From: Dorothy Elggren To: "'fkarchiver@FKFANFIC.COM'" Subject: Archival Story - Last Chance Before The Cliff Date: Fri, 11 Jul 1997 23:23:08 -0600 Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 13:27:21 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before The Cliff (Part 1 of 7) I might as well admit that this came to me in a codeine induced dream. Having said that, we might as well get on with it. As always I have to thank my sister Jeanne for whapping me for having an overabundance of sentence fragments and generally lousy grammar. The story is much better now. :) This story takes place sometime after Only the Lonely and before Be My Valentine. I prefer to think it takes place just before LaCroix returns to create havoc and chaos. I freely admit to the guilty pleasure of giving a few of my favorite characters a chance to air their feelings, suffer a pang or two of conscience, and finally having a chance to feel a little happiness. Okay, so it's sappy... BTW, I'm sending this from a new mail system, so let's all hope it comes out formatted the way it's supposed to! Send comments to delggren@es.com Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 1) By Dorothy Elggren "Hey, Natalie, he's cute. What about him?" Cyn asked, yelling in her ear above the beat of the music. Natalie followed Cyn's finger-pointing. He wasn't too bad. Tall, dark, and slightly balding (hereafter known as TD&SB), not quite the romantic dream, but then whoever was. He would look better without glasses, too. He would be better if he were blonde, blue-eyed and...no, she wasn't going there. "Maybe," she said non-commitally, wondering how soon she could escape. She was such a wimp, letting Cyn talk her into this. TD&SB had noticed them noticing him and was casually strolling their direction. Natalie closed her eyes and mentally grabbed her coat and ran. "I'm too old for this," she muttered. She opened her eyes to find herself still in the club with Cyn behind her giving her a slight push forward. "Hello there, would you like to dance?" TD&SB asked, without any preamble, looking directly at Natalie. "Uh, sure," Natalie lied, pinning a smile on her face. If I ever get out of here, she thought to herself, I'm going to make sure I put Cyn on my call-block list. He took her hand and led her to the slaughter. ++++++++ ... Flashback - previous day... ++++++++ "Brrinnggg." Ensconsced comfortably on the couch, deep in the latest Kinsey Milhone murder mystery, Nat was inclined to let the phone ring if it weren't for the fact that she was on call. Sighing, she picked up the phone. "Hello." "Hey, hey, Nat! Guess who?" the voice shouted enthusiastically at her. Nat blinked and held the phone a little farther away to save her ear drum. "Hi Cyn, when did you get into town?" "Yesterday, and the good news is, I'm here for three more days. Hey, if you're home, that means you aren't working...are you still working the night shift? How about if I run on over? I'll be right there, unless of course you've got, like um...someone there?" Natalie laughed. "No, no one here but me. It'd be great to see you, Cyn. Come on over." "Hey, I'll be there before you can blink. TTFN!" Natalie found herself listening to the dial tone. She grinned. Cyn. Cynthia Griffith. One crazy woman, in fact, a one-woman wrecking crew. Natalie tried to remember when she'd last seen her--a year, maybe more. They had been roomates in college for one year, one wild year. Then Cyn had decided to move in with Mark, declaring him the absolute love of her life--and he had been, for seven months. During that one year, Cyn had pushed Natalie out of every comfort zone she'd known. She'd spent half her time scared to death, and half having more fun than she'd had before in her short life, and maybe, since. They'd done some of the most absolutely stupid things you can do, and some of the greatest. But if Cyn hadn't moved, Natalie might never have buckled down to study and graduate--or go into Medicine. Life could have been *very* different, indeed. Nat had barely changed out of her gray sweats into something with a little style when the door bell buzzed madly. Natalie opened the door to Cyn's infectious laugh. They stared at each and hugged madly around the box Cyn held. The years sloughed off and responsible behaviour evaporated as Natalie grabbed Cyn and pulled her in. "Cyn, you look great..." "Natalie, you gorgeous woman..." "What are you doing in Toronto? Oh, no, is that, that isn't triple swirl..." "You still cutting up dead guys? Yes, it absolutely is triple swirl..." "CHOCOLATE CHERRY CHEESCAKE!" they screamed together. "You got some wine?" Cyn asked. "I've got wine. Quick, before I come to my senses and start thinking about calories and fat grams," Nat said, dragging Cyn with her into the kitchen. Cyn looked around appreciately. "You been doing some redecorating, girl?" "Some. I painted it. Forks." "Forks," Cyn intoned. "Knife." "Knife." "Wine." "Oh, glorious wine," Cyn chanted. "And glasses." "Oh, yes. Let's find a glow." Cyn put the cheesecake on the counter and dropped her coat unceremoniously on the floor. "Let's eat this before I change my mind. Quick Lambert, give me the knife. Oh, wait," she stopped and looked wickedly at Nat across the counter. "No, you cut. You're the one who uses a knife with such ... um, skill. I'll pour." Suiting action to words, Cyn absconded with the wine and began pouring. Natalie giggled as she cut the cake--in half. Cyn stopped and stared. "Oh, no. No, Nat. Not half. I can't do it anymore. I'm old. I'll die of sugar overdose if you do that." "Oh, come on, Cyn. You're the queen of cheesecake. I thought you could eat one of these by yourself." "Maybe ten years ago, but now..." Natalie laughed and then relented, cutting them each a quarter from one of the halves. Cyn rolled her eyes and muttered, "I'm going to be sorry..." Grabbing the wine they headed for the couch. Solemnly they each took their forks and speared some cheesecake. Cyn looked seriously at Natalie, Natalie stared back, waiting. Cyn took a deep breath and said "If this cheesecake doesn't kill us, it will make us stronger--and fatter. Eat up!" Laughing, they took the first, rich, indulgent bites, and for a moment only the scrape of forks on plates could be heard, but then, "Still cutting up stiffs, Lambert?" Cyn asked. "Yeff, swill wut...," Nat swallowed "Yeah, still cutting." "That is so ... weird. And to do it at night, doesn't that just creep you out? Man, I'd be looking for ghouls and ghosts over my shoulder all the time. I'd be afraid one of them would get up off the table and attack, you know, like all those movies we used to watch," Cyn said with a shiver. Natalie held back a smile. Cyn would never know how close to the truth that was. One of them had gotten up off her table, and her life had never been the same since. "No. It's not creepy. I find it fascinating. There's nothing like the feeling you get when you find the killer, whether it's a disease, or stupidity, or murder." "Geez, you are so morbid, Nat." Cyn said, eyes wide, taking a swig of wine. "It's not morbid. It's just different. Not the usual. You didn't think I would do something normal with my life--not after spending a year with you." Natalie said with a laugh. "No. But you know what is so weird? Here you are doing the strange stuff, and me ... my life is so boring, so normal now, I can't believe it!" "Why, what are you doing now, anyway? Aren't you still doing public relations for that software company in Montreal?" "No. Quit that one. It was like working in a strait-jacket. I'm working for this fast-track seminar company now, can you believe! I go around giving seminars on how to have confidence, and on speaking, and--get this! Listening. And these people come in ever so solemn and swallow it up. I bet they don't learn a damned thing. They just take down notes and stare at you with these big cow eyes like you're gonna make them into a new person. Geez. I just want to tell them to figure out what it is you're afraid of and go DO IT!" Cyn was working herself into a frenzy, brought on by sugar overload. Her pupils were dilated--definitely too much sugar. "Hey, Cyn, I think you've OD'd on sugar, and anyway," Natalie broke into the diatribe, "not everybody is like you. You are the most absolutely fearless person I know." Cyn stared down at her wine. "No. Not fearless." Then she looked up and smiled wickedly. "But I'm not going to let fear stop me from trying something." She stared at Natalie. "When was the last time you did something outrageous, Lambert? Huh? When did you last step outside the old comfort zone? And I don't count cutting up bodies--that is normal for you!" Natalie grinned back. "You know me, I have to be pushed screaming." "So, you want to get pushed screaming over the cliff, this week." Natalie felt her insides tighten up. She never knew what might happen with Cyn if she said yes. "Mmm," she stuttered and then finally got it out. "Maybe." That was her, no-guts Lambert, all right. Cyn laughed. There was a look in her eye that made Natalie have second thoughts. "Sooo. Any men in your life, Nat?" "Men?" Natalie echoed, confused at the left turn the conversation had taken. "Yeah, you know, those pests that leave dirty laundry underfoot, eat all the ice cream and think the remote belongs to them. You know, men," Cyn said with a smile. "Uh, well, no. Not exactly," Nat said. Her eyes slid away, avoiding contact with the all-knowing stare Cyn was giving her. She briefly thought of Nick. He was a man, he was in her life. Sort of. She had never really analyzed her feelings for him, or her relationship, for that matter. Doctor-patient, friends, colleagues, maybe more. She couldn't be certain. Nick was inscrutable when it came to revealing feelings. If he had them. All she knew was that since he'd saved her from Roger, she couldn't deny that teensy little feeling that screamed at her that she *was* not doing it purely for science. In fact, there probably wasn't any science in it, pure or not. She was doing it for purely personal reasons. "Hmmm," Cyn said, breaking into Natalie's thoughts. It was a very dangerous sound. Natalie stopped toying with her fork and looked up. "Hmmm what?" "Well, Natalie, there may not be a man in your life, but there's obviously one you wish was in your life," she said. She plunked her plate down on the floor and groaned. "I think I ate too much." The wine glass followed. "I think I drank too much, too. I gotta go. Where's the room?" Natalie pointed and Cyn left, leaving her to think about that bald statement. Did she want Nick in her life? For that matter, could you have a relationship with a vampire or would you just end up as lunch? Hell, he'd certainly complicated her life. She needed to find some nice guy that didn't have a problem of such monumental proportions. Nick didn't do the beach, he didn't do the sun, and he only had one food group--blood, preferably warm and ambulatory, though he settled for cold and bottled. Sighing she picked up the plates and headed for the kitchen. The only problem, she thought as she put the cheesecake away, was how did you learn to like someone when all you could see was this guy with sad blue eyes and... "I've got an idea," Cyn said directly into Natalie's right ear. "Yikes," Natalie gasped. "Don't DO THAT!" End Part 1 Don't you think that's a little weird? Weird is B.A.U. Business As Usual for Nick. -- Natalie and Schanke, Faithful Followers Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 14:35:30 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 2 of 7) See Disclaimers in Part 1 Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 2) By Dorothy Elggren Cyn laughed and leaned back against the counter. "Just tell me you aren't working tomorrow night, pulleeze? Then we'd have the whole day to play." Natalie looked at the mischief sparkling in Cyn's eyes. "Well, not all of it. I do shift changes, you know. I don't spend all my nights working," she said drily. "It just so happens I'm working the 2-10 pm shift. So, whatever devious doings you have in mind will have to wait until after that--but the following day is my day off, so that would work." "Well, it's not really that devious. Just not something you'd probably do..." "What?" Natalie asked. "C'mon, give." "Well, how about a little skydiving?" "Ssssk...diving!" Natalie squeaked. "Yeah. It's a pretty good cliff. Gets every nerve-ending and fiber up and running. It's fun, Natalie. I feel so alive when I jump. There's nothing like the rush of the air flowing over you. You look down and see the ground rushing up and there's this sense of timelessness, and yet, you wonder if your life is going to end in the next five seconds." Cyn slid closer to Natalie and whispered dramatically in her ear. "It's such a rush!" Natalie stared, stunned. "Cyn. I don't know. I can't say it is on the list of fifty things I want to do before I die..." Cyn idly reached into the box of cheesecake and pulled a tiny piece off and popped it in her mouth while she watched Natalie. "Then, what is on the list? Or is there a list?" Natalie turned away and stared out the window into the dark abyss of night. She was surprised to see it was raining, the water sliding down the window in rivulets. She thought about her list. It wasn't necessarily in any particular order, but the biggest thing looming on it was Nick. A mortal Nick. But it wasn't the only thing on her list. There was a lot of stuff on it. All her wishes and wants... "Hey, there. Earth to Natalie," Cyn interrupted her thoughts. "The list?" Natalie turned back to face Cyn and leaned against the counter. "I want to learn to do water color," Natalie said softly. "I want to go to Egypt and see the pyramids of Giza, just to see they're there. You know, like in Anne of Avonlea. I want to learn to scuba dive and then go dive off the Great Barrier Reef." She looked away a little embarrassed. "I'd like to write a children's book and get it published--for Cynthia." "Your God-child." "Yes." "Anything else? Are there any cliffs on that list? Anything that really terrifies you?" The casual tones belied the importance of that question. Natalie took a breathe and said shakily. "Yes. Some." "Like what." Cyn probed ever so carefully. Natalie's eyes slid away. "Cynthia," Natalie said in careful tone, "did you know that I was nearly the victim of a serial murderer?" Silence stretched like a gossamer web between them. Cynthia stared at her, appalled, and for once was without anything witty to say. "Oh, Natalie." It came out a whisper of sound. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." Natalie met her eyes. "Yeah, well..., it's not public knowledge. I was lucky. No, make that phenomenally lucky. But I haven't been able to really look a guy in the eyes since. I haven't dated. I can't. I get the shakes when I have a conversation with a stranger. I look in a man's eyes and wonder what's really behind them." Cyn pulled Natalie into an embrace and held her. Natalie closed her eyes and felt tears welling up. Over Cyn's shoulder she said softly. "I'd like to be able to date again, to have the guts to walk into a club and meet someone. I want to be unafraid, and I don't know how..." Cyn was silent for a long time, and then she pulled away and took Natalie's hand, drawing her into the living room and pushed her gently down onto the couch. Wordlessly they stared at each other. Finally Cyn said, sitting down by Natalie, "I forget sometimes that not all cliffs are physical, orvisible. I'm afraid of heights, Nat. Always have been. I scream whenever I go through a mountain pass and there's a drop-off on one side of the road. Usually I have to be stuffed in the back seat and blind-folded. That's why I went sky-diving. It helps. It changes my perspective, gives me courage to face the little cliffs. They aren't so bad then. Skydiving would be fun, but I think we need to jump out of a different plane." She paused, and Natalie shut her eyes; she knew what was coming. It felt like a giant freight train was heading straight for her, she could hear the pounding of the engine, feel it vibrating through her body. "Why," Cyn suggested, "don't we hit a club tomorrow after you get off work? You won't be alone. I'll be there every step of the way. It'll be like jumping into the shallow end of the pool. After you've done it once, it's not so bad. It's just like riding the proverbial bike, you know." "Ohmi...NO. I'm not going to a club," Natalie gasped. "I can't." "Yes, you can. Trust me. This will work." Cyn touched Natalie softly on the shoulder. "Please." Natalie closed her eyes and swallowed convulsively. "Hey, it could be worse. I could ask you to jump naked," Cyn said calmly. "Naked? Cyn, don't tell me you jumped nak..., you didn't, oh you did, didn't you. I can't believe you did," Natalie gasped, her trauma forgotten. Cyn smiled nastily. "Bare as bare, Nat. Kind of a weird feeling, the wind whistling through places you don't normally feel a wind. Worse, it's mighty cold. You want to see a giant blue goose-bump? Jump naked." "I think I'd almost rather..." "I could take you up on that...your choice. A club or jumping naked. That's the deal." Natalie looked at Cyn, feeling caught between a naked rock and a very hard place. "Cyn, I don't think I can do this..." "Yes, you can. Choose." Cyn looked positively evil to Natalie at that moment. "I'm not jumping naked," Natalie said firmly. "Then it's the club." "I'm not going to a club...," Natalie started. "Yes. Yes, you are. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. At this rate, cholera will be less painful. Get it over with, woman. Find out what you are afraid of and Do It!" Natalie stared at her. Slowly she nodded her head. "Okay." "Great. I heard there's this cool club called Diamonds--not a grunge place or any of those young nauseous-rock places, but a place where they play all kinds of stuff. It's supposed to be a classy joint. They have a different type of dance every night and teach lessons to the dismally undergifted. I don't have a clue which type of dance it is tomorrow, but let's go see if we can pick up a couple of guys." "I'm scared, Cyn," Natalie whispered. Roger's face drifted through her mind and she shoved it back. He had frightened her to the point it almost made her catatonic, no doubt about it. "That's the whole point! This will help you overcome the fear. When was the last time you did something about it? When did you last aggressively go looking for a guy to have some fun with? And then have some fun? Not everybody is a crazed killer. Nobody's asking you to marry the guy, Nat. Just go find some freedom from fear, some fun, and maybe some romance. There's gotta be some in Toronto, somewhere." "And what are you going to get out of this? It's not going to be much fun watching me do a cold sweat," Natalie said. Cyn smiled and shrugged. "What are friends for but to help you sweat." Natalie smiled. "I don't know. Maybe jump off the cliff with you." She looked at Cyn for a moment as understanding grew between them. Then Natalie realized she hadn't asked. "Cyn, what about you, is there a man in your life, or are you going to be looking for someone, too?" Cyn delicately lifted an eyebrow. "Well..." Natalie knew that waffling sound. She'd heard it before. "Cyn, come on, tell me. How long has it been since you've had a relationship, huh?" "All right, too long. I admit it. These stupid seminars--only cows and dogs sign up for them. And my team-teaching partners, booorrring. I'm on the road so much, and I thought I'd meet somebody. But you know what, I haven't met anybody interesting. I must be getting old." "Or picky." "That was a low blow, girl." Nat smiled. Cyn grinned back. Natalie thought about the state of her life. Her fear of men. She'd been hiding since Roger. The only "man" she hung out with was technically safe, wasn't he? He didn't seem to show much interest in her except as a friend.... Where had her life gone? If she was going to jump off this cliff, she might as well do it with Cyn. "All right, it's a deal. Be here at 11:00. I should have my body beautified by then," Nat said. "Deal," said Cyn. "By the way, Nat, nobody would ever let you jump naked on a first jump. Just thought you ought to know. We may still go skydiving someday and I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea about something that is soooo fun." Then as Natalie stared at her in disgust at her own stupidity Cyn shifted the conversation again. "Now, do you want to talk about what happened? Have you talked to anyone, worked through it? I'm here to listen, Natalie." Natalie stared at her. She hadn't talked about it, not really. Maybe it was time. "Yeah, I think I would." She was silent for a minute trying to pull her thoughts together. "I met him at the grocery store. Well, actually I ran into him with my groceries coming out..." End Part 2 Be very careful what you wish for. -- Rebecca, Dying for Fame Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 17:59:27 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 3 of 7) See Disclaimers in Part 1 Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 3) By Dorothy Elggren ++++++++ ... Present ... ++++++++ He wasn't as bad as Jerry had been. Jerry somebody-or-other had talked incessantly in her ear and she hadn't really understood any of it over the music. He'd been like a whining, irritating gnat that she hadn't been able to escape; first plying her with drinks and then dragging her onto the dance floor for specialized torture. TD&SB turned out to be Ted, Ted Milser. He'd introduced himself like he thought he was James Bond. "Hi, my name is Milser, Ted Milser. I work for ..." he said as he'd taken her in his arms for the two-step. It had been Natalie's bad luck that tonight had been duly designated as a romance night Apparently they had taught a simple tango earlier. They'd played it twice, and she'd been flung around the floor by inept partners trying to be Valentino. Ted at least knew how to count, more than she could say for Bill, her last partner. But Ted couldn't lead a guppy to water, let along get it to drink, if he tried. She could probably take over and lead him and he'd never know it, Natalie thought grimly. As she was pushed limply around the floor, she caught sight of Cyn being romanced by a sophisticated looking man with gray hair distinguishing him. Cyn caught her glance and waved madly at her, encouraging her. One thing Cyn had been right about, it wasn't so bad once she got there. These guys were such bad dancers, she didn't have time to wonder about their criminal records as she dodged toes and tried to save her hands from being crushed (Jerry), melted (Bill), or doused with water (Ted). He was sweating all over her. She was hating every minute of it. IF there was someone there who she might find remotely attractive, then she would worry about whether he was another Roger. So far all she had met were limp, boring men. Cyn was getting all the ones that looked interesting. "...and I have to admit I get a rush from it. So tell me about yourself, Natalie?" Ted asked. Natalie came out of her mental fog at the question. Damn, she hadn't heard a thing he'd said. Oh well, it didn't really matter. They all blanched a bit when she mentioned her job. She took a mental bet on Ted's reaction. "I'm a pathologist,actually," Natalie said brightly, "I'm a Medical Examiner at the Coroner's Office." Ted's almost non-existent grip on her loosened. She wasn't sure, but she thought he'd gone a little pale around the gills. Yes, she could count that as a blanch. Definitely. "Really," Ted said, trying to infuse something akin to interest in it. "You mean you, ah, deal with dead bodies?" "Well, that is one way of putting it, I suppose," Natalie said, amused. "What made you want to do that?" Ted blurted out just as he stepped on her toe heavily and the music finally ended. "Oww!" Natalie yelped, involuntarily. "Oh, sorry...," Ted said as he backed off. "Well, it was nice meeting you," he said as he hastily escorted her off the floor. There was more firmness in his grasp as he dragged her off the floor than there had been during the whole dance, Natalie noticed. He dropped her hand and vanished into the darkness of the club. Chalk another one up to the curse of the Dead Body Syndrome, Natalie thought. With relief she sought the table she shared with Cyn and, snagging a waiter, asked for some mineral water. Cyn joined her at the same time as her drink arrived. "Guess he wasn't the hero of your dreams, either, huh?" she asked as she plopped heavily into her chair. "Not exactly," Natalie said dourly. She put her head down on the table and moaned. "This is awful, can we leave now?" Cyn put her cheek against the table and made eye contact. "Natalie, is it awful because they can't dance, or because you can't deal with them? Can you get past the fear at all?" Natalie sat up and Cyn sat up far enough to lean her face on her hands, waiting for the verdict. Sighing, Natalie pushed her hair back and took a slow sip of her drink. It slid down her throat, sending a cool waterfall into her, bringing some semblance of calm. She looked at Cyn's bright eyes and spiky hair. "I don't know. I guess it's better. They are all so, ... so awful at dancing or conversation, or something, that I guess I haven't had so much time to wonder about their motivations. But, still, I think I am sabotaging it. I don't want anyone to be that close, I guess." "Are you sure about that? What about The Guy?" Cyn asked melodramatically. Natalie stared at her stupidly. "The Guy? What Guy?" "You know, the one you didn't mention yesterday. The one you'd like to have a relationship with. Are you sabotaging that, too? Or is he married, or does he have a girlfriend, or doesn't he know you exist, or what?" Cyn asked. It came out in a single breath. Natalie shook her head. "Cyn, you sound like a run-on sentence. You think about breathing ever?" "Don't avoid the question, Lambert! What about The Guy? What's the deal?" Natalie rubbed the bridge of her nose with her hand. "There isn't any guy, Cyn." "Yes, there is," Cyn said calmly. "You should remember that I could always tell when you were lying." She stopped and stared at Natalie. "Or maybe you are lying to yourself. Maybe your experiences are keeping you from even acknowledging to yourself that you like this guy, whoever he is. So, who is he?" Natalie licked her lips. They suddenly felt really dry, like the Sahara. Maybe she was in denial. It didn't matter though, did it? She still was face to fang with the same question. Could a mortal have a relationship with a vampire--and what if the vampire never became mortal, what then? "Natalie, you're in orbit again. Come back and answer the question," Cyn said, bringing her abruptly back from the deep, dark, recesses of her mind. Natalie idly rubbed her finger in the water on the table that had dripped off her frosty glass. "Maybe there is someone, but I don't know that he sees me as anything but a friend, or a sister. I've known him for a long time now, and he's never said anything...," Natalie trailed off. Cyn reached out and covered her hand, She pursed her lips as she thought, then she pounced. "So what is it about him that attracts you?" Natalie looked away. What a question. There were a hundred answers to that. "Lambert!" "Sorry. It's kind of a tough question. I guess I'm attracted to him because he's presented me with a puzzle. A puzzle unlike anything I've ever seen before, one that may be insoluble. And he's good- looking. He exudes charisma and charm, but he doesn't do it consciously. He's complex. He's layer upon layer. You peel one off, and there are always more. He's got these blue eyes that see into your soul. He understands so much, and yet for all his experience, he sometimes just doesn't get it..." "Well, isn't that like anybody?" Cyn asked, amused. "Yeah, but if you only knew," Natalie said. "Did I say he was gorgeous?" "Oh, at least once," Cyn laughed. "And he's been in a position to really hurt me and he hasn't." Natalie caught her lips between her teeth for a moment as she thought about Nick. She looked up at Cyn. "He's also the one who saved me from Roger," she said softly. "He's a detective. Homicide. I work with him." "Oh...," Cyn said just as quietly. If Natalie hadn't been looking, she wouldn't have heard it over the music. "Do you think that's why you like him, because he's your saviour?" Natalie shook her head. Light cascaded off her hair in the darkness of the club. "No. I think I was there long before then. He's got some problems, and I've sort of been his psychologist and his doctor. I think I know more about him than just about everyone but his ... family," Natalie stumbled over the word, she really didn't like calling LaCroix his family. Reluctantly she added, "and his ex-girlfriend, who sometimes isn't so ex, if you get my drift." "Yeah, I get it." Cyn grimaced a bit. "You find one you like, and there's always something, some little thing that turns out not to be so little." She tilted her head and looked at Natalie. "You say he's never given any indication that he's attracted?" Nat shook her head regretfully. "No, I think he thinks I'm the sister he never had or something..." "Well, then I guess you can't say much about the ex, can you?" "Nope," Natalie punctuated with her lips. "And she's not exactly ungorgeous herself, you know." "You've met her?" Cyn said incredulously. "Yeah. I don't think he was too happy about that. I walked in to his place one night and they were sort of...um...necking." Natalie thought about that. She could swear she'd seen a glimpse of fangs, but she'd never been sure. She wondered for the millionth time what it was like when two vampires made love. She'd never had the guts to ask, and Nick hadn't exactly been forthcoming. All she did know for sure was that for a mortal it was pretty fatal. "What were you doing at his place--you like, have a key or something?" Cyn demanded. "Yeah, I do actually. We've spent a lot of time trying to solve his problem, his...dilemma." Nat stopped. She really couldn't explain this. Not for the first time, she wished she had someone she could talk to about this. Vampires. Who could you talk to about a vampire? Who would ever believe you? "I don't know, Nat, but it sounds like if he's given you that kind of access, there might be more there than you think. Men just don't let you in like that--you know, give you the key to the castle. They like to keep that locked up pretty tight." Natalie smiled at her. "I might agree, except that it is sort of a doctor-patient thing. I am actually treating him." "For what?" Cyn asked. "Well, I don't think it's really something I should talk about. After all, I do owe him a certain amount of privacy," Nat said. Cyn slumped back in her chair and stared narrowly at Natalie. "Hmmph. I don't know. I still think it sounds a little kinky. I'd like to see this guy. One look at him looking at you, and I bet I could tell if he did like you. Well, he sounds like he certainly looms large in your life. No wonder you don't find anyone here interesting." "Ladies..." Both Cyn and Natalie jumped. They had been so involved, they had never seen him coming. He was tall, skinny in a gaunt way--like he hadn't been eating enough--and red-headed with light blue eyes. He was also smiling at Natalie. She felt the fear creep back into her heart. "Would you care to dance?" Natalie looked at Cyn, Cyn looked back at her smiling unabashedly. She made shooing motions with her hands. Natalie looked up, She saw no guile in his eyes. But there hadn't been in Roger's, either. "Yes," she said firmly, overcoming the voice screaming in her head, "I would." As she rose, she took one last look at Cyn. Cyn mouthed at her "Don't sabotage it. Just have fun." Natalie gave a small nod and headed for the dance floor. Her new partner gently guided her with his hand in the small of her back. She wanted to die. Please God, she thought, let me go home really, really soon. End Part 3 You okay? Well yeah, if you mean do I still have all my parts, I think so. -- Schanke and Natalie, The Fix Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 18:03:22 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 4 of 7) See Disclaimers in Part 1 Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 4) By Dorothy Elggren ++++++++ ... Earlier in the Day ... ++++++++ Natalie stared unseeingly at her computer screen. She tapped her pencil unconsciously against the table. Tap, tap, tap, tappety-tap. Tap, tap, tap, tappety-tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap... "So," Grace said behind her. "You going to tell what's wrong?" Natalie jumped a foot. "Www..what?" she managed to gasp out. "I said ... are you going to tell me what's wrong," Grace said with meaning. Natalie looked at her with a puzzled look. "What do you mean? Nothing's wrong." Grace paced around the table maintaining eye contact. "Don't give me that. You've been staring at that screen for twenty minutes. That report isn't any nearer being done than when you started it. And you just sit there tapping with that pencil. You got more rhythm today than the percussion section. WHAT is wrong?" she demanded. Natalie sighed, shrinking down in her chair. She slumped back and pushed her hair out of her face. "Is it that obvious?" Grace nudged some files aside and eased her bulk gently onto the desk. "Yes, it's that obvious. Out with it!" Natalie looked up at her in dismay. "I think I'm going over a cliff tonight," she sighed. "What?" Grace asked in surprise. "I'm going to go jump off a cliff--a mental cliff. One of my college friends is in town for a couple of days and she's decided it's time I deal with my phobia. So she's pushing me off the cliff, so to speak." "And what cliff is that?" Grace asked interested, leaning forward. "The Roger cliff...," Natalie mumbled, looking down at her hands. Tap, tap, tap, tappety-tap, went the pencil. Grace leaned over and absconded with the pencil. Natalie stared blankly at her empty hand. "Say that again, I don't think I heard right," Grace said. "You heard right," Natalie said defensively. "I said the Roger cliff." "Are we talking Roger, as in Roger Jamieson?" Grace demanded uneasily. "Yeah. That's the one," Nat said striving for some brightness in her tone. Grace leaned closer, shoving more files aside. "You want to explain this to me? I don't think I get it." Natalie leaned her head against her terminal. She could feel it faintly vibrating. "Grace, I'm a complete disaster case, you know that? I haven't been able to look a guy in the face, or go out on a date, or hustle anybody since Roger. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I'm scared to death." Grace reached out and stroked Natalie's head. "Oh, honey. I didn't realize. You always seem so strong and confident. I never thought..." Natalie looked up at her and smiled. "I know. I put on a good front. But inside I'm quaking. Quaking Natalie, that's me." She got up abruptly and began to pace around the room. She made slow turns around the empty autopsy table. "I'm so screwed up. And then Cynthia showed up. She's always had this thing about figuring out what you are most afraid of, and then going out and doing something about it. Well, it took her about ten seconds to worm this out of me." Natalie looked over where Grace sat on her desk. She took a deep breath. "Well, she gave me a choice. I could go sky-diving or I could go to a club and make some social motions." "Sky-diving sounds kind of fun, why didn't you pick that?" Grace asked. "If you're that scared, that would almost seem easier." Nat laughed, "Yeah, you'd think. Except the option was sky-diving naked." Grace started laughing. Natalie looked at her, and began to laugh, too. "I know. Can you imagine it? Jumping out of a plane naked? It'd scare the birds so badly, they would probably never be able to fly again." "Oh, Natalie, I'm sorry, but that is just...too funny. I think I'd like to see that. You jumping out of a plane without a stitch on!" She started to giggle again. "Quit that, Grace. I'm stuck with going to a club. Tonight. I have to look into some stranger's eyes and make conversation. Dance. Drink. I think I'm going to be sick. I can't do this," Natalie moaned. She slumped defeatedly against the autopsy table. "What am I going to do, Grace?" Grace folder her arms across her ample chest comfortably, and smiled at her. "I guess I'd say, you are going to have to face your fears. I think she's right. The only way to solve the problem is to face it head on." "Ohhhnnoooo..." Natalie wailed. "I can't do this. I can't, I Can't, I CAN'T!!!" Grace pushed off from the desk and moved to Natalie's side. "Yes, Natalie, you can. You are strong, and if you break through the wall, the pain can get out, and you can get on with healing." Natalie buried her face in her hands. "I don't want to do this..." Grace put a comforting arm around her and held her close. "I know you don't, but you've got to. And you won't be alone, you know. You'll have your friend with you." Natalie peeked out from behind her hands. "Yeah, some friend," she said sarcastically. "She's taking me to be slaughtered." Grace laughed kindly. "No, Natalie, she's breaking your chains. You know that." Natalie sighed and shook her hair back out of her face. "I guess. But I feel so weird about this." "You will live through this, you know." "So they say...," Natalie said drily. "I guess I'd better get that report done, huh?" "If you want to get out of here without Stonetree screaming, you probably had," Grace agreed. "I just got a call asking if it was ready." Natalie sat down heavily. "Okay," she muttered to herself. "I can do this. I can concentrate for five minutes." Grace laughed and started to leave. Realizing she still had Natalie's pencil in her hand she came back and put it gently on the desk. "By the way, where are you going for your...ah...execution?" Natalie laughed. "Some place called Diamonds. Ever heard of it?" "Actually, I have," Grace said smiling down at her. "Bill and I went there a couple of months ago. It's a really nice place, Natalie. You'll like it." "Yeah," Natalie breathed. "Now if I could just take a couple of cops to guard me..." Grace crinkled her brow at that. "Natalie, what about Nick...aren't you and he...well, aren't you two, sort of dating? I would have thought you would have worked this out with him." Natalie twisted her lips into a mockery of a smile. "Yeah, well. Sorry Grace, we are just friends. It's never really come up in conversation." Grace stared at her with persistent silence. Natalie looked up at her. "What?" "Are you sure you are just friends? I don't think he looks at you like you are just friends" Grace demurred. Natalie stood up and stalked to the filing cabinet. Opening it with a bang she began filing some stray files with vigor. "Well," she said, her back to Grace, "you thought wrong. Nick and I are *just* friends." She punctuated it by slamming the drawer. Silence answered her. She turned and placed her hands on her hips defiantly and dared Grace to argue with her. Grace raised her hands in surrender. "Whatever you say, girl." And with that, she escaped out the door. Grace leaned against the door and shook her head. Whatever else Natalie and Nick might be, it wasn't just friends. Sighing, she headed for her own overloaded desk. ++++++++ ... Back in the agonizing present ... ++++++++ Natalie turned to face her new partner. He smiled again. "I couldn't help noticing you. You two were really wrapped up in that conversation, oblivious to the world, but that was what made me notice your eyes. You really have the most beautiful eyes..." Natalie mentally cringed. "Thank you," she murmured. "By the way, my name is Jeff. What's yours? "Natalie." "Well, hi, Natalie," Jeff said with a smile. He took her hand as the music began. It was a foxtrot. She hoped he could lead. She hoped her toes would survive... End Part 4 Fear is an enemy you can't ignore because its a part of you. Accept it, it makes you stronger. Run from it and... -- Cohen, The Fire Inside Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 18:12:39 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 5 of 7) See Disclaimers in Part 1 Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 5) By Dorothy Elggren ++++++++ ... In the morgue not so long ago ... ++++++++ Grace didn't look up immediately when the breeze fluttered her files. He/She/It could wait until she finished the entry. Finishing the entry code, she hit 'send' triumphantly. It had taken her almost an hour to get the information correct regarding the DNA profile. Sometimes you could do it in a few minutes, other times.... She looked up to find Nick standing in front of her desk, patiently waiting. "Detective," Grace said, "what can I do for you?" "I'm looking for the blood profile on the Gibbons case," Nick said, smiling at Grace. "Ah, yes," Grace said rising and sailing across the room to her files. "The last of the data came in just before Natalie left. She took a quick look at it and left it here somewhere." Grace thumbed through files looking for the document. "I could swear it was right on top, but who knows where she left it, considering the state she was in," she murmured. Nick straightened from his casual slouch at her words and a faint shadow crossed his face. "Ah, here it is!" Grace exclaimed as she found the profile. Handing it to Nick, she smiled. "Anything else?" "Yeah, what did you mean that Natalie was in a state when she left?" Nick asked abruptly, not wasting words. The underlying tone made Grace look at him twice. "Oh...," she breathed, backpedalling. Her mouth had just gotten her in trouble again. "Umm, well, she was going out tonight with a friend, and frankly she wasn't happy at all to be going," Grace managed under Nick's burning look. Oh, he definitely was more than a friend, she thought. "What kind of a friend?" Nick asked, moving smoothly into grilling mode. Grace knew she wouldn't escape until he had all the facts, but she gamely tried. "Oh, you know, a college friend. Someone she hasn't seen for a long. And, well, she just wasn't too excited to go, is all." Grace said, flinching under Nick's stare. "Why not?" Nick asked, leaning closer "Lighten up, will you. I'm not a suspect!" Grace yelled, frustrated. Nick backed off, suddenly ashamed. "I'm sorry, Grace, I guess I just got a little concerned there..." He was being overprotective again, he knew it. He just couldn't help it. Natalie was the most important thing in his life and he didn't want her hurt. Not only that, he was jealous. He'd realized that when she'd started dating Roger The Creep. Somehow she'd gone from friend and doctor to the woman he wanted, without his even realizing. It had crept up on him unawares somewhere between protein drinks,lectures, and popcorn movie nights. It had never happened like that before. He usually fell for the outside first--the beautiful exterior. He'd never fallen in love with someone from the inside out. It was a different feeling, and he was constantly struggling for control. He was *still* a vampire and she was a mortal. And he didn't know what to do about it. Some of his feelings washed across his face, clear enough for Grace to read. The jealousy, the love, the concern. Grace's angry stare, that would have stopped an army, softened. "Well, Detective," Grace said. "what is the problem here?" Nick rubbed his fingers across his forehead, tiredly. "I don't know. I guess ever since Roger Jamieson, I worry about who she's with, especially when someone tells me she's not happy," he said as he looked at her. Grace started to laugh. "I can't believe this. You two should really try communicating, you know. That's what this whole thing is about, anyway." "What thing?" Nick asked puzzledly. "Tonight--this is about Roger." "Roger? What about him? He's in prison," Nick said flatly. "Yeah, well, he's also doing a hell of a job of haunting Natalie. She sat there today and stewed until I dragged it out of her. Turns out she's scared to look a guy in the eyes, or have a conversation with him, or go out on a date. She's afraid that it'll be Roger all over again." "Well, why didn't she tell me?" Nick asked in growing frustration. "Well, why didn't you ask her?" Grace parried. Nick looked at her, dumbfounded. "I don't know, I guess I thought she was okay...I mean she seemed okay with me." "Well, she isn't, and you don't count. You aren't a stranger. She gets scared when it's somebody she doesn't know or have a trust level with. Someone she might have a relationship with," Grace said shaking her finger at him. She could feel herself getting mad at his obtuseness. Nick took a deep breath and turned away, pacing around the room. His long duster flowed after him. He stopped abruptly and looked back at Grace. "What makes you think we don't have a relationship?" he asked. Grace snorted. "If you had a relationship, she wouldn't be out there at some club trying to pick up a guy and break through the fear. If you had a relationship, she wouldn't be telling me that you think of her as a sister. IF you had a relationship, WE wouldn't be having this conversation, De-tec-tive!" If it was possible, Grace thought, Nick had just gotten paler. He stood there silently for so long that she thought he'd turned to stone. "I'm sorry, Grace," he said at last, slowly running a hand through his hair. He stared down at the floor for a moment and then looked at her contritely. "I guess you could say our *relationship* is really complicated. I'm not very good at expressing certain things." Nick looked away. This conversation was getting onto dangerous ground. What he said to Grace would get back to Natalie, and everybody else. And the kind of relationship everybody was implying was truly out of the question--no matter how much he or Natalie might want it. "I'd say it was in need of some serious airing out. Don't tell me, tell Natalie," Grace said. "It's never too late, you know." "I don't know, Grace, the way things are, this might be better for her..." "Well, it isn't just your choice, Detective, it's hers. Before you go making any unilateral decisions, don't you think you ought to talk to Natalie?" "It looks like she already made her decision," Nick said softly, staring into space. "That is a bunch of bull. She is out there because an old friend started asking questions. An old friend who happens to believe in jumping off *mental* cliffs, to overcome fear. An old friend who is helping her fight that fear; and it's not because Natalie does or doesn't like you. She's out there because you NEVER asked. So why don't you just march over there and ask? Huh?" "I don't think now is a good time to...," Nick started. "It's the perfect time, Detective. She's probably having a miserable time, and you could turn it into a wonderful time. Just walk in there and ask her to dance." "Dance?" Nick asked, lost. "Yeah. Dance. She's gone to a club that puts on dances--Diamonds. I'm sure you've heard of it," Grace said. Nick looked at her, then down at the folder he held forgotten in his hand. Suddenly he was jolted back to reality by the ringing phone. "Forensics," said Grace, picking up the phone without taking her eyes off of Nick. "Uh-huh,...okay. I'll tell him." She hung up. "That was Schanke, You're wanted back at the precinct ASAP." Nick looked at her silently for a moment. "Yeah, well, I guess I'd better go, then," he said, and turning abruptly on his heel, he disappeared through the door. It swung silently shut behind him. Grace shook her head, unable to believe the conversation she had just had with the inscrutable Detective Knight. And worse, she had no idea if he was going to do anything about it. Probably not. He was still in the middle of the shift, and somewhere in the middle of a deep fog, at least where Natalie was concerned. He might be wonder-boy when it came to solving homicides, but she had serious doubts about his ability to solve the equation between a man and a woman. She sat down at her desk and smiled. Wait until Natalie heard this. Then she got back to work. ++++++++ ... at Diamonds ... ++++++++ Jeff, it turned out, knew how to dance, and was fairly talkative. He was a software engineer, and wrote code using something called "open-gee-ell" to create programs to create computer animations. He mentioned something about a "gooey", but it all meant absolutely nothing to Natalie, but he also wasn't turned off by her job. He was intrigued. Of even more interest, he hadn't yet stomped on her toes, and was a passable dancer. Against her will, she felt faint hope. Her hand hadn't been crushed, melted, or doused. She hadn't been folded, spindled or mutilated. Maybe this would work after all. He seemed "nice." Which was more than she had ever hoped for from this evening, to think a stranger might be "nice." The music came to an end. Jeff smiled down at her from his height. He had to be about six-four, Natalie thought. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked. "I'd like to get to know you better." Natalie craned to look up at him and smiled. "Sure." He took her hand and led her towards the bar. Cyn watched with a smile from the table. It looked like things were looking up at last. He might not be Mr. The Guy, but he was a break-through. Come to think of it, she hadn't ever learned what The Guy's name was. She would definitely have to ask. And that was something else she would have to work on. If Natalie wanted a relationship with this unknown man, now was the time to face it and go after it. She felt like laughing. She hadn't had this much fun playing with someone's life in years. She could qualify as a fairy-godmother at this rate. End Part 5 My, but she does have you preoccupied! -- LaCroix, Baby Baby Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 23:18:47 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 6 of 7) See Disclaimers in Part 1 Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 6) By Dorothy Elggren ++++++++ ... Back at the ranch..uh, precinct ... ++++++++ Nick flung himself into his chair and scowled at Schanke. Schanke raised an eyebrow and waited. Nick scowled some more. "Uh, partner, you going to let me see that report sometime this century?" Schanke asked at last. Nick surfaced and tossed him the folder. "Sorry. I was thinking." "I could tell, and it wasn't a pretty sight. Let me guess, it has nothing to do with this case," Schanke said smartly. "What makes you think that?" Nick asked. "Because, Nick, you've been batting your ususal super-cop one-hundred-percent right so far on this case, and not a wrinkle has crossed your brow. But right now, you look like Mr. Doom and Gloom," Schanke said, leaning back in his chair. He thought about it for a moment and added. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd been crossed in love." Nick snorted and looked away. "AHA! You have been." Nick looked at him. "You got anything constructive to say about this case?" Schanke smiled a nasty smile. "Which case, Gibbons, or Knight?" Nick leaned forwards and grabbed the file out of his hand. "Gibbons," he said curtly. He rifled through it unseeingly and dropped it on the desk. Schanke watched with interest. He couldn't remember seeing Nick like this before. He wished he knew what had set him off. He'd only gone over to the ME's office for the report. Hadn't been gone long enough to swing by to see the beautiful barracuda at the Raven, and Natalie was long gone. She was working an earlier shift--so what had set Knight off? "Want to tell me about it?" Schanke asked leaning forward, shoving his pencil box out of the way. Nick looked at him. "No," he said baldly. " Look, would you mind covering for me. There's something I need to go take care of." "You mean you want to take a hike out of here, in the middle of the shift, and leave me, Moi, to solve the case? I can't believe you're asking. Usually I turn around and you're gone. You really must be feeling sick, Nick." "Will you?" Nick asked urgently. The look on his face was suddenly intense. Schanke stared at him, and slowly nodded. "Yeah, get outta here before I change my mind." "Thanks, I owe you." With that he was up and gone in a swirl of black duster. ++++++ Nick walked out of the precinct into the cool night air. As it flowed around him, he felt a little calmer. He stood by the Caddy debating what he should do. Instincts were screaming at him, vampire instincts that thundered, "Run like Hell in the Opposite Direction" and another instinct, long ignored and denied, that screamed, "Don't Let Anybody Take Her From You!" He felt torn in two. To go to her was to court trouble, but to let her go... He closed his eyes in agony and leaned against the car. He had tried to avoid this moment. Grace had mentioned something about a cliff. Hell, it was a cliff, all right. One he shouldn't get anywhere near. Not if he wanted to protect Natalie. He'd hoped it would go away, or better, never happen, but here he was. In love. With a mortal. With Natalie, beautiful, beautiful Natalie. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it. Not without killing her and certainly not without hurting her. Yeah, it was a hell of a cliff, and he was heading straight for it. You'd think after 800 years, Nick thought, I would have some idea how to handle this. You'd think.... He took a breath and got in the Caddy. He began driving aimlessly, trying to get it out of his system, but before long, he found himself at the Raven. Instinct led him inside. The music assaulted him as he walked into the dim room. The packed heat from sweating mortal bodies made his nose twitch. Desire swelled in him, and he quelled it as he scanned the room anxiously. She stood by a small round cocktail table, posed casually, etched in shadow and light. As she moved her head unerringly towards him, her earrings briefly caught the light. Her eyes belied her indifferent pose. Nick moved through the crowd never talking his eyes from hers. "Bon soir, Nicolas..." Janette breathed for his ears alone. It was a sultry sound that swirled around him. "What brings you to the Raven? Police business? Or are you actually here for social reasons, hmm? Nick put his hand on her face and leaned down to kiss her. "It's not business, Janette," he said. "But it's not exactly social, either." A little moue of annoyance crossed her face and she turned her back on him. Nick smiled and pulled her tightly against him. Janette leaned against him and snuggled closer. "Then what is it?" she tossed back at him. He rested his chin on her head and was silent a moment. "Janette, have you ever truly loved a mortal?" She pulled away from him abruptly, and turned around to stare aghast. "Nicolas, no...don't tell me you've fallen for that mousy brown coroner?" Nick put his hand against her mouth. "Don't," he said. Janette pursed her lips and frowned at him. Her dimple surfaced briefly and disappeared as she took in his despair. "Nicolas, you know what happens when you become involved with mortals. You get hurt, they get hurt. You know that!" "I know. That isn't the question. Have you ever truly loved a mortal?" She let out a sigh, and reached up and stroked his face. "Oh, mon amie...yes, I have." "What did you do about it? I need to know what to do?" he pleaded. "I don't know what to do." Janette toyed with the button on his shirt, and said slowly without looking at him, "I have loved a mortal twice. The last time, I tried to leave him, to walk away. He was very...persistent. He came after me, and tried to prove his love for me by making love to me." Silence stretched between them. Nick waited. "It didn't work," Janette said flatly. "He died. I didn't mean it to happen, it just did. I got caught up in the passion, and I couldn't stop it. *I* couldn't stop. So he died before I even realized, and it was too late, even to bring him across." Nick pulled her close and kissed her brow. "Nicolas?" Janette said softly. "Yes." "I truly did try to do the right thing. But I waited too long. I savoured the relationship. I felt bathed in all that warmth and didn't want to leave it. I knew I had to, but I put it off. And he died." She sighed and leaned against him. "Nicolas, you must sever this tie, before you reach that point where you cannot leave--and she cannot let you go. You must!" she spoke frantically. Nick just pulled her closer and kissed her again. "Janette, it's too late to leave," he said softly, sadly. "I can't leave. I can't." "Then what will you do?" Janette asked looking at him. "You will destroy her. And you will destroy yourself." Nick laughed, bitterly. "Don't you think I don't know that...I was hoping maybe you had some advice, something that would help...." He stopped and stared at her. "Janette, you said you had loved a mortal twice. What about the first time? What did you do then?" Janette looked at him sadly. "Oh, Nicolas, don't you know? I had LaCroix bring him across...it was you." Nick closed his eyes, but he still felt the tremulous breath she took. "Janette...," he breathed. Janette patted him softly on the cheek. "Nicolas..." They stared at each other, and smiled. "I still love you, Janette," Nick said. "It's just that it's changed. After you left...it was never the same." "I know. It's all right. Truly. It is all right," Janette said. He held her close and looked over her head at the writhing humanity around them. "What shall I do, Janette?" he asked. "Does Natalie know how you feel?" Janette asked. "I don't know. I've never said anything," Nick replied. "I've tried to keep it as friends. For a long time it was...but I...," he floundered. "Well, that doesn't matter much, Nicolas. You always wear everything on your face. You may not say it, but she probably knows somewhere deep inside. What has made this so important all of a sudden? Why tonight? Aren't you supposed to be serving and protecting?" "Schanke's covering for me." Nick said. "It's important tonight because I just found out Natalie is at some club, Diamond's--trying to meet someone, anyone. Trying to get past her fear of men. Ever since she was nearly killed by a serial murderer, she's been afraid; and I didn't know it. I heard she was out there tonight, and I was just so jealous..." "Oh yes, I know the club. It has no distinction. Really quite a boring place..." "Janette!" Janette laughed, at him. "They need a better decorator. And a better manager." Then she became serious. "Nicolas..." "Yes?" "Why don't you go to her. If you can't leave, then go to her, let her know she's loved. It may not be wise, but if you can find some brief happiness, and she can find some peace, you should go to her," Janette said. If nothing else, she understood Natalie's feelings. She had suffered like that, too. Natalie might as well know some happiness now, for it would end badly, however it ended, for both of them. Nick stared at her, then kissed her deeply. "Thank you," he said, his eyes full of gratitude and left. Janette watched him plow through the dance floor, and disappear out the door. She closed her eyes and felt the vibration between them lessen and disappear as the distance between them grew. Slowly she wiped the merest wisp of a tear from her eye, and turned away. She picked up her glass and drank it down, unsteadily. She stared into the empty cup. "Fool," she whispered at last. "You were a fool to ever let him go." She looked up and caught Miklos' eye. She held up her glass. He nodded and began to pour her another. As she moved across the floor to the bar, she thought about all the foolish mistakes she had made. None had been more foolish than leaving Nicolas. She still loved him. She felt pity for him, for Natalie. Nicolas would not bring Natalie across. He was too busy trying to be mortal. He was too much infatuated with all things mortal. But it would pass. He would be hurt, Natalie would be hurt, but it would pass. She had time on her side. Let him love Natalie for a little while. Then she would be gone, and Janette would still be there. Someday she would have him back. Someday... ++++++ End Part 6 Oh Nicholas, you are so naive. You are such an eternal boy! -- Janette, The Fix Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 23:24:23 -0700 From: Dorothy Elggren Subject: Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 7 of 7) See Disclaimers in Part 1 Last Chance Before the Cliff (Part 7) By Dorothy Elggren Over drinks, Natalie and Jeff chatted. It didn't take long to realize that Jeff lived for and through computers. He was on-line, he was writing some kind of code, he was this-ing, he was that-ing on the computer. Natalie decided he must mainline computers. Maybe he was Borg. Somewhere on his body was a socket connection--that was it! She bet he plugged into the collective every night and downloaded programs, maybe even a personality program. Yes, Jeff was nice. He just wasn't interesting to Natalie. It was a step. A small victory, but now, how the hell did she get away from him? "Would you like to go to a concert next Friday?" Jeff asked as Natalie tuned back in. She'd been gone again, lost in her own thoughts. Tuning out wasn't a good sign. Natalie took a deep breath and patted his hand. "Jeff, it has been nice meeting you, but I have to be honest and tell you that I'm working through some problems, and tonight was a small victory for me. Just being here and being able to dance and enjoy the evening is pretty remarkable. But I'm not ready to go out with anybody. But I appreciate the offer." She watched his face fall, and then become inscrutable. "They aren't insurmountable problems, are they?" he asked. "I'd like a chance, if you change your mind." Natalie smiled at him. "I don't know. I honestly can't see that far into the future. I'm just doing this one day at a time. But I think I'd better say no. Thank you, but no." He shook his head, a little sadly, and then held out a hand. Natalie took it, and to her surprise, he lifted it to his lips and kissed it gently. "It's been a pleasure, Natalie. I hope to see you again someday." And then he stood and melted into the crowd. Natalie felt a little sad, but not too much. He just wasn't her type--whatever that might be. She remembered somebody telling her, that typically you made up your mind about people in the first few seconds of an encounter. She'd given Jeff a half hour--maybe more. But it hadn't felt right, and she didn't think it was sabotage, either. Slowly, but happily, Natalie returned to the table she and Cyn had reserved earlier. Cyn was not there, and Natalie scanned the club looking for her, but couldn't see her. She was ready, now, to go home. She had achieved victory. She could do this again. It wouldn't kill her. *Roger* wouldn't kill her. "Well?" demanded Cyn as she suddenly materialized in front of Natalie, sliding into her seat. "How'd it go? You got a date or anything?" Natalie laughed, and shook her head. "No." "Damn. I thought you landed him for sure." Cyn said. "He looked like a trout on the line, just waiting to be reeled in..." "He does look a bit like a trout," Natalie said thoughtfully, "and I could have reeled him in, but..." "But, what?" Cyn demanded. "Did you throw it away, again?" "No, not the way you think, Cyn. He just wasn't very interesting to me. He was nice, but I was, um, bored. And I felt it was victory enough to sit there and talk to him and not be afraid." Cyn shook her head sadly. "Well, if you say so, Lambert." "I say so," Natalie said firmly, "What about you, seen anybody you want to tango with, or, perhaps take skydiving--naked?" Cyn laughed. "There's a couple of possibilities out there, but not really. Used to be, I could go into a club and find somebody, who could be the love of my life for a couple of days, in an hour. But I guess I'm reaching the point that I'm looking for somebody that's got more character or something. Maybe I'm really ready to settle down. I dunno.." she trailed off, and then she whistled. "Wow! Now there's somebody I'd like to meet--and I think he's coming this way." Natalie turned to see who had sent Cyn spinning and gasped. She grabbed the edge of the table. No, it couldn't be. How did he know about this? How could he even be here? He was supposed to be on shift... But it was. Nick was making his way unerringly towards her. His eyes were fixed on her. He stopped at the table. Cyn was goggling. Natalie thought for sure Cyn was going to start drooling. "Natalie," Nick began. Cyn looked from Nick to Natalie in astonishment, her mouth hanging open. "Nnn..Nick, what are you doing here? How did you know...?" Natalie stuttered. Nick smiled down at her. "Grace," he said succinctly. "Oh..." Natalie said on a whisper of sound. She wasn't sure what to think. "Are you here to protect me?" she asked, knowing his overactive chivalrous streak. After all, he was a bit of a knight-errant. "No, I don't think so," Nick said quietly. "I'm here because I want to be. Because you're here." Cyn's eyes got rounder as she realized suddenly that this was The Guy. This gorgeous hunk was Natalie's guy. And he wasn't looking at Natalie at all like a sister. Not at all. Cyn cleared her throat. Natalie and Nick looked at her. "Oh," said Natalie, "uh, Cyn, this is Nick Knight. Nick, this is Cynthia Griffith." "The pleasure is all mine," Cyn cooed. Nick smiled. "I'm sure it is," he said pleasantly. Then he looked back at Natalie. "May I have this dance?" Natalie stared at him. She'd always wondered what he'd be like to dance with. It was one of those things she always presumed would remain on the unanswered list, but maybe not... "Yes," she said, her face glowing. Nick looked at Cynthia. "You'll excuse us?" She could only nod. With a courtly grace he held out a hand to Natalie. She reached out slowly and took it and stood up. Gently he led her away. Cynthia watched, stunned. Getting a grip, she grabbed the waiter's arm as he walked by. "I need a drink," she gasped. Nick took Natalie in his arms. Not for a tango, or a foxtrot, but a waltz. And there was no doubt about who was leading here. Nick knew how to dance. "Natalie," he said. "I'm sorry. I never realized, or understood what Roger did. If I'd known..." "You'd what?" Natalie asked. "Nick, it isn't your fault. It just happened, and I didn't deal with it, and it got bigger and bigger." "But I wasn't paying attention, or I would have known," he said softly. "You can't know everything, Nick," Natalie said tartly. "No, but I should have known this." And he pulled her closer and whirled her around. Natalie felt as if she was floating. This really couldn't be happening. It must be a dream, or a drug-induced hallucination-- or something... "Natalie," he said against her hair. The word sounded like a caress. "Natalie, I don't think of you as a sister..." Natalie pulled back and looked at him, astounded. She knew exactly what he was saying and what he was referring to. The night she had come home with Roger to find Nick in her house. The angry conversation with Nick came back to her clearly... "I guess you don't think that that's a little familiar for a first date, huh?" "Excuse me? I'm a big girl, in case you hadn't noticed." "Oh. No, no, no. I've noticed. I've noticed...I just happen to feel a little protective." "Protective." "Yes. Protective." "Protective... Like towards a sister, protective." "Yeah. Like towards a sister, yeah." "Perfect." And the next night at the morgue when he'd try to tell her he wouldn't get in her way... "Have you forgiven me for ruining your evening?" "I accepted your apology last night." "In letter only or in spirit, too? Because, Nat, I can't tell by the way you're acting..." "I said I forgive you." "I know it was presumptuous of me to break into your house. I guess I took liberties with our friendship that I shouldn't have." "Look, please, Nick." "Would you just let me finish? I just want you to know that I really...I really think that it's a good idea that you're beginning to see someone, and I'm truly happy for you and...well I won't mess it up by interfering or doubting your judgement." "Well. I really appreciate that." "Nat?" "You made yourself perfectly clear, all right! I just have a lot of work to do." But she had to hear it. "What are you saying, Nick?" she whispered, her eyes fathomless pools staring up at him. "You know what I'm saying, Natalie." He kissed her on the forehead. "You are everything. And you deserve to know. I may not say it again, because it isn't safe, and there can only be heartache if we were to take that path, but you deserve to know. I won't stand in the way of your happiness. I meant that. I can't. There are other paths that you should consider. Paths with someone who can stand in the light and grow old with you. I can give you nothing but pain, nothing but darkness, but you are the light that lights my way. And I want you to know that there has never been anybody like you in my life." Natalie's eyes were suddenly luminous with unshed tears. He smiled down at her with a tenderness and love that she couldn't doubt. He pulled her tightly against him and buried his face in her hair. "I love you..." She wasn't sure she'd heard it. And suddenly she knew he wouldn't repeat it. But he had given her the one thing that made it all worth while. Whatever she decided, she knew he loved her. Softly she whispered so low that no one but a vampire might hear, "I love you, Nick." The convulsive way he tightened his hold on her told her more than words what he was feeling...his fear, his love. The struggle he faced everyday. And she knew he was right. Unless he became mortal, it was dangerous. The music slowed, and he loosened his hold on her. She looked into his eyes, and stared up into his face, his known, familiar face with it's worry lines and little crinkles around his eyes. She wanted to reach up and smooth away the concern on his face, but she only smiled gently at him. His hand tightened and he pulled her closer as he waltzed her around the room. It was only then that she realized she'd fallen off the cliff a long time ago. She just hadn't known it. She'd been foolishly hanging on to the edge afraid to let go. After all, she couldn't see the bottom, but looking down the cliff she knew it was full of jagged edges and the drop was infinite. Roger had only been an excuse. She had been hiding from this cliff--this knowledge. She'd been heading for this cliff since the day she met Nick. Safe in his arms, she finally let go. Soundlessly she fell, safe for once and content, unafraid of where the journey would take her. "What is it, Natalie?" Nick asked suddenly, urgently, at the look on her face. She smiled gently and reached up to caress his check. "Nothing, Nick. It's nothing. I'm just so glad you came." He caught her hand and caressed it. The music fell away, only distantly heard. She felt light-headed at the knowledge. She was in love with Nick, the man, the vampire, all of him. Falling deeper and deeper. The fall from the cliff was more like soaring into the unknown. She was falling into the dark, into the light, into the unknown, and where it would end she couldn't say, but if she was lucky, Nick would be there and he would catch her... Finis The problem is women do not know what they want! You know what I think women want, Schank? A man whose not afraid to express his love. -- Schanke and Nick, Be My Valentine Comments welcome, criticisms digested, flames cheerfully ignored, send 'em to delggren@es.com. Thanks for reading this little bit of fluff. Let me know what you think. Those email lines are open and waiting...