The characters are not mine.  They are the property of Sony and the rest
of TPTB of Forever Knight.  The story, however, is mine.  Permission
granted to archive at fkfanfic.com. The song "Lady in Red" c. 1996 Chris
deBurgh

 

Hard choices 

Eric McCann

 

-------

 

"I can't help it if I'm worried, Nick."  Natalie paced in the loft. "I'm
not getting any younger. We have so much work to do still to make you
mortal again."

 

"Natalie, you know almost as well as I do what can happen."

 

"Yes, I do."  Natalie sighed, thinking of Richard, thinking of the images
that had flashed through her head when Nick had.... when Nick had almost
killed her.  She shuddered invoulentarily at the memories of the others
he'd brought across.  The doctor, Elizabeth, Janette again - Janette, who
was still around, the only of his "children" he could think of that was
still alive.

 

"Nick, you know I don't want power.  I don't want revenge.  Hell, I don't
even want to live forever."  She crossed to him, and placed her hand on
his shoulder.  "Nick, I just want to be with you. I want to find a cure,
to spend my life with you, but...."

 

She rested her head on his arm, and wiped the tear that threatened to
fall away.  "Nick, I don't want to grow old and die, knowing that I
hadn't cured you, that we couldn't be together.  I don't want you to
leave me, Nick."

 

He turned, and took her in his arms.  "Natalie...."  

 

What could he say?  He was so... afraid.  Afraid of her request, of what
might happen, of what he may have to do.  "Natalie, I know it's hard.  I
know it seems that I'm being unfair, but... what if I had to..."

 

She knew he was thinking of Richard, her brother.  "What if you had to
put me down? What if I went wild?"  She pulled back from him.  "I'm not
Richie.  I know what to expect, what can happen.  I know what would
happen to me."  She grabbed his shirt.  "I'm ready for it, Nick."

 

"Natalie, you can never be 'ready.'"  He tore himself away from her, and
walked over to the piano.

 

"How can you say that?  I've watched you, studied you for eight years
now.  I've learned so much..."

 

"Like the people who tried to learn to fly, and strapped wings to
themselves? Who jumped from cliffs and towers, believing they could fly?"
 He turned to  her again.  "Are you really sure of this? Do you have the
faith to put on the wings I could give you, and throw yourself from the
tower? You've watched me, yes.  You could watch me for another thousand
years and not know what I live with."

 

"I could... if you would make me what you are."  Natalie smiled inwardly.
 He had just made her point for her.  "And then we could work on bringing
you back. Bringing *us* back, Nick."

 

Nick looked at this woman who had been through so much with him, who
loved him, and felt his heart grow heavy.  He had known for so long that
one day this argument would come, and he could not fight it any longer.

 

"Natalie, I will have to leave soon.  A year at most."  He saw her give a
start, saw the fear, the betrayal in her eyes.  "People are asking
questions."  He smiled.  "They want to know my 'secret,' what gym I go to
or diet I'm on to look so young for so long. It's nearly time."  He
crossed to her, looking at the floor, looking to the side, never meeting
her face.  "I do not like this, Natalie.  I don't want to risk having
to...."  He raised his head to look into her eyes.  "At the same time, I
don't want to lose you."  He shook his head.  "Scylla and Charbydis."

 

"Damned if you do and damned if you don't?"  Natalie looked at him,
seeing the conflict play over his face.  "Nick... I'll be just as honest
with you.  I know what can happen. You nearly killed me once, Richard had
to be killed... but I want to take that risk, Nick.  I want to have a
chance."  She reached up to stroke his cheek.  "If you don't do this, if
you don't try, we will lose each other. I'll grow old, you'll move on. 
This way, we have a chance.  We'll have tried, at least."  She turned his
face so she could look up into his eyes.  "I love you, Nick.  For a long
time, I wasn't sure... but I know.  And I know you're worried."  

 

This time, she pulled away from him, and walked around the couch. "Nick,
don't you think I'm scared? But one way, I know I'll die, alone...."

 

"You can meet another man, another mortal who can give you a real life,
Nat."

 

"No, I can't."  She ran her hands over the back of the couch, and looked
up at him.  "Sure, I could meet someone, maybe even have children - but
he'd be living his life in your shadow.  It wouldn't be fair to any of
us.  He wouldn't have a life with me, and I'd be trying to turn him into
you."  She looked down again.  "If you're worried, we can have someone
else try, another bring me over..."

 

"No."  She looked up at him.  "Natalie, I won't have another bring you
across.  Who would I choose? LaCroix?  I've been bound to him for eight
hundred years. I would not put you through that.  Janette... has never
succeeded."  He smiled, remembering her comments.  "She is, in her own
words, a 'glutton.'"  He sighed.  "No, Nat.  If we decide to do this... I
will bring you across."

 

She stepped back, suprised.  Had she heard him correctly?  "You mean...
Nick, you would?"

 

"I will... think about it.  We have much to discuss, otherwise."  He
looked at his shuttered windows.  "The sun is almost up, and I need to
think."  He walked over to her, and held her hands in his.  "We'll talk
more, Nat.  But... I must think about this.  And so must you."

 

"Nick, I..."

 

He put a silencing finger to her lips.  "No, Nat.  Later.... this
evening.  I promise."

 

She smiled, and put her arms around him.  He stood there a moment,
feeling a weight settle onto his shoulders, then put his arms around her
as well.  "I want to do what's best for you."  He kissed the top of her
head.  "Now, go... we both need our rest."

 

"And Sydney's probably going to be quite... annoyed with me."  She was
still smiling as she picked up her purse.  She walked to the door, then
stopped and turned.  "Thank you, Nick."

 

"I haven't said I'll do it.  I still think it's a bad idea."

 

"I know, but you're at least thinking about my side... about us.  That's
all I ask."  She smiled, and went out the door.

 

As the door clicked shut, he turned.  The weight which had found its home
on his shoulders and in his spirit grew.  "All you ask."  He gave a sad
little laugh.  "If only you knew."

 

--------------

 

He lay there, not sleeping, not truly awake, lost in his thoughts and
memories.  

 

"Would it really be so bad if I did it?"  He pictured a life in the night
with Natalie, her working on the cure, them spending the evenings
together, talking, discovering, watching history unfold, hunting...

 

He paused at that.  What *would* she be like as a vampire?  Could she
take someone else's life?  She was a strong woman, he had to admit. She
had faced death - her own as well as that of others.  She had dealt with
the remains of his kind, and his kind's victims.

 

"But has seeing that dulled her perception of the reality of what I am?"
he asked no one in particular.  No answer was forthcoming from the walls
of his loft.  He sighed as his mind explored this new question.

 

She would revel in the new abilities she was given, yes. For her, the
strength and speed may not mean much, but the enhanced senses, the
ability to pull up any memory, would be a miracle to her.

 

"And a curse," he amended, thinking of her Nana, of the times she'd
nearly been killed.

 

Would it lead to her resenting him a short way down the road, as she
slowly realized what she had really given up? The sun, the world's true
colors instead of the silvered colors of evening...

 

And what of hunting?  That's what those senses were for, after all. She
had seen victims of vampire attacks, drained of blood.  But she had only
seen him, and the others, drink from bottles of blood. What would she do
with her first taste?  Or with the rush of a kill, the victim becoming
one with you - some got intoxicated by it, drowned in the feelings, and
went on a rampage, one right after the other... Could he stop her, or -
"God help me, I never hope to have to kill her."

 

"I'm not God, but if it comes to that, you *will* do what is neccessary."
 Nick lept from the couch, fangs barred, until he saw it was...

 

"LaCroix.  What are you doing back here?  I thought you had left for
good." He sat back down on the couch, and motioned his master to the
chair.

 

LaCroix nodded his head to thank his son, and seated himself. "I felt
such strange sensations from you, Nicholas.  You needed a guiding hand,
and" he said, smiling, spreading his arms, "here I am. Never let it be
said I don't care for my children."  Seeing Nick's mildly amused look, he
steepled his hands.  "Now, what is bothering you, Nicholas?  I see you're
still on your... quest."  He picked up the glass of cow's blood Nick had
left sitting on the table.  "*This* is not going to help, Nicholas.  Deep
inside you, you know this."  He sat the glass down after giving it a look
of distaste.  "You still want your mortality. Nicholas, when will you
give up this quest of yours?"

 

"I cannot," Nick said.  They'd had this conversation a thousand times
before.

 

"That's part of what's troubling you, though.  I see it - oh, yes,
Nicholas, it's quite clear.  Something has renewed your... enthusiasm.
Might I ask what?"

 

"I'd say no, but you'll ask anyway."

 

LaCroix smiled.  "Yes, quite.  Is the good doctor pushing you again,
poking and prodding?  I see she is part of it by your reaction.  Is she
feeling the weight of her own brief existance, wanting children, not
wanting to grow old?"  His smile grew somewhat as he saw Nick's
discomfort.  "That is it, isn't it.  Yes, Nicholas, I know.  Listen to me
very carefully.  There *is* NO... way.... back."

 

"Janette made it back."

 

"And you took it away from her."  LaCroix sighed.  "Yes, Janette's way
works.  One or two others have done it in the time I've existed.
However," he said, noting Nick's look of hope, "More times than not it
has failed.  The mortal must be one you are truly in love with, one who
you care deeply for, and the mortal MUST die. No, Nicholas, there is no
way around it."  He leaned back in his chair.  "Of the two that I know
of, the Enforcers... took care of one.  The other died by his own hand
within a year of killing his lover."

 

LaCroix leaned forward at Nick's shattered look.  "I truly am sorry,
Nicholas.  As much as I've... enjoyed... sparring with you, enjoyed your
company, I can see quite clearly what the doctor means to you.  You
haven't had such a spark, such... life in you for ages.  Look at me,
Nicholas."  Nick raised his head.  "You have changed me, made me realize
things, caused me to examine myself as well.  If there were any other
way, I would give it to you. But there *is* only one way for the two of
you to be together. You *know* what that is."

 

He got up slowly.  "I am not lying to you now. Believe what I have told
you, and do what must be done."  With a sudden rush of air, he was 
gone.

 

Nick looked through the skylight after his departing master, knowing he
was right.

 

"Damn you, LaCroix.  I will find a way."

 

------------  

 

Natalie sat there, absently stroking a purring Sydney, occasionally
sipping a cup of tea.  The notebook in her hand, like with the three on
the coffee table, was filled with her notes.  She went over what she had
learned - their small victories, the setbacks, the little mysteries. They
had worked for eight years, and she was no closer to understanding Nick
than she was then.

 

"No, that's not right.  Nick, the person, I understand.  Or as well as
anyone can understand, right Syd?"  She smiled at the grey furball in her
lap.  Sydney looked up with a mildly amused look, and swatted at the
notebook before yawning and laying back down.

 

"Yeah, I know.  You can't analyze a person and stick them in a notebook."
 Natalie sighed. She thought back over all they'd been through, the times
they'd nearly lost each other, and the times they'd nearly had each
other... "I don't know, Sydney.  I'm asking Nick to do something he
hates, do something he's afraid of - risk bringing me across.  But it's
the only way I'll have the time to cure him - and the only way we'll be
together, it looks like," she added sadly.  "What do you think - am I
just being foolish?"

 

Sydney sneezed and hopped off her lap.

 

"You're a lot of help."  Natalie tossed the notebook on the table and
went to call Nick.

 

--------

 

"Yeah, it sounds good to me, Nat.  We might as well start off the night
on a good note."  He listened for a moment.  "All right.  I'll see you
shortly."  Nick hung up and smiled sadly.  He hated what it seemed he
would have to do to finally be together with Natalie.  But he was
determined to make sure she knew everything...

 

He stood, brooding, thinking back on his life.  He stared at his
paintings, at the walking-stick LaCroix had staked him with two years
ago. He had wanted to die, then, believing he had killed Natalie,
betraying her and her faith in him, then finding faith within himself
that there was something more than this....

 

"Nick?"

 

Nick turned with a start and faced Natalie. "Hi, Nat."  How long had he
been standing there?  "You got your takeout, I see."

 

"Yep. Nothing sets the mood for a movie like orange chicken and egg
rolls."  She looked at him critically. "You were thinking of last 
time."

 

Nick nodded and hung his head.  "Nat..."

 

"Nick, look, I'll be honest.  I'm scared, too.  I remember last time,
too. But I'm still here - WE, are still here. We made it through then,
and we'll make it through now."  She walked over to the kitchen.  "But,
we weren't going to talk about it until after I ate and we got through a
movie or two. So... "  

 

Nick smiled at her and slid his arm around her as they made their way to
the couch. Halfway through the first movie, she was leaning against him,
her arm around his, his around her waist, his head resting on hers.

 

"This is what I want," Nick thought to himself.  "Natalie and myself,
sharing each others lives..."

 

He felt movement, and noticed her looking up at him.  "Nick?  Are you
OK?"

 

"Yeah, Nat.  Yeah, I'm fine."  He smiled at her, and kissed her gently on
the bridge of her nose.  She smiled back, and relaxed against him as he
rested his head on hers once more.

 

They stayed that way for hours as the movies played on.

 

----------

 

The final movie played, and Natalie sat there, looking at her tea, as
Nick got up and rewound the tape.  Long moments passed after Nick sat
down, the silence seeming to take on a life of its own.

 

Finally, Natalie spoke.  "I've been thinking about what you said, Nick.
About what I'm asking you to do for me.  To me, I guess I should say."
She sighed, took a sip of her tea and set it down.  "I haven't changed my
mind, Nick. I know as much about what I'm getting into here as I can."

 

"Natalie... I know.  I just don't like it. I know Janette's 'cure' is
risky - LaCroix finally admitted to me that it had worked before, but
only two other times in the past millennium.  And afterwards..."  He
looked at Natalie with a sadness in his eyes that nonetheless only hinted
at the pain the idea brought.

 

"I know, Nick.  I would have to die."  She echoed his sadness in her own
eyes.  "The whole reason... The whole reason for this is to allow us to
be together, Nick. I know it's a big change, for you as well as me..."

 

"Nat, my history with bringing people across..."

 

"... isn't that great, I know.  But how many of them knew what they were
getting into?  And their motives... I have no reason to go wild, Nick. 
I'm not after power, eternal youth, revenge - just a cure."  She got up
and walked over to Nick. "And the chance to be with you, without you
being afraid of killing me."

 

"Do you really know what you're getting into, though.  Nat, you know I
don't like this, but I will do this for you. But, we'll need some time
first."  He took her hands in his.  "I have been thinking a great deal
about how to make this... easier. I won't bring you across for a little
while." Nick sighed, and put his arm around her. "Come on, the night's
nearly over."

 

Natalie looked at him wonderingly as he led her outside.  The stars shone
in the cold Toronto night, hard points in the evening sky, slowly,
grudgingly giving way to the coming dawn.  They watched as the night sky
went from black, to indigo, and reds, pinks, purples, and yellows danced
in the morning clouds.  Nick held her from behind, his arms around her
waist, her arms on his.

 

"Natalie, I want you to take the next two weeks and enjoy the day.  Walk
through the parks.  Smell the flowers' perfume. Drink in the blue skies,
the green grass, before your world turns to shades of grey, silver, and
black."

 

"But you're here, watching the sunrise with me. I'll have some immunity -
not much, I know...."

 

"Nat, I'm eight centuries old.  For the first hundred years or so, you'll
be risking your life just seeing this much of the sun. I want you to
enjoy life.  At night, I will teach you what you can expect, what we
know, how the community works. During the day... like the saying goes,
'eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow....' "

 

"... I die," she said, finishing the sentence.  "I suppose I should
resign from the coroner's office, as well."  Nick nodded his head. "It's
been slow there anyway. They were even thinking of putting a fast food
place in to drum up some business...."

 

Nick smiled.  "I know. That stuff'll kill you. OW!" he exclaimed as
Natalie swatted him on the arm, then leaned against him.  "I've got to
get inside.  We have two weeks, Natalie - make the most of them."  

 

"And," he added silently, as he watched Natalie walk to her car, "maybe
they'll make you realize what you're giving up - something I didn't
understand for over a century."

 

He turned and walked back into the welcoming darkness of the loft.

 

----------

 

Natalie walked out of the coroner's office, feeling as if she'd just left
her heart in one of the scales.  After all those years of her life she'd
put in there, to just come in and leave suddenly - no real explanation,
only the briefest goodbyes to her friends, to the people she'd gotten to
know and love...

 

She wiped a tear from her eye.  Grace hadn't wanted to let go of her, and
she'd promised to write, to stop and visit...

 

"And you'll send an invitation to the wedding, right?  I know that's got
to be what's coming up..."

 

Natalie had smiled, her best "OK, you got me" look on her face, and had
promised to let her know where and when as soon as she did.  She'd hated
lying to her dear friend, but she'd had to get out of there...

 

"A fast, clean break, Lambert.  It's better this way."  She wiped another
tear from her eye and sniffed, then turned and looked one last time at
the coroner's office. She sighed deeply, then turned and walked away,
never to return.

 

--------

 

She thought while she drove.  "What would I miss?  Where should I go..." 
She realized that she really didn't know.  Work had been her life for the
last decade.  Work, and Nick.

 

"Great, Natalie, you have two weeks of normal life left, and you just now
realize you haven't had a life in a decade."  She stopped and shook her
head.  "And now you're talking to yourself." She smiled, and saw a cafe'
she knew.  "Well, that's the first stop - I won't have to worry about a
diet after this."  She parked and went inside.

 

Two coffees and one rich slice of cheesecake later, she had a few
destinations in mind. She got up and walked out the door.

 

--------

 

She sat at the waterfront, letting the cool air relax her, watching the
occasional couple walk by.  "That will be us, one of these days."  She
could imagine Nick's arm around her, the water lapping at the shoreline a
scant few feet away.

 

She thought of what was coming, over and over.  Was she ready?  Was she
sure?  She could almost hear him asking her again. As the sun slowly set
over the water, her thoughts drifted out, showing her what would, could,
should, and might have been.  The ifs, the worries, the doubts and fears
all surfaced, taking her over  as they had the past week and a half.  And
again, she fought them.  She had done all, seen all she could think to
do.  She had gone through the gardens, inhaling the flowers' scent as
though she would never be able to again, letting the colors impress
themselves in her mind.  She had haunted the parks, enjoying the
greenery, the feel of the sun on her face. She had eaten - sometimes
with, sometimes without Nick, at all the places she'd ever wanted to 
go.

 

Still, she felt hollow, shallow.  It hadn't taken long for her to see
what she wanted to see.  She hadn't really wanted to do... much. Sure,
there was a lot she wanted to learn - she'd love to take up a cello, or
some other instrument, perhaps re-learn how to sketch well... but all
that could be done in the eternity she had facing her.

 

"So what's wrong with you?" she asked herself.  No answer was forthcoming
- none she wanted to admit to right now.

 

She sat and watched the sun settle into the water.

 

-------

 

Nick heard the door to the lift open.  "Come on in, Nat."  He turned as
she walked toward him, and frowned when he saw her face.  "What's
wrong?"

 

Natalie looked up at him.  "Is it that obvious?"

 

"Yes.  Very much so."  He paused.  "You're not... having second thoughts,
are you?" Nick wasn't sure if the thought made him glad or afraid.

 

"I don't know, Nick.  I just don't...."  She sat on the couch, silent for
a moment.

 

"Nick, what do you miss most about being mortal?"

 

"What?"

 

Natalie stirred nervously.  "What do you miss most about being mortal? 
Anything?"

 

"Why do you ask?"

 

She got up and paced.  "I've been trying to think of what I would miss. 
What I couldn't do.  Yes, seeing the sun is nice, chocolate will be
missed, but... I don't know if it's me or life.  I just can't think of
what I'd miss."  She looked at Nick. "I've gone to the parks, to the
beach, and most of the time I've just sat and thought.  I've lived most
of the last decade at night anyway, before that... med school, and life
in general... I can't think of anything besides eating that I wouldn't be
able to do, after..."

 

"After you're brought across."   Natalie nodded her head.  "And that's
why you want to know what I miss?"  She nodded her head again.

 

Nick got up and wandered to the fireplace.  He ran his hand over the cool
stone, lost in thought.  "I don't suppose you'd believe having a soul."

 

"Nope.  That's a cop-out.  What do you really miss?"

 

Nick sighed, and went on after a minute.  "When I was a boy, growing up,
I used to chase my dogs around the grounds.  Sunlight, rain, it didn't
matter. We enjoyed it.  If I chase anything as a vampire, it's part of a
hunt.  It's not done for the pure joy of it, it's done to feed.  It's...
It's no longer an 'innocent' act. Even if I do just do it to play with a
dog... the feel of the hunt is still there."  He smiled sadly.  "I used
to pick on Fleur - and she on me.  Nothing serious, just the usual
brotherly need to annoy your sister."  He sighed and looked at Natalie.
"I miss Fleur.  I outlived her, her son, her grandchildren, her great
grandchildren, so many generations past."

 

"You don't mean you miss the thought of dying?"

 

He took Natalie's hands.  "Immortality sounds like such a grand idea.  To
never age, to never die."  He shook his head.  "But it's a curse.  To
watch your family grow old, disappear, to have friends vanish into the
past."  His sad smile returned.  "Fleur has true immortality, Natalie. 
Even ignoring the spiritual promises made by the Church, her children -
even today - carry a part of her with them.  And a part of my mother and
father, and their parents, and theirs...."  He saw the look in her face. 
"You don't understand, do you."

 

Natalie smiled back at him.  "I think I do, Nick.  Maternal instinct or
something - to have children, raise them.  To hold them in your arms, to
kiss their bruises and make them better..."  She thought of Richard when
his daughter was born, and the few times she had really managed to
visit...

 

"Yes. That's it... and that's true immortality, Natalie."  He turned and
went to the window, watching the pale moon make its slow course across
the evening sky, a pale imitation of the Sun.  "More than anything, I
wish I could have children."  He smiled as another memory came to him. 
"I didn't realize....  My father talked to me about my future, once.  I
was to inherit the lands, have strong sons to carry on the family line.
He had a look in his eye then that I didn't understand, believing he was
giving me yet another 'duty.'"  He sighed.  "I had heard some of the
soldiers, some of the servants, talking about their marriages.  Some were
cold, others complained about having to put up with their wives asking
where they were, what they were doing.  All but a very few - but at some
point they all said they loved their wives."

 

He turned to look at Natalie.  "At the time, I had no idea of love.  I
was young enough I didn't know about desire - or lust, or the difference
between the two.  I only knew my father was giving me a duty, telling me
of something I must do, and not paying attention to what his eyes were
saying."  He crossed over, and took Natalie's hands back into his.  "He
loved my mother, and my sister, and myself.... and was hoping I could
find the same happiness."  Nick looked down, angry at himself.  "Instead,
I took what I thought would be an easier way out... Become a vampire, you
and your name will live forever."

 

Natalie raised her eyebrow.  "Janette wasn't a part of it?"

 

"She was, yes. But I just... desired her.  I didn't really love her for
many years, and through the centuries... well, she was my sister, through
LaCroix. I did love her for a while.  She was my wife, and lover, and
friend.  Now she is my daughter. But... it is not the same."  He looked
Natalie in the eyes.  "You have to understand, if it had been a year
later, I probably would not have done it.  LaCroix would have killed me,
or made me forget, I would have had a family, and gone to dust long ago. 
But - I had my father's charge, I had come back from a long, cynical
crusade to be locked in chains, spit on, beaten.  I had no faith, God was
a cold, spiteful, uncaring being to me."  He chuckled sadly to himself. 
"And my father wanted me to carry on our name by marrying and bringing
more children into this cold, careless world. I could not see myself
doing that.  And one night, a dark haired woman came to take me away....
and so here I am."

 

Natalie looked hard at Nick.  "And that's what you miss... not the
flowers, the sun..."

 

"I can grow flowers in a greenhouse.  The sun.... It's not just the sun
itself.  If I wanted to see the sun, I could put a camera on the roof, or
paint it.  The sun represents everything I cannot have."  He looked at
his hands.  "I came back from a year in chains.  I met Janette and
Lacroix, who promised me eternal life, eternal freedom.  But it's not
freedom.  I must hide during the day.  I must control myself around
mortals, so I don't kill and expose myself.  I can no longer go where I
will, when I will, feel the warmth of the sun, the cool summer breezes,
the soothing they brought me once. I cannot stay more than ten years or
so in once place - fifteen, perhaps, longer if there's nobody nearby,
unless they discover my 'secret.' I have traded true freedom of a short,
mortal life, true immortality through my children - traded it for an
eternal prison in this body. And when I realized what I had done... it
was too late."  He looked at Natalie, eyes burning with self
recrimination and pain,  blue eyes edged with gold and red.  "And so I
ask you again... are you sure this is what you want?"

 

He dropped Natalie's hands and turned to gain control of himself, and
heard the door to the loft close.

 

-----

 

Natalie sat in her car, shaking, staring at the moon.  Why hadn't she
seen this?

 

"You didn't want to, Nat."  She shook her head, tears running down her
face.  She knew what he was, what a vampire had to do to survive.  She'd
covered up the poor, unfortunate victims of a vampire's needs. She knew
that Nick hated what he was, but never why.  It sounded so promising -
yes, live for the night alone, but to live forever, never die if you're
careful - how had he said it, "Stay out of the sun, avoid sharp sticks,
and you live forever, that's the deal."  And the ecstasy on his face as
he talked about taking blood, sharing blood, living the other person's
life, knowing them more than intimately... but the other person lost
their life, most times.

 

Unless they were a vampire.

 

She hadn't ever asked Nick what made him hate what he was. She seemed to
come back to that little bit of missing information. "Missing until now,"
she corrected herself.  She always assumed it was just the killing he had
done.  But that was such a small part of it....

 

She didn't hear the footsteps.  "Ahh, my good doctor - or should I say
Natalie, since we will be family soon."

 

She jumped in her seat.  "LaCroix!"

 

"Yes.  I felt Nicholas's worry as you left, and thought I should...
'check up' on you." He looked at her closely.  "You are troubled?"

 

"That's the understatement of the year."

 

LaCroix smiled.  "One of thousands."

 

She felt annoyance at being... watched.  "Look, I appreciate you checking
up on me - but I really don't have time for this right now."  She sighed.
 "I have a lot of thinking to do."

 

"Yes, of course."  LaCroix lifted an eyebrow, smiled slightly, and turned
to walk away.

 

Natalie sighed, grateful he was leaving, then stopped and cursed herself.
 "You call yourself a doctor.  But you're making a judgement on one
sample."  She opened her car door.  "LaCroix.... Lucien, if I may..."

 

He stopped, smiling.  "Yes, Doctor?"

 

"Can we talk?"

 

------

 

A few minutes later, they were in a private dining room - reminding
Natalie of a similar encounter, years ago in Azure.  LaCroix sat across
from her, the same smug, self-satisfied look on his face.

 

"Now, my dear, what troubles you?"

 

"Nick."

 

LaCroix smiled wryly. "He can have that effect."

 

Natalie glared at him, and he waved his had for her to continue.  "I
never realized why Nick hates what he is.  I didn't until tonight. And
I'm.... going to become like him.  Like you."  She sighed.  She hated
opening herself up to anyone - this vampire in particular - but she
didn't know who else to turn to. "My problem is, I only really have
Nick's viewpoint on 'what it is to be a vampire.'"

 

"So you want an essay? 'What I did on my summer vacation,' as it were?"

 

"Something like that. But... more.  You are comfortable with what you
are, who you are.  I have to know why.  Vachon was, too, but he's..."

 

"Dead.  Yes, I know."  He shrugged.  "So, what do you want to know?"

 

"Nick feels like he's in a prison, trapped in himself.  He hates that, he
hates his lost freedom, and the killing he's had to do.  You... don't
seem bothered by it.  Why? What was your mortal life like?"

 

"You don't want to know about my mortal life, doctor.  It would be...
quite foreign to you."  

 

"Actually, I want to know if it's any basis for how you are...
afterward."

 

LaCroix glared at her.  "The life of the son of a Roman officer, a Roman
general, is nothing you could relate to."

 

"I have to know, LaCroix. If I'm going to be... one of you...."

 

LaCroix gave Natalie a hard, cold stare.  "Very well, Doctor.  My
childhood ended when I was born.  My family was strict. I was expected to
do - not well, but to do perfectly.  I was beaten for my failures.  I
learned *not* to fail.  When I joined the Legions, when I became General,
I expected no less from my troops.  They knew that, they respected that. 
I could have ordered them against the Gods themselves, and they would
have given their lives for me.  They rarely disappointed me - they knew
the consequences."

 

Natalie shivered.  "And when you were brought across?  What then?"

 

"That I would prefer not to talk about."  LaCroix saw the odd look in her
face, and decided she would just keep after him, scraping away at old
wounds.  "Very well, doctor.  I was brought across in extreme
circumstances.  In an unexcavated area of Pompeii, part of my palace -
'home' would be a misnomer - still stands.  Busts of me, from the finest
sculptor in Rome, lie forgotten for now - the last thing he ever
created."  LaCroix leaned forward.  "I had come back from a campaign in
Gaul, successful beyond even my dreams.  I was a hero. Another few years
and I would be in the Senate, and Rome would be bent to my will.  I was
respected, listened to." He curled his lip in a snarl.  "Then the Gods
revolted, Pompeii erupted, and my dau... maker, brought me across."  He
sat there, shaking, troubled expressions crossing his face.  "I destroyed
her shortly afterward.  Or thought I had, after she made some... unseemly
demands of me.  She came back, and I destroyed her in truth the final
time, scattering her ashes to the wind."  He grunted.  "Like mother, like
son."

 

"And after that?  You do not seem to regret what you are, or the lives
you've taken."

 

"No."

 

"How?  Why?"

 

He smiled at her, much as one would smile at a child's tenth "why" after
telling them the sky is blue.  "Doctor, you are asking questions that
cannot be answered for you. You must find those answers for yourself. 
Nicholas... has never done that.  Now, is there anything else?"

 

"Yes."  She looked at him carefully.  "Do you miss anything about
being... mortal?"

 

"No."

 

"Nothing?"

 

"Doctor, I warn you, do not push me.  I had no love when I grew up.  No
true sense of 'family,' as they say these days.  There is nothing in my
mortal life I miss."

 

"No regrets."

 

LaCroix hesitated the barest second, thinking of Fleur.  "Of my mortal
life, no."

 

"And of..."

 

"As I said, Doctor, don't push me."  He rose from his chair to leave. 
"One last thing, Natalie.  You are being given a choice, something very
few of us have had.  You are being given time to adjust, and the
community is allowing it because of what you had done for us.  Do not
waste it."

 

She sat there alone for some time, thinking.

 

"Interesting.  Very interesting."   She brought out her notebook, made a
few quick notes, and left. 

-------

 

She was flying.

 

"I can't believe this."   She looked around, the evening air cool,
whipping through her robe, slightly damp from the clouds.  "I'm really
flying!"  

 

Natalie smiled, and laughed as she danced around a thunderhead.  She saw
a private plane making its way around the storm, and decided to have some
fun.  Matching its speed, she landed lightly on top, and walked toward
the front.  Jumping, turning in midair, she landed and knelt on the nose,
facing two startled pilots.  She laughed, and blew them a kiss before
taking off again.  She knew Nick would be mad if he knew, but she didn't
care.  

 

"Natalie..."

 

Oh, great, he knew *already.*  Wouldn't he let her enjoy this for a
little while, without raining on her parade?   She turned around, lost in
a cloud - then saw him, saw the sadness in his eyes, that she wasn't
taking this seriously.

 

"Natalie, please, talk to me."

 

Suddenly she was falling.  Why couldn't she fly any more?  Faster, faster
she went, the rain from the cloud red with the light from the new
dawn.... and as if the fear of falling, the fear of the sun, wasn't bad
enough, a mosquito kept buzzing round her ear....

 

Mosquito?

 

She woke up to the door buzzer, Nick's voice calling from the other side.
 "O-kay, Nat.  That's the last time you grab sushi from that place."  She
shook her head.  "Just a sec, Nick."

 

She stretched as she got out of bed, eliciting a protest from Sydney. 
"Sorry, Syd."  She got into a nice, warm, fuzzy robe, and went to the
door.  "Hey. Come on in."

 

"You were sleeping?"

 

She smiled as she went to make herself a cup of coffee. "Hmm," she
thought, "I guess this is something I'll miss too."  

 

She yawned again.  "That obvious, is it?"  Suddenly, she turned.  "And if
you EVER sneak up on me like that again, I'll stake you to a jumbo jet." 
She laughed at Nick's hurt, confused look.  "Sorry.  Don't ask."

 

"I don't think I want to."  Nick shrugged it off and smiled, then became
serious again.  "You talked to LaCroix."

 

It wasn't a question.

 

"Yeah.  Don't give me that look, Nick.  He loves being a vampire, you
hate it.  He didn't have anything to lose, though, nothing to look back
on and miss."  She brought her coffee to the couch and sat, looking at
Nick.  "He had power there, he has it now. He wasn't... loved, didn't
have much of a family life from how it sounded.  He had nothing there to
make him... miss his mortality."  She sighed. "You did.  I've seen the
two extremes... I just wish..."

 

"There were someone else around?"  Nick shook his head.  "There's not
much of a choice, Nat.  Janette's gone...somewhere.  Vachon, Urs,
Screed... well..."  He sighed. "And I wouldn't trust some of the younger
vampires not to make a snack out of you."

 

"I know.  It's just... It's like an alien wanting to know about humanity,
and only getting to meet Mother Theresa and Stalin.  Or Gandhi and
Hitler."

 

"Which one am I?" Nick said, a smile coming across his face -
disappearing as Nat swatted his arm none too gently.

 

"Not funny. This is serious."

 

"Okay, I'm sorry.  I'll look around and see what I can find.  We don't
have much time though - you only have three more days, Nat.  Which
reminds me, what did you want to talk to me about?"

 

Natalie sighed.  Here it was - and she hoped her idea worked.  "Well, we
know what happened... last time."  She saw the pained look come across
Nick's face.  "Hey, none of that, I told you I forgave you."

 

"Nat..."

 

"No, don't 'Nat' me.  I forgave you, it's the end of it."  Nick slumped
his shoulders in defeat.  "But, it's been two years since then, and...
well, you and I both know you can take too much when the person you're -
you're bringing across means a lot to you."  She got up and went to the
refrigerator.  "So... I think, if I give you a little... additive to your
diet, we may be able to help."

 

"Uh, Nat, if this is another of your shakes..."

 

"Not exactly."  She came over holding a small vial.  "Drink this next
time you feed. Actually, that had better be soon. I'll give you one more,
tomorrow."

 

"What is it?" Nick asked, taking the cool, sealed vial from her and
looking cautiously at the red liquid inside of it.

 

She took in a breath.  "It's my blood."

 

Nick nearly dropped the vial.  "Nat..."  He stopped and stared at her,
then at the vial. It made sense to him.  "You want me to get... used to
you.  So I don't..."

 

Natalie nodded her head.

 

"You're sure about this?"

 

"Nick, I want to be with you, as more than a meal.  This way, it won't be
a... shock to you again, and as long as you feed beforehand as 
well...."

 

Nick nodded his head.  "It does make sense, I'll admit."  He sighed yet
again as he put the vial in his pocket.  "Anything else?"

 

Natalie thought about it.  He was being awfully businesslike about it,
but she could see in his face, in his tenseness how nervous he was. 
"Yes, actually.  Two... requests."  Nick raised his eyebrow.  "Great,"
she thought. "He's picked up LaCroix's habits."

 

She looked at Nick.  "First - take me out.  I want to spend my final
night as a mortal with you.  I want to eat, to dance, to... I don't know.
 Say goodbye, I suppose."

 

Nick smiled. "Like I need any reason to take you anywhere you want to go.
 And the other?"

 

She smiled.  "You'll find that one out later."  She looked at the clock. 
"Now, get going.  I have to get dressed, and take care of some things." A
distant look crept into Natalie's eyes.  "I have one or two more good
byes to say."

 

Nick nodded, and got up.  "I'll talk to you later, Nat.  Call me if you
need anything."

 

She smiled softly as he left.  "Good night, Nick."  She walked back to
her room and checked the basket that was by her bed.  Seeing that it was
all in one piece - and apparently of no interest to Sydney - she got
ready to take a shower and take care of her good byes.

 

-----------------

 

She pulled up to the parking lot, and got out.  A soft, gentle rain had
started, and she pulled out her umbrella.  "Like it will really hurt your
deliveries."  She smiled a little smile, and walked down the path,
between the oaks and flower beds, the now-empty benches reflecting the
moonlight on their wet surfaces.

 

The paths branched off and got smaller, the rain running down the sides
to discretely placed drains so as not to disturb the inhabitants or their
visitors.  Natalie saw who she was looking for, and in a few more steps
she was there.

 

She took a flower out of her basket, and laid it on Tracy Vetter's grave.
 "Hey, Trace."  She chuckled sadly.  She and Tracy Vetter had never
really gotten to be friends while she was partnered with Nick, though it
had seemed an - odd friendship had started to form near the end...

 

"We had more in common than you knew, Trace.  I'm sorry we never told
you."  She'd said that so many times in the last two years.  But, it was
too late now. It was, she had to admit, one of the few times she and Nick
had agreed - to be honest, even shared - a regret.  And now, at the
perky, confident blonde woman's grave, she could say all the things she
couldn't tell anyone in life.

 

"You kept saying Nick and I would work out so well together.  You always
said you wished we'd get past 'whatever' was holding us up and just be
ourselves.  Well, you're about to get your wish, I think."  She sighed. 
"I'm just not sure.  It's such a major change in life."  She looked at
the tombstone.  "Like you didn't have one." She thought about Tracy, how
they had always underestimated her, but how she would come up with the
most amazing ideas, and how gutsy she could be.  "You should have been a
brunette.  The blonde hair had everyone fooled."  She patted the
tombstone, and got up.  "We'll talk later, Trace.  I've got another
delivery to make."

 

She walked farther along the path, wishing Schanke were buried here.  She
had to admit, she missed him.  She'd have to visit Myra later, and see
how they were doing. Natalie smiled as she thought of what he'd say...
"Ya know, Natalie, I always thought Nick was a little strange.  I guess
the vampire thing explains it, but why you would want to be one - Idunno,
does it really make sense?  Yeah, you live forever, but I couldn't do it.
Allergic to garlic. That's why you don't hear of any Italian vampires, ya
know..."

 

Natalie almost turned to tell him how ridiculous he was being, and
stopped.  A single tear rolled down her cheek.  "I miss you, Schanke.  So
does Nick.  We could really use your humor.  You always could make me
laugh."  She sighed as another tear rolled down her cheek.  "We always
said Myra was a saint for putting up with some of the stuff you pulled,
but considering everything else she had in you... I guess she knew a good
thing when she saw it."  

 

She walked quietly in the rain for a moment or two, then realized she was
at her last stop.  

 

"Hey, Richie."  She placed the basket on top of his grave, and bowed her
head.  "You've been on my mind a lot lately, little brother. I pushed
Nick into doing what I thought was best for you, and now we're going to
try what I think is best for me."  She ran her hand along the tombstone. 
"I know, you're not really here.  You scattered across Toronto with the
wind.  But where else can I go?"  Tears rolled down her cheeks more
freely now.  "God, Richie.  Do I really know what I'm doing?  What am I
going to be when I come across..."

 

She stood at her brother's headstone for many long minutes, and came away
as unsure as she was when she arrived.  "Wish me luck, Richie," she said,
and turned away.

 

As she walked back to her car, she looked toward Tracy's grave again -
and stopped.  Someone else was there - too thin to be her father, long,
scraggly hair hiding his face, and he was picking up and smelling the
flower she had left.

 

"Hey! You!"

 

The stranger stood up and looked at her, then started to walk towards
her.  "Great move, Lambert, you don't even know who this is and now..."

 

The stranger walked into a circle of light near one of the benches.  "Oh
my god," she thought.

 

"Vachon?"

 

The somewhat scruffy-looking vampire stood and stared at Natalie, then a
smile broke out on his face.  "Hey, doc.  What's new?  Oh, thanks for
putting a flower on Trace's grave. I don't get to come by as much as I'd
like."

 

"Vachon... How? I mean, Nick said..."

 

"I was dead?  Well, I am anyway, yeah."  He looked Natalie over.  "I hear
you're going to be one of the gang soon."

 

"I'm thinking about it."  Vachon walked beside Natalie as she went to her
car. "But before we get into that, what happened to you?  Nick told me
Divia attacked you, that you impaled yourself on a stake, and that you
died in Tracy's arms..."

 

"So the little she-demon's name was Divia."  Vachon rubbed the stubble on
his chin. "I hope I don't catch up with her again."

 

"You won't. She attacked LaCroix, Nick staked her, and they cremated the
body."

 

"Good.  We don't need more of that kind running around. Things are hard
enough as it is."  Vachon looked at Natalie, who was looking at him
expectantly.  "Right. How am I here. It's not that big of a story,
really."  Vachon went into how, after Tracy buried him, his blood had
soaked into the sand, taking Divia's poison - most of it, at least - with
it.  How he had come awake to find himself, unstaked, buried, and hungry.
 How he had run, burning from the sun to the water, hidden under a dock,
and finally fed from a poor, homeless woman who came too close.

 

"I know, the killing's not something you probably want to hear, but - the
last thing that went through her mind was 'thank you.'  She wanted to 
get out of the life she was in."  He sighed.  "I could see her memories. 
She used to be a beautiful woman.  An actress, actually. Then... well,
saying "no" to some people when they don't want to hear it can be
hazardous to a career, and a life."  He hung his head.  That feeding had
stayed with him, and from time to time he played the memories over again
in his mind.  "Anyway.  After that, I went to Tracy's apartment, and she
wasn't there.  I heard about the shooting on the news.  By the time I
found what hospital, and where she was.... she was gone."

 

"I'm sorry, Vachon."

 

"Thanks.  But, it's what mortals do.  Die, that is." He said it with a
nonchalance betrayed by the hurt in his eyes.  He missed Tracy.  "She
knew the risks when she signed on with the police.  Still, what I
wouldn't give to see her one more time."  They had reached Natalie's car,
and he leaned against it.  "I try to come here as much as I can.  I
didn't realize how much she had come to mean to me, so fast."

 

Vachon turned to look at her after a minute.  "So, doc, what made you
decide to become a vampire?"

 

"I haven't decided yet.  I probably will, but.... I'm trying to find out
what's in store for me."  She sighed.  "I've talked to Nick, and
LaCroix."

 

"Great combination," he said, sarcasm and amusement showing in his voice.
"Confused as ever, I take it?"

 

Natalie smiled. "Yeah.  Two extremes."  She looked at Vachon carefully. 
"You seem to have found a happy medium somewhere, though."

 

"Yeah, well, I know what I am, what I can do.  I know what I have to do
to live, and deal with it.  Something Knight seems to have forgotten."

 

She looked at Vachon for a moment. "Are you going anywhere for a 
while?"

 

Vachon looked back with suprise.  "Not really, Doc. Why?"

 

She opened her car door.  "Get in, let's talk."

 

------------

 

"You want to know what?"  Vachon looked at Natalie, confused.

 

They drove through the rainy night with no real destination.  "I said, is
there anything you miss about being mortal?"

 

"That's not something we normally... think about, even, doc."

 

"Come on, Vachon. I even got LaCroix to answer."

 

Vachon raised an eyebrow at Natalie.  "You did?  Remind me not to get in
your way when you're a vampire."  He chuckled.  "Someone finally got
through Mr. General's brick wall.  Wow."

 

"Vachon...."

 

"Yeah, all right, all right."  He settled back.  "I didn't have all that
remarkable of a life, doc.  I grew up in Spain, son of a farmer.  Farming
just didn't do it for me, though, and as soon as I could, I left home.  I
still came by and visited once in a while, but my father never really
forgave me for leaving."  He sighed.  "A little while later, I joined an
expedition to the New World, and became a conquistodore.  You know, the
history books don't quite have it right, doc.  We came to find gold,
convert natives, killed others..."  He shook his head.  "It was a mess. 
Anyway, I was out, scouting, and ran across this Inca warrior.  We fought
all day, into the night, both of us bruised, tired, bleeding. Neither of
us ever got the upper hand.  Then... she arrived."

 

"She?"

 

"I don't really know the whole story behind her, but the Inca had a look
on his face like he was meeting one of his goddesses.  Neither of us
could fight her - we were too tired, too weak."  He smiled sadly.  "I
told Tracy about this once, you know. She thought it was a little
interesting, but..."  He sighed again.

 

"Well, what was it like?"

 

"Being brought across? Doc, I don't know if it was the difference in
their culture and ours, or motivation, or what, but having this woman
bring me across was so... intense, so erotic - nothing compares.  It's
impossible to describe."  He looked at Natalie.  "I'm also suprised
you're still in once piece.  This isn't something most vampires talk
about.  From the few stories I've heard, my experience was...."  He
stopped, trying to think of the right word.  "Unique, I suppose.  I
wasn't desperate, though I was brought across against my will.  Many of
them were dying at the time. And they remember the experience as...
painful."

 

Natalie worried a little.  She remembered the night in the loft, the
night Tracy died. She didn't really remember it feeling... erotic, or
painful.  Just the overwhelming sensation of eight hundred yers of
memories slamming into her mind, memories and emotion...

 

"You OK, Doc?"  Vachon looked at her, concerned.

 

"Yeah.  Sorry, just zoned out a little.  Thinking."

 

"Well, like I said, the ones who remember it as painful were usually hurt
or dying at the time anyway.  Or desperate."  He looked at the clock in
her dash.  "It's been fun, but I've got to fly.  Let me know when the big
day comes."  He opened the door, and started to get out.

 

"You know, Vachon, you didn't answer my question."

 

He peeked back in the car, smiling the mischevious smile that had
frustrated Tracy so.  "I know."

 

With a rush of air, he was gone.

 

Natalie stared at the spot he had been for a moment, then shook her head
and drove off.

 

---------------

 

Natalie got up and stretched.  "At least I won't have to get used to
waking up at night," she thought to herself.  She went and drew the
second partial vial of her blood for Nick, capped it and put it in the
refrigerator.  She then went back and ran a bath for herself. 

 

"You've got two long days left, Nat.  Better relax and enjoy 'em." She
turned off the bath, slipped out of her robe and into the tub.  She
breathed a contented sigh as the warm water and bubbles surrounded her,
and mulled over what she had learned in her mind.

 

She lay back in the warm water, slowly drifting off as thoughts of what
her life as a vampire would be like.  Then a sudden realization hit her -
and she snapped wide awake, cursing herself for being so blind to the
obvious.

 

"Two more days, Nat, and you just think of it now. Great job."

 

The rest of her bath was no longer soothing.  She dried herself off,
dressed, and waited for Nick to arrive. 

------

 

Nick sat there, stunned, the empty vial in his hand.  "I thought you had
made up your mind already.  Why are you asking this now?"

 

"I need to know all the sides of this, Nick.  I have to know my choices."
 She looked at him steadily, trying to hide the nervousness she felt. 
"What happens to me if I don't want to be brought across?"

 

Nick sat silently for a long moment.  Head bowed, eyes closed, he fought
to steel himself.  "Nat... In two days, Natalie Lambert ceases to
exist."

 

"<<b><<i>WHAT?<</b><</i>"  Natalie nearly fell off her chair.  "What do
you mean?  I thought you said I had a choice!  I didn't think... couldn't
believe you meant 'become a vampire or die.'"  Her face flushed in
disbelief.  How could he betray her - trap her like this? Slowly she got
past her disbelief and got <<i>angry.<</i>  "How could you!"

 

"Nat, listen, please."  Nick looked up at her, his eyes pleading with
her.  "When this started - you could have just walked away, moved,
something.  You could even have stayed in Toronto.  Now...."  He sighed
sadly.  "Now, I'm told you know too much, that you're a threat, even with
your... friendliness towards the community."

 

"So I'm brought across, or die."

 

Nick looked at her.  "Normally...  yes."  He held up his hand as she
began to speak and rise from her seat.  "I said normally.  Because of
what you've done for us, and because of... LaCroix, and myself, you will
be allowed to live.  The Enforcers won't touch you."

 

"But you said in two days..."

 

"Yes, in two days Natalie Lambert will be no more."  He shook his head. 
"I'm not making much sense, am I."

 

"No, you're not... and why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

 

"I just found out you <<i>had<</i> this option yesterday evening."  He
looked up at her, hurt in his eyes, to see her nervous, wondering
expression.  "Natalie, if you aren't brought across, you will be made to
forget - everything."

 

"What?  They can't do that, though.  You even said I'm a resister."

 

Nick sighed sadly.  "There are ways around that, Natalie.  There are
always ways around... that."  He saw the somewhat dazed, shocked look in
her eyes.  "This is your choice now, Natalie.  You said you wanted to be
with me.  The only way you can do that is as a vampire.  If you don't
want to be brought across, you will disappear - for a week, a month,
however long it takes.  You will be made to forget everything - Toronto,
Janette, being a coroner... and me."  He bowed his head again.  "So...
either we're together forever, or lost to each other for eternity."

 

She sat there for a minute, letting the new equation sink in.  "All or
nothing, huh."  Nick nodded his head.

 

"Well... why can't I come with you as a mortal?"

 

Nick looked at her. "I wish it were that simple.  If that were a choice,
I'd say take it."  He stared into her wondering eyes.  "It's just the way
it is, Nat.  That's not an option they'll allow us.  Too much of a risk,
they said.  They didn't feel an explanation past that was neccessary." 
He got up, and knelt by her chair, taking her hands in his.  "I wish I
could have told you all of this earlier."

 

"Why didn't you?  I've been thinking this was a yes or no option, or
maybe that I *could* go with you even as a mortal, Nick..."

 

Nick shot up. "Because your only other option before this was to DIE,
Nat! And I couldn't let that happen... I owe LaCroix a great deal
now...."

 

"LaCroix?  <<b><<i>HE<</i><</b> set this up?"

 

"He arranged it that you could <<i><<b>live,<</b><</i> Natalie, if you
didn't come with us."  He walked behind her chair as she sat there,
shocked. Leaning over, he put his arms around her.  "I don't know which
way I would go if I were you, Nat.  Maybe... maybe forgetting me would be
for the best."  The sadness in Nick's voice penetrated to Natalie's
heart.  "They could give you a wonderful life, you wouldn't have to worry
about anything..."

 

"A wonderful life.  Nick, I couldn't live a lie, forgetting you,
forgetting myself.  But this changes... well, this changes a few things I
was thinking about."  Natalie disentangled herself from Nick, and paced
the room.  Nick watched her nervously.

Finally, she turned to look at him.  "I have some things to consider,
Nick." She gave a little laugh at that. "'Some things to consider.'
That's an understatement if I ever heard one."  She pulled Nick to her. 
"Let me have the night - I'm not going anywhere.  I'll tell you my
decision tomorrow night, after we go out."

 

Nick stood there for a moment, then nodded his head.  "You're not angry
with me?"

 

"I could have staked you when you finally told me... but I can see what
you - and LaCroix - did for me."  She sighed, then smiled and gave him a
peck on the cheek.  "I can't be angry after you managed to bend the rules
for me."

 

Nick's face lightened.  "I'm happy to hear it, Nat.  Until tomorrow
night, then - call me if you need to ask anything."  Nick headed out the
door - then turned.  "Nat?"

 

She turned around to face him.  "Yeah?"

 

"You said there were two things you wanted.  One's our... date tomorrow
night.  What was the other?"

 

She smiled.  "You'll find out tomorrow, Nick."

 

Seeing that he wouldn't get an answer out of her, Nick smiled after a
moment, closed the door, and left Natalie to spend the night with her
thoughts.

 

-------------

 

Nick knocked on Natalie's door just after sunset.

 

"Come on in, Nick. I'll be out in a second."  Natalie stood in front of
her mirror, checking herself for the tenth time in the last half hour.
Finally, she stepped out to greet Nick.

 

Nick stood as he heard her door open, and turned - and his jaw dropped
open.  "Nat... you look beautiful, absolutely exquisite," he finally
managed to say after a moment. Natalie blushed from the length of his
stare.  

 

"Thank you."  She smiled and gazed at him appreciatively.  "You don't
look so bad yourself."

 

Nick grinned, and took her arm.  "Well, shall we go, m'lady?"  

 They walked arm in arm out to the Caddy, and drove off into the night.

 

------------

 

"I never knew this place existed, Nick.  It's wonderful."

 

Nick had taken her to a small, secluded restaraunt outside the city.  A
former country club, it had wonderful grounds, gardens near the entrance,
two dining rooms - the main one, which they were in, with a dance floor
and a live band. The ceiling rose high above them, the large central
skylight showing the clear evening sky.

 

They hadn't said much so far.  Nick had watched Natalie eat, sipping at a
glass of wine that he had added a small amount of cow's blood to.  After
she had finished, they sat there in silence, occasionally attempting some
small talk.  The tension grew thicker between them, until finally Nick
asked the question he'd tried to avoid.

 

"Nat, have you made your decision?"

 

The question lay there, finally out in the open.  Natalie looked at Nick,
seeing the worry in his face.  She managed a small smile.  "Yes, Nick, I
have."

 

"And...?"

 

She motioned him over to her.  He got up, and she pulled him close to
her, and whispered in his ear.  As Nick heard her decision, a mixture of
relief, joy, and great sadness came over him.  He stood up and smiled at
her, wiping a tear from his eye at the same time.  He wasn't sure what he
should feel about her decision... but she felt it was best.  

 

The band had just started to come back from its break, and Nick walked up
to them.  After a short conference, he returned to the table.

 

"Thank you for your patience.  We're going to start our next set a little
on the slow side with a special request.  To Natalie, from Nick... I will
always be there for you, whatever comes your way."

 

They went out to the dance floor, Natalie's arm in Nick's.  The band
started playing "Lady in Red," and they held each other, close, savoring
each other. Natalie drew several appreciative stares in her deep burgandy
dress, as did Nick in his outfit, the green shirt setting off her auburn
hair as she laid her head on his shoulder, letting it fall over him.

 

He wrapped her in his arms, holding her close, as they began to 
dance...

<<blockquote><<pre>

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,

I've never seen you shine so bright.

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance -

They're looking for a little romance,

Given half a chance.

And I've never seen that dress you're wearing,

Or that highlights in your hair

That catch your eyes,

I have been blind. 


The lady in red is dancing with me,

Cheek to cheek.

There's nobody here -

It's just you and me,

It's where I wanna be.

But I hardly know this beauty by my side -

I'll never forget the way you look tonight. 


I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight,

I've never seen you shine so bright - you were amazing.

I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side

And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away.

And I have never had such a feeling, such a feeling

Of complete and utter love, as I do tonight.

 

The lady in red is dancing with me

Cheek to cheek.

There's nobody here -

It's just you and me,

It's where I wanna be.

But I hardly know this beauty by my side -

I'll never forget the way you look tonight.

 

I never will forget the way you look tonight.

The lady in red,

My lady in red -

I love you.

<</pre><</blockquote> 

And with the final "I love you,"  Nick whispered in her ear.  "I do love
you, Nat.  Never doubt that.  You are the light to my soul, the hope I
had lost so long ago."  He kissed her hair gently as she sobbed quietly
into his chest.

 

"I love you too."  She looked up into his eyes.  "I'm scared, Nick."

 

"I am, too.  But we'll get through this."  He bent down and kissed away
her tears.  "Together, Natalie.  Together."

 

He took her hand, and she slid her arm across his back, resting her head,
hiding her still-moist eyes in his side as he led her out to the last
night of her life as she knew it.

 

--------

 

As he helped her into the Caddy, Nick took her hand.  "You never told me
what your other request was, Natalie."

 

She looked at him cautiously.  "I didn't know what you'd say..."

 

"Just ask, Nat.  Just tell me."

 

She drew in her breath.  "I want you to make love to me, Nick."

 

Nick stepped back.  "Natalie... you remember what happened last 
time..."

 

"Yes, I do.  You tried to make an hours d'ouvre of me."  She took his
hands.  "You've fed tonight - right?  I can see it in your color, Nick. 
And we're not... desperate this time."  She sighed. "So much happened
last time - we were both hurting, both afraid..."  She looked back up at
Nick, who was staring back at her.  "We can do it this time."

 

"Natalie, you know what happens with... Janette's cure."

 

"I don't want to try her cure, Nick.  I just want to make love with you
one time, before...."

 

She stopped.  She couldn't bring herself to say it, but Nick nodded, and
kissed her gently.  "All right, Nat. I'll keep a bottle close, though...
just in case..."

 

-------

 

He drove her to a park that bordered the waterfront, closed for the
night.  Taking her hand, they walked for a while, arms around each other,
neither saying a word, neither having to.  They stepped out into a
clearing, the grass soft beneath their feet, the moon reflecting on the
still water.

 

"It's beautiful, Nick."

 

Nick stepped around her slightly, and embraced her.  "So are you,
Natalie.  So are you."  He bent over and kissed her lips, softly....

 

-------------

 

Nick called up Natalie that final day.  "You have everything packed up,
don't you?"

 

Natalie stared around her apartment, and sighed.  "Yeah.  It's all set to
go.  Nick, will Sydney be a problem for Vachon to handle for a while?"

 

"I already asked him.  He'd like to take care of him.  It might help him
feel a bit better, too - he misses Tracy."  Nick sighed into the phone. 
"They'll be waiting for us after midnight, to take care of the identity
and all the details.  There's no turning back now, Nat."

 

"I know, Nick.  Just... come get me.  I want to get this over with."

 

"I know, Nat.  I know.  It won't be easy at first, but...  I'll see you
in an hour."

 

--------

 

Nick drove back to Natalie's apartment, sadly.  He went up and got
Sydney, the cat food, litter, pan, and other varied cat necessities, then
drove to the abandoned house Vachon called home these days.

 

"Thanks, Vachon."

 

"No problem.  Hey, Nick - will Natalie be all right?"

 

Nick waited for a moment.  "I hope so."  He sighed, and his face showed
every bit of the worry that was in it.  "I really hope so."

 

----------- 

Epilogue (and "What was her choice!!!" finally...)

 

Nichole looked out her window, cautiously.  She could never tire of
seeing the Irish hills rolling away in the distance, the beautiful
greens, the calming view... She brushed her auburn hair over her
shoulder, and finished cleaning up the bottle.

 

"Ian?  It's about time to head out... Are you still asleep?"

 

"No, no, right here, hon."  Ian came out, running his fingers through his
blonde hair. He stepped behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her,
smiling.  "I love you, Nichole."

 

Nichole laughed.  "I don't know how you do it.  I still can't get used to
calling you Ian, Nick - and half the time I wonder who Nichole is.  it's
only been, what, six months now?"

 

Ian - formerly Nick Knight of the Toronto police force - smiled.  "It's
OK, Nat.  It takes a while the first time or two.  Then you get used to
it."  He looked out the window.  "Wow.  I did oversleep."  He kisses his
wife.  "I'll grab a shower, and we'll head into town."

 

"Can we..."

 

"No, no flying this time, Nichole... too many people around for the
festival."  He smiled, gave his wife another quick kiss and headded off
to the shower.

 

The vampire, who was once Natalie Lambert, smiled as she watched him go. 
"I definately made the right choice... I hope."

 

-End.

Comments and criticism cheerfully accepted, flames blatantly ignored.




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