Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 14:28:57 -0400 From: Emma Subject: If I Go Away To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Disclaimers: Not my characters. Not my song. Both belong to other people. But you already knew that. "Ashes to Ashes" didn't really happen, but for the sake of this story it did. :~( Title: If I Go Away by Emma Lighton "I'd like to make a request." "Certainly," Lacroix told her, while trying to place the vaguely familiar voice. "What would you like to hear?" "If I Go Away by Savatage." Lacroix's eyebrows rose in surprise. "An interesting choice. I suppose you want to dedicate it to someone." There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "Yes, but he won't hear it. He died a couple of days ago." Lacroix winced slightly as he finally placed the voice. He hadn't really noticed that the Spaniard had been missing since Divia's rampage. "Very well." * * * * * Tracy turned off her cell phone, and continued to half ignore the commercials piping out of the radio as she gazed around what had been Vachon's bedroom. She wasn't sure why she'd come back here tonight, but she knew eventually she had to put her ghosts to rest. She gave the little radio she'd found an annoyed glance as another commercial started. She didn't normally voluntarily listen to the Nightcrawler, but she was definitely in the mood for something depressing. The show finally came back, and Tracy lay down on the bed, and let the words flow over her. Tonight he was talking about loss. Normally he sounded like he was talking because he liked the sound of his own voice, but tonight, there was a quality to it that made her feel that he had lost someone close to him recently. That connection had given her the courage to make her request. Finally her song started playing. Tracy curled up on her side, and embraced one of the numerous pillows. "Somewhere on that long lonely road We all stand alone Looking for clues From our different views In the dark I've call out your name It echoes in vain Over again In an empty room And if I go away What would still remain of me The ghost within your eyes The whisper in your sighs You see Believe And I'm always there" She closed her eyes and saw his face. He was smiling. Not the annoying little smile that he gave her when she asked some question about himself that he found amusing, but a really smile. The kind of smile Vachon had been giving her more often lately. "Staring down a long empty hall Pictures on walls All with your name But it's not the same" Tracy opened her eyes, and picked up one of the few pictures of him she'd been able to find. It was a picture of the two of them together. He'd turned his head slightly, right before the camera had gone off, and planted a kiss on her cheek. She'd been annoyed with him afterwards, but now the picture was one of her most precious possessions. She could still see the wide eyed innocent look he'd given her afterward. She wasn't even sure anymore if she'd really been mad at him. It seemed, in hindsight, that she was trying defend herself against the turmoil of emotions he'd brought up. "Searching for a chord I can't hear Been searching for years It's somewhere inside But it's well disguised And if I go away What would still remain of me The ghost within your eyes The whisper in your sighs You see Believe And I'm always there Someday I'll take a chance You find them where you can They tend to slip away Those doors to yesterday" Tracy closed her eyes again, tears trickling down her face. Vachon had always been pushing her to try new things, go for what she really wanted, and not give a damn what anyone else thought. His attitude had directly contradicted what her father had taught her. She'd opened up during the few months she'd known him and they'd grown closer, but in the end, her father had won. When push came to shove, she'd found herself trying to hide her feelings and push him away, all because he wasn't safe. She'd even called him evil. "Forever is a long time they say Maybe some day I'll meet you there If you've time to spare Tell me then Where I can go Where they won't know Who I have been Can we start again" The tears continued as she wished she had it all to do over again. She'd a chance to be truly happy with someone for once in her life, and she'd lost it because she hadn't had the sense to hold the point of the stake away from him. "And if I go away What would still remain of me The ghost within your eyes The whisper in your sighs You see Believe And I'm always there" Tracy, lost in her grief, was barely aware the song had ended, and that the Nightcrawler's voice was once again filling the air. She didn't notice anything around her, until she felt a hand gently touch her shoulder. "It's okay, Trace," said a familiar voice and she found herself sinking into Vachon's familiar embrace. The End --- Emma (egl@operamail.com) Vaquera * T+VPack * DP heretic * War 9 Vet. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought." -- Star Wars http://members.tripod.com/lostshadows/main.html