Date: Sun, 17 Oct 1999 17:38:39 -0500 From: Cindy Ingram Subject: If At First You Don't Succeed ... (01/03) To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Wow. Two stories posted in one week. That's definitely a record for me. No, I haven't been gifted with a sudden excess of free time. This is yet another story that's been all-but-completed since last year. Unfortunately for you guys, I finally decided to pull it out, dust it off and finish it up. I have no mercy. Warning: This story is rated ES-17 for excessive silliness. Repeated reading has been known to cause reduced IQ levels in mice. Proceed at your own risk. Do not read if you have a known aversion to tongue-in-cheek post-LK stories. If you are accidentally exposed, immerse yourself immediately in Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment," then make your way to the nearest foreign film festival. Dutiful Disclaimers: I don't own the Forever Knight characters. Wish I did. No profit will be derived from this bit of fluff. (Unless you count the thrill of torturing unsuspecting readers with bad jokes and a silly premise.) Permission granted to archive the story on Mel's FK fanfic site and the ftp site. All others please ask. ========================================== If At First You Don't Succeed ... (01/03) by Cindy Ingram October 1999 ========================================== The darkness was overwhelming, stretching out in a vast, limitless void. No sound, no substance -- just black emptiness. Not at all what they had expected. "Natalie?" "Hmm?" "We messed up, didn't we?" "Uh ... yeah. You could say that." Silence. "Nat?" "Uh-huh?" "Where are we?" More silence, then ... "That's a good question, Nick. Wish I had a good answer, but I -- Ow!" "Nat, what is it?" "I bumped my knee on something." "Really? What?" "It's a little hard to tell, Nick, since I can't *see* anything!" "Oh. Right." "What about you?" "I'm fine. Haven't bumped into anything yet." There came the sound of a heavy sigh. "I *meant* can you *see* anything?" "Oh." Silence. "Well?" "Well, what?" "Nick!" "Okay, okay! I was just trying to inject a little humor into the situation, Nat! It's getting a little tense here. I thought we could use some comic relief right about now." "Terrific. All the vampires in the world and I wind up with Bozo the Clown." Silence. "Nat ... " He was hurt. She was contrite. "Sorry. I get nasty when I'm scared." "That's okay. I'm scared, too." More silence. "Nick ... " "Hmm?" "I didn't need to know that." "Oh. Sorry." Another pause, then ... "You didn't answer my question though. Can you see what's out there?" "Nope." "Nope? That's it? Mr. I'm-a-Vampire-and-I-Can-See-in-the-Dark says nope. What happened to that fabulous vision of yours? Hello?! Have you had your eyes checked lately?" "Nat, even vampires have to have *some* light. Even if it's not detectable to mortal eyes, it's there. But here, there's nothing. This is the closest thing to absolute darkness I've ever seen." Another heavy sigh. "Well, that's just peachy." Silence. "But you know what's really strange, Nat?" "You mean aside from the fact that we've been wandering around for what seems like hours in a black void with absolutely no idea of where we are or how we got here?" "Yeah. Aside from that." "No, what?" "Well, it's really strange that we can see each other just fine, but we can't see anything else. Why *is* that?" Yet another heavy sigh. "Why do you do that, Nick? You know it drives me crazy." "Do what?" "Ask me questions like that -- as if I have all the answers." "You mean ... you don't?" *Thwap* "Ow! Nat! I'm kidding, okay?" Silence, then ... "But you have to admit, you're pretty smart. Smartest person I've ever known. Well ... except for Albert, maybe." "Nick, you don't mean ... " "He was pretty absent-minded, though, so I guess that kind of evens things out between you." "If you think comparing me to Albert Einstein is going to get you out of the doghouse, Nicholas B. Knight ... you're probably right." "Um ... actually, I was thinking of Albert Hoffsteader, Nat. He was the night janitor at the University of Chicago when I taught archeology there. He had this terrific theory about the cosmic relationship of cause and effect. You know, like if you wash your car, it rains? And if you leave your desk, the phone call you've been waiting for comes? Amazing stuff. I'm telling you, Nat, he was decades ahead of his time. In fact --" *Thwap* "Ow! Nat! I'm kidding again, okay? Where's your sense of humor?" "I don't know! Maybe if I could *see* something, I could *find* it! God, I wish we could get some light in here." A voice emanated from out of the darkness. "You want some light? Well, why didn't you say so? Here ya go." A sudden burst of illumination left Natalie and Nick squinting painfully at each other until their eyes slowly adjusted and they were able to take stock of their surroundings. Which, as it happened, did them little good. Where before there had been nothing but impenetrable darkness, now there was only near-blinding light. It was still a void, with no apparent boundaries and no other occupants, except for the source of the previously disembodied voice. "Stonetree!" they gasped, almost in unison. "Yeah, it's me. Good to see you both. Sorry about the circumstances, though. Hell of a way to have a reunion." The ensuing questions and exclamations were somewhat garbled, with Nick and Natalie competing to see who could be the most incoherent. "Cap ... what ... ?" "How ... I mean ... where ... ?" Stonetree stood silently by, looking vastly amused. After a few false starts, Natalie's scientific acumen finally kicked in. She held up her hand, halting Nick in mid-sputter. "Captain," she said, carefully enunciating each syllable. "What the *hell* is going on here?" "Not much at the moment." He shrugged. "Except for your arrival, that is. We didn't know exactly when you'd be getting here, so we decided to take turns waiting for you. I'm afraid I got held up, so I wasn't here to meet you when you arrived. Sorry about that. No harm done, though." He smiled good-naturedly at the pair. They stared back in blank confusion. After several seconds of this, Nick cleared his throat. "Cap?" "Yeah?" "Do you think you could fill us in a little more?" "What did you have in mind, Nick?" Nick stole a quick glance at Natalie and stopped just short of rolling his eyes. "Well ... for starters, you could tell us where we are. And how we got here. What is this place? Are we dead? And if we are, you're not dead, so why are you here? Or if you *are* dead, why didn't somebody tell us? And if we're *not* dead, then why can't we remember how we got here? And where *is* here, anyway?" "Nick, you already asked him that one," Natalie whispered. "Well, it's a pretty important one, don't you think?" Nick snapped. Natalie glared at him but opted not to comment. Instead, she folded her arms and stared straight ahead, jaw set, lips slightly pursed in what might have been described as a pout ... had it been anyone else but Natalie, that is. Pouting just wasn't her style. A pity, really, Nick thought, since she looked rather cute, mulish expression and all. His eyes lingered a bit on those lips ... those full, red lips ... those wonderful, luscious ... "Is that it?" At Stonetree's question, Nick gave a guilty start. His eyes, which had glazed over, slowly focused on the captain's face. "Huh?" "I said, is there anything else you'd like to know while we're at it?" "Why don't you just get started on answering that first batch, Captain," Natalie broke in, "and we'll play the rest by ear, okay?" Stonetree took a moment to ponder the matter, then ... "Okay," he agreed amiably, smiling broadly at the expectant looks he received in return. He took a deep breath. ============= End Part One Comments, complaints and lavish words of praise to: "Cindy Ingram" =================================================== My FK fiction page: http://people.mn.mediaone.net/nancykam/cific.html =================================================== What's another word for thesaurus? ("Say good Knight, Gracie." -- G. Burns) *See disclaimers in Part One. ========================================== If At First You Don't Succeed ... (02/03) by Cindy Ingram October 1999 ========================================== "Well, it's like this ..." Stonetree began. "You're not real." He looked at them, clearly waiting for a response. They merely stared back at him with blank expressions, so he shook his head and tried again. "You're not real," he repeated, stressing each word. "None of us are. We're characters somebody made up for a TV show -- a *canceled* TV show, no less. Natalie and Nick continued to stare at him, trying to hide their growing sense of unease. "And this place is ... well, I guess you could say it's sort of a TV heaven. The closest thing we got to it, anyway. Though I know one person who'd say it's more of a TV hell." Stonetree grinned. With a surreptitious glance at Natalie, Nick turned away from the captain, raising one hand to his temple and making a tight circular motion with his forefinger. Natalie nodded. "Speaking of Schanke," Stonetree added, "he's been real anxious for you two to get here." Nick's head whipped around. "Schanke? Schanke's here?" "Yeah, he's runnin' around here somewhere." Stonetree laughed. "Can't say he's been too happy about it. Spends most of his time trying to avoid Amanda, though I can't for the life of me figure out why. Amazing woman, that one. But for some reason, she and Schank just don't get along. Like oil and vinegar, those two. He's gonna be real happy you're here." Nick looked stricken. "I'm not so sure about that, Cap. After all, it's my fault he died. If I hadn't let him take my place on that plane -- " "Oh, he doesn't blame you for that," Stonetree assured him, waving a beefy hand to dismiss the thought. "If you want to point fingers, blame those network executive types who decided you needed a younger partner. A younger blonde *female* partner. They're the ones who bumped him off." "You're just saying that to make me feel better," Nick accused, refusing to be cheered up. "No, really. Just ask him, and he'll tell you himself." Nick still looked doubtful but nodded slowly. "Okay," he said. "Okay, I will. Just as soon as he gets here." Trying to appear nonchalant, he looked around. "So ... when will he get here?" "Oh, he'll be along directly, I imagine," Stonetree promised. A hand whapped Nick on the arm and he turned to find Natalie staring at him in disbelief. "Nick! This is totally ridiculous. I can't believe you're buying into it!" Nick scowled as he rubbed his arm. "I didn't say I was buying into it," he replied defensively. "But you said yourself that you don't know where we are, so what's the harm in playing along until we find out?" He lowered his voice. "Besides, Nat ... it's Schanke!" Puppy-dog eyes pleaded with her to understand. Natalie sighed, turning to Stonetree. "So who else is here?" she asked, deciding that if everyone else was going to be delusional, she certainly wasn't going to be left out. "Well, let's see now." Stonetree pursed his lips in thought. "There's Commissioner Vetter's kid, Tracy -- sweet girl but a little too much energy for my taste. Then there's that long-haired Spaniard and his bald-headed friend. Quite a pair they are. Real fond of practical jokes, mostly at Schanke's expense." He chuckled. "And we've got the perps -- like that low-life scum Roger Jamieson and the psycho stripper with the plaid skirt and knee socks," the captain added. "Not to mention some of Nick's more ... unusual ... acquaintances. I think one of them is called Spike or Spock or something like that. But that whole group mostly keeps to their own side of the void. We don't let them over here with us. They get a little stirred up every now and then, but it's nothing we can't handle." Stonetree paused, directing an apologetic shrug at his former detective. "It's probably a good idea if we don't let them know you're here, Nick. Most of 'em aren't too happy with you. Especially that one called Divia," he added solemnly, shaking his head. "She's just a little thing, but a real nasty character." Natalie shot Nick a worried look, then frowned. "Wait a minute ... I am *not* getting sucked in to this!" she declared. With a determined air, she turned to face Stonetree. "With all due respect, Captain, do you know just how ridiculous this all sounds? It's insane. One minute we're in Nick's loft, and the next, we're in some scenery-challenged wasteland that, according to you, is actually one big TV afterlife. And we're just supposed to *believe* all this?" Stonetree looked around and shrugged. "You got a better explanation?" Natalie opened her mouth, then stopped when she realized she didn't. She folded her arms and looked away, fuming silently. Nick snickered, but wisely disguised it as a fake cough, then sobered as a sudden thought struck him. "Captain ..." His voice was hesitant. "You mentioned some of my more 'unusual acquaintances.' What about --?" "Nick, don't ask!" Natalie ordered, whirling around to glare a warning at him. "I *have* to, Nat." He took her hand in his, his voice soft, his gaze beseeching. "I have to know." ============= End Part Two Comments, complaints and lavish words of praise to: "Cindy Ingram" =================================================== My FK fiction page: http://people.mn.mediaone.net/nancykam/cific.html =================================================== What's another word for thesaurus? ("Say good Knight, Gracie." -- G. Burns) *See disclaimers in Part One. ========================================== If At First You Don't Succeed ... (03/03) by Cindy Ingram October 1999 ========================================== Staring into his face, Natalie sighed. Then, biting her lip, she closed her eyes and nodded reluctantly. Nick turned back to Stonetree. "What about Lacroix?" "You mean that Nightcrawler guy?" Nick nodded. "He's not here. And before you ask, neither is Joe Reese. Technically speaking, they were the only two left standing when the series ended. So they're never gonna wind up here." Nick was torn between relief and disappointment. But Natalie, who was beginning to think she might like this TV heaven, after all, could barely contain her glee. Her elation was so infectious, in fact, that Nick promptly forgot his own mixed emotions and gifted her with one of his patented nose-wrinkling grins. They stood there a moment, exchanging goofy smiles and besotted looks until a loud "ahem" brought them back to awareness. They turned to Stonetree, who regarded them with a knowing smirk. "What about you?" Nick asked curiously, ignoring the captain's smug expression. "*You* weren't killed." The smirk gave way to a grimace. "I know. But you and Schanke were moved to another precinct without any kind of explanation given, and my name was never mentioned again." He snorted. "Might as *well* be dead." Natalie murmured something suitably sympathetic. "What about Janette?" Nick asked, oblivious to Natalie's sudden frown as he waited for Stonetree's answer. "What about her?" "Well ... she was still standing, too ... technically speaking. Is she with Lacroix and Reese?" Stonetree shook his head. "I suppose you could say Janette's kind of a special case. See, it wasn't so clear whether you brought her back across or let her die. People can't agree on exactly what happened. So she sort of comes and goes as she pleases." "Really?" Nick asked happily. He caught sight of Natalie's expression. "I mean ... really?" He scowled in exaggerated disappointment, then stole another glance at his companion. Unfortunately, she didn't seem the slightest bit appeased. "Yeah," Stonetree confirmed. "And you're special cases, too." "We are? How so?" Nick asked brightly, hoping against hope for an answer that would distract the mildly pissed-off love of his unlife. "It's pretty simple," Stonetree said. "There are quite a lot of folks out there who don't think you two died in the end. And because some people refuse to believe it, you're not what you'd call 'completely dead.' That's why you can come and go anytime you like." Natalie looked skeptical. "Oh? And just how do we do that? Oh, wait! I know! We just close our eyes, click our heels together three times, and say, 'There's no place like Toronto,' over and over again, right?" she asked, smirking. Stonetree chuckled. "I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that. Janette will have to show you how, but she's not here right now, so it'll have to wait till you run into her again. Doesn't really matter, though. You aren't going to be here much longer anyway." "Why not?" Nick asked, puzzled. "They're gonna start showing reruns of first season pretty soon. I'll be leavin' here, too. At least until second season starts, then it's back here to wait for the next go-round. But since both of you are in all three seasons, you won't be spending much time hangin' around here. As long as the show keeps airing, you'll just stop in for a little while at the end of third season, then head back out again. Course, now that you've been here once, you can always drop in on weekends and such, seein' as how you're special cases and all." "Why would we *want* to?" Natalie asked dryly, peering dubiously around at the endless expanse of white nothingness. "Oh, it's not such a bad place," Stonetree assured them. "In fact, sometimes it's pretty idyllic. There's no pollution, no time clock to punch, no bills to pay ... and as long as you're here, nothin' can hurt you." That got Natalie's attention. "What? What does that mean?" "Just what I said. Nothing can hurt you when you're here. You're invincible, you might say. Pretty good, huh?" "I'm sort of used to that," Nick confessed, shrugging modestly. "It's not all it's cracked up to be." "Oh?" Stonetree raised his eyebrows. "Sorry to disagree, Nick, but if you're really that invincible, then how come you have to rush home every morning before dawn? And why did you spend most of your eight hundred years trying to avoid things like pointy sticks and guillotines? And garlic may not kill you, but it sure --" Natalie interrupted Stonetree's litany, her expression suddenly intense. "Whoa! Back up a minute, here, Captain. If we're invincible, then does that mean that even if Nick ... that Nick and I could ... I mean ... if we ..." She trailed off, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she ran out of ways not to ask what she wanted to ask. A knowing grin spread across Stonetree's face, and her flush deepened. "Let's just say that you and Knight can get cozy with each other and you'll be no worse off than if you'd spent the weekend in Newark playing Chinese checkers with your old Aunt Gertrude," the captain said, giving her a conspiratorial wink. Nick frowned and leaned toward Natalie, his voice dropping to a whisper. "What is he talking about, Nat? I didn't know you had an aunt. And why would we go all the way to Newark just to play Chinese checkers with her? Although, if you really want to, I guess we could," he added hastily, then frowned again. "But I never really liked Chinese checkers. Do you think we could play Monopoly, instead?" Natalie, who by now sported a grin even bigger than Stonetree's, grabbed Nick's head and pulled his ear to her mouth. As she whispered an explanation, his eyes widened and he licked his lips in nervous excitement. Straightening, he looked from Stonetree to Natalie, then back to Stonetree. "Really?" he asked. Stonetree nodded. "You're serious?" Stonetree nodded again. "I mean, you're not just putting us on, are you? Because this is pretty important, Cap. We've waited a really long time, and it wouldn't be nice at all if you were kidding around with us. Especially since I already blew this once, and --" "Nick." "Yeah, Cap?" "I'm not kidding." Nick stared at Stonetree for several beats, then turned back to Natalie. His gaze focused on her neck, then moved a bit lower. "You know, Nat ... the captain's right. This is a nice place. Maybe we'll just forget about going back and stay here." Before Natalie could reply, Stonetree broke in. "Can't," he said, shaking his head. "They won't allow it." Nick blinked twice, reluctantly abandoning his lustful daydream, and turned back to the captain, confused. "Who won't allow it?" Stonetree shrugged. "The fans. They won't let the show die -- even if they can only watch it in reruns. And as long as it keeps airing, you have to go back. We all do, when it's our time." "They can do that?" Nick asked in disbelief. "They can make us go back, just like that, and relive everything over and over again whether we want to or not?" "Afraid so," Stonetree confirmed. "It's out of our hands." "Well ... that doesn't seem fair," Nick complained, more than a little disgruntled that, even here, his fate was subject to the whims of others. What was the good of being someplace Lacroix couldn't follow if he had to trade one master for another? With a mulish set to his jaw, he looked at Natalie, eager to share his righteous indignation with someone who would be equally outraged. Instead, he found her gazing off into space, a slight furrow creasing her brow. "Nat?" "Hmm?" she replied absently. "Did you hear what the captain said?" "Mm-hmm." "So what do you think?" She looked up, her face solemn. "I think ... we should go back." Nick's stared at her, surprised and more than a little hurt. But before he could say anything, she turned to Stonetree. "Once we're back there, will we remember all of this?" she asked. "I mean, you said we could come and go as we please, so obviously we'll be aware of who and what we are, right?" Stonetree nodded. "Sure. It's not like anyone's going to *make* you forget," he said, shooting a reproachful look at the vampire cop beside her. Nick opened his mouth to protest, then stopped short as a slow smile spread across Natalie's face, leaving him even more bewildered than ever. "Nat?" She turned to him, her face glowing with barely contained excitement. "Don't you see, Nick? If we go back, knowing what we know now, we can change how everything turns out! We can keep from making the mistakes that got us to this point in the first place." It took a minute, but as the full significance of what she'd said hit him, Nick grinned. "Do you really think we can?" "Yes!" Natalie exclaimed. "No," Stonetree contradicted. "Why not?" Natalie demanded, without missing a beat. Stonetree sighed. "Because it doesn't work that way. You can't deviate from the script. No matter how much you might want to, it just can't be done." But Natalie, being the scientific-minded individual that she was, was not inclined to take Stonetree's declaration at face value. "How do you know?" she persisted stubbornly. "Has anyone ever tried?" "Sure," Stonetree nodded. "Lots of times. You're not the first one to come up with that idea, you know. But from what I've heard, it never works." "Never?" Nick asked, terribly disappointed. "Never," Stonetree repeated firmly, then paused and cocked his head. "Although ..." His voice trailed off as he absently rubbed his chin. "What?" Natalie demanded. Stonetree shrugged. "Well, there was that bit about Schanke's mother-in-law. One minute she's dead, the next she's alive and well and living in Florida. Never could figure that one out." "Well, there you go!" Natalie said, triumphantly. "Nah," he said, shaking his head. "That doesn't really count. It was always that way. Somebody just wasn't paying attention, I guess ... or thought nobody else was." Natalie exchanged a disappointed glance with Nick then raised her chin and faced him with a determined gleam in her eyes. "It doesn't matter. Even if no one's done it before -- as far as we *know* -- there's still a chance." Nick looked at her, a small spark of hope igniting in his eyes. "Do you really think we can change things, Nat? That we can do it right, next time?" "I don't know, Nick. All we can do is try. But if it *is* possible, we'll find a way. Maybe not the next time around, or the time after that, or even the time after that ... but eventually." She looked up at him, a brilliant smile lighting her face, and he smiled in return. A silent message passed between them -- as long as the show still aired and people still watched, there was hope. And a new quest to pursue. "Then I guess we'll just have to keep on trying, no matter how long it takes," Nick said, smiling tenderly as his hand rose to caress her face. The smile turned to a besotted grin as they gazed soulfully into each other's eyes, oblivious to anyone outside their own little world. Inching closer together, they slowly closed the gap that separated them, until Nick's lips hovered mere centimeters away from Natalie's upturned face. Just as his mouth descended on hers, the void was again plunged into darkness. "Wha--?" Stonetree's disembodied voice spoke to them. "Thought you two might like a little privacy, seein' as how you've got some lost time to make up for. When you're ready for the lights to come on again, all you have to do is ask." For a moment, there was nothing but dead silence. Then, sounds of muffled movement filled the darkness. The muted rustling gradually took on a frantic quality, punctuated by whispers and moans until it was finally topped off by a growl, a smothered cry, and a long, heartfelt groan. A charged moment of silence was broken by Nick's voice, breathless and hoarse with passion. "Ah ... Cap? This could take a while." "Yeah," Stonetree replied, smiling fondly into the darkness. "I thought it might." ======= Finis Comments, complaints and lavish words of praise to: "Cindy Ingram" ================================================== My FK fiction page: http://people.mn.mediaone.net/nancykam/cific.html ================================================== What's another word for thesaurus? ("Say good Knight, Gracie." -- G. Burns)