Mustn't let the little one know that grandma is ill. It was a game the woman played well, but her daughter knew the truth. There wouldn't be many more of these moments together, even if they tried to pretend otherwise. The middle aged woman silently watched on as her mother lifted her chin up and smiled, as if she had been kissed by the cool night breeze. These moments of peace should have made the daughter happier, but they had the exact opposite reaction. It scared the hell out of her to see her mother slip back into that place she couldn't reach, the past. She had tried many times to get her mother to talk about before... when her mom was still Dr. Lambert, instead of just .Jessie's mother. While she never refused to answer the questions, there was always a set to her features that said, "don't push this," and Jessie never had. Now she regretted that. "Mom," Jessie called. Natalie turned to face her daughter. "Yeah honey." "Is there anything I can get you before I leave." "No, I'm fine. You go home and get some rest. You really look beat," Natalie said as she reached her frail hand out to her daughter. Jessie grasped Natalie's hand in her own and gently squeezed, fighting back the tears. It was so hard seeing her mom like this: fragile when she had always been so strong; eyes wracked with pain when they should be filled with their familiar mischievous laughter. Even her beautiful hair that she had always worn long was gone. Jessie had watched on helplessly the day Natalie had ran her hand through her hair, in her habitual way, and withdrew it with the clumps of hair still caught between her fingers. With a surprised expression, Natalie allowed the fistful of hair to slip from her fingers and fall to the floor, where it lay in a pool on the floor. The next day Jessie had rushed out to buy her a wig, but Natalie never wore it, preferring to tie a kerchief over her head. Pulling herself together, Jessie smiled down at Natalie. "Well then I'll head out. I promised Samantha I'd stop by the drug store and pick up some valentine's cards." "Is it Valentine's Day already?" Natalie asked a little wistfully. "The day after tomorrow, but they're passing them out in Sam's class tomorrow. She's really excited about it, but I think that has more to do with the candy she thinks she's getting." A slight smile played at the corners of Natalie's mouth. "Give Sam my love. And Rick too." "I will, Mom. Goodnight," Jessie said as she walked over to the door and turned out the light on her way out. "Another Valentine's," Natalie said to herself as she turned back to the window. "God, I hate this holiday." The moonlight lit up the courtyard outside her room. Actually calling it a courtyard was being poetic. It was the back of a hospital, no amount of rose bushes and park benches could change that, but the moonlight still had enough magic left to make even this bleak area look a little brighter. Or maybe it was just the night. Since the first night she met him, she'd felt a little more alive, more aware, at night than at any other time. It was almost as if she could feel his presence at this time of night. 'The bewitching hour,' she thought with a laugh. It didn't hurt anymore to think about him, not like it had then... 1994 Natalie sat in her wrecked apartment and looked around. What had she been thinking? Just when had she let her life get to this point? A few years ago, she had been happy with her life. Well, maybe not happy, but at least not suicidal. She had never respected or liked clingy women that felt their self-worth depended on the validation of the men in their world. Yet here she was, offering herself to the first vampire that would have her, because she was upset Nick didn't want to be with her. The fact that he was right, that the world wasn't going to end meant little right now. He didn't know that when he told her unequivocally "no". And he could write it anyway he wanted, but the situation remained the same, he would have rather watched her die than help her survive. She had been so stupid! In the back of Natalie's mind, she had thought Nick would jump at the opportunity. Just before Valentine's Day, they had finally admitted their feelings for each other, but then things had changed again. After their night together at the Azure, which she still couldn't remember, she could feel Nick pulling away from her again. The rational part of her said that it was too much for him, to be close to her physically without giving in to the temptation to drain her. So, she'd given him his space. Then the asteroid catastrophe happened and Natalie thought, 'This is it.' Nick would bring her across and they could truly be together. But that wasn't what he wanted. He walked away from her, on business as usual, leaving her surrounded by the dead bodies that kept pouring in to her morgue. And as the hours grew into an all-nighter, that turned into a double shift, the bodies kept coming. 'Soon,' Natalie thought as she started to slice into a young woman on her table, 'that will be me. Just another cold, lifeless body.' Without thinking where she was going or what she would do, Natalie dropped her scalpel and fled the building. Only to arrive several hours later, dressed to kill, at the one place in Toronto Nick had told her to stay away from. 'Like he has the right to tell me anything,' Natalie thought angrily, inhaling deeply from her cigarette. She stepped into the room and walked over to the bar. Nick didn't want her, but she was sure that someone in here would. And someone did. Or something. He was handsome, dangerous, and young, as far as vampires went, and he wanted her. Natalie made the bargain without even thinking about it. Maybe she didn't think he would take her up on it; maybe she didn't care. Eventually Natalie decided that this guy, who's name she could barely remember, just wasn't the one she wanted. Not now at least. So, she told him no. Then things got fuzzy and the next thing she knew, she was back in her house with this guy. Natalie picked up the first thing she could get her hands on and bashed him over the head with it. She ran to hide, but it was no use. He was there, waiting for her. Suddenly with a crash, Nick was there, protecting her once again. When it was all over, the young vampire lay on her bed with a piece of her closet stuck in his chest. Nick held her close, kissed her temple, and told her that it had all been a hoax. Natalie was too numb to say anything then, but when she woke up a few hours later, she had plenty to say. Only Nick wasn't there. He was never there when she needed him. Not on an emotional level, anyway. The next day she pulled herself together and went to see him in the precinct. He didn't even seem to be aware of the turmoil she was in. He acted as if everything should be just the way it always had been between them. But it couldn't. Like the old clichi, you really can't go home again, and you can never look back. "You were right not to bring me across," Natalie said as she turned away from him and walked back out of the precinct. All that night, she had dreaded the phone ringing. Afraid it would be him, and afraid it wouldn't. Around dawn, he wandered into the morgue, a boyish smile on his face. "Schanke has gone home to watch a vintage episode of I dream of jeannie. Funny, I thought they were all vintage." Natalie just tilted her head and lifted her eyebrow slightly, waiting for him to make the first move. It didn't take long. Nick walked around the desk she was sitting at and faced her. "I was thinking that I'd drop by the video store on the way home. Why don't you come over when your shift ends?" "No." "Oh. I guess you must be tired. We can do it another night. Maybe this weekend we can..." "No," Natalie said cutting him off. She stood up and nervously walked across to the other side of the room, standing with her back to him. "Why not?" Nick might have asked that question barely above a whisper, but Natalie felt it like a gentle touch along her spine and down her neck. Placing her arms across her chest, she turned to face him. "What's the point, Nick. You made your choice perfectly clear the other day. I know it was the right decision. I've already told you that, but I think it's time....I think it would be better if we took a break from each other." Bowing his head, Nick listened without comment. Finally he nodded his head in agreement. "Okay, I can understand that." "No, I don't think you do," Natalie said sadly. He moved closer to her, within touching distance but not daring to reach out to her. "We're going to be okay aren't we? This will blow over. I mean we're still friends, right?" "No, Nick," Natalie said, her voice rising. "Don't you get it? I don't want to see you every time I turn around. I don't want my friends coming to me, telling me that they saw you with some gorgeous woman, outside a bar or at the lake. Yes, Nick, I knew about that, too. I don't want you calling me on the phone. I don't want to worry about hurting your feelings, and most of all, I don't want to be your friend. It just hurts too much." "Nat," Nick said finally reaching out to touch her. Natalie took a step backwards avoiding him. "No, Nick, just go." Her voice quivered and her hand trembled. Nick looked at her a long time, then finally he turned and left. As he reached the door, he said, "I never meant to hurt you, Natalie. Believe me." Long after he had disappeared into the fading night, hours after she had returned home, Natalie sat alone on the floor of her apartment remembering his parting words. Methodically she stirred the ashes in the fireplace, barely seeing through the cascade of tears. With a whisper she said, "It doesn't matter, Nick. The pains the same regardless of the intent." End part 1 Return-Path: Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 14:05:36 -0500 Reply-To: Amanda Sullivan Sender: Forever Knight TV show stories From: Amanda Sullivan Subject: Final Goodbye 2/3 To: FKFIC-L@lists.psu.edu Part 2 It was no use. She just couldn't sleep. Jessie slipped out from under the covers carefully, so as to not disturb her sleeping husband, and padded down the hall, stopping at her daughter's room. Sam's curly hair sprawled across her pillows, her arms clutched innocently around her favorite stuffed animal. Looking at her, Jessie felt a sense of peace that she hadn't in days. You had to look very closely to see any resemblance between herself and her daughter. Her own straight, black hair and dark coloring stood out in stark contrast to her daughters fairer skin tone and light brown hair. The only similarity between the two was in the eyes which were the same color of blue; Natalie's eyes. Actually, Sam was in many ways an exact duplicate of her grandmother, in temperament as well as appearance. It was no wonder the two of them were so close, a closeness that at times had made Jessie a little envious, but now, well now, she was just glad that a part of her mother would live on in her daughter. As the tears began to blur her vision, again, Jessie softly closed the door and walked into the living room. She pulled out the family photo album and flipped through the pages. It just wasn't right. Her mother should not be all alone at a time like this. She should be surrounded by friends and family, by loved ones. But Natalie had pulled away from most of her friends when she found out that she was ill. After all the other cancer treatments had failed and the doctors had prescribed an intense treatment of chemotherapy, Natalie had asked for an early retirement, claiming she wanted to do some traveling. No one but the immediate family new the truth. And as for Natalie's past, well Jessie didn't know that much about it. Her mother had lived in Toronto for awhile, that much Jessie knew from her father. Maybe her dad could shed some more insight into her mother's past. Jessie glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 12:30 here, so that meant it would just be 9:30 on the west coast. Good. He would still be up. Jessie picked up the phone and quickly dialed the number. On the third ring, a woman answered. "Hello." "Hi, Beth. Is Dad there?" "Sure is, Jessie. I'll get him for you." After a few minutes a familiar voice boomed into the phone, "Hey, Peanut." Jessie could feel the smile that accompanied her father's use of his pet name for her. Smiling in response, she said, "Hi, Poppy." "It's late there isn't it? Nothing wrong I hope." "No, we're all fine. It's Mom. The chemo didn't work. The cancer has progressed too far. It's just a matter of time before..." There was more than a moments pause before he finally said, "I'm sorry, Peanut. I...I... Is there anything I can do? I can catch the first flight out and be there by morning." Jessie was tempted, but in the end, her practical side took over. "No, Dad that's okay. I know Mom would appreciate the offer, but she'd be the first one to tell you to stay where you are. It's too hard for you to get away, and you'll want to save your time off for the...." Jessie's voice broke just a little, but she continued on. "Besides we have no way of knowing how long that could be. It might be months from now." "You'll let me know the minute.." Hearing her father choke back the tears was almost more than she could bear. Nodding her head and wiping away the tears that spilled unbidden down her chin, Jessie said, "Uh huh. Dad, there is one thing I was hoping you could tell me. Is there anybody I should get in touch with, anyone that should know about Mom?" "Like who?" "I don't know," Jessie said with a shrug. "I was hoping you could tell me. Except for Rick, Sam, and myself, Mom has no family. I was just hoping that you might know of someone, a long time friend. Someone from her childhood, from her past. She was always so secretive about it with me, but you two grew up together, so I thought you might have some idea." "She's got me. You know that." "I know Dad, but still...." Feeling as if she were breaking her mother's trust, Jessie started to relent. " I'm sorry I bothered you, Dad. Just forget about it." "It's okay. I understand. I think I know who you're talking about. Look, your mother had her reasons for keeping her past to herself, and I was just so happy that she let me share her life for a little while that I didn't dare push too deeply into those secrets she guarded so tightly. But there is one person you probably should try and contact. His name is Nick Knight. He was a detective on the Toronto Police Force when your mother worked there as Coroner. I don't know what your chances are that he'll still be there, but it's a starting point." "Thanks, Dad." Jessie started to hang up and then decided to ask, "Dad, how do you remember his name so easily?" With a slight laugh that didn't quite ring true, he said, "Easy, Peanut, a man never forgets his competition, especially one he loses to. He was the ghost in your mother's life for years. She never talked about him, but I saw her looking at photo of him once. I asked her who it was and she told me his name. Said that he was an old friend, but all one had to do was look in her eyes when she said his name, and you knew instantly that he was the one." "The one?" "Your mother told me before I left that she cared for me, but that she couldn't give me her heart because that was already taken. It didn't take a genius to know that he was the one it belonged to." "I'm sorry, Dad." "Don't be. We had a good time. We were friends before and we were friends after. Hell, we're friends now. Not even he can claim that. And best of all, we had you. Neither of us regretted that for a minute." After she hung up with her father, Jessie dialed information and tried finding a number for Nick Knight. No luck. Then she called the precinct, but that had almost been a dead end too. Turns out that Detective Knight had left the force shortly after her Mom had moved away. She was about to give up hope, but in a last ditch effort, she asked if there might be anyone there who had a forwarding address for Detective Knight. Maybe it had been the pleading in her voice, who knows, but something made the operator say, "Well, there may be someone. Hold on just a second." After a few minutes, Jessie heard the line pop and whistle. She was being transferred. 'Great,' she thought. 'I'll wind up in voicemail hell. Never hear another real person again.' Then a friendly, if somewhat, gruff voice said, "Captain Schanke, here. What can I do ya for?" As briefly as she could, Jessie explained her situation again and waited for his answer. "So, you're Natalie Lambert's little girl," Schanke said with a laugh. "Wow, does that name bring back some memories. Did she ever tell you about the time we were playing softball at the company picnic when I hit a long one straight down the...." "No. No, I'm sorry; she didn't," Jessie said, as she drank another long swallow of her coffee. It would soon be morning. She had been at this all-night long, and she still had to get Sam ready for school. "I don't mean to be rude sir, but it's really important that I speak to Detective Knight." "I haven't seen Nick since Myra's funeral," Schanke said, memories slightly choking his voice. "But I know a few places to check. What should I tell him when I find him?" Jessie thought about that a minute. Was she making a mistake, breaking her mother's confidence by confiding in this man. There was something about Captain Schanke that she liked, trusted even. Making her mind up, Jessie took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "Captain Schanke," she began. "were my mother and Nick close?" With a deep, throaty laugh that was contagious, Schanke asked, "Close? Those two? It was like they were joined at the hip. Sharing their little secrets. Funny, I always thought that they'd be together but...." 'Dad was right,' Jessie thought with a broad smile. This was right, she could feel it. "Tell him that mom is ill, and that if he wants to see her before, well, he should come soon." The silence on the other was deafening. Finally, a shocked Schanke said, "I'll find him. Don't worry, he'll know. God, Natalie. Jenny is going to be devastated. After that scum VooDoo blew up the Courthouse Myra was in paying a traffic fine," his voice broke off for a moment, trapped in a painful memory. Then just as quickly he was talking again, as if he had never stopped. "Natalie was a real friend to her. Sending her cards, calling, answering the questions Jenny couldn't ask me. Man, it's just not fair." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, me too. It's always the good ones, huh?" Before Jessie could answer, Schanke continued, "What hospital is your mother in?" Jessie told him and Schanke said, "Don't worry. Uncle Schanke will see that Nick gets your message." She hung up the phone satisfied that she had done all she could. End part 2 comments and points on phone etiquette maybe sent to: Amanda Sullivan saysyou@worldnet.att.net Just your basic Pollyanna in black who likes her heroes in gray hats and her symbolism heavy handed. Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 14:17:50 -0500 Reply-To: Amanda Sullivan Sender: Forever Knight TV show stories From: Amanda Sullivan Subject: Final Goodbye 3/3 To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Last part. Whew. I really should wait to post this part because my beta reader hasn't had a chance to get back with me on the changes I made, but heck, patience has never been a quality found among my many virtues,s. For the record, Karen said this is the weepy part. You've been warned. Part 3 It had taken some doing, traveling at this time of year was never easy on a vampire, too much sunlight, but after several hours cramped into a tiny, curtained compartment of the new supertrain, Nick arrived at his destination. He wouldn't allow himself to think he had arrived too late as hastened down the hospital corridor. It was only when he reached her room that he stood paralyzed on the opposite side. What was he going to say to her? It had been 40 years after all. They'd both lived out completely separate lives since their last talk, and while he still looked the same, he knew the marks of time would not be so kind to Natalie. Not that this mattered. He had lived long enough to know that the beauty of a person's soul was more lasting than the passing of time on one's outward appearance. And while he had watched mortal lives come and go during his centuries as a vampire, Nick had never entirely been able to let Natalie go. He had kept watch over her from a distance for years, through various sources, trade papers and such. He had even set up the partial scholarship for Jessie's college education at the music consortium, totally anonymous of course, just another nameless alumni. The only reason he hadn't been here sooner, was that he had believed the newsletter from the college saying that she was retiring from her teaching position to travel the world. It was something he could see her do, traveling to the farthest reaches of Africa or the highest peaks in Switzerland. Now he realized what an idiot he had been. Nothing kept Natalie from her work. She was far too driven to take an extended vacation. Still, what was he doing here? She hadn't asked for him. At least Schanke didn't say she had. Schanke simply said that Nat was seriously ill and that Jessie wanted Nick to know. Taking an unneeded deep breath, Nick thought, 'And that is why I'm here. To see her before she leaves this time. I didn't even get to say goodbye when she left Toronto.' With determination, he knocked on the door and when he heard a familiar, if some what weakened voice say, "Come in," he smiled and walked into the room. The sight of the woman on the bed surprised him. He had been prepared for a change, but this.... It was more than a few wrinkles and some gray in her hair. Her body was wracked with pain. He could hear it in ever breath she struggled to take. The mane of hair that he had longed to run his fingers through was gone, covered by a faded blue scarf. It was as if the Natalie he had known had vacated, leaving behind the mere shell of her former self, but then he looked into her eyes, eyes filled with pain to be sure but still filled with fiery determination and a tinge of amusement. "My God," she half laughed, half said, "it's you. Don't just stand there. You came all this way, might as well make it a few feet farther and get completely through the door." A coughing fit took over then. Her body, frail and weak, practically crumpled in on itself with each hack. When she finally stopped, she looked up to find a worried Nick standing over her bed. "I'm fine. You get used to that after a while," she said with a smile. "Have you met my daughter, Jessie?" Nick looked at the young woman sitting next to Natalie's bed and smiled. "A pleasure to meet you Mrs.. Campbell." With a slightly confused frown, Jessie extended her hand to the stranger that enter the room. "The same, I'm sure, Mister...." "Knight. Nick Knight." The use of that name quickly changed Jessie's confusion to anger, and Nick could tell it from the familiar set of her expression. He almost laughed it was so reminiscent of the one he had seen on Natalie's face all those years ago, but at least, he was prepared when Jessie said, "That's impossible. I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing but I am going to have to ask you to leave. Now." "You'll have to forgive my daughter, Nick," Natalie said as she reached her hand across the bedrail to gently pat her daughters. "As you can see, she gets her temperament from me." With a wide grin, Nick said, "I'm glad you said that and not me." "What the hell are you talking about? Who is this guy? Because there is no way he can be the same Nick Knight that dad claims you fell in love with while working in Toronto. Not unless you were a very sick woman." Natalie looked at Nick with a questing gaze. Without words, he knew what Natalie was asking. She didn't want to lie to her daughter anymore, but it was Nick's secret to tell, not hers, and she would respect his wishes. Suddenly, he realized that he didn't want to lie about the relationship he had had with Natalie either. Sure it would be simpler to say that he was Nick Knight's son, but it might also prevent him from being able to speak as freely around Natalie as he wanted. With a nod of his head, he gave Natalie his permission. She smiled and turned to her daughter. "Jessie, I'm going to tell you some things that are going to be hard to believe, but I need you to trust me. This is the same Nick Knight, but that is just one of countless names he's had over the centuries." "Mom, look at him. This person, whoever he is, can't be more than 45 years old. There's no way he can be who he claims to be, the man you want him to be." "You have no idea what he is, Jessie," Natalie countered. "Then tell me. Just who is he?" "She didn't say 'who', Jessie, but 'what', " Nick said in deep voice. The change in his voice drew Jessie's attention away from her mother and up to him. What she saw terrified her. The man who called himself Nick stood before her, the same as before, but his eyes were now golden and inhuman. "My God," Jessie whispered. "What are you?" "It's okay, Jessie. He won't hurt you. He hasn't hurt anyone in a long time. The theatrics are just to help you believe what I'm about to tell you," Natalie said. "Nick's a...." She couldn't finish it. The word stuck in her throat. For so long, she had guarded his secret that even now, she had trouble saying it out loud. "I'm a vampire, Jessie," Nick answered for her. Natalie could tell that her daughter was running the gambit of emotions from confused to frightened, and with as much force as she could muster, she squeezed her daughter's hand, forcing Jessie's attention back on her. "It's true. I first met Nick when I was only 26 years old. It was my birthday and I was a bit disappointed that I had to be working. When this victim was rolled into the morgue....." Jessie sat and listened to her Mother and Nick tell their tale for hours. It was all so fantastic, and so very tragic. While neither said the words "love", it was there none the less. She shouldn't believe it. Vampires. Not one but an entire community. It went against every rational fiber in her body, but still here it was. And in her mind, she could hear her mother saying to her countless times in the past, "Jessie, sweetie, there is more to this world than you know or will ever read about in text books." It had always seemed so out of place with her mom's character, but now she knew where it came from. Realizing that she needed to give them some time alone, she looked down at her watch and said, "Well, folks, I've got to go pick up Sam from school. Mom," she said as she bent down to kiss her on the cheek, "I'll be back in a couple of hours. I need to wait for Rick to get home, so he can take care of Sam. Is there anything you want while I'm out?" "No, honey. Why don't you just stay home tonight. Catch up on your rest. I'll be fine." "I don't know, Mom. I know the staff here is excellent, but I really don't like leaving you alone here all the time." "She won't be alone," Nick said. And at their joint 'what are you talking about look' smiled and said, "I'd planned on staying here tonight, if that's okay with you, Nat." "What about that little thing called sunlight, Nick," Natalie said, sounding more like her old self. "I'll be fine. The older we get, the longer we can stay out in it." "Well, you learn something new everyday." Listening to them banter back and forth, Jessie smiled to herself. It had been the right thing to do, calling him. Just having him here seemed to brighten her mother's spirit. "Okay, I'm convinced. I'm not needed here," she said with a grin. "Mr.. Knight, will you step outside with me for a moment?" "Sure and it's Nick." Outside Natalie's hospital room door, Jessie said, "I don't know if I believe everything you and Mom said, but it really doesn't matter. Mom has laughed more in the last hour than she has in weeks. Just promise me if anything happens you'll call me." "You have my word." "Thank you." After a brief pause, Jessie continued, "It may not be pleasant, you know? Nights are both the best and the worst times for her. She's more aware of what's going on but it's also when the bouts have been the worst. Mom's had a couple of really close calls in the last several nights. I don't know what's worse, praying she survive or hoping that this time she goes out peacefully. I know that must sound horrible to you. But I've watched her deteriorate over the last several months and I've seen her come so close to dying that the doctors told me to say my goodbyes, just to see her battle her way back and face it all again a few days later. Just be prepared." Not knowing what to say, Nick pulled Jessie into his arms and comforted her, much as one would a child. When Jessie was all cried out, she stepped out of his arms and said, "I've got to go." She turned and walked down the hall without a backward glance. Nick walked back into Natalie's room and sat down beside her. He reached over the bedrail and took her hand in his own. The marks from the iv's had bruised her tender flesh and when her gown slipped a little to either the left or the right, he could see the colored marks they used to perform the radiation exposures. It broke his heart to see her like this, especially when it didn't have to be this way. He could have saved her from all this, if he had just been brave enough all those years ago. As if she could read his mind, and why shouldn't she, she had always been able to in the past, Natalie said, "Don't. Don't blame yourself for this, Nick. You didn't give me cancer. I did that all on my own. I'm a doctor for Criminey's sake. I knew what smoking cigarettes could do to your lungs. If you want to get mad at someone, get mad at the fact that cancer research and treatment has progress so little in the last 50 years or so. Or better yet, get mad at me for bringing this on, but don't blame yourself." "But things could have been so different for us." "I don't regret a minute of my life, Nick. Not the time I spent with you, or the time since. I feel sorry for you though." She turned her face towards his and with her free hand, she traced the lines of his face. It was a touch so familiar that for a moment, Nick closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. When she spoke again, his mind saw her not as she was today, but looking like she had when she was young and beautiful. "I've been able to live my life, grow old, to watch my child, my daughter grow into a wonderful, beautiful woman, to even see my granddaughter born and get her first crush. All things you've dreamed about, but never been able to obtain. And for that, I hurt for you. "So, don't feel guilty, Nick. Because I don't. If you had brought me across, all those years ago, just look at all I would have missed out on." "You don't have any regrets then?" "Oh, I didn't say that. A woman always has her regrets, For example, I'm very sorry that I left the way I did, without a note or a goodbye. It all seems very silly now, but at the time, I was afraid to tell you in person, scared you might convince me to stay and even more terrified that you wouldn't even try. A note just seemed to impersonal. So, after our talk in the morgue, I went home, I cried, and then I made a decision to live my life without you. And leaving you behind was the only way I could do that. I packed my bags, Sydney and headed out of town. I'm sorry." "There's not been a day I haven't thought about you, Nat. Wondering if you were happy, really happy, and trying to convince myself that this was all for the best. If I had just brought you across,...." "Shh, Nick. That wasn't our only problem and you knew it. I knew it too. You were right that I wasn't prepared for that world. But you were to blame a little for that too. You kept me sheltered from a lot of the darkness of that world and then just expected me to take your word when you said it was evil. Still, I can see things much clearer now, and as I said, I'm happy with the way things turned our. Almost. "We were both so careful around each other, tiptoeing around our feelings for each other. And I regret that I never told you, not in words at least, how much you meant to me. Now I really don't know what I was trying to protect myself from. I still felt the same whether I said it or not, and despite the fact that it's a little late now, I want you to know, Nick that I loved you, with all my soul." Once again, Nick was at a loss for words. He opened his eyes and stared at the woman in front of him, so different from the one in his head and yet still so very much the same. Tears glimmered in his eyes, prevented from falling by sheer will. "It's okay, Nick, I don't expect you to say anything. Close your eyes again. See that's my last regret. That you waited to find me until I looked like this, worn out, old, dying. But I'm too tired for vanity, Nick, I just don't have the strength and I'm too happy that you're here to send you away, so just close your eyes and we can both pretend for a little while longer that I'm the girl you remember." Leaning in close to her, Nick stared into her eyes and said, "You still are. Time doesn't change the important things." Then he leaned down and kissed her on the temple, a familiar habit that made them both feel easier. A few nights later Jessie stood outside the door of Natalie's room screaming for help. Nick was by her side in moments. At first she was startled by his presence, it had only been a few minutes since she had called him. No human could get here that quickly, but then again he wasn't human and she threw herself into Nick's arms. "Nick, she can't breathe. Please, get someone to help her. Please." Nick pulled himself away from the crying woman and grabbed the first nurse he could find. Together the three of them walked back into Natalie's room. The nurse walked over to her bed, checked a few monitors and walked back out, with an "I'll get her doctor." But Nick knew it was pointless. There was nothing a doctor could do to save Natalie. He walked over to her bed and his heart that he had long thought frozen, ached. The rasping sound of her trying to breathe filled the room, her body literally lifting off the bed in its attempt to fill with air. As he leaned in to take her hand, Natalie's eyes flew open, terror betrayed there. She grasped his hand tightly and pleaded, "Nick, I can't breathe. Please, help me, Nick. I can't AHHH." Her body convulsed again in that sick parody of breathing which in years to come, Jessie would describe as very similar to a fish out of water. "Natalie, I can take the pain away. Is that what you want?" Nick asked her. She stared up at him, scared but trusting him and shook her head in the affirmative. "Okay then. Jessie, step outside. Make sure no one comes in here." "Hell no. I'm not leaving you alone with her. She needs help, Nick." Nick grabbed Jessie by the arm, none to gently, and took her to the far side of the room. With a hiss, he said, "Natalie is dying, Jessie. There's nothing anyone can do to stop that. But I can make her passing more gentle. She deserves that. You told me that sometimes you weren't sure you could watch her come back just to suffer this pain again. I can't either. I let her down once before. Something she's forgiven me for, but a regret that I'll never outlive. Let me do this one thing for her, please." Silently through cascading tears, Jessie accented. She said, "I love you, Mom," and then took her post outside the door. Nick walked back over to Natalie. Her eyes were wide and almost glassy. While she continued to struggle for air, her chest was rising less and less frequently. Nick took her hand and stared down at her. "Nat, I need you to look at me." When she didn't immediately focus on him, Nick released her hand and placed his hands on both sides of her face, turning her towards him. He listened for her heart beat, matching his own breathing and blood flow to hers, when the roar of her blood sounded in time with his own, he said softly, "Natalie, you feel no pain. I want you to relax your body, it's light and weightless. There's no need to struggle to breathe anymore, you don't need it." He waited for her body to relax and then he leaned in, his teeth grazing the flesh between her shoulder and her neck. Sinking his fangs in he drank deeply, until her heart stopped beating. Slowly, he pulled himself away. The memory of what had been spoken through that last connection washed over him anew, and fresh tears fell down his chin. Through her blood he had heard her say that she loved him and that they would meet again. While he didn't understand the last, he hoped she was right. Softly he said, "I love you too, Natalie. Goodbye." A few days later, after the funeral, Nick lay in his apartment trying to rest. Bottles of blood lay scattered around him. Despite the fact that Natalie had seemed happy with her life, he still felt guilty. Maybe he was just being selfish. He rolled over to his side and reached under the bed for one last unopened bottle. He uncorked it with his teeth, but didn't drink from it. He just held it between his arms, hugging it tightly. What had she meant when she had said they would meet again? He closed his eyes and for a moment he thought he could smell her perfume, the bottle he had bought her after the stripper/killer case was solved. Oddly, the name of the perfume eluded him, but the smell, the smell was everywhere. Opening one eye, he looked around the room and saw her. He bolted up in his bed, the bottle spilling in his haste. "I didn't mean to scare you." The image of the woman in front of him was Natalie's but a young Natalie the one he had loved and lost years ago. This couldn't be real, could it? Softly he asked, "Natalie?" "That is one of my names, Nick, but you've known me by others. Alyssa, for one but there have been others," and as she talked, her image changed from one familiar face to another. Each time the eyes remained the same. "Our lives seem to be bound, Nick. Each life I have lived has been interwoven with yours and each time, we've tried to play it out a different way. Once you only wanted to possess me and I went willingly, my short life drained gladly by your thirst. Another time you promised we would be together forever, but I didn't know what that meant or what you were. The attempt was unsuccessful, but whether that was your fault or mine, I'm still not sure. This last time, we both parted and lived out our lives alone, but neither of us was truly satisfied with that alternative." Quickly he was off the bed and across the room to where she stood. He reached out to touch her, but his hand passed through her. Smiling at him, Natalie said, "Have no fear, Nick, this is very real." She concentrated for a moment, solidifying herself and then reached out to him. He grabbed her hand in both of his and pulled her to him. "I don't have long, Nick, and I wanted you to know. I will be back. Twenty-six years, give or take a few months, and we will meet again. So, don't give up hope. Keep looking for your cure." Without stepping out of his arms, Natalie's form changed again to the more etherel version and slowly starting fading into the distance. Nick reached out to her. "Wait, Nat. Don't go." But it was too late. He clutched at nothing but air. Epilogue 26 years later. Much had changed in the world in the last 60 years or so. People's dependency on science and technology had been replaced with a resurgence in spiritualism, mental telepathy, and mysticism. One thing remained unhampered throughout the decades though, Nick still chased dreams of mortality. This time, his Don Quixotism had led him to a young woman professed to have great knowledge and ability. He approached her door and punched the doorbell. A view screen popped on and he stared up at it. A young woman with pale skin, dark-midnight hair and blue eyes stared at him from the other side. "I've been expecting you, Nick," she said with a laugh, then pushed the button to let him in. The room was empty when Nick walked in, and lit solely by candles. The tables and bookshelves were cluttered with books. Nick casually glanced at the covers and found they ranged from medical text books, to classics, to historical romances. He found one that had been a favorite of his and began to read. "I thought you might enjoy that one," the young woman said as she slipped into the room without his notice. She sat down at the table and tilted her head to one side, staring up at him. "You haven't changed much, but then you wouldn't would you?" "I'm sorry," Nick said as he sat across from her. "You act as if we've met before." "We have. Many time," she replied lightly, a mischievous smile playing on her face. He was about to deny it when it struck him. Her eyes. They looked so much like...but that had just been a dream. Trying to sound disinterested, Nick asked, "Well, since you have me at a disadvantage, perhaps you will tell me your name?" "Sure, from which life? In this one, I'm called Heather, but you might feel more comfortable calling me by Natalie." Then she winked at him and laughed. "It seems in this life, I was born with several gifts I have never had before. One the most interesting being a knowledge of all my previous lives." Nick wanted to believe. The eyes were so much like Natalie's but this was too unreal, even for him. Sensing his disbelief, Heather leaned back in her chair and threw her legs, crossed at the ankle, onto the table. "Okay, you need proof. Let's see. I know those flowers you bought me on my birthday were a last minute thing, that I've pulled more bullets out of your body than I can count, and that you have a cute little scare above your right shoulder from a training accident learning to use a sword. Now, you answer something for me. Why did you vamp out on when we were watching King Kong and force me to throw popcorn at you?" The sound of Nick's laughter carried out to the street, and the weight of the guilt he had carried over the last few years dropped off of him. It was true. Natalie was back. The end.