Immortal Past
A Forever Knight Story by Christine Hantzopulos Hunt
erika1228@aol.com  

	*How long had they waited? How long had they *wanted*, desired, yet 
dared not hope for what was finally theirs tonight? Natalie trembled at his touch, 
the hands so warm now, so *human*, as he explored her with a wonder that he 
could do so without the beast intruding upon them. Passionate but gentle, erotic 
but loving, they held each other as if they would never let go.
	Never....
	And as they fell asleep in each other's arms, there were tears in her eyes. 
She had never been so happy, and never could be again. 	Never....*


	She awoke with a start, almost expecting to feel the warmth of his 
naked skin against hers, wanting him just as much as she had in the dream, her 
body physically aching for him, her heart crying out for him.
	Why now? Why, after all this time?
	She lay awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to focus on the here and 
now, the life that she'd struggled so hard to make for herself. She'd been happy. 
She *was* happy. And everything was as it should be.	
	As if on cue, her husband turned over, awake, throwing his arm gently 
over her to pull her closer. She snuggled next to him, and smiled. Even in the 
darkness of the early dawn, his blue eyes shone as he looked at her.
	"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.
	She smiled, running a hand through his tousled blond hair. "I'm fine. I 
just can't sleep."
	"Me neither," he replied. "But it's still too early to get out of bed."
	She smiled, catching his meaning, reaching up to kiss him tenderly.
	Later, she lay in his arms, safe, fulfilled, as the birds outside the 
window heralded in a new day. He'd found her so anxious for him, so 
passionate, so aroused....
	...and yet it filled her with guilt to know that she'd made love to him 
this morning with a passion that belonged to a specter of her past. A past she'd 
thought she'd escaped so long ago....
	"I love you, Natalie," he whispered in her ear.
	"I love you too, Steven," she said softly. And she meant it. She really 
did.
	But as he left her to take a shower, the tears still found their way to her 
eyes. And the dull ache in the pit of her stomach was back. When would she be 
free of it?
	"Never," she whispered.


	The morning sun seemed to send the shadows of her past cowering into 
the recesses of her mind. And as Steven came up behind her as she made 
breakfast, kissing her on the cheek, and whispering, "Happy Birthday, Hon," she 
knew. Of course! Didn't she always remember on this day? Didn't her thoughts 
always find their way back to that night so long ago, on her twenty-eighth 
birthday, when Nick had sat up on her gurney at the morgue....How long ago it 
seemed...seventeen years. It *was* long ago. But he had inexorably changed the 
course of her life. And maybe that was why every year, especially on this day, she 
thought of him....
	"I'll be home by six," Steven was saying, snapping her attention gladly 
back to the present. "Remember, we're trying that new restaurant downtown. 
And I thought then we could go to a movie..."
	"Which movie, Dad?" their daughter asked from the breakfast table.
	"Oh, I think Mom should decide," he said, sitting beside the twelve-year 
old. Her long blond hair and blue eyes were so much like Steven's, and Natalie 
couldn't help but smile at the adoration in her husband's eyes as he looked at 
her.
	"What do *you* want to see?" Natalie offered as she set plates of 
pancakes in front of them. She took her own seat beside her son, placing the dish 
and fork in front of the four-year old, watching out of the corner of her eye as he 
reached to feed himself. "Wait, let Mommy cut them up for you, Richie," she 
told him as she used the fork to cut the hotcakes into bite sized pieces.
	"Well, if you're leaving it up to me, I want to see Memnoc the Devil."
	Natalie froze, and looked up at her. Steven was simply regarding his 
daughter quizzically.
	"It's the latest Anne Rice vampire movie," she explained, as if she 
thought the adults were clueless. "You know, Daddy, we saw the other four on 
tape. Interview, LeStat, Queen of the Damned--"
	"No," Natalie cut her off suddenly and unequivocally, then, catching 
herself, said, "We're taking your brother..."
	"Oh, come on!" she begged. "What does that mean? We've gotta see a 
Disney movie...?"
	"No, just something else," she said, turning back to Richard's attempts 
to feed himself, not wanting to meet her daughter's eyes.
	"But Mom, vampires are so sexy!"
	Natalie shot her a glance, unable to control the concern that bordered on 
fear. "They are *not* sexy. They're monsters. They're dangerous. I told you no, 
Nicolette! No more discussion!"
	Her daughter was looking at her in surprise. It wasn't often that Natalie 
called her by her full name. For a moment, Natalie wasn't sure just what to say, 
and was relieved when her husband took over. 
	"Come on, Niki. You know your mother doesn't like that kind of 
movie. We'll see something else. Why not the new Star Wars sequel?"
	Nicolette was silent, preferring to sulk. After Steven had left, Natalie sat 
down again to face her daughter as Richie ran inside to get back to his video.
	"Niki, I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood tonight. How about if 
Saturday afternoon while Daddy's home with Richie, we go to see it--just you 
and me."
	Nicolette's face brightened. "Really?"
	Natalie nodded and smiled at her, guilty for having let her own anxiety 
make her snap at her daughter. How could Nicolette know? How could any of 
them know? Even Steven, in the ten years they'd been married, had never pushed 
her to talk about her past....
	Her daughter's hug warmed her. This was her life. This was her 
happiness. Not the ugly past that lived on in her nightmares....
	
	  
	The restaurant had only just opened, yet it had become one of the 
hottest spots in town. Natalie had argued against such an expensive dinner, but 
Steven had insisted, as part of her present. The dress code was formal, and 
Nicolette had been thrilled when they'd gone shopping that afternoon. The dress 
made her look at least fifteen, and Natalie had allowed her heavier makeup just 
for the occasion.
	Natalie herself felt marvelous. In a black silk dress, and with her hair 
down as she'd worn it when she was younger, she almost had trouble believing 
she was forty-five. At fifty, Steven was always telling her that she looked like she 
was still in her thirties. She smiled as he finished his meal and placed his hand 
over hers. How handsome he was, how stunning in his crisp new suit. And 
Richie, beside him, looked adorable in the tiny suit patterned after his father's. 
The dreams of last night, of that other life, seemed to melt into oblivion....
	"This is some place," she commented as she looked around. "And so 
busy. Whoever owns it must be making a fortune."
	"They say some woman owns it," her husband replied. "A rich heiress 
from France." He glanced around. "I think that's her over there," he said, 
motioning to the far end of the room.
	Natalie's eyes followed his to the dark-haired woman in black, talking 
to a waiter. Suddenly, Natalie felt her body grow cold. It couldn't be. The woman 
turned around, and as their eyes met, a glint of recognition, of surprise, greeted 
her. Natalie's lips parted in shock.
	It was Janette.
	"Nat? What is it?"
	"I...know her," she stammered. 
	"From where, Mom?" Nicolette asked.
	Natalie took a deep breath, bracing herself as Janette began to make her 
way towards them. "From a long time ago," she said softly. 



	"Natalie!" Janette's voice was pleasant, though her face betrayed an 
utter astonishment. And it was at that moment that the true meaning of 
immortality impacted upon Natalie.
	Janette had not changed in fourteen years.
	Still youthful, still beautiful, Janette had literally stepped out of a page 
of their past.  And suddenly, Natalie felt the passage of time, and the toll it had 
taken on her, both physically and emotionally. Janette still looked to be no more 
than thirty. And Natalie felt every one of her forty-five years as she looked at her. 
She knew it shouldn't matter. There was no more Nick to compete for. And yet it 
was painfully clear to her that if her life had gone differently, and she had been 
with him today, he would still be the same as he had been, while her own youth 
was slipping away.....
	"Janette," she found the voice to say. "It's been a long time."
	"You're looking well, Natalie," Janette said all-too-nicely.
	"And you haven't changed a bit," she replied with a wan smile. She saw 
Janette glance at Steven and the children, and quickly said, "Janette, this is my 
husband Steven. And my children...Nicolette and Richard. Janette is...an old 
friend."
	Steven stood politely. "Very nice to meet you. You have a lovely place 
here."
	"Thank you," she said, smiling sweetly, as if totally enchanted with the 
meeting. She looked at the children, her glance resting finally on Nicolette. 
"Hello. I've known your mother a very long time."
	And then, as Nicolette's eyes met hers with a cold stare, Janette let out a 
slight gasp. And though she tried to cover it quickly, Natalie had caught the 
strange expression, the complete wonder, the confusion...the fear? Natalie's heart 
skipped a beat as Janette tore her eyes from the child as if afraid to look at her. 
	Janette's facade kicked in. She turned to the waiter, who had just 
slipped the check in front of Steven. "No, this is on the house," she told the 
young man.
	"You don't have to do that," Natalie said stiffly.
	"That's not really necessary," Steven protested, but Janette wouldn't 
hear of it. 
	"Please. It's the least I can do. Your wife and I go back a long way." 
She turned back to Natalie. "I hope we can chat a bit before you leave?" Natalie 
knew it was more than a pleasant request and she nodded as Janette excused 
herself and left, as if afraid to stay at the table for too long.
	"I don't like her," Nicolette declared as soon as Janette was out of 
human earshot.
	"Shhhh," her mother admonished her, knowing that Janette had 
probably heard. "Why, Niki?"
	"I don't know," the girl replied honestly.
	But Natalie knew. And the knowledge terrified her.


	Saying she was afraid they'd miss the movie, Natalie stood, wanting to 
get her family as far from the restaurant as possible. But she knew she could not 
leave without the inevitable confrontation she'd hoped never to have, with 
Janette, or any other vampire she had known. Telling Steven and the children 
she'd meet them outside, she found Janette at the bar, drinking the same 
dreadfully familiar mixture she'd drunk so many years ago at the Raven.
	"I don't have much time," she told Janette as she came up to face her.
	Janette nodded, motioning for Natalie to follow her into her private 
office. She seemed so pensive as she sat down, but her smile for Natalie was 
genuine. "It *is* good to see you, Natalie. When Nicolas told me you'd gone 
away..." She stopped, and Natalie knew that her face had paled at the mention of 
his name.
	"I'd rather we didn't talk about him," she said quietly as she settled into 
a chair.
	"He always speaks of *you*. And I know he's tried so many times to 
find you...almost from the day you left Toronto."
	She didn't need to hear this. She didn't want to hear this. And yet she 
wanted to hear of him, his life....his progress.
	"How is he?" she asked softly. "Does he still...try?"
	Janette sighed, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "I don't see him 
often...perhaps every three or four years. But I know it's been difficult for him. 
He's been very unhappy...bitter...and he keeps to himself. Yet he hasn't tried to 
become mortal--not since that last time. It's as if he's accepted his damnation, as 
he sees it. And he just goes on existing, without really living...." 
	She could see the sadness in Janette's eyes, and could only imagine 
Nick's own sorrow. But she didn't want to imagine it. She couldn't allow herself 
to. It would only feed into her own. 
	"He misses you deeply," Janette told her honestly. And Natalie knew it 
was a difficult admission for her, that Natalie had left a void in Nick that Janette 
was unable to fill.
	"Why are you telling me this?" she whispered, feeling her emotions 
about to erupt.
	"Because you still care about him," she replied. Janette hesitated, as if 
searching for the right words, before she asked, "She's his daughter, isn't she?"
	A cold chill ran down Natalie's spine. She shook her head, praying 
Janette could not read the lie in her eyes. "Of course not. She's Steven's 
daughter. She has his eyes, his hair--"
	"And Nick's," Janette said almost in wonder. "That's why you left, isn't 
it? That's why he *let* you go. He never told me, but it all makes sense, now."
	Natalie felt tears welling in her eyes. The secret that she had shared with 
no one, not even Steven, wonderful Steven, who had adopted Niki without ever 
asking, ever pressuring her to tell him about her father... finally she could share it 
with someone who could understand her turmoil. And yet, the fact that Janette 
had guessed filled her with fear. If Janette could look at Niki and know, couldn't 
others? Couldn't LaCroix?
	"Janette, please. You can't tell anyone. I'm begging you. For my 
daughter's safety. For her life...."
	"I won't have to, Natalie. This city is filled with vampires. I knew when 
I saw her. Not just because she looks like Nicolas. But I saw it in her eyes--the 
way she looked at me--" 
	Now it was Janette who seemed stricken with fear. For herself, for 
Natalie, and the unknowing child, Nicolas' child.
	"Natalie, she is a dhampir. Half-mortal, half vampire. A hunter. She is a 
danger to every vampire, and as such in danger herself."
	"No," Natalie denied vehemently. "You're wrong. Nick was wrong. 
She's just a little girl. A normal, human child--"
	"A child who's growing into a woman," Janette warned her. "How old is 
she, Natalie? Twelve? Has she reached puberty yet? Because if she has, it has 
already begun."
	Natalie shook her head, refusing to accept what she knew in her heart 
she must. "She doesn't even know that vampires exist," Natalie told her. 
	"But she will. She sensed me. Just as I sensed her. And others will 
sense her..." She took a deep breath. "They may already have sensed her. You 
must take her away, Natalie. Because if others have seen her, they will call the 
Enforcers. A dhampir is rare. They will take her, and study her, and kill her!"
	"Stop it!" she cried, panic setting in. "Janette, she's just a little girl. She 
couldn't harm anyone. I'm warning you, if you tell anyone about her..."
	"I won't have to, Natalie. I told you, others will know." She put a hand 
on Natalie's arm. "Listen to me. I would not betray you or your daughter. For 
Nicolas' sake, as well as yours. But you can not stay in this city. There were 
dozens of vampires in here tonight. It's not so strong in her, because she's young, 
but soon it will become obvious. You must take her away!"
	The compassion in Janette's eyes was overwhelming, and Natalie knew 
that she was right. The moment she had dreaded, the day she had pretended 
would never come, had snuck up on her at the moment when her life had seemed 
most secure. And now that it had, she knew nothing would ever be the same 
again.
	"You're right," she said dully. "I know. I've always known. I just didn't 
want to accept it. We can't stay in one place. We can't be anywhere for too long 
where vampires might spot her. Nick told me that long ago, and yet--"
	"You thought it would never happen," Janette finished for her gently. 
"You thought if you forgot about us, and lost yourself in your mortal world, that 
it would all go away."
	"Is there anything so wrong with that, Janette?" she asked desperately, 
her large blue eyes brimming with the tears about to burst. "Wanting to live a 
normal life? To forget all the pain? The sadness? The fear?"
	"No," Janette said kindly, with understanding.  "But you can't escape it. 
Any more than Nicolas has been able to."
	Natalie stood from her chair, drawing in a deep breath to take control of 
her emotions. "Janette, I'll only ask you one favor. If you see Nick...if you talk to 
him before I have a chance to leave..."
	"What should I tell him?" she asked softly.
	"Nothing."
	Janette looked at her dubiously. "Is that fair?"
	No, it wasn't. But... "It's the only way."
	"Natalie, he has suffered for almost thirteen years. Alone. Without the 
joy of watching your child grow. Without knowing where you were, where she 
was. He probably doesn't even know if he has a daughter or a son."
	"We decided it would be better that way," she explained.
	"He may have thought that was the right thing to do, but I know he 
regretted it the moment you were gone.  And though he never spoke of the child, 
I understand now why he sank into the depths of depression that he did."
	"Please, Janette," she begged. She couldn't bear to hear this.
 	"He has never recovered, Natalie," Janette continued, not willing to let 
her walk away without knowing.  "You're going away. I won't be able to tell him 
where you are.  Can't you at least allow me to tell him that he has a daughter, and 
that the two of you are all right?"
	Natalie felt the tears coming to her eyes again. "Yes," she managed. 
"But give me a week, Janette. Time to get away."
	Janette nodded her agreement. "Is there...anything special you'd like me 
to tell him?"
	There was so much! A thousand things swirled through her mind, a 
thousand messages she'd secretly wished she could get to him over the years, 
along with the pictures of Niki so that he could be as proud of her as she was. 
Yet what could she tell him that would not make him yearn for more, for contact 
with her, with Niki, for a life they had been robbed of, and could never have? 
"Tell him, we're okay," she said simply, her voice choked with emotion. "And 
that...I want him to be happy." She bit her tongue, keeping herself from saying 
anything more. That she still loved him. That she missed him. That she needed 
him desperately now. That she was afraid....
	"I'll tell him," Janette promised.    
	Natalie thanked her and turned to go, but Janette called her back. She 
turned to see the vampire's face still filled with concern, with feeling.
	"Natalie...be careful."


	Natalie rushed from the restaurant trying desperately to compose herself 
before facing Steven and the kids. He knew her so well, they all did. They would 
sense something was wrong.
	And something *was* terribly wrong. The life that they knew was about 
to be torn apart by forces they could never imagine existed. And the past she had 
obscured from them, to protect them, to protect her very sanity, would now come 
back to haunt them, to plague them, perhaps for the rest of their lives. They 
didn't deserve this--not Steven, who had been so loving and supportive since the 
day they'd met. Not Nicolette, an innocent child who had no idea of her own 
nature. And certainly not Richie, a baby really, a human child whom she should 
never have had knowing what lay in store.
	But she *had* denied it, or tried to, all these years. She could deny it 
no more.
	"Sorry," she said with a smile as she met them outside. "I had to stop 
off at the ladies room."
	A lie. Another lie to compound the lie that her entire life with them had 
been.
	Steven looked at her strangely, and asked, "Are you okay?" as the kids 
walked ahead to the car.
	She couldn't lie to him anymore. "No. There's something...we need to 
talk about. Tonight okay? Let's not spoil the evening."
	Reluctantly he agreed, putting his arm around her shoulder, wanting to 
comfort her, as he always did, by holding her close.
	But there would be no comfort tonight. Not now. Not ever. And never 
again would she feel safe in his arms. Safety was something she had lost.


	He stood in the shadows, watching. He'd followed her from the 
restaurant, not sure.... But yes. She had aged, as all mortals do. But it was her.  
When he'd glimpsed her eyes, he'd known. His memory was perfect; but even if 
it hadn't been, he couldn't forget those eyes. Those beautiful wide blue eyes that 
he'd gazed into as he'd tried to control her mind all those years ago....
	And now she was here. In this city. Fate, wasn't it, that they should 
meet again? And how quaintly mortal she seemed, with her mortal husband, her 
family....
	They were insignificant. Specks of dust. But she, on the other hand....
	She was his. He'd wanted her since that night. And now, as providence 
would have it, here she was for the taking....


	Spaceships zoomed past each other at dizzying speed, as the Rebel 
forces and the Empire clashed in battle. On her left, Steven watched entranced, 
while on her right, Niki waited patiently for another glimpse of the young actor 
who was equivalent to the Han Solo of Natalie's generation. Natalie had made 
sure to sit next to Nicolette, and she could not help glancing around from time to 
time, wondering if anyone had followed them here. Richie had long since fallen 
asleep, and she held him protectively in her lap. How could she protect them? 
How could she protect any of them?
	She stared ahead at the screen, but the images went past her unseen. 
Another time, another galaxy far far away had captured her mind, as the images 
of the past danced before her....

	*"Are you sure it will work?"
	Nick's enthusiasm was tempered this time by the disappointment of his 
last attempt. Yet the hope that had left his eyes for so long had never seemed as 
strong again as it did today. 
	She looked into his eyes, knowing he could read her every emotion--her 
hopes, her fears....her love for him. "I can't be sure. It's a new strain. Your blood 
samples seem to have reacted favorably. The retrovirus hasn't mutated...but I've 
only been working on it for a month. If you build up a tolerance to the dosage..."
	She didn't have to finish. He could become addicted to the leitovuterine 
C just as he had to its predecessor. Or its effectiveness could simply wear off, 
cutting short his latest endeavor to become mortal. She didn't have the heart to 
see him disappointed again. Nor could she deny him what seemed a viable 
possibility of success. It was his decision. It had to be.
	He squeezed her hand, resignation in his eyes.
	"Let's do it."
	She hesitated. "Are *you* absolutely sure?"
	He pulled her closer, into his arms. "Nat, we've come so far since the 
last time...you and I. I want more. I want to be *with* you. If there's even a 
chance it could work this time for me...for us..."
	She could deny him nothing when he looked at her that way. And the 
mere thought, the mere possibility, of sharing a real life with him, was as 
intoxicating as his gaze. "Okay," she agreed.
	He smiled, giving her a kiss. "Okay, doctor. Whenever you're ready."
	She took a deep breath. "I guess now's as good a time as any." She 
reached for the syringe.
	Again, the excruciating agony on his face, crying out as the serum 
ripped through his body. Even knowing it would happen made it no easier for her 
to watch his suffering. She held his hand tightly, letting him grasp onto her as he 
rode out the wave of pain....
	And then, nothing. Peace flooded his face. Then relief, and wonder. 
"It's gone again, Nat. It's gone," he said in a broken voice.
	Tears filled her eyes as he rose from the gurney, reaching out for her. He 
took her face in his hands, kissing her passionately, with the freedom of knowing 
now that the beast would not intrude upon them.
	"I love you," he whispered in her ear as he held her tightly.
	"I love you, too," she responded, barely able to speak. And as they 
separated, she asked, "So, what's the first thing you want to do now that you're 
mortal again?"
	"I want to take you home," he said with feeling. "And this time, if you 
don't mind, I'd like to spend the day."


	He'd spent the day. And nights and days after that. And each time he'd 
made love to her had been as exciting as the first, each precious moment that they 
spent together more intoxicating than the last. She'd barely argued when he'd 
pleaded with her to call in sick for a couple of days. And when he'd surprised 
her a week later with plane tickets to Hawaii, it hadn't even occurred to her to 
debate him on their responsibilities to real life. Real life could wait. They'd 
waited, suffered too long for this. Simple pleasures that had eluded them were 
theirs now. And they would not take for granted one moment they could walk 
hand in hand in the sunshine. For them it had truly been the stuff only dreams 
were made of--until now.
	Three weeks later, they lay with their bodies entwined on the private 
beach in Kauai that had been their idyllic hideaway. Nick pulled her closer under 
the blanket that guarded them from the cool night air, and Natalie kissed him 
deeply as she ran a hand through his sand-filled hair, reveling in the delight of 
his naked body pressing against hers.
	"I want you again, Nat," he said softly, so that she could barely hear 
him above the breaking of the waves against the beach. He smiled, looking into 
her eyes as if all he could ever want in life were there. "And again...and again...."
	And she gave herself to him once more, relishing every caress, every 
sensation, as their bodies rocked gently together in their passion.
	Later, as he held her still in his embrace, he whispered, "I wish we 
could stay here for the rest of our lives."
	"So do I," she murmured, then looked up at him with a smile.
"But we have to go back sometime, you know. We do have our jobs..."
	"Nat, there's at least ten billion dollars in the bank," he teased. "We 
don't *have* to work another day in our lives if we don't want to." But at her 
admonishing look, he sobered. "Okay, okay, you're right. We do have to go back 
sooner or later. I'd just rather it be later."
	So would she, if the truth be known. But there was something else--
some apprehension she'd felt in him every time they'd spoken of returning to 
their lives in Toronto. "What is it, Nick? Why are you afraid to go back?"
	She'd hit the nail on the head. He *was* afraid. She could see it in his 
eyes as her words hit home. He'd tried to obscure it from her, but confronted 
now, he wouldn't pretend it wasn't there. He couldn't. They'd bared their souls 
to each other in these last few weeks, and it would have been unthinkable to keep 
anything from each other.
	"Nat, here we're away from it all. That other life." He paused. "LaCroix. 
I don't know how he'll react once he knows I'm mortal. And this time--I don't 
have the power to protect you."
	"Nick, he knew we were together again. He hasn't tried to come 
between us since that last time..." She tried to suppress her own involuntary 
shudder as she remembered their ordeal on Valentine's Day. A conflict long 
resolved--but never forgotten.
	He touched her cheek, warming her. "I know. But that was different. I 
was still a vampire--"
	"Nick, if he wanted to, he could find us wherever we are, eventually. 
We can't spend the rest of our lives running..."
	He looked down at her with profound sadness in his eyes, as he said, 
"It's so unfair of me to bring you into this...."
	"Shhh," she soothed him, placing her fingers over his lips. "I don't want 
to hear that. I'm in this for the whole nine yards. I'm ready to take the bad with 
the good. I always was."
	He kissed her fingers, then caressed them with his own. "I know. And 
that's what makes you so incredible." He kissed her. "I suppose I also find it 
hard to believe that this is real. That it won't fail again. That I won't go back--"
	Natalie reached up to run her fingers through his hair, kissing him 
again. There was nothing she could say to reassure him on that count. All she 
could do was show him that she would be there for him no matter what....
	When they had separated, he looked down at her with a new sense of 
peace. "You know, when we do go back, there is something we should do right 
away."
	"What's that?" she asked, smiling brightly at him, glad to see the lines 
of worry gone from his face. 
	"Well, I know it's a little backwards...I mean, usually people spend their 
honeymoon in Hawaii....but, um, will you marry  me, Natalie?"
	Her heart skipped a beat. She felt tears of joy rising to her eyes, as he 
looked at her expectantly. "Yes, Nick. I will..." she managed, though she was 
sure her answer was written all over her face.
	Relief flooded his face, as he brought his lips down on hers.


	Hours later, Natalie awoke to feel the first rays of sunlight touch her 
face. Still asleep, Nick was nestled peacefully against her, his face buried in her 
breasts. She smiled down at him, wishing he were awake to see the splendid red-
orange sky as the sun made its way over the blue horizon of the Pacific. How 
he'd watched his first sunrise in wonder, never losing his awe with each new 
dawn! But she decided to let him sleep. They'd have thousands of sunrises to 
share. 
	Gently, she slipped out from under him, rising to put on the bikini she'd 
discarded last night, not trusting the privacy of this beach as much as he did in 
the daylight. She sat down again beside him in the sand, looking down at his face 
as he turned in his sleep.
	And suddenly, something was terribly wrong. The soft tan he'd acquired 
had turned into a red burn, his face seeming to grow hotter as the sun rose higher 
in the sky. Suddenly, a wisp of smoke lifted up from his face. 
	"Nick!" she shouted in panic. But as his eyes opened tiredly, the sun's 
rays seemed to blind him. He cried out, sitting up, covering his eyes. And when 
he opened them again, they'd taken on an amber glow....
	"Nat, I can't see! I'm blind!"
	Without stopping to think, she grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around 
his body, covering his head, leading him back into the house. "It'll be okay," she 
kept saying over and over, though her voice betrayed her own near-hysteria. She 
led him into the bedroom, where the blinds were shut tightly, helping him onto 
the bed. "Lie down...you're safe now. It's okay...."
	Only when she'd pulled the blanket from him, did she see the full 
extent of his injuries. The burn on his face was matched by at least three more on 
his body. And as he looked up at her with unseeing, but terror-stricken amber 
eyes, she realized that his  fangs were protruding. "It'll be all right," she told 
him, squeezing his hand, unafraid. And she cursed herself for the tremor in her 
voice which he surely would not fail to notice.
	In a few minutes, his eyes had healed, and he'd willed his fangs to 
retract. But his face was filled with anguish as he begged her for another shot of 
leitovuterine. "Nat, please..."
	She had no choice. There was no blood for him here. And the trip home 
would never be accomplished before daylight came again. She found the syringe, 
injecting him, grief overwhelming her as his body was racked with pain as it 
hadn't been since the first time.
	When he had calmed down, he sat up to face her, his eyes filled with a 
horror he was not yet ready to express. "How long will it last?" he asked softly, 
his voice choked with emotion.
	"Just long enough to get you home," she whispered, letting him fall into 
her arms. She held him tightly as he buried his face in her hair, letting his silent 
tears fall. She wouldn't let him see her own. For God knew, she had enough for 
both of them.*

	The kids had fallen asleep on the car ride home, and an uncharacteristic 
silence had fallen between Natalie and Steven. She knew he was waiting for her 
to talk; to give him some inkling as to what had kept her so preoccupied all 
night. He reached over, putting a hand on her thigh, and she turned to offer him a 
reassuring smile. He seemed satisfied. But as he turned his attention back to the 
road, her mind sank once more into the quagmire of memories that tonight's 
events had dredged up from the pit of her soul....

	*The loft was dark, a telltale sign of the deep depression which had 
plagued him since their return. At first, Natalie thought he wasn't home. But then 
she saw the silhouette of his form against the backdrop of stars, as he stood in 
front of the window, immersed in his endless night.
	"Nick?" she said softly, though she knew that with his preternatural 
hearing he had to have known she was standing right behind him.
	He turned to her slowly, the shame of the bottle in his hand written on 
his face. She pointedly ignored it, pretended it wasn't there. This wasn't his 
choice, and she knew it. He needed his strength, and would have to maintain his 
diet of cow's blood for quite some time.
	She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to hold him. But he'd been so 
distant since they'd come back from Hawaii the day before yesterday, almost as if 
afraid to be too close to her. She wouldn't push him, no matter how badly she 
needed to feel his arms around her. "Hi," she said quietly.
	He took her hand and squeezed it. "Hi, Nat." A restrained desire, so 
much like her own.
	"Well, Sydney was glad to be home," she said conversationally. "Three 
weeks at the kennel is not his idea of a vacation. I think next time, we ought to 
take him."
	He smiled a painful smile. "Next time." As if there would be no next 
time. 
	She couldn't stand this anymore. "Nick, I know you're hurting. I...I am 
too. But please, don't shut me out."
	"What do you expect me to do, Nat? Can I kiss you when I'm like this? 
Can I make love to you?" He paused, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Can I 
marry you?"
	"Maybe not right now. But what are you going to do?" she challenged. 
"Pretend this last month never happened?!"
	He turned away from her, staring once more out the window. "It was a 
dream, Nat," he said bitterly. "A beautiful dream. But now I've woken up. And 
this is my reality. A reality that doesn't allow me to love you, and be with you 
like I want to. We're back where we started."
	"No," she told him, her face flushed with anger. "We can't go back. It 
happened. And I won't let you toss me aside every time you have a setback and 
start feeling sorry for yourself!"
	"Nat," he said, turning to her, anguish in his eyes.
	"No, Nick, I won't let you do this to me again! We either try to work 
this out in spite of your condition, or we end it. But for good this time! No 
turning back. Is that what you want?"
	It was an ultimatum, and she knew it. But her heart couldn't take the 
uncertainty her relationship with him had meant in the past. They'd come too far. 
And he had to be willing to work at it no matter what. 
	She was trembling from anger, from wondering just what he would 
choose. She couldn't go back on her word. She had to go on-- with him, or 
without him. There was no in-between.
	Suddenly, his face softened, as his eyes filled once more with the love 
that she knew was still there. He took her into his arms, kissing her softly on the 
cheek as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Oh God, Nat, no...I don't want to 
lose you," he whispered in a broken voice. "I don't want to lose you." He took 
her face in her hands, kissing her full on the mouth, with as much passion as he 
dared. 
	She was breathless when he pulled away. God, how she wanted him! "I 
told you...good times or bad...I'm here...." she said, burying herself in his 
embrace, feeling as if she would cry with relief.
	For a long time they stood there holding each other, drawing strength 
from the commitment that they would keep now no matter what the future held. 
Finally, when the separated, he looked at her with the impish grin she loved.
	"Hey, Nat, how do you think Sydney would feel about moving in here?"
	"I think he'd love it," she replied, moving to kiss him again.*



	Steven had carried Richie into bed, and Natalie had gone in to check on 
Nicolette. So much would happen, and soon her daughter would have the 
innocence of her childhood stripped away. So much to talk about, so much to 
explain....
	Like always, they could sense an apprehension in each other. "Are you 
okay?" Natalie asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, tucking her in needlessly.
	"I guess," her daughter responded, not too convincingly. "But you're 
not. I know. Ever since we saw that lady."
	Again, Natalie could feel the innocent hostility that Niki seemed to have 
felt towards Janette without even knowing why.
	"Who is she, Mom? Where do you know her from?"
	Natalie breathed deeply. "From a long time ago. Before you were born. 
When I lived in Canada, before I came here."
	Niki seemed to hesitate a moment, as if considering what her mother 
had said, and trying to formulate the next question. And then, there it was, as she 
blurted, "She knew my father, didn't she?"
	This took Natalie aback. Niki knew that Steven had adopted her when 
she was two. And she had always considered him her daddy, never asking about 
her biological father. To have guessed out of the blue....
	But Natalie couldn't lie to her. She never had, and never would. "Yes. 
She did know your father."
	Niki's eyes opened wide as if she hadn't really expected to be on the 
mark. She tried to take this all in, then asked, "Mom, what was he like?"
	Such an innocuous question, which could lead to so complicated an 
answer. But the many things she had kept from Niki would be revealed soon 
enough. A simple answer would do. "He was blond, and blue-eyed, just like 
you..."
	"Was he cute? Was he sexy?" she asked, with a typical pre-adolescent 
interest.
	Natalie smiled. "Yes. Very."
	Niki nodded, satisfied. "Do I look like him?"
	Her mother nodded sadly. "A lot."
	Niki sobered. "Was he nice? I mean, a good person?"
	"A very good person," she said honestly. What he had done in the first 
seven hundred years of his life could not change that.
	"Did you two love each other a lot?" Niki asked. Yet Natalie knew Niki 
must see it in her eyes as she spoke of him.
	"Uh-huh. A lot," she told her, feeling the pain crawling up into her 
throat.  "And we can, uh, talk about this all tomorrow, if you like. But you really 
should get to sleep."
	Natalie leaned down to give her a kiss goodnight, but Niki pleaded, 
"Wait, Mommy, just one more question, please?"
	"Okay, shoot," Natalie said, trying not to let her daughter see just how 
difficult this was for her.
	"Why didn't you two ever get married? If you loved each other I 
mean...."
	Natalie took a deep breath, composing herself. "We couldn't, Niki. 
There were a lot of other things going on--things that kept us from being 
together." She took her daughter's small hand in hers. "I promise you that I'll tell 
you everything. You're big enough to know. But tomorrow, okay? I really need 
to get to sleep, and this is too important. We have to sit down and have a nice 
long talk."
	"Okay," her daughter responded, seemingly satisfied that she would 
learn the truth. She reached out to hug Natalie, and Natalie held her for a few 
moments before tucking the covers around her again.
	"Good night, sweetie," she said, standing up.
	"Mommy...don't get mad...but there's just one thing I really want to 
know tonight."
	Natalie turned back to her daughter, not in the least bit angry, but afraid 
that she would break down if this went on much longer. "What is it, baby?" she 
asked softly.
	"Did he know about me? Did he know you were going to have me?"
	"Yes," she said quietly, glad for the darkness that obscured the tears in 
her eyes. "He knew about you, Niki. And he was very, very happy."


	*She came home from work to find him in the kitchen, flipping burgers 
in a frying pan as if he had been a short order cook in another life. "Thought I'd 
surprise you and have dinner ready," he said without looking at her. He motioned 
to the stove. "Burgers, vegetables..." He opened the oven, revealing the pan with 
his favorite delicacy. 
	"French fries," she said with a smile.
	Nick turned to her, looking into her eyes brightly as he caressed her 
arms. "I'm trying, Nat. I really am this time."
	"I know you are," she said softly, falling gladly into his embrace. Was it 
her imagination, or did his lips feel warmer as he kissed her? He *had* been 
trying in earnest, ever since she'd moved in with him a month ago. He'd come to 
realize that there might be no miracle cure...and giving up the blood, completely 
this time, might be the only way to come back across.
	"I never really gave it a chance before," he admitted, his enthusiasm 
brimming over. "But this time, Nat..." He kissed her again, more deeply. And as 
he separated from her, he said tenderly, "Maybe it won't be long before we're on 
that beach again."
	She knew as he gazed into her eyes that he could see her intense love 
for him...as well as the secret she was bursting to tell.
	"What is it?" he asked with sudden curiosity.
	"I have a surprise of my own," she said softly. She'd spent the last two 
hours envisioning all the ways she could tell him. And now, as she stood before 
him, it was all she could do to blurt it out. "I went to the doctor today," she 
began.
	Sudden concern crossed his eyes. "Are you all right?"
	She almost laughed. Couldn't he see how perfectly all right she was? 
She took a breath. "I'm fine...I went to him because I was late."
	Suddenly it seemed to hit him, and his mouth dropped open at the mere 
possibility. "Nat?" he whispered. "Are you telling me...?"
	"I'm almost six weeks pregnant, Nick."
	She held her breath for his reaction. But as his look of shock 
transformed itself into pure joy, she could feel her own tears of happiness 
beginning to surface.
	"But Nat, how?" he asked incredulously, grabbing her hands and 
holding them.
	"You were there," she teased him. "Don't tell me that after eight 
hundred years you don't know how babies are made."
	"I just can't believe this," he said, his voice filled with emotion as he 
looked her up and down, his eyes resting in wonder on her abdomen, then 
coming up to meet hers once more. And then he was scooping her into his arms, 
hugging her tightly, kissing her until she was breathless.
	"Are you all right?" he asked, leading her to the couch. "Is there any 
thing we should be doing...anything you need...?"
	"Maybe dinner?" she suggested, catching a whiff of burning meat. 
"Those burgers are probably charcoal by now..."
	He ran to the stove to find their dinner burnt beyond recognition. Even 
the fries were crisper than he could stomach. He shrugged at her with a sheepish 
smile and she laughed.
	"Don't worry about it," she assured him as he came to sit beside her. 
"We can order something in."
	"No," he told her, taking her hand. "The sun's almost down. We'll go 
out. Celebrate."*


	"Natalie."
	She hadn't heard Steven come into the bedroom, and as she looked at 
him now, the deep concern in his eyes, the present came flooding back. Janette's 
warning. Nicolette. They had to get away.
	But how would she ever explain this to a man who had no idea of what 
her life had been before she'd met him? How could she possibly convey the 
insanity that only years had helped her to accept herself? Yet she owed it to him. 
He'd given so much, to her, to Nicolette, asking nothing in return. He'd accepted 
them at face value, never prying, never pressing...perhaps hoping that with his 
love he could make whatever had hurt her melt into the past.
	And he had. For so long that Natalie had begun to believe in her mortal 
life, and its power to erase all that had come before.
	But it never had. Not really. And the time of reckoning had come, as she 
had always dreaded it would.
	"Steven, we have to talk." But how to begin? How to make the 
unbelievable sound real?
	"Okay. I'm listening." And as he sat across from her on the bed, she 
knew that he sensed this was more than just a passing problem. This was the 
moment he had waited for for over ten years. Patiently. Lovingly. He took her 
hand.
	"Nat, whatever it is--"
	"I just don't know if you'll believe me," she began, then took a deep 
breath. "But you have to. And you have to trust me."
	"I do...."
	"Steven, Niki's life could depend on it."
	His eyes opened wide. This was not something he had expected. "Niki's 
life? What's going on, Nat? Does it have to do with that woman in the 
restaurant?" At her nod, he paused. "Does this have to do with...her father?"
	"Yes," she said, feeling the pang that had gone through his heart.
	"Does he...want to see her? Are you afraid he'll hurt her?" he asked, 
possibilities racing through his mind that couldn't be further from the truth.
	"No. He could never hurt her. But there are people who might, if they 
knew about her. Niki...is very special. She's not like other human children."
	"What are you talking about?" he asked, as she saw the doubt cross his 
eyes.
	"You said you would trust me," she reminded him sternly. "This isn't 
going to be easy, Steven. God knows, telling you this is one of the most difficult 
things I've ever had to do. But we have to protect her."
	"Okay, Natalie." He squeezed her hand as he forced the uncertainty  
from his face. "Just tell me. Why is Niki...different? Does it have something to 
do with her father?"
	She sighed deeply, then looked into his eyes, knowing that only her 
steady gaze would convince him that she was serious...and sane. "Her father was 
a vampire."
	"Oh, Nat, you expect me to believe that vampires exist? That her father 
was one? This is crazy--"
	"I know it is," she told him, her glare unwavering. "You don't have to 
tell me. I lived through it. And I've lived with this secret--his secret--for 
seventeen years, never able to tell anyone..." She paused, her voice cracking with 
emotion as she whispered, "Not even you."
	Steven studied her a moment, his inner conflict played out on his face. 
Finally, he lifted his hand to her cheek, caressing her softly. "I'm sorry, Nat. I 
told you a long time ago that I would be ready to listen, whenever you wanted to 
tell me about your past. It just sounds so incredible--"
	"I know," she said, covering his hand with hers.
	"But I'm here for you, baby. Tell me now. Tell me all of it."
	Relief flooded her as she realized that he would listen. And believe. So 
she began. From the beginning.
	The morgue. Nick waking up. Trying to hypnotize her, but unable. 
Testing her. Their growing friendship. His quest for mortality. Her search for a 
cure. The cow's blood. Janette. The Raven. The Enforcers.
	Richard.
	Roger Jameson. Nick's jealousy. The closeness, becoming a love they 
dared not admit. Then Valentine's Day.
	Azure.
	LaCroix.
	A new beginning, once he'd decided to stay. The cure that failed. The 
cure that worked...for a short time. Kauai. Those beautiful days in the sun....
	Then disappointment again. But a commitment that could weather 
anything. And then new hope. Her pregnancy....
	For hours he'd listened, voicing only a question from time to time. 
They'd gotten past the point where she wondered if he believed her. He did. And 
his expression wavered between fascination...and jealousy. It was so difficult to 
talk about Nick...to tell Steven all Nick  had meant to her...to obscure from him 
the vestiges of those feelings that still lingered....
	"So why did you leave?" he asked quietly. "If everything was going so 
well...he was on his way to coming across...you were pregnant...with his child...."
	"I had to," she said emotionlessly. And as she retold it, it came back to 
her, as powerfully as if she had been transplanted into the past....

	*Dinner had been exquisite, although Natalie knew from her experience 
of the last few days that by morning she would probably be sick to her stomach. 
But it didn't matter. Their world was near perfect again, filled with a hope that 
grew even as the tiny life inside her. 
	"And you're sure everything's all right?" he asked again as he watched 
her undress for bed. 
	She slid in beside him, "Everything's fine," she yawned, closing her 
eyes as she snuggled against him. Peace and exhaustion enveloped her, and she 
let herself drift into sweet dreams of their child....
	His sudden cry of terror jolted her awake. She looked at him in fear as 
the blood tears dripped from his still-closed eyes, a crimson perspiration dotting 
his tortured countenance. "Nick, wake up!" she cried, shaking him.
	"No, LaCroix...I won't do it!" he cried hoarsely.
	"Nick!"
	Her urgency penetrated his nightmare, and his eyes snapped open. For a 
moment he stared at her, disoriented, then closed his eyes, heaving a sigh of 
relief as the past slipped back into its hiding place within his subconscious. 
	"Are you all right?" she asked, wiping his forehead with a tissue.
	The sight of the blood elicited a look of disgust from him, then 
embarrassment. "I'm sorry, this is really--"
	"It's okay," she said quickly. "What were you dreaming about?"
	"LaCroix. And something that happened a long time ago," he responded 
vaguely.
	She said nothing, waiting for him to go on, as he often had when he'd 
awakened from dreams of his tormented past. But a sudden uneasiness had 
descended upon him, as he said, "I don't want to talk about it."
	He seemed almost unwilling to look at her as he lay down once more. 
She didn't press him. She knew there were still some things he found difficult to 
speak of. Nick must have sensed that he was shutting her out, for he drew her 
close to him, and she gladly complied, silently comforting him with her light 
kisses.
	But when she awoke to find him gone, she knew that more than a 
nightmare was troubling him. This was something real, something now. She 
found him downstairs, staring at the pre-dawn sky. She whispered a silent prayer 
that there was no bottle in his hand.
	"Nick," she said gently, "I think maybe we'd better talk about it."
	She'd anticipated resistance, even anger that she was pushing him. But 
she hadn't expected him to turn to her with tears in his eyes. "I can't, Nat," he 
whispered. There are some things...I'm afraid to tell you. Afraid of what you 
might think of me."
	"Haven't we gotten way past that?" she said softly, taking his hand.
	He nodded, taking her into his arms. For a long time he held her tightly, 
and it occurred to her that he was afraid of much more than what she might think 
of him. "Nick, please tell me..."
	He looked at her with an almost timid fright. "Natalie, I need to know 
something...about my condition. You said it's a retrovirus--"
	"It behaves like a retrovirus," she corrected. "You know it's not that cut 
and dry; there's a lot we don't know--"
	"But when I was...human. When we made love...when you...conceived 
this baby...was I cured?"
	"Nick, where's this coming from? Of course you were cured...otherwise 
I wouldn't have gotten pregnant..."
	"Are you sure? The vampirism was gone? Not in my blood?"
	She didn't like the desperation in his voice.  "Well, it must have still 
been in your blood...because it came back...but it was dormant--"
	Sudden panic crossed his face. "Dormant? But doesn't that mean it was 
still in my genes? My DNA?--"
	Natalie could feel her heart beginning to pound. "Nick, you're scaring 
me now. Why all this concern? I've been to the doctor, I saw the embryonic sac 
on the ultrasound. The baby is *growing*, developing. It's human. It couldn't do 
that if it were a vampire--"
	He took a deep breath, as if some horrible fear had been confirmed.  
"Not a vampire," he said dully. "A dhampir."
	"What?"
	He took her hand, and led her to the couch, as if he had something 
awful to tell her. And Natalie didn't know why, but she was suddenly terrified. 
	"Part-human. Part-vampire," he explained. "With the heightened senses 
of a vampire...but without the curse of having to live off blood.  Because of their 
dual nature, they're attuned to vampires. They can sense us. But they have a 
natural aversion to us. That makes them hunters. And as such, a danger to us. 
Our aversion to them is just as deep as our hunger for blood. They hunt because 
they too are hunted. By every vampire who can sense them--"
	"Nick, this has nothing to do with our child," she broke in, trying to 
dismiss what he was telling her with every ounce of logic she could muster.  
"You can't pass down a retrovirus through your genes. A man with HIV doesn't 
pass it to his children, unless he infects the mother, and even then a baby 
wouldn't contract it in utero, only during childbirth, from the blood, or through 
breastfeeding...."
	She was rambling, and she knew it, but it was all too frightening to even 
contemplate. "And look, I'm fine," she told him, trying to prove it to herself as 
much as to him. "You didn't bring me across by making love to me...there's no 
way the baby could--"
	"But are you sure, Nat?" he asked desperately. "There's no 
way...medically...that this could be passed down...?"
	"Oh, God," she sighed, covering her face with her hands, trying to 
think. 
	"Are you sure?" he whispered again, taking her hands into his own, and 
looking into her eyes. "Are you really sure?" He needed to hear that she was.
	But when she looked back at him it was with a doubt that she could not 
obscure. "The only way," she began, "would be if the retrovirus were present in 
your primary spermatocytes...which is unlikely...especially because it was 
dormant..."
	"Is there a way to check...to find out for certain?"
	She hesitated. This couldn't be happening. "Nick, maybe it's just a 
legend--"
	"It's not," he broke in quickly. 
	She didn't dare ask for details right now. "It doesn't matter. You were 
human. It was dormant. The chances are so minuscule..."
	"Natalie, we have to know for sure. If our child is a dhampir...." His 
voice drifted off. But he didn't have to finish.  He didn't have to tell her the 
danger. She knew.
	"Okay. We could perform a test. To see if your gametes are infected." 
She paused. "But it wouldn't be accurate because we wouldn't be testing you 
under the same conditions. It's not dormant right now. The only way to really 
know--"
	This time it was she who didn't have to finish her thought. He knew. 
	"I'd have to take the leitovuterine again."
	She nodded. They had spoken of it. Discussed the possibility of using 
the drug from time to time to allow him even a momentary respite from his 
vampiric state, an occasional indulgence in humanity. Yet they'd decided against 
it, afraid of the side effects as his body grew accustomed to it, and the retrovirus 
mutated to stay alive. Natalie knew that the real reason Nick had rejected the idea 
had been the disappointment, the pain of regaining his humanity only to lose it at 
any moment. It wasn't something he'd wanted to put himself, or her, through 
again. 
	But the stakes were different now. "I want to do it, Nat. We have to 
know."
	She nodded. She knew in her heart they did have to know.
	But she didn't want to.   God, she didn't want to.

	
	There was no joy this time as he went through the transformation--just 
the urgency of the tests to be done, the truth that they would have to deal with. 
And not knowing  how long it would last this time filled each moment with 
apprehension. He hadn't even tried to make love to her, much as they longed to 
be together again as they had in Hawaii. He'd been too afraid that the beast 
would emerge. He wouldn't risk her life. He wouldn't risk their child's.
	They sat together now in the loft, waiting for morning, when she'd been 
able to schedule time on the University's electron microscope. The tests would 
have to be precise--there was too much riding on the outcome. But the hours 
seemed like days, and an uncomfortable silence had fallen between them. What 
was there to say?
	*A lot*, Natalie thought to herself. There had to be something he was 
keeping from her. She thought back to his nightmare, and his plea to LaCroix 
that he could not do it. Do what? What had he dreamed that had made him even 
consider that their baby might be....
	"Nick, you knew a dhampir once, didn't you?"
	It was more of a statement than a question, and it shook the hell out of 
him. He looked down at the protein drink he'd been nursing for the past hour, 
avoiding her gaze, as he replied, "Yes."
	Well, at least he hadn't said he didn't want to talk about it.
	He looked up, waiting for her to ask more, but this time she didn't.  She 
knew when to press him, and when not to. She could see that he realized now he 
could not avoid the topic any longer. He owed it to her,
	"It was in Spain," he began, "during the Inquisition. A vampire named 
Miguel had fallen in love with a mortal woman, Alicia, and they'd somehow 
managed to have a daughter...."
	Natalie suppressed the urge to ask him how they had been able to 
overcome the....logistics....as he went on.
	"She was a beautiful little girl named Milagros," he commented 
wistfully, as if seeing her in his perfect memory.
	"Miracle," Natalie murmured, and he nodded sadly.
	"With all the war and turmoil--King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella had 
just unified the country--" he explained, "her birth had gone unnoticed." His face 
grew dark. "Until she was about twelve. The Enforcers heard rumor of her 
existence....and sent LaCroix."
	He looked up at her.  "Janette and I went along, of course, I honestly 
didn't know what they would do with her. I thought maybe they would study her, 
or even try to bring her across..."
	He took a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to hear the rest?"
	She didn't. But she knew she had to. "It's okay," she told him, knowing 
that this was difficult for him.
	"We had only seen her from a distance. When LaCroix said that she had 
to be *destroyed*--that she was an *abomination*--Janette and I argued with 
him. He saw our compassion for her as a weakness. He told me that he'd thought 
that in almost three hundred years he'd taught me better."
	Nick looked into her eyes. "The one thing he hadn't taught me was 
about the effect that a dhampir would have on us. The feeling of dread, of 
terror... We'd always kept our distance, but he never told us why.
	"The next night, when LaCroix went out to feed, I went to Miguel's 
family's house. I wanted to warn them, hoping they could flee before LaCroix 
realized they were missing. And then Milagros came into the room."
	He paused as if wanting her to know without his having to say it.
	She already did. "And you killed her," she said slowly, reading the pain 
in his eyes.
	He nodded. "I couldn't help it, Natalie. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by 
fear. I didn't know what was happening. It was as if I were being attacked, and 
yet all she did was come towards me. And I could see in her eyes that she knew 
what I was. That alone intensified my feeling of being...somehow threatened...." 
He shook his head as if unable to describe even now the intensity of emotion that 
had assaulted him.
	"It wasn't your fault, Nick," she told him, taking his hand. "You had no 
way of knowing--"
	"I should have, Nat!" he cried, obviously still not having been able to 
forgive himself despite five centuries that had passed.
	"No, Nick," she told him sternly. "He was your teacher, and he 
deliberately kept that from you, as he kept many things, just to have more power 
over you. He knew what would happen, and probably took some kind of sick 
delight in it."
	"I can still hear Alicia screaming," he said wearily. "And I always will."
	She drew him near and he gladly fell into her embrace. And as she held 
him, her satisfaction that he had finally opened up to her was  surpassed only by 
her new understanding of why he was so terrified for their unborn child. And the 
only thing that kept her from succumbing to that terror herself was the conviction 
that there was no way on Earth this could possibly ever happen to them.


	Her hand was shaking as she took the slide from the microscope and 
involuntarily let it fall to the floor. The glass shattered, and with it her dreams.*


	Natalie looked up at Steven, knowing that she had told him all she 
should. Enough to be honest with him, at last. He deserved that. What he didn't 
deserve was to be hurt any more than he had been, and surely it would hurt him 
to know the details of what had followed. The heart-wrenching days of 
discussion and decisions, of desperate passion, the epilogue of her life with 
Nick, and prelude to her life without him. Natalie didn't want Steven to know 
the depth of the wound that had never truly healed. She couldn't bear for it to 
take away from the beautiful life that they had shared in the last ten years. She 
loved Steven, and until seeing the pain on his face as she had spoken of her past, 
perhaps she hadn't even realized how deeply. "I'm so sorry," she said softly. 
"This wasn't something I should have kept from you." 
	She could read in his face both the hurt and the anger he was trying to 
control as he said, "Natalie, I love you. You could have trusted me."
   	"I do trust you, Steven," she told him.  "But I was afraid of what you'd 
think...Afraid...of losing you."
	He shook his head slowly and sighed. "Nat, you're not going to lose me 
over this. If anything--"
	His voice trailed off.
	"What?" she pressed him.
	He shrugged. "I don't know. It just changes things, Nat."
	"Not between us," she broke in, feeling her heart begin to sink. "Steven, 
please, just try to understand how difficult this has been for me. If I had told you 
this ten years ago, you would have thought I was crazy. I wanted to start a new 
life with you, a normal life. I didn't want the past to interfere with that--"
	"But it's not in the past," he reminded her. "If it were we wouldn't have 
to leave town to keep Nicolette from being stalked by vampires! Did you think 
that would just go away, Natalie? Didn't I have a right to know that this might 
happen?"
	"Yes you did. You're right," she admitted guiltily. "I suppose Janette 
hit it on the head. She said that I must have thought that if I forgot about them, 
and lost myself in my mortal world, that it would never happen. I spent the first 
year after Niki  was born virtually in hiding. And then, when nothing happened, I 
thought we were fairly safe. Oh, for years it still terrified me when I thought 
about it, but Steven, we've even run into people that I'm sure were vampires, and 
no one ever gave Niki a second glance."
	He raised his eyebrow at that, probably wondering how she knew. But 
she'd dealt with them enough to know the signs, and from time to time had 
passed by a face with that familiar pallor, expecting at any moment to see eyes 
turn to amber, and fangs protrude. But it had never happened. And Niki had 
passed for a normal child. Only now did she understand why.
	"I began to think that Nick had been wrong. But now I see why we've 
been safe until now. Janette said it's her age. Puberty must have something to do 
with it. I don't think Nick knew that, because the dhampir he knew was Niki's 
age. It explains a lot."
	Steven shook his head. "I don't know, Nat. I'm a lawyer, not a doctor or 
an occultist. This is just too much to think about right now. All I know is that it 
changes everything I thought about Niki's father. I could never understand how a 
man could abandon a woman carrying his child. I thought he must be some 
scumbag that had dumped you, or hurt you so badly that you'd left him. It didn't 
matter to me, so I never questioned.  I figured he was just part of your past.  But 
that's not the case. He *did* want you and the baby, and probably still does--"
	"Steven, don't do this--" she begged. 
	But now that it had sunk in, he could hide his anger, and his jealousy,  
no longer. "Nat, you didn't leave him because you wanted to, and he didn't want 
to let you go. When I met you, you were still in love with him--"
	"Steven, please--"
	"Nat...are you still in love with him now?" he challenged.
	"I love *you*," she told him, with tears in her eyes. It was the truth, 
but she had pointedly avoided answering his question, and he knew it.
	"Nat, that's not what I asked--" he said impatiently, as if she had 
silently given him the answer he dreaded most.
	"But it's the truth, and it's what I need you to believe. Steven, what 
happened with Nick was a long time ago. And of course there are feelings that 
will always be there--he's the father of my child. But so are you--"
	"Oh, yeah, but it took five years before you would even consider 
having a baby with me, Natalie. Why was that? Were you still hoping that Nick 
would fly back into your life and take the two of you away?"
	"No, and I don't know how you could even think such a thing!" she 
cried in exasperation. "It was because that's how long it took me to feel safe 
enough to have another child. When Niki was little, there was never a night when 
we took her outside that I didn't look over my shoulder to see if someone was 
watching. Do you think I wanted to risk bringing another baby into a situation 
like that?! You have no idea what it was like, because I sheltered you from it!--"
	"I didn't  want to be sheltered, Natalie. I wanted to share everything 
with you, good or bad. I wanted you to trust me enough to be honest with me!"
	Natalie took a deep breath. She had been wrong, and she knew it. But 
how to convince him that she had only done it to hold on to all the happiness 
he'd given her?   "Steven, in everything else I've always been honest with you. I 
love you and I do trust you, more than anyone else in the world. Maybe I was 
foolish thinking that if I ignored the situation it would go away, but I swear to 
you, I never wanted to hurt you. You gave me and my baby a whole new life, 
filled with hope. I loved you for that, and I love you now, more than  you could 
ever imagine. Can't you please believe that and forgive me for not telling you the 
truth about Nicolette? Can't you see that I just didn't want to ruin what we had?"
	"Nat, I know your intentions were good--but I had a right to know 
what I was getting into!"
	His words struck her like a slap in the face. "So then I was right, 
wasn't I? You wouldn't have stuck around if you had known about Nicolette!"
	"I didn't say that--" he argued.
	"You didn't have to, Steven," she responded quietly.
	For a long moment he stared at her, as if not knowing what to say. He 
had hurt her with that, and he knew it. But his own pain was greater than his 
need to reassure her. "If you loved me, you would have trusted me," he said 
bitterly, then turned to leave.
	She didn't stop him. She didn't have the strength to. Besides, she 
couldn't blame him in the least if he never came  back.


	He had been watching, listening, observing with his preternatural 
senses. He'd followed them here and waited, perched above them, for something.
	A dhampir! he should have known. Why else would she have left so 
suddenly, abandoned her life, her vampire love, her *Nicholas*. It all made sense 
now. And what opportune timing. Here he was, just as she seemed  her most 
vulnerable.
	Again.
	He watched as her mortal husband stormed from the house, sat on the 
steps to their quaint little home, fuming in his anger and confusion. It would be 
so easy, wouldn't it? He was so weak, so pathetic, so....
	...vulnerable....



	For a long while, Natalie sat staring at the door that had slammed 
behind him. She wanted to go after him, beg him to come back, to forgive her for 
having kept him in the dark.
	But she couldn't. In all the years she'd imagined how to explain the 
complexity of her past, one thing had eluded her.
	She could not justify what what she had done. Not to him, not to 
herself. And the must unnerving aspect of it all was that Steven's words 
resounded in her head with a disturbing familiarity.
	*If you loved me, you would trust me.*
	How many times had she said just as much to Nick? Hadn't she 
resented the things he'd kept from her simply because he'd been afraid of her 
reaction? True, Nick's secrets had been far uglier, his deeds more horrible, more 
shameful. Yet how many times had she felt a wall between them just because he 
hadn't seemed to trust her enough to love him in spite of his past?
	She cringed too, at her own words. She had told Steven that she had 
sheltered him. Had *she* wanted Nick to protect *her* from the truth? No. Had 
she accepted that as a justification when he'd tried to make her forget meeting 
LaCroix at Azure?
	Absolutely not. She had felt betrayed. And far from protecting her, 
she'd felt that Nick had foolishly put her in worse jeopardy by trying to take 
from her her knowledge that LaCroix was a threat to her.
	*I had a right to know* she'd told him. He'd endangered her from the 
moment he'd told her that he loved her, by not letting her know that LaCroix had 
vowed to keep him from loving any mortal. Had Nick wanted to protect her? Had 
he really believed that it was even in his power to do so?  Or had he carelessly 
risked her safety out of his own need for love and happiness? 
	These questions had plagued her for so long. And now, she realized, 
she had been just as guilty as Nick, where Steven, and even little Richie were 
concerned. Had she had the right to become involved with Steven, to bring 
Richard in to the world, knowing that she and Nicolette might forever be targets? 
Or had she ignored the peril in her own desperation for happiness?
	She'd ignored it. As she'd ignored so much, overlooked so many 
things, where Nick was concerned. The danger of being with him, the times he'd 
lashed out at her, or gone to Janette in his frustration over their inability to be 
together. She'd pretended so much of it wasn't there, or that she hadn't cared, or 
been hurt by him over and over again. Yet always, in the end, she'd forgiven him. 
And she knew in her heart that she would have forgiven him almost anything, so 
great had been her love, so passionate her need for him.
	And now it was she who had endangered those she loved. And in a 
small way, she understood what Nick must have gone through, and how his 
anguished loneliness and desire for love had often corrupted his better judgment. 
And again, she mentally forgave him, for the wrong decisions that he had made. 
Whatever he had done, he had really loved her. He'd never meant to hurt her. 
She'd always known that, but perhaps now she truly understood it.
	If only Steven could be as forgiving...
	She didn't want to even think about the possibility of losing him, 
though she knew she very well might. And at once a deep foreboding overcame 
her.
	He was outside, alone.
	Suppose some vampire had followed them from Janette's restaurant? 
There were many, she knew, who wouldn't flinch at breaking their Code, 
especially if some mortal stood in the way of their real target...
	Natalie looked out the window quickly, scanning for him in the 
darkness of the new moon. She'd thought she'd heard him go outside, but had 
been too lost in thought..."Steven," she cried in a hushed whisper.
	The only response was the touch of cool hands on her shoulder.


	Natalie nearly jumped out of her skin, tensing, preparing for the worst. 
But as she swung around to face the intruder, her entire body nearly collapsed in 
relief. 
	"Whoa," Steven said, grabbing her arms to steady her. "I'm sorry. I 
didn't mean to startle you."
	Startle! What an understatement. She didn't want to explain that the 
night air had cooled his hands so, that she'd thought he was...
	It didn't matter. She threw her arms around him, heedless of whether 
he was still angry or not. She was too glad just to see him. "Steven, I'm so 
sorry," she whispered in his ear. "I was very wrong. Please, just forgive me and I 
promise there'll be no more secrets, ever. I love you so much..." She kissed him 
deeply to show him. And when he responded with the same warmth  as always, 
she said a silent prayer of thanks.
	"I know you've been through a lot," he said when they had separated. 
"And I can't pretend that I don't still wish you had confided in me. But I 
understand you had your reasons. I just want you to know one thing." He put his 
hand to her cheek, caressing her as he told her tenderly, "Even if you had told me 
all this years ago--it wouldn't have changed a thing. Not how I feel about you. I 
love you, Nat.." he said, his voice choked with emotion. "And I will until the day 
I die."
	"Oh, Steven," she whispered as their lips met. And he led her into the 
bedroom, making her forget, even if only for a while, about  vampires, dangers, 
and running away. And Natalie lost herself in him, in their love, as she had so 
many times before. 


	Outside, he watched, waited, remembering her scent, and the taste of 
the smooth satin of her neck.  He *would* have her. Her body, her blood...her 
soul. And no one would be able to stop him this time. Not this weak human. And 
certainly not Nicholas.

	Morning came, and with it the rude awakening of what had to be done 
today. Natalie would not let another night pass. Sundown was something she 
hoped never to see in this city again. She couldn't risk Nicolette's life by waiting 
even one more day.
	Aristotle would have to be contacted. He'd promised years ago to 
arrange for another identity whenever she `d have to move again. Actually, he'd 
probably expected to hear from her long ago. But years of safety had made her 
careless, even to the point that she'd allowed Steven to persuade her to move 
from the small town where she'd hidden Niki to the city she knew must be full of 
vampires. She and Steven had both agreed, though, that this move would have to 
be a drastic one. they'd go far away, to another country perhaps. Though it made 
him uncomfortable, she'd told him of the money in the bank, and he'd agreed to 
leave everything of theirs behind so they could not be traced. All it would take 
now was a phone call.
	But there was more urgent, personal business she'd have to attend to 
this morning.
	She had to tell Nicolette the truth.
	How would she react? A young girl who, ironically, had been 
fascinated by vampires in fiction and movies. She thought they were cool, even 
sexy. But to her they'd been no more than fictitious creatures, the stuff role 
playing games were made of . How would she feel to know that her father was 
one, that she herself was part-vampire?
	Natalie had known this day would come, but she had dreaded it. Just 
as she'd dreaded telling Nick thirteen years ago that the tests had been positive, 
that their child would indeed be a dhampir...

	*He'd insisted on coming with her to the University, but he'd had to 
wait outside the lab. Once she'd collected herself, she stepped through the door 
to be met by his questioning gaze...
	But she did not need to respond. It was on her face, she knew, in the 
tears that were threatening to burst from her. She saw him visibly pale, his hands 
almost shaking as he reached out to her. She fell into his arms, still trying to hold 
back her emotions until they could be alone.
	"Oh, Nat," he said softly in a voice filled with anguish.
	"Please, let's just go home," she whispered.

	They'd rode silently back to the loft. Nick had driven with one hand, 
keeping his other arm around her to hold her close, as if not wanting her, for one 
moment, to think that she was alone. Once upstairs, Natalie could keep her 
emotions in check no longer. She collapsed into his embrace.
	"Why, Nick, why?" she sobbed. "Why does everything have to be so 
hard for us?"
	"I'm so sorry, Nat," he responded, hugging her to him. "I should have 
known. I never should have--"
	She looked up at him, suddenly angry. "Never should have what? 
Made love to me? Gotten me pregnant? Don't you start pulling away from me 
Nick, not this time--"
	"I'm not, Nat," he promised, his voice choked with emotion. "I just 
hate to have caused you so much pain by involving you in my life. But I could 
never regret making love to you. Never!"
	Natalie took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. The love in his eyes 
reassured her, but there was something else there, too--was it fear? "Okay," she 
said steadily. "So what do we do now?"
	"No one can know about this pregnancy," he said darkly.
	"I know, but in a couple of months I'll begin to show--"
	"You can't stay here, Natalie."
	She looked at him, suddenly afraid of where this was going. "So we'll 
go away," she told him, ignoring the nagging dread. "Find someplace where there 
are no vampires."
	He shook his head dismally. "There is no place where there are no 
vampires, Natalie," he said quietly.
	She pulled away to look him in the eyes. "Then we'll find a place...," 
she said, beginning to panic.
	"Nat--"
	"Hey, you've got to help me out here, Nick," she prodded him. 
"There's got to be someplace we can go, something we can do...We can travel by 
day while you're still on the leitovuterine, and then--"
	"Nat." His eyes were filling with tears.
	"I'll only take the baby out in the daytime, when it's safe--"
	Nick placed his hands on her arms. "Nat, listen to me!"
	"No!" she cried. "You're going to tell me there's nothing we can do, 
and I won't accept that!"
	"Natalie, you do have to go away," he said, choking on the words. 
"But I can't go with you."
	She hadn't expected that. Or maybe she had, but hadn't wanted to 
acknowledge even the possibility. "Are you crazy? I'm not going anywhere 
without you! we're not going anywhere without you!" she yelled, her face hot 
with tears.
	"Natalie, any vampire is a danger to that baby. And I am a vampire," he 
said, measuring every word.
	"But it's your child! You couldn't be a threat to your own child!"
	"I wouldn't want to be, Nat! But after what happened last time--"
	"Nick, that was different! You didn't know what to expect. This is our 
baby. I trust you..."
	"I don't trust myself," he admitted with abhorrence for his own state.
	"Nick, please, you can control it, just like you control your desire to 
take my blood. Please, don't do this--" she begged.
	"What about the baby? " he asked, his voice betraying his inner 
torment. "Don't you realize it will be born with a instinctual  hatred and fear of 
all vampires, including me?"	
	Natalie could see what the thought of that did to him...the prospect of 
instilling loathing and fear in his own child. She threw her arms around his neck, 
holding him tightly. "We'll work it out, Nick. I don't know how, but we will," 
she promised. "Just please, don't do this to me. I need you so much. More than 
I've ever needed anyone. Please, don't make me do this without you--" Her voice 
was lost in her grief, her words cut off by her own weeping. She was frantic now. 
This was worse than anything that could possibly happen to them.
	"Natalie, my love," he whispered in her ear. "I need you more than you 
could ever imagine. But I won't risk your life, and the baby's--"
	"Nick," she wept. She could barely speak.
	"You're forgetting something else," he told her. "LaCroix. In eight 
hundred years, there has been no place on this earth that I could go without his 
finding me. Without the Enforcers knowing my every move. If we went away 
together, how long before they found us?"
	"You could protect us," she said weakly, though she knew it was 
placing more confidence in his ability to do so than she realistically could.
	"Not against them," he said, his voice breaking with his heart. "And 
once they found the baby, they could take him...kill him...or worse."
	"No," she sobbed. "No..."
	For a long time they held each other, their tears intermingling, their 
lips meeting for tender kisses. But the emotional strain was too unbearable in her 
present state, and Natalie felt as if she would pass out. He carried her up to the 
bedroom, lying her down gently, settling next to her to hold her in his arms. And 
for hours they lay there, their bodies entwined, speaking softly of all the 
possibilities, the implications....discussing, searching, becoming resigned to the 
inevitable. Together they cried, holding each other, seeking comfort where none 
could be found. And by morning, they both knew there was no hope, no magical 
solution. Natalie had succeeded in convincing him that his fear of harming the 
child was irrational But the fact that his mere presence would always pose a 
threat, attracting those who would seek to harm their child, was undeniable. How 
could Nick suddenly find a way to do something he'd been unable to do in eight 
centuries? 
	"If you could become human, then they wouldn't be able to track you 
down. Your bond with LaCroix would be broken," she'd suggested, grasping at 
straws. But they both knew that the leitovuterine was not a cure, and with Natalie 
gone, his chances of finding a cure were near impossible.
	At least, in *her* lifetime.
	The sunlight peeking through the open shades was no comfort. Even 
his ability to feel the morning rays on his face was insignificant given the tragedy 
of their situation. His hopes of  becoming human, of enjoying simple pleasures 
such as the dawn, had, in the last few years, been inextricably intertwined with 
his desire to share these things with Natalie. Soon, their life together would be 
over. It was more than either of them could bear.
	Natalie lay against his chest,  her eyes closed, as he stoked her hair. A 
silence had fallen between them now, as they'd exhausted their possibilities and 
themselves. She had no tears left. Her emotion, her energy, was spent. All she 
wanted to do was stay right here with him like this, and pretend that she would 
never have to break away. That fantasy was all that was keeping her from falling 
apart right now.
	"Nat, honey, you must be so tired, " he said softly with concern. "Why 
don't you try to get some sleep?" 
	"I don't want to sleep. I just want you to hold me," she said, cuddling 
against him as if to keep him there.
	"Is there anything I can get you? Food? A drink?" 
	She looked up at him. "There's only one thing I want right now," she 
said. "Make love to me, Nick. Please."
	She could see the desire in his eyes that matched her own. But he 
hesitated. "Nat, what if the leitovuterine wears off...?" he began.
	"What if this is our last time?" she countered.
	It was an argument he couldn't refuse. Or didn't want to. Slowly he 
began to kiss her, tenderly at first, then more insistently. Hungrily she responded, 
his touch bringing back the life that had been drained from her tonight. It had 
been so long since they'd been together like this. Hawaii seemed light years 
away, and so far into the past, that tonight was as exciting as if it were the first 
time. Natalie gasped as his hands reached under her bra, cupping her breasts, 
rubbing, fondling, and finally exposing them to his hungry mouth. She closed 
her eyes, relishing every moment of his exploration as his hands gently worked 
their way down her body, his lips following not far behind. With a desperate 
passion he seemed to want to touch and taste every inch of her, commit every 
sensation to memory, as if this moment would have to last them a lifetime.
	It would.
	Each  caress of his fingers, the teasing of his tongue, the grazing of his 
stubble against the most sensitive parts of her, sent wave after wave of arousal 
through her being. She wanted him so badly, yet she didn't want this to end. No 
one had ever made her feel like this; no one else ever could. The agony of their 
wretched fate suddenly threatened to engulf her. She struggled against it, losing 
herself instead in the overwhelming love she could feel in his every touch, in his 
desire to bring her joy just one last time.
 	With no less desperation than  his own, Natalie reached for him, 
freeing him from his clothes, running her hands over the perfect body that she 
loved so much. And now it was her turn to touch him, taste him, tempt him as 
close to the brink of ecstasy as possible without letting their moment end too 
soon.  "Oh God, Nat..." he moaned in pleasure. "Please don't let this end..."
	She wouldn't. At least not before she had one final chance to melt 
away eight centuries of loneliness, to show him how much she loved him. No 
matter what happened to them now, he must walk away knowing that she'd never 
regretted giving herself to him, body, heart and soul. If she could bring him just a 
few last moments of joy...
	Suddenly he was bringing her gently back up to face him, kissing her 
tenderly, his blue eyes glowing with his love for her. Natalie lay back in 
anticipation as he brought his lips to hers, then lowered himself on top of her. 
She gasped as their bodies melded into one, reminding her how only he could 
complete her, and without him she would be empty forever...
	Together the shared the beautiful sensation of climbing to the pinnacle 
of joy. Then, as they lay together, still joined as one, Natalie could not help but 
feel that somehow destiny once more would smile in their favor someday.
	It had to. Because without each other, neither of them would ever be 
the same again.*


	She hadn't been the same, Natalie admitted to herself, even if she 
could confess it to no one else. She loved Steven. Of that there was no doubt. 
And Nicolette and Richard meant everything to her. She would die for them. Yet 
a part of herself had been left in Toronto. And it broke her heart now that she 
knew that Nick, too, had been lost, that he suffered still, without even the joy of 
knowing about the beautiful daughter he had fathered. Natalie was secretly glad 
that Janette had seen Nicolette, in spite of the way last night had disrupted their 
lives. At least she would tell him, and he would know. And then, maybe, he 
could find some peace.
	The thought crossed her mind that it would hurt him to know that she 
had married. She couldn't bear to cause him any more pain. She didn't want him 
to think that she had forgotten, or stopped loving him. But perhaps it would give 
him the impetus to get on with his own life. She had had to.
	Steven was in the shower, and she rose, wanting to check on Niki and 
Richie, although sunrise gave them some modicum of security. She smiled to 
hear them laughing and shouting outside in the back yard; Niki always took her 
brother for an early morning swim in their pool, as much as it made Natalie a 
nervous wreck. But her daughter was on a swim team, and had taught Richie to 
dog paddle when he was a year old. Finally, Natalie had relented and said she 
could take Richie in the water as long as she watched him every minute.
	Suddenly a scream that had nothing to do with playing. Natalie ran to 
the back door to find Richie running frantically to the house.
	"Mommy! Mommy! It's Niki!"
	She ran past him to the pool, where Nicolette was barely hanging onto 
the side to keep herself afloat. Her face was buried in her arms and she was 
screaming wildly. "Mommy! Daddy! I can't see! I can't see!"
	Natalie jumped into the water, coming up behind her daughter to put 
her arms around her waist. "It's okay, sweetie. I'm here!" she said, as Nicolette 
spun around to throw her arms around Natalie's neck.
	"Mommy, help me!" she cried. "Help me, please!"
	And as she looked up at her mother, unseeing, Natalie took in a breath.
	For Nicolette's beautiful blue eyes were a shimmering amber.


	*She'd awoken to find Nick gone from their bed. And as reality came 
flooding back to her, Natalie knew that she didn't want to be alone. She needed 
to hold him, to be held. Where had he gone?
	Hesitantly she walked downstairs, almost afraid of what she would 
find. He stood by the window, his back to her. The shades were drawn closed 
and she knew...
	He turned as he sensed her, his eyes glowing amber, defeat on his face, 
a bottle of cow's blood in his hand. In shame, he put the bottle down. "Nat, I'm 
sorry. I woke up and knew it was back. I didn't want to take a chance that I might 
hurt you..."
	His voice trailed off as unafraid she put her arms around him.
	"I'm sorry," he said softly.
	"It's okay," she told him.
	His will to control himself in front of her had brought the blue back to 
his eyes. "You were right," he said in a hushed whisper, his voice choked with 
emotion. "It was the last time."
	And she kissed him, heedless of the blood that still lingered on his 
lips....*
	


	How much Nicolette had looked like him at that moment! With her 
eyes aglow, her face filled with anguish....suffering Natalie had wished never to 
see in her child. Natalie had carried her back to the house, had lain her on their 
bed, and made a quick examination. The glowing eyes, momentarily blinded by 
intense sunlight, increased body temperature, sudden dehydration, sun-burnt 
skin...all symptoms Nick had displayed. Photosensitivity...but nothing else. No 
fangs suddenly sprouting, no desire for blood. Nick had warned her this might be 
the case, but it was the first time Niki had ever shown sensitivity to light. 
	She'd had Steven bring Niki lots of water to drink and aloe gel for her 
skin, and instructed him to close all the shades in their room. Then, she'd gone 
about the task of calming her daughter, not to mention her husband and son, who 
were absolutely frantic with worry.
	"Sweetie, can you see me a little better now?" she asked Niki, holding 
her hand tightly.
	Nicolette struggled, but breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah. A little. 
You're blurry, but...." She smiled as she looked to the side of the bed. "Yeah, 
and I see Daddy and the squirt too."
	"Thank God," Natalie said softly, then turned to Steven and Richie. 
"She'll be okay. It's just a little photosensitivity. The sun made her get too hot," 
she explained for her little boy to understand. 
	"But her eyes..." he began, still afraid.
	"That happens sometimes when you get a fever," she lied a little too 
easily for Steven's comfort. She gave her son a hug. "I promise she's going to be 
all right." She looked up at Steven and a silent understanding passed between 
them.
	He picked up his son. "Hey, why don't we let Niki rest, and you and I 
can go out to breakfast. Sound like a good idea?"
	The boy's face lit up. "McDonald's?"
	"Sure." Steven bent down to kiss his daughter's cheek. "Is that okay 
with you, baby doll? I think you and Mom have some things to talk about."
	Niki nodded, knowing precisely what her mother had promised to 
discuss today. She smiled at Steven. "Okay, Daddy. But you owe me dinner, 
okay? And no fast food for me!"
	"You got it," he promised, then bent down to kiss Natalie on the lips. 
"I'll call first, okay?" he said almost inaudibly.
	She nodded, smiling her thanks, then kissing Richard good-bye.
	When they had gone, Niki looked at her with a frightened expression. 
"I know you made it sound like nothing so Richie wouldn't be scared. But this 
isn't normal. John's little sister is photosensitive, or whatever it's called, because 
she has spina bifida. And nothing like this ever happens to her." She held out her 
arms. "Look, Mom, I'm burnt like I was out in the sun for a week! And Richie 
said my eyes were yellow!  What's wrong with me?"
	"Honey, don't be afraid," Natalie said in a soothing voice. "I promise 
it's nothing serious. From now on you may just have to wear sunglasses and 
sunblock when it's sunny out. But it won't get any worse than this..."
	"But how do you know?" she asked, still nearly frantic. "What is it? 
How did I get it?" 
`	Natalie took a deep breath. "It's a condition you inherited...from your 
father."
	Nicolette's eyes opened wide. "This happened to him?"
	Natalie nodded. "But his is much worse. He can't go out into the 
daylight at all."
	Her daughter hesitated as if not sure what to ask next. Finally, in a 
voice that reminded Natalie so much of her own, she said, "I think it's about time 
you told me all about him."
	Where to begin? The beginning.
	"Remember I told you that I used to be a coroner?"
	The girl made a face. "Yeah. Yuck. Dead bodies. Like that really old 
show *Quincy* you watch all the time."
	Natalie shifted on the bed to sit next to her daughter. "Well, one night, 
on my twenty-eighth birthday, they brought in  a body that had been in an 
explosion. They said there wasn't much left of his face, but when I looked at 
him, he looked like he'd barely cut himself shaving. And then, an amazing thing 
happened. He got off the gurney and was alive!"
	"Get outta town!" Niki replied, using the antiquated expression she'd 
picked up from her mother. "Then, he really wasn't dead to begin with--"
	"Oh, yeah. He was. But his wounds healed."
	"How?"
	Natalie hesitated. "Now Niki, I know this is going to sound crazy, but 
I swear to you it's the truth. I'll answer any questions you have, but you have to 
believe me."
	"I will, Mommy," she said in a small voice, almost afraid to hear it.
	"Niki, your father was--is--a vampire."
	"No way..." she  said slowly in shocked disbelief. "But you always 
said they're just make believe....I thought--"
	"I thought they were too," she admitted. "Until I met him."
	"And he--kills people--like LeStat?"
	God, this was a hard question. "He used to. For seven hundred years. 
But then he felt bad because he knew it was wrong. So he stopped. And he began 
to drink animal blood--cow's blood--because he still needed it to live. .."
	"So he wasn't like LeStat," she concluded. "More like Louis. He 
didn't want to be a vampire."
	Natalie smiled. Thank goodness for Anne Rice. "No, and I offered to 
help him. We became very good friends. And over the years....we fell in love."
	"Tell me all about him, Mommy," Nicolette pleaded with a mixture of 
fascination and sadness. "And tell me why you couldn't stay together."
	So she did. From the beginning. And in two hours she retold their tale-
-all  of it--just as she had told Steven. But no, it was different now. With Steven 
she'd had to obscure the full extent of her love for Nick, the hundreds and 
thousands of memories that still warmed her heart. But this was Nick's daughter. 
She deserved to know it all, and to know how much her parents had loved each 
other and wanted to be together. How much they'd wanted *her*.  
	Nicolette listened, enraptured, interjecting questions that alternately 
brought Natalie tears of sweet remembrance and sorrow, as she relived her 
relationship with Nick, uncertain beginnings to bittersweet end. And Nicolette's 
reaction ranged from excitement to sadness, from sympathy to fear, as she came 
to comprehend the burden her mother had carried.
	"Do you have a picture of him I could see?" she dared at one point.
	Natalie smiled and nodded as she silently went to dig out a small 
photo album from her closet, one of the few things she had taken with her when 
she'd left Toronto. She brought it back to the bed, and Nicolette snuggled next 
to her to see.
	The girl's eyes opened wide at the first shot--Nick and Nat together at 
the Department picnic, perhaps two years after she'd met him. She and Schanke 
had convinced him to come down at sundown. Natalie still remembered her 
excitement at seeing him arrive, the warm sensation as he'd come over to her, big 
smile on his face, sat down and started rubbing her calves affectionately. How 
much any physical contact at all had meant to her back then!
	"He was gorgeous," Nicolette exclaimed in surprise. Not what she'd 
expected a real creature of the night to look like, movies notwithstanding.
	"Uh, yeah," she agreed.
	"And Mom, you look so pretty! How old were you here?"
	"Thirty," she replied, it suddenly hitting her. "Oh my God, I've aged 
fifteen	 years since then," she said dully. Nick, on the other hand wouldn't 
have aged a day.
	"It's okay, Mom. You're still just as pretty," Niki replied, sensing her 
mother's insecurity. Natalie smiled and gave her a hug. "Thank you , sweetie. It's 
just that I was realizing that *he* must still look the same."
	"That's unbelievable," she responded, looking over the rest of the 
photos. Suddenly she sobered. "So, it's because I'm a...dhampir...that we had to 
go in hiding." She looked up at Natalie sadly. "You two looked so happy...and in 
love...it must have been really hard to leave him!"
	Natalie took in a deep breath, tears filling her eyes. "It was the hardest 
thing I've ever had to do in my life."


	*She stood at the foot of the bed, where he sat in perfect silence, his 
arms wrapped about her lower body, his head nestled against her growing 
abdomen, listening...
	"I can hear its heartbeat," he whispered to her in wonder. "Not just 
sense it, but hear it..."
	They stood there for a long moment, Nick listening to the child he 
would never know, Natalie running her fingers through his hair, trying to savor 
the closest they would ever come to being a family. Finally, with a light kiss to 
her belly, he brought himself up to meet her. His eyes were filled with blood 
tears. "Oh, Nat..."
	He crushed his lips against hers, and she kissed him deeply, neither of 
them really heeding the threat that his beast might emerge. He finally pulled 
away, his eyes amber, his face filled with anguish that mirrored her own. 
Reluctantly, he let go her hand, if only to calm himself and his need for her.
	Natalie wiped the tears from her cheeks, resisting her own urge to run 
back into his arms. She fumbled with her pocketbook, checking to see if she had 
everything--wallet, makeup, a small photo album she would not leave behind. 
Aristotle would provide the rest when he arrived. She was permitted nothing else 
that might link her to her past.
	She felt him come up behind her, wrap his arms around her waist, rest 
his head on her shoulder. "Nat, please," he begged her. 
	"Nick, don't make this harder," she pleaded. She could barely hear her 
own voice. She turned to face him, his eyes their normal sky blue, his lips 
catching hers once more. They kissed passionately, their tears intermingling, then 
fell into a tight embrace.
	"Nat, I won't accept  that l can never see you again...never see our 
baby..." he said softly in her ear. "Please, don't do this..."
	So much had changed in the past few weeks, as her impending 
departure had become a reality. Nick, who had been so sure of their course, 
could not bear to let her go.  While Natalie, growing more protective of the life 
she could feel growing inside her, had become convinced that there was no other 
way. She had to safeguard their child at all costs--even if it meant leaving the 
man who meant more to her than life itself.
	"Nick..." she began in despair.
	"We'll find another way. There's got to be another way," he cried 
desperately. But it was no use. He knew as well as she that they had considered 
every option. Only this path would secure the safety of their unborn baby.
	He took her face into his hands, looking into her eyes. "Natalie, I love 
you. I need you." The pain in his voice tore at her already breaking heart.
	"Nick, our baby's needs, its life, are more important than yours or 
mine," she reminded him. "Please, don't make this harder on me! Do you think I 
want to go? Do you think I want to...leave...*you*?" A new wave of tears burst 
from her, and he held her tightly as she sobbed in his arms.
	"It's okay," he said tenderly. "I'm sorry, Nat...I'm so sorry..."
	After a long while she separated from him, attempting a smile to show 
him that she was all right. He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, 
and gave her a light kiss.
	"I, uh, have some things for you..." he managed, trying to keep his own 
control now, if only for her sake. He led her to the bed, where she sat beside him 
as he took two small boxes, and three envelopes, from his dresser drawer. He 
handed her the first, a small but thick manila envelope. She looked at him 
questioningly as she opened it to reveal a small fortune.
	"That's just some spending money to have on you," he explained.
	"*Spending* money? What am I buying, a car?" she replied. "Nick, I 
don't need--"
	"Nat, take it. You never know what you might need. It's only fifty 
thousand dollars. I've also arranged for Aristotle to set up an account for you in 
your new name--he'll give you all the papers--with ten million dollars--"
	"Are you crazy? What do I need with ten million dollars?"
	"Nat, I just want to make sure that you and the baby are comfortable, 
and taken care of. You'll need things...a nice house...medical care...the baby's 
education..." He put a finger on her lips to silence her protests. "Please Nat, if I 
can't take care of you myself...this is all I can do. And if there's anything left, it 
will be for him, or her, later on..."
	Her first thought was that the baby needed its father, not his money, 
but she would never say that. Her bitterness was at their situation, not at him, and 
he was hurting enough.
	"Okay," she said, putting the envelope into her bag. "Thank you."
	"I've also told Aristotle that if you ever need anything," he added, "--if 
you're in trouble, or you need help of any kind--you should call him, and he'll 
contact me immediately, wherever I am. Okay?"
	She nodded. "Do you think you'll stay here long?"
	Somehow it was less frightening knowing where he would be.
	"There's nothing for me here now," he said grimly. "But I'll stay for a 
year. Just in case you  want to reach me. After that, Aristotle said he would get a 
message to me. He'll always know where to find me." He paused. "But you'll 
have to contact me. Once, you're hidden away, he won't let me know where you 
are. That's the way it works. It's safer for you and the baby that way."
	She could see him hesitate a moment as if trying to control his grief 
once more. He obviously had more business to take care of, and wanted to stay in 
that mode. He reached for a second envelope, and a small box.
	"This is for the baby," he said. "This is a letter, for when he's older. 
Just some things...I wanted him to know..."
	She squeezed his hand as he gave it to her. How difficult this must be! 
At least she would have their child. He would have nothing but his memories and 
his pain.
	"Him...or her..." she reminded him softly with a smile. "I still think it's 
going to be a girl..."
	"Then I hope she's as beautiful as you," he responded, looking into her 
eyes with the only smile she'd seen in weeks.
	He opened one of the small boxes. "This is for him...or her," he added 
with a twinkle in his eye. "The only thing I have left from my family. My father 
gave it to me before I went to the Crusades. It was the last time I saw him before 
he died."
	The heirloom he held out to her was a large gold ring, with a blood red 
ruby inset in the shape of a cross. On the side was a family crest, and the name 
"Brabant". 
	"I don't wear it for obvious reasons," he said, not looking directly at 
the cross. "But dhampirs aren't affected by holy relics..." 
	"Nick, it's beautiful," she said in awe. "It'll mean a lot to your son or 
daughter. I know it will."
	"I hope so," he sighed. "And I hope between my letter...and whatever 
you tell him...he'll understand.  Not feel like I..." His voice trailed off.
	"This baby will know how much you loved him..." she promised. 
"Enough to stay away just to protect him..."
	"Or her..." he murmured softly. He smiled, then reached for the other 
envelope. "Oh, and I almost forgot...I think this is for you."
	She was about to open it, but he stopped her. "No, read this after the 
baby's born."
	She nodded, slipping it into her bag with the baby's present and letter.
	He handed her the box. "*This* you can open now."
	She pulled away the silver wrapping paper to reveal a velvet ring box. 
She hesitated a moment, not knowing if she had the strength for this. He helped 
her, opening the cover to reveal  a brilliant ring of teardrop-shaped diamonds.
	"My God, Nick, this is beautiful... Thank you," she whispered. She 
had never seen so many diamonds in her life, at least not on one ring.  The center 
stone had to be four karats, with four one-karat diamonds on either side. 
	"I had bought it originally as an engagement ring," he explained, 
obviously pleased that she liked it. "But then..."
	She knew. And she kissed him before he could say anything else. 
	"It's engraved," he told her after they had parted.  And he held it 
sideways so that she could see. *I'll love you forever, Nick*
	Natalie's lips parted, and she was speechless. He looked at her 
questioningly, and she reached into her bag to pull out the gift she had bought 
for him. Surprised, he opened it to find a thick gold band. Engraved inside, the 
words, *I'll love you forever, Nat*.
	"Thank you..." he managed. His voice was gone.  Solemnly, he took 
her left hand, slipping on the diamond ring, then brushing his lips against her 
fingers. Natalie took his left hand, slipping her gift onto his ring finger, 
completing the ceremony. One last passionate kiss as the doorbell rang...
	They walked hand in hand down the stairs, to find Aristotle already 
waiting. He gave Nick a silent nod, respecting the grief he could clearly see on 
their faces. He handed Natalie some papers--plane ticket, passport, driver's 
license, bank book--looking at Nick sympathetically as he fought the urge to see 
the name.
	"Ready?" he asked Natalie.
	She nodded. As ready as she would ever be.
	Nick bent down to pick up the carrying case where Sydney had been 
patiently waiting, and handed  it to Aristotle. "Thank you," he told him once 
more.
	Aristotle nodded, taking the case from him. The elevator door slid 
open and he stepped inside to give them a last moment together. 
	Natalie turned to him, and suddenly began to feel all hell break loose 
inside of her. There was no need to control it anymore. No use. This was it. 
	Forever.
	Their lips crushed together as they melded  for one last time. Her face 
was hot with tears, and the coolness of his skin gave a soothing comfort she 
couldn't let go. The eternity they seemed to hold each other--crying, kissing, 
with whispered, "I love you"s--ended too soon. Natalie stepped away knowing 
that if she waited any longer, she would never be able to let go.
	"Nat..." his voice cracked as she stepped into the elevator.
	"I love you," she mouthed again as the door slammed shut between 
them.
	The emotional force of it all nearly knocked her over. She stepped 
forward, reaching out as if she would open the door, go back to him for just one 
second more...
	But Aristotle's hand gently touched her arm, and she resisted.
	She knew what she had to do. And she lightly placed her hand on her 
abdomen to remind herself why, and to draw strength.*

	Nicolette's face was wet with tears. "Mommy, that's so sad," she said 
in a small voice. "I-I didn't know. You loved each other so much, and you had to 
go away because of me. It's all my fault--"
	Natalie didn't like where this was going. This wasn't what she'd 
wanted Nicolette to get out of her story. But unfortunately, their daughter shared 
Nick's propensity for feeling guilt, accepting blame even when there was no 
blame to be had. "Sweetie, none of this is your fault--"
	"It is! You'd still be together if it weren't for me, wouldn't you?"
	Natalie wondered. She'd like to think so. But that wasn't important 
right now. Nicolette's feelings, her beliefs about herself and her role in all this, 
were.
	"Niki, listen to me. Your father and I loved each other very much. And 
you came out of that love. We wanted you, and we made the only decison at the 
time that we could. We would have done anything to protect you. We still would. 
But that decision, and the responsibility, were ours. Not yours."
	Nicolette took a deep breath and nodded. "I understand.  I just can' 
thelp but think of how awful it must have been for you to leave him...and be 
alone when you had me..."
	"Oh, Niki," she said tenderly, hugging her. "But look what I ended up 
with--you! And then I met Daddy, and we had Richie. We're doing okay, aren't 
we? And even though we have to go away now, at least we have each other."
	"I know, Mom," Niki said wistfully, looking her in the eyes. "But what 
about him? He lost you...and he doesn't know anything about me. Don't you 
think he's awfully lonely?"
	The momentary cheer fell from her face as Janette's words came back 
to her. She didn't want Niki to know how desolate Nick truly had become 
without them. "I'm sure it's been very lonely for him," she managed. "But 
Janette--the lady in the restaurant--is going to tell him that she saw us, and that 
we're okay. And I'm sure he'll be happy to know that."
	Nicolette hesitated, parting her lips as if to ask a question, then 
stopped. Natalie waited patiently, but when she didn't voice her thought, asked, 
"Would you like to read your letter now? And have his present?"
	Nicolette nodded, then questioned, "Have you read it? Do you know 
what it says?"
	Natalie shook her head. "No, it's yours. You can take it to your room 
and read it alone if you want." Though she did want to see what Nick had written 
to his daughter!
	She was glad when Nicolette asked her to read it with her, and they sat 
together as the girl gingerly opened the enveope that had been sealed thirteen 
years ago. She read aloud:
	"To my beloved son or daughter,
	If you are reading this now, it means that your mother thought you 
were old enough to know the truth: about me, what I am, and what you are. 
Please don't be frightened. I know that you have the best of your mother in you, 
and all the good that she brought out in me. With her love and guidance, you will 
be just as strong as she is, and you will survive.
	Each day, as I've listened to your heartbeat, and felt you growing 
inside your mother, my love for you has grown. I don't know how I can bear to 
never see you. I'll never see you born, watch your first steps, or hear your first 
words. I won't be there to raise you, guide you, teach you all that I have learned 
in my eight hundred years. I won't see the person you will become. And the 
thought of this is  insufferable to me; just as unbearable as the thought of never 
seeing your beautiful mother again.
	In eight centuries, I have never loved anyone as I love her. And your 
life is the miracle that our love created. I hope that you will understand why we 
had to be apart. I would give my life to protect the two of you. And I would die 
of loneliness rather than  see any harm come to you. My only dream is that 
someday, we'll find a way to be together. It's that hope that will keep me going 
in the years to come.
	Until that day, don't be sad. I take comfort in knowing that you and 
your mother are safe and happy. That's the most important thing. Please 
understand, and forgive me for not being there. My heart, and my soul, are with 
you both, always.
	Love, your father,
	Nicholas de Brabant Knight"

	Nicolette's voice had begun to crack with her own emotion as she'd 
read her father's words; she finished in a whisper.  Natalie held her daughter as 
she wept in her arms, trying desperately to control her own emotions. "It's okay," 
she said softly. "It's okay..."
	Yet Niki's reaction had left her with a horrible sense of deja vu. 
Twelve years ago, as she had lain in her hospital bed, Natalie had held her 
newborn infant in her arms, and sobbed softly as the words of his letter to her 
had gone through her mind...
	*My beloved Natalie,
	Even as I write this, you are preparing to go away. I know it's a 
decision we both made, and I know it's for the best. Yet I can't bear the thought 
of losing you. And I can't bear the thought that I will never see our baby...
	By now, our child has been born. I wanted you to open this today so 
that in some small way I could be with you. This isn't right, Nat. I should have 
been there, to hold your hand, to comfort you through the pain...to share in your 
joy. Today, you've made me the happiest man on Earth; you've given me the kind 
of immortality that surpasses any I've known. You've given me a miraculous gift 
I never dreamed possible. Yet without you, without our baby, I am desolate and 
alone. 
	Please, Natalie....I couldn't convince you not to go. But perhaps by 
now you are feeling what I do. That this is wrong. That we belong together. That 
somehow we can find a way to protect our child without being apart like this. I 
love you so desperately, so passionately, as I have loved no other woman in eight 
hundred years. I don't think I can go on without you. You changed me, Nat. You 
took a cold heart and warmed it with your love. Without you, I'm nothing. And 
the only thought that keeps me from walking into the sunlight is the hope that 
you will come back to me. That someday we can be together, and be a family...  
	I know that day will come. Please call me, Nat. Tell me that you're all 
right. Tell me about my son or daughter. And tell me where you are. I'm lost 
without you, my love.
	Nick"

	She'd read it so many times, she knew it by heart. And she loved him 
so much, that she could die for want of him. Yet she hated him for torturing her 
like this when he knew that she'd only done what she'd had to, what he himself 
had convinced her she'd had to!
	She'd almost called him. In her thirty hours of labor, she'd whispered 
his name over and over. It had taken all her resolve not to call him then, not to 
beg him to come to her, to be with her. The demarol had done little to ease the 
pain; it had merely sent her into a dreamland where she almost felt him there, 
until the next contraction would bring her back to reality.
	She was alone. And as she'd seen couple after couple come into the 
labor room, she'd never felt so alone in her life.
	Then, her daughter had finally come. Nicolette. She'd decided on the 
name long ago. But she'd never imagined that looking into the tiny face, she 
would see him, so much of him. And as she held her daughter now, she wept, for 
the father she would never know, and for the miracle that she was. And she knew 
that she couldn't call him. Her mission in life was clear now. To protect this tiny 
wonder, this part of Nick that was hers no matter what....*
	"Mom?"
	Niki's small voice brought her from her reverie.
	"Yes, baby," she said, giving her one final hug before they separated.
	"Can I see...the ring?"
	"It's yours," she told her as she got up to take it from her jewelry box. 
"When I knew you were going to be a girl, I bought this chain for you to wear it 
on."
	Nicolette looked at the antique ring in wonder, reading the name 
aloud. "Brabant. So that's my real last name. My family name." She undid the 
clasp on the thick gold chain, and Natalie helped her put it on. It was perfect. 
Nicolette smiled through her tears, then sobered. "He must be so lonely," she 
said again.
	Natalie nodded, Janette's words haunting her.
	"Do you think...I could ever meet him?" she asked timidly, as if afraid 
Natalie would get angry with her for saying it.
	Natalie thought a moment before responding. She had known that this 
would come up, and it was a question she dreaded having to answer. "Right now, 
Niki, it wouldn't be safe. But someday...I'm sure you can."
	She seemed satisfied with that. She sat for a moment, playing with the 
ring, looking at it as she formed her next question. "It would...probably hurt 
Daddy, though, wouldn't it?"
	Natalie knew it would disturb him, especially if Natalie had to see him 
as well; but Nicolette had a right to know her father if she wanted to. "Niki, if 
someday you were to meet your father, even have a relationship with him...Daddy 
would understand. As long as he knew you still loved *him* too."
	"Oh, I'll always love Daddy," she assured her quickly. "I just feel 
guilty that...I really want to meet him, Mom. He's been so alone without us." She 
paused, not knowing how to formulate what she was feeling, until she blurted, 
"He needs me to love *him*, too." Then she added, "If that's...uh...okay. I 
mean..."
	"Niki, that's perfectly okay," Natalie promised her, taking her hands 
and squeezing them. "Nick is a wonderful man, and if you met him, you would 
love him. And there's nothing wrong with that. You can love both of them at the 
same time."
	Her own words chilled her, because she wondered if she were talking 
about Nicolette....or herself. That was why Nicolette's final question knocked 
her off guard.    
	"Mommy, do you still love him?"
	She didn't want to answer. She didn't want Nicolette to think for one 
moment that this threatened the life they had. It didn't. And yet, shouldn't 
Nicolette know that she was the product of an enduring love, and not just some 
fancy of Natalie's past? Natalie owed her the truth, for all that she had been 
deprived of. "Yes, Niki. I do. Very much," she confided. And she held out her 
right hand for Niki to see.
	And at once, Nicolette realized that the diamond ring her mother 
always wore was the very ring Nick had given her. Her mouth dropped open. "All 
these years you've been wearing that, I never knew..."
	"Nobody does," Natalie told her, and she took it off to let her daughter 
see the inscription inside. "When I got engaged to Daddy, I put it on my other 
hand." She paused, collecting herself. "I just...couldn't take it off."   And sensing 
her daughter's mixed emotions on that one, she quickly added, "Niki, I do still 
love him. I don't think I could ever stop. But that doesn't take away from the love 
I feel for Daddy."
	Niki nodded her understanding as she handed her back the ring. "Did 
you tell Daddy the whole story?"
	"Most of it. Not the last part, though. About the letters. And the 
presents. And not--"
	"--not the way you still feel about him," Nicolette guessed.
	Nat's face flushed. "Niki, I told you because I trust you, and because I 
want you to know that you came out of a very special love. But I don't want your 
Daddy to be hurt. I love him very much, and he's been so good to us. It doesn't 
change the way I feel about him, and I don't want him to feel bad and think that 
it does. He and Richie and you and I are a family. Nothing can change that."
	"It's okay, Mom," Niki told her. "I understand. And I won't say 
anything. I promise." And she hugged her tightly to seal the secret that would be 
between them.
	Just then, the phone rang. It was Steven, calling from the car on his 
cell phone.
	"Is it okay to come home?" he asked.
	"We're waiting for you," she said with emotion.


	Nicolette gave her mother a kiss on the cheek and a smile as the front 
door opened, then slipped the Brabant family ring into her shirt. Close to her 
heart, but out of Steven's view. Natalie followed her down the stairs, her heart 
warming as she saw Steven and Richie. The little boy ran into her arms and she 
picked him up, kissing him. And out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nicolette 
run to give Steven a big hug.
	"Did you and your Mom have a nice talk?" he asked, looking  over her 
shoulder into Natalie's eyes.
	"Uh-huh," she said simply, then  added, "I love you, Daddy."
	God, was that what Steven needed to hear! And at that moment, 
Natalie was so proud of her daughter, for the maturity and sensitivity that went 
way beyond her years.  Steven squeezed her tightly before lettting her go to look 
into her eyes. "And I love you, baby," he said with tears in his eyes. He wrapped 
one arm around her shoulders, drawing in Natalie and Richie with the other. 
Natalie kissed him on the lips, and he responded with more passion than he 
normally did in front of the kids. "What do you say we  get packed? This 
family's got a big day ahead."


	The kids were told to each pack no more than a bag of their most 
important personal effects. They were busy doing just that while Natalie dug out 
the phone number she'd thought she wouldn't have to use again.
	Aristotle.
	The phone rang a few times, and he tiredly answered.
	"Aristotle, I'm sorry to wake you in the middle of the day, but this is 
an emergency. This is Natalie Lambert..."
	She saw Steven raise an eyebrow. He'd never heard her real name. He 
came to sit beside her as she spoke.
	"Oh, Natalie...Nick's girlfriend. How are you? And the baby?"
	Nat was glad Steven couldn't hear the other end of the conversation. 
"We're fine. My daughter is twelve years old now."
	"A daughter. What Nick wouldn't give to hear that! He's driven me 
crazy the last few years. He must have come in a couple of dozen times trying to 
find out where you were, asking if you'd been looking for him. The first time was 
about a week after you left. He said he'd changed his mind, and wanted to get in 
touch with you...but you know the rules..."
	"I know," she said sadly. "You did the right thing." She was *very* 
glad Steven wasn't hearing this.
	"So what's up now? You want me to get a message to him?"
	"No," she said quickly. "We need to get away. We're right in the 
middle of Los Angeles, and made the mistake of walking right into--"
	"Bad move, Nat. I told you to stay in the suburbs. L.A.`s crawling with 
vampires. Believe me. I placed half of them there myself." He paused. "So you 
need papers for you and the kid--"
	"It's not just us. I've got a husband and a four-year old son." Aristotle 
paused and she felt almost guilty telling him this.
	"Okay," he said finally. "But I'll need pictures. And I can't get you out 
of there for another two days. At very least."
	"We don't have two days," she said, alarmed. "Someone could have 
followed us from the restaurant. I'm afraid to stay another night!"
	"Natalie, it takes a while to set this up! You need new identities. That 
can't be done overnight--"
	"I'll pay you whatever it takes," she said desperately. "I've still got 
over nine million of Nick's money--"
	"It's not the money," he told her.  "You know I don't usually place 
humans. All I want is fifty thousand for pulling the papers through. I'm doing 
this as a favor to Nick..."
	"Then you understand that if we're not out of here, our daughter's life 
is in danger," she said matter-of-factly. "Please, Aristotle..." she begged. 
	Finally he relented. "Okay, look. I'm not far from you. If you get out of 
there by sundown, you can make it here by morning. I'll have everything ready. 
Just bring pictures, and I'll have you set up by tomorrow evening."
	Natalie heaved a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank you. I owe you one."
	He laughed. "No. Nick does." Then he sobered. "Seriously, though, I 
won't tell him I spoke to you if you don't want me to. But I think he'd like to at 
least know about the kid." 
	"We'll talk about that tomorrow," she said to let him know that she 
wasn't free to speak.
	Aristotle gave her the address, and she hung up, looking over at Steven 
who had been waiting patiently. She relayed the plan to him and he nodded. 
	"The sun goes down by eight. We'll go for an early dinner, and be out 
of here before then." He shrugged his shoulders. "I promised my daughter, 
remember?"
	She smiled and kissed him, allowing herself to rest for a few long 
moments in his embrace. They had a lot to do. But as long as they were together, 
they could handle anything.


	He would have no sleep today. Not even the now-empty flasks of 
blood at his bedside had brought him satisfaction. He didn't want this bottled 
swill. He needed warmth, flesh, the sensation of his fangs piercing ivory skin, the 
scent of a woman's fear and arousal as he drew her life essence into him, the 
exhiliration of feeling her thoughts, her agony, her memories, her desire, her 
terror...
	He wanted *her*.
	His perfect memory recalled the taste of her neck, the scent of her fear, 
the warmth of her skin. She had almost been his that night. His to ravage, to 
violate, to destroy...
	...or make his immortal companion. He still could not say for certain 
what his intention had been, what he would have done.  Yet her bravery, her 
strength, had impressed him as much as her beauty. Somehow, it would have 
been a waste to drain her, to leave an empty husk where all that vibrance had 
dwelled.  He would have brought her across. He would have kept her for 
himself...
	...had *he* not come to her rescue. But Nicholas was not here this 
time. .
	He cursed himself for not destroying  her insignificant mortal husband, 
her Steven, last night. But he had hesitated  too long, and the moment had been 
lost. But then again, it hadn't been for naught. He'd found a perverse pleasure in 
watching them together. It had incited him, aroused him, elicited desires for 
*more* than her blood.
	He would have *that* too.


	Natalie laughed to see Richie make a face at his first taste of sushi--
then grab for another piece. He'd put way too much wasabi on the sliced tuna, 
and the hot spice had made him wince. But he loved it, just like Nicolette, who'd 
gotten to choose her favorite restaurant tonight. Things seemed so normal for 
them right now, despite the last twenty-four hours, and Natalie had finally begun 
to feel good again. Both Steven and Nicolette had digested her revelations with 
extraordinary ease, and it seemed that a family tragedy had been averted. Neither 
of them were angry at Natalie--on the contrary, she felt a real closeness with both 
of them, having once and for all confided in them what she should have long ago. 
And Nicolette and her Daddy, the only father she'd ever really known, were 
having more fun together than ever. Perhaps it was Steven's relief that her 
feelings for him hadn't changed; perhaps it was Nicolette's desire to show him 
that they hadn't. All Natalie knew was that  they truly were a happy family. 
Maybe things weren't as desperate as she'd thought...
	And in their desire to forget about the difficult transition they were 
about to make, they all quite forgot that sundown was quickly approaching....


	He watched with anticipation as the sun began to sink below the 
horizon, Venus brightly shining on its tail....


	They pulled into the driveway as the sky began to grow darker. "Let's 
get a move on, guys," Natalie said with a sudden sense of foreboding. They'd 
packed before they'd left for dinner, and had only to grab their bags, freshen up 
and leave. But as night time quickly approached, Natalie cursed herself for being 
lulled into a false sense of security.
	"Steven, let's get out of here," she said nervously as the kids headed 
upstairs to the bathrooms and to get their things. 
	"Nat, come here," he said, holding his arms out to her.
	She fell into them gladly.
	"Calm down, baby," he said tenderly. "I know this last day's been 
rough, but we're gonna be okay."
	"I love you," she whispered in his ear. "Thank you for making this so 
much easier."
	He kissed her deeply, then looked into her eyes. "Thank *you*"
	She smiled lightly. "For what? For screwing up your life with all the 
problems from my past?"
	He shook his head. "No. For loving me. And trusting me. And giving 
me the best family a man could ever hope for. I love you, Nat...." And he kissed 
her again.
	Reluctantly, they separated. "I'd better get my stuff," she said, giving 
him one last hug. "I'll be right down."
	Natalie grabbed her bag, nudged Richie along, and went to find Niki. 
The girl was having the hardest time fitting her most prized posessions into one 
tiny bag. "Niki, we'll buy all new stuff," she promised her. "The first thing we'll 
do when we get settled is go shopping. Only bring what you packed, the stuff 
you can't replace. Just hurry, please!" 
	Nicolette nodded, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "Okay, I'm 
ready."
	Natalie smiled, and turned to find her son....
	Suddenly, glass breaking. A whisk of wind. Muffled voices. Steven 
shouting....
	"Niki, get your brother and stay right here, no matter what!" Natalie 
cried as she ran down the stairs at the speed of light....
	Her pounding heart rose into her throat, nearly strangling her. She tried 
to scream, but her voice was lost in her fear.
	Her horror.
	Her grief.
	At the foot of the stairs, Steven lay still, pale as winter snow. His eyes, 
still open, transfixed in the terror and confusion of his last moments, were devoid 
of life.  
	"No..." she mouthed silently, as she knelt beside him. She felt in vain 
for the pulse that she knew wouldn't be there, then with shaking hands closed 
his eyes, cradling his head in her arms. "Steven, " she wept. And then, as the rage 
welled up inside her, her sob grew in intensity until it was a scream aimed at the 
heavens.  "No...no...no...NO!"
	She looked around, as fear for her children kicked in. Everything was a 
blur of tears. But she was still alone. At least, there was no one downstairs...
	"Niki!" she cried. "Bring Richie and come down here! Now, baby, 
now!"
	And she rose to meet them as they ran down, Nicolette holding her 
brother in her arms, her eyes opene