Date: Mon, 8 Jan 1996 23:18:13 -0600 From: Julie Randolph Subject: Last Night **I dunno, I just feel like shit and when I feel like this writing makes me feel better.** JCR Last Night Julie Randolph LaCroix sat in his little hovel of an office inside the Raven staring blankly, absently at the microphone. It was almost dark, he would have to go on the air soon, too many people listened, too many people needed him. He couldn't just let them hang. He sat silently, he haden't moved since the news had come, down the pipeline of the community like it always did, but this time, it was different...this time if effected him directly, this time it cause such pain that he was unsure if he would be able to go on. He had for so long, for so many years fought a war that was without purpose, because when he looked back now...what could he possibly have gained in his quest? He should have known this day would come, when time and frustration would take it toll, but he hadn't seen it, he hadn't watched it happen in front of his eyes as the years passed. And when she had finally passed away in the night, like a dream, what had he said that offerend any comfort at all? Nothing. Just like he had always been, only in this instance, worse, for now he could not take back the magnitude of his mistake, he could not right the wrong he finally realized hehad comitted. He looked at the various buttons and dials that made up his lightboard and sound system and finally pushed one, taking a deep breath. "They say, that love is something you never actually see until it is upon you. Could that possibly be true, that one cannot find the love they know must be there unless itis a part of them, and yet what if it is, my children? What if it had always been there and you were simply too blind to see. Had I time to change, had I last night back again, might I have done anything different to change what has happened? Might I have learned in that one moment to love, and not let the pain of death consume? Might I have found that we are all finally and forever destined to end, one way or another, whether it be by nature or by our own hand, it makes rather no difference does it? They say that everything we feel inside ourselves is given to they whom we call our children. What of the self-possessed, my children? Do they too eventually realize just how much these people mean to them? Do they eventually find that they are alone and that something inside them is gone? Yes, I believe that they do, but unfortunately, that revelations comes many times, too late. Life is only a temporary condition, for us all. My son Nicholas will not be coming back this time, he is gone forever, and somewhere inside, I know that I am to blame. What do you do in such an instance. You wait, you watch, and you understand that nothing will ever be the same again. I thought I had forever, and I was wrong." ***************************************************************** May the memory of my grandfather live inside the hearts of each and every person who reads this, forever. *****************************************************************