Return-Path: Date: Mon, 29 Jun 1998 15:45:29 -0700 Reply-To: Lady Angst Sender: Forever Knight TV show stories From: Lady Angst Subject: Mary Sue, The Horror {1/1} To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU This is my first fkfic and in response to the Mary Sue challenge. I know I'm a little late but I'm a very good procrastinator. It's very twisted, and the author is not responsible if you get Mary Sue poisoning. Um, permission to archive or post or whatever. Just tell me about it. Comments, lynching mobs at LadyAngst@rocketmail.com Mary Sue: The Horror by Lady Angst Mary Sue tossed her hair that could withstand rain, sun, and a nuclear war. She put her Genius Associates card in her purse and passed the tiara she got for being Ms. Universe. She gracefully walked on air and narrowly missed banging her head on the doorsill. *** Nick stared morosely at the protein shake Nat had whipped up for him. He tilted the container and watched the flourescent green shake ooze. There had to be a quick fix. "There is a quick fix," said a voice that sounded suspicioulsy like a goddess. He looked up and screamed as Mary Sue's niceness, beauty and smarts putrefyed his brain. An adoring, fond, loving look replaced the look of horror on his face. "Mary Sue, what do you want? Anything for you!" The epitome of womanhood held up a vial with silver liquid in it. "This," she said in clear bell like tones, "is the cure for vampirism." He gulped it down. Suddenly, Nat walked in with a new protein shake. She stopped and shrieked in horror as Mary Sue's aura of perfection liquidated her mind. A bland, mindless, content look came over her. "Mary Sue, I'll do anything to be your bestest friend!" "Nat, take this and all the serial killers, psychopaths, and sociapathes will be repulsed by you." "Oh thank you," she gushed. "How'd you find the time for it?" She shrugged. "It's nothing. I thought I'd take a break from looking for the cure for cancer, ebola, and saving the environment." Nat left to take the lovely elixer the great [sarcastic tone] Mary Sue had given her. She wondered how she would be able to get to her car with the men outside wanting to be her one and only love, women who wanted to be her best friend, and kids who wanted to be her offspring. A raving maniacal teenager ran screaming into the loft about the evil that is Mary Sue. Nick stopped skipping and dancing and generally rejoicing in his newfound mortality. Darn, something always happened to mess up his happiness. "She's evil, I tell ya. Evil," the maniac raved as she waved a gun wildly at Mary Sue. "She'll be the end of us, the end of me, the end of angst!" Mary Sue delivered a million wattage smile at the maniac. The maniac gasped and fell over dead. Mary turned the smile on Nick and he felt a peculiar burning sensation, reminiscent of standing in the sun when he was a vampire. "Well, I'm off to cure Vachon of his blinking problem, Tracy of her dad's overprotectiveness, Screed of his baldness, Divia of her father fixation, Urs of her low self esteem..." she said as she walked out the door. After that, she cured the world of hunger, war, ebola, the holes in the ozone layer and the environment. And everything was alll right except for one little thing. Everyone's brains shut down, unable to handle the horror of Mary Sue. Which would explain why they all loved Mary Sue, the next worse thing than Barney [tm]. The Horrifying End [Looks around at the people suffering from Mary Sue overdose.} Not my fault! Really! [drops off from Mary Sue poisoning] == Lady Angst, Newbie Natpacker, Nanette [just because] lady_angst@rocketmail.com