Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 22:13:17 -0700 From: Miranda LaCroix Subject: Forever Flatulance (01/01) To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Forever Knight is owned by Columbia Tristar, Sony Permission to archive by www.fkfanfic.com I am a only a writer who strings ideas together. This is a parody of Last Knight. This fanfic comes out of Gatsby, Bali, Fawkes, and I from #Foreverknight on irc.scifi.com Forever Flatulence (01/01) *POOT* Nicholas' eyes wandered from the road in front of him to glare at Schanke who sat at the passenger's seat beside him. "Schank," Nick growled. Schanke glanced a quick look to his partner, shifting uncomfortably on his seat. "What's up? Pardner?" "Roll down the windows if you're going to do that!" Nick exclaimed with an almost yell. "Oh man.. it must be travelling fast.. you can smell it already..." Schanke trailed off, quickly rolling down the window. Nick grinned but also sighed, as the disadvantage of having an enhanced sense of smell rolled quickly into his mind. He sped along Toronto's night streets hoping that he could get his partner home before the biological gas filled his entire body with a partial souvlaki stench. Dropping his partner quickly off with a quick shove on the seat of the pants, Nicholas' caddy tires screeched against the road as he quickly took off. Writing on a notepad quickly: 'Get Caddy aired out ASAP' he sped through the streets again leaving the caddy by CERK, hoping that LaCroix would get a tad mad. Nicholas Knight dragged himself into his loft letting the elevator door quickly slide in place behind him. He headed straight for the fridge but stopped at his table to find Natalie sleeping, slumped over a medical notebook. Curiously picking the book up as if he were a child, he flipped through the pages to the last entry: ***Notebook*** The consumption of blood has also another disadvantage in addition to the fact that the blood makes vampires live. An added disability of producing an excess gas which is also produced by the blood's host can come out of a vampire's mouth. The term of the gas: 'fart' creates a disadvantage to kiss a vampire due to the irritable smell. ***End Notebook*** An eyebrow of Nick's went flying up high as he stared at the text over and over again. Looking at the fridge uneasily he shook his head, and decided not to take a drink till Natalie had left. Moaning slightly as she got up, Natalie's eyes swung open slowly and gently. She stared at Nick, who stood there holding her notebook in his hands. "Caught you red handed!" she grinned, snatching the notebook out of his hands. Standing up, she went over to the fridge and pulled out a protein shake. "Here Nick, drink this, it'll help with your.. ahem.. breath..." Grinning, Nicholas took the protein shake and chugged the horrendous liquid down his mouth. Wiping the excess liquid off his face with a paper towel. "Got protein?" he lightly joked. Natalie burst out laughing as she went up to him. "I've been waiting to this for a loooong time!!!" she exclaimed, kissing him gently on the lips. For a second, Nicholas resisted and then planted one big smoocherooni oh his lips. He grabbed her closer and the two made hot passionate love right there in the middle of Nick's "kitchen". The young Nick got carried away and brought his lips close to her neck, and before he could bite.. he heard a cough... Natalie coughed, gasping for air, but Nick ignored the coughing. She coughed again, even louder, her oxygen was running out as nitrogen filled the air around her. Nicholas swore at the Cow's Blood Slurpee he had before arriving at his loft but could not resist the smell of Natalie's blood so close to him. Laying her down slowly on his oriental carpet, he gasped in shock. as she continued to cough, unable to breathe. "Nicholas?" LaCroix queried. "Do you wish to add her.. to our little group?" Tears came out of Nicholas' eyes as the nitrogen gas of cow overwhelmed him as well. "I've.. I've.. smelled her too much!" he gasped in shock, watching Natalie gasp for the limited oxygen in her almost pure nitrogen from cow dung in the atmosphere. "I told you.." LaCroix warned him. "Don't smell too much!" Nicholas began desperately fanning away the gas with a nearby cushion, coughing as the fumes overwhelmed him. Natalie began rising, shaking her woozy head. "We need to try some breath mints next time..." she sighed. Nicholas nodded and hugged his Natalie in his mouth, for a moment and then took off to the sky to wash his mouth clean in the thunderclouds. LaCroix eyed Natalie for a second and then turned to leave, tonight was not the night to succumb her to such.. horrendous torture. Miranda fleurdebrabant@cybergal.com http://miranda.bradet.com