Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 22:19:50 -0700 From: clark Subject: Kidding Around (01/01) To: FKFIC-L@lists.psu.edu War's over, flu's gone, I'm baaaack... Permission given to archive at fkfanfic website as well as FTP site. No other permission is granted to repost/reprint/reuse. If you're interested drop me a line. This story is based on characters and situations that aren't mine. Thanks to TPTB for their use. Kidding Around by S. Clark Nick Knight looked at Captain Cohen. "Surely you can't be serious. There's got to be something else we can do with this," he gestured at the animal before him, "thing." He looked down and saw the creature tugging at his pantleg, trying to get a good bite. Nick pulled his leg away and resisted the urge to kick the varmint. "This thing is evidence, Knight. And we don't have space to house it in the cells." Nick really wished that tonight, of all nights, Don Schanke had been on duty. "Captain, can't we just butcher it for the evidence?" Nick looked again and saw it, the goat, was beginning to devour one of the leather chairs. "We do that, Knight, the animal rights people will be all over us. They'll be up in arms enough when they find out drug runners have been using these animals to transport their 'product.' The last thing we want to do is put ourselves in the same league as the criminals." Cohen looked at the damage the animal was causing and rolled her eyes. "It's just one night. Part of one night. Tomorrow morning a vet will come by your place and pick it up." Nick picked up the creature's rope and tried to lead it to the door. The thing had other ideas. "Knight, don't forget. That animal contains several pounds of evidence. Nothing better happen to it before tomorrow morning." Nick tried to pick up the beast. Again, it was not willing to comply. "And Knight?" "Yes, Captain?" "Will you just get that thing out of my office." Nick picked up an apple off the Captain's desk. "Sorry," he said. "I'll owe you one." Using the apple as bait he was finally able to lead the thing to his desk. Nat walked up to Nick's desk. "Ok, Nick, what's the emergency?" "I need you to drive the caddie to the loft, Nat." "Some emergency," she said. "I've got work to do." Nat glanced over at Schanke's desk where the goat was making quick work of some paperwork that had, at one time, been piled on top of the desk. "New partner? Fresh from the academy?" Nick frowned. "I'm burdened with this beast for the evening. I arranged a ride in a van but I'd like to get the caddie back at the loft." Nat smiled at the thought of Nick housing the goat. Then she burst into laughter and knew it was something she couldn't pass up seeing firsthand. "Ok, Nick. Give me the keys and I'll bring the caddie by after the shift." Nick was far from amused at this point. He just wanted to get this one night over and done with. Nick secured the goat in the far corner of the loft, behind the piano. Just when he thought he'd be able to settle in for the evening he felt the presence of one of his own kind. Nick turned and found LaCroix seated on his couch. "We've decided our food is best fresh, have we, Nicholas?" "What do you want, LaCroix?" LaCroix raised an eyebrow. "Am I butting in?" Nick seethed but didn't reply. The discussion was disturbed by the sound of the lift. "More livestock, Nicholas?" Before Nick had a chance to respond Nat stepped off the lift. "Nick?" She scanned the room for him but froze when she saw LaCroix. "Oh look, it's the Nanny." "LaCroix," said Nick through clenched teeth, "I won't have you insulting my guests." "My apologies to the goat." LaCroix responded. Nat stayed still. Her eyes questioned Nick, seeking clues on what to do. Nick forced himself to speak in a civil tone. "LaCroix, would you please leave?" LaCroix gave a slight smile. "Of course. Three's company." He raised an eyebrow. "Four is a herd." LaCroix took off through the skylight before Nick had a chance to reply. Nick shook his head. "I'm sorry, Nat." "Hey," she smiled. "Only natural the old goat should come by to check out the family." Nick silently thanked whatever gods look after coroners that Nat had refrained from making that remark while LaCroix was present. "So, your houseguest looks settled." Nat motioned towards the goat. The goat, undisturbed by the events within the room, was munching on the newspapers Nick had placed on the floor in an effort to minimize any messes. Natalie held out the car keys for Nick. "No dents, no scratches." "It's been a while since I've shared living quarters with livestock." Nick took the keys and allowed himself the luxury of a smile. "It's kind of cute." "Nat, it's dirty. It smells. I can't wait to get rid of it tomorrow morning." "Afraid of Billy Goat Gruff?" teased Nat. "Or the big, bad ogre?" "You're welcome to stay and protect me," said Nick. "Oh?" He'd managed to pique her interest. "Well, you are here without a vehicle." "True," she agreed. "I supposed it'd be a public service. Helping you to keep you star witness safe." "Something like that," said Nick. In any case, he got her to agree to stay for some videos. Nat awoke to the interesting, but not altogether unpleasant, sensation of Nick licking her fingers. "Nick," she giggled. "Stop." "Stop what?" came the voice from the top of the stairs. Nat opened her eyes and found herself eye to eye with the goat. She screamed. "Nick! This thing is loose." Nick bolted down the stairs. He chuckled at the goat. It was currently showing great interest in following Nat around the loft. But his laughter was short lived when he saw the damage the thing had done. Not only had it gotten up on his painting table and spilled paint, but it'd eaten part of a new canvas. It'd left several messes around various parts of the loft. And, although he wasn't sure, but he thought it might have chewed on the cabling for his entertainment center. "The beast," said Nat, still with the goat in close pursuit. "What does it want?" Nick surveyed the damage to his video collection. "I don't think it's hungry. But I do have bad news." "What's that?" "It ate 'King Kong.'" "Nick?" "Yes?" "Ever get a taste for souvlaki?" "I think that's lamb." "I think I'll make an exception." "Just keep it occupied for a second, Nat." Nick ran back up the stairs. "Shoo, shoo." Natalie tried shooing the thing away, but it just kept following her around the room. Nick came back with a chain and, looping part of it around the goat's neck, resecured it back in the corner. Nick turned to face Nat. "See, no problem." "Nick, I would ask you where you got the chain from, but I think you have a bigger problem." Nick couldn't see the goat behind him, getting ready to charge. "What's that?" he asked just as the goat ran into him and found out just how immovable a vampire can be. The goat wobbled for a moment then fell over. "You killed it," said Nat. "It's just stunned," he correct. "I hope," he added under his breath. Nat rushed over and checked the goat. Sure enough, it had knocked itself out. Luckily, it was soon back to it's usual goofy self. An hour of cleaning and three hours of waiting later, Nick and Nat gladly handed over the goat, as well as a box of potential 'evidence', to the veterinarian. "I think I know now why so many early pictures of the devil portray him looking like a goat," said Nat. "It wasn't that bad," said Nick. "For a while you seemed rather happy with it's attentions to you." Color rose to Natalie's face. If he only knew what she'd been thinking before she opened her eyes. "I don't know what you mean," she said. "Besides the fact that you owe me." "And how shall I pay you back?" Nick asked. "Don't worry," she said with a grin. "I'll work this for all it's worth." "It behooves you to do so," he replied with a smile to match. "And it'll be my pleasure."