From: vaimpir@primenet.com
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 1997 21:12:49 -0700 (MST)
To: FKarchiver@fkfanfic.com
Subject: How To Tell If You're a Cousin

                How to Tell if You're a Cousin

                     by e.m. hall, 1995
                 


"So you want to be a Cousin, do you?

"Of course, we've no organized system for welcoming new recruits (none that
the general public know about, at any rate) but i do have something that
i composed long ago after a typical Cousinly evening of feasting, wine, and
wo/men.

"Whoa, slow down, now! One at a time, you'll all get your chance. Before
you decide to become  full-fledged Cousins, with aforementioned
privileges, i suggest taking that informal, impromptu 'Cousin test'.
Just something i whipped up, no big whoop (and by no means is it
officially sanctioned. ~Born free...~)

<hefts bullhorn>

<nods at familiar faces, tosses intimidating glares at new ones>

<clears throat>

"Prospective Cousins, curious visitors, full-fledged Cousins who
are just taking yet another break from work to play email...!

<meaningful look>

"Let me just say that nothing is sweeter than power and that certain
joie de un-vivre characteristic of Uncle.

~cheers from the crowd~

<waves them silent>

"Now, as Jean Kennedy aptly put it, true Cousins don't need a "test".
Cousins would rely on a petty examination to establish
their Cousinship just as soon as they'd leave a Knightie, standing on a
street corner licking an ice cream cone on a rainy day, at utter and
blissful peace. Ha. Cousins would zoom by in their obnoxiously loud black
roadsters and drench that happy Knightie.

~more cheers~
(those wavering between Knightie and Cousinhood shift nervously)

"i see some of you are not quite sure you're in the right virtual meeting
hall. Well that's easy. Read over the test and then join us or die. No,
i'm kidding. We don't do that anymore. Nor do we send Mercenaries to
break kneecaps - that is also bad publici... i mean lies spread by
Knighties. There's no person who dispises bullying more than a Cousin.

"Now, in the interests of fun, frolic, and job/school procrastination, i
will present to you a little divertive test.

"Be ready for it.

"That is all."

<steps down>

From cousin erica hall, your coordinator to Glory:
(ahem, cough, clear throat)


If you appreciate the manipulative skill, the fearlessness, the strength 
and endurance, the calculated avarice, the confident authority, and the 
powerful physical and spiritual presence of LaCroix, then you might be a
cousin.

If you fantasize about affiliation domination, Brick-heckling, and the 
corruption of innocents, then you could be a cousin.

If you find yourself honing your wicked, villainous, from-the-bowels 
laughter technique..., you may be a cousin.

When you're sexy and you know it - yes, you could be a cousin.

And should you melt into a messy puddle of either delirious giggles,
lustful growls, or approving grunts at the sight of Him ... umm, you
*might* be a cousin.

(Results may vary)

"Everybody now: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"'Kay, now who's with us, who's against us, and who do we take by force...?"

<one eyebrow raised, signalling to the sentries at the door>

Hugs and kisses, mwah, mwah,

The Morrigna - Cousins and Diviants erica and Bianca Hall
"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because 
of the expression it leaves on my face." - Johnny Depp