Date: Fri, 5 Apr 1996 15:48:24 -0500 From: Judith Freudenthal Subject: Painful Secrets - Spoiler - Dead of Night Standard Disclaimers apply. If you have not seen Dead of Night and do not want to be spoiled do not read further. This whole story was inspired by an image I got while Nat was confronting her ghost. Send all comments both good and bad or virtual chocolate to JudithF955@aol.com Painful Secrets by Judith Freudenthal c1996 "Natalie, you're going to make me late. Hurry up, " Robert Lambert said. "Can't I stay with mommy today? I promise to be a very good girl," Natalie said. "I don't want to go to grandma's." "Mom's too sick for you to stay here," Robert said, knowing this was not easy on any of them. "Go kiss her good-bye." Five year old Natalie traipsed into her mother's room, climbed onto the bed and gave her mom a huge hug and kiss. Amanda had hair very much like Natalie, and the same large blue eyes. She had dark circles around her eyes and looked pale and weak. "Thank you, Natalie. I'll see you later. Remember I love you." "You're welcome, mommy. I love you too." Natalie climbed down and went out to where her father was. He had a hand on the squirming 2 year old Richard. "Do you have everything?" "Yes." Robert walked Natalie and Richard to the door of his mother's house where he rang the doorbell. Mary Lambert answered. She was average build with short gray hair. "Hi Robert, Natalie, Richard. Come in." "Hi, Mom. I can't stay. I'm running late as it is," Robert said as he kissed his mother's cheek. "Honey, do you ever slow down?" "I do sometimes. Right now I'm in the middle of a major project. The deadline is less than a week away and we still have way too much to do." "I hope you will take a breather afterwards." "I will," Robert said, pleased that his mom was still looking after him. He kissed her cheek before turning towards the street. Mary escorted the children into the house. Natalie was unsure what was going to happen. "How's my Tashka today?" "Okay, Nana." "Would you like to help me make some cookies today?" "Okay," Natalie said as her eyes brightened. She liked making cookies because then she got to eat them. "How's my Richie?" "Good." Natalie tried to crack an egg for the batter and spilled it all over, not having perfected all aspects of her fine motor skills yet. She looked up at her grandmother with some fear in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Nana." "Didn't I tell you to wait for me?" "Yes, but I wanted to show you I could do it." "Why don't you clean it up. In cooking the one who makes the messes should clean them up." Natalie climbed up on the chair by the sink and found the dishrag. She squeezed it out, like she had seen her mother and grandmother do and headed for the counter. She climbed up on her stool and wiped off the counter, accidentally knocking into the flour which went everywhere. Mary snatched the rag from her hands, smacking her across the cheek. "Didn't you see the flour?" Mary asked annoyed. "Yes. I didn't think I would hit it," Natalie said fighting back her tears. "Cooks have to be careful in the kitchen. They always have to be observant. Go play while I clean up the mess." "I'm sorry Nana," Natalie said sadly as she left the room. Natalie wandered into the bedroom she usually used and hid in the corner. She sat there her knees pulled up tight against herself. Tears silently ran down her cheek. Fear showed in her big blue eyes. Later the cookies had been finished by Mary alone. She had fixed Natalie a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich and glass of milk which she set on the table. She had something else for Richard. "Natasha, come here. Bring your brother." Natalie reluctantly entered the kitchen, still a little afraid, holding her brother's hand as he toddled into the room. "Yes, Nana." "Eat your lunch and then you can sample the cookies." "Okay." Natalie hungrily ate her lunch and then ate several of the sugar cookies. "That's enough. I don't want you bouncing around full of sugar. Why don't you go play. Put your brother down for his nap first." Natalie knocked over her chair getting up and found herself getting another hard smack, this time across her butt. Natalie tucked her brother into his bed before she headed for her room and the corner. She liked the corner because she was safe there. No one could sneak up on her. Some time later Natalie pulled out one of the new beginner books her dad had bought her the other day and started to read. Several hours later her father entered her room and saw her lying across the bed reading. "Hi Natalie. Ready to go?" Natalie nodded as she shut her book, climbed off the bed and grabbed her bag. She also gave her dad a big hug which he returned. "Did you have a good day?" "We made sugar cookies and I read two of my new books." "Sounds like you had fun." Robert scooped up Richard on the way out. "Hi Richie." Natalie's whole body relaxed as soon as she was buckled into the passenger seat. She was going home. No one hit her there. Richard was safely buckled into his car seat in the back seat of the car. "Natalie, what do you say you, me, and Richie go to the zoo Saturday?" "Yes. Can mommy come?" "If she's feeling up to it. I thought we'd get ice cream afterwards." Natalie smiled. Robert knew that Natalie needed more attention than he could give her and tried to spend extra time with her on the weekends. For the last few months it had been just him and his two children. Natalie loved spending time with her parents, but was sad because dad was so busy. Once home Natalie carefully peered into her mom's room to see if she was sleeping, pleased to see her reading. She opened the door and saw her mother smile at her and pat the bed next to her. Natalie ran to her mother and hopped up onto the bed cuddling up to her mother. Boy did her mother's hug feel good. "How was your day?" Amanda asked. "We made sugar cookies and I read two of the books dad bought me." "Sounds like a good day." Amanda detected something in her daughters eyes that seemed out of place in her generally happy loving child. She knew her illness was hard on Natalie and felt bad. "Would you like me to read you a story?" Amanda asked. Natalie eagerly nodded her head and pulled their book off her mom's night stand. Amanda took the book and opened it to where they had left off. Natalie cuddled up and listened to the story. This was the one benefit to her mom being sick, she got her all to herself while dad fixed dinner. Richie got her after dinner, until he went to sleep then she was all Natalie's again. That night her father read her a story as he did every night before she went to sleep. He tucked her in before he began the story. The next morning Natalie was stalling. She did not want to go back to grandma's. "Natalie, we're going to be late." "I don't feel like going. Can't I stay home?" Robert felt Natalie's forehead and didn't detect any signs of fever. Natalie didn't seem sick. "We've already had that discussion." "Can't I go with you? I'd be very quiet. You wouldn't even know I was there." "No. Is something wrong?" Natalie knew she couldn't tell. How could she say that her grandma hit her? Mommy and daddy yelled at her when she was bad so she must deserve what grandma did to her. "No," Natalie said defeated as she picked up her bag and followed her dad downstairs. Richie was once again in her father's arms and squirming. Robert was starting to wonder why she did not like going to Mary's any more. She used to love it. She used to ask when she could see grandma. Natalie and Richie had been spending the day with grandma for the last year. It was only in the last couple of months that Natalie had begun to fight it, surprising him. He had noticed subtle changes in Natalie's personality, and not for the good. She had become more tense, nervous and even scared when she made any sort of mistake. She almost seemed afraid to enter Mary's and seemed in a hurry to leave when he arrived. Shortly they arrived at Mary's doorstep, where he rang the bell. The door opened and Mary stood there motioning them in. Robert paid closer attention to his daughter's reactions to his mother. Mary was nothing but the loving picture of a grandmother. He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. "Hi Mom." Robert gave his children a big hug and kiss on the cheek before he left. They returned the affection. Robert kissed his mom on the cheek and left. As he pulled the car away his thoughts from earlier reentered his brain. He began to wonder if something was going on that he should know about. He found the first pay phone and called in to work saying that family problems had sprung up forcing him to take the morning off. He parked about two blocks from his mother's house and headed for it being careful not to be spotted. He looked in the windows being careful not to be seen by those outside or inside the house. Inside the house Robert saw Natalie sitting in the corner of her room with her knees drawn up to her chest crying, eyes full of fear. He wanted to rush in and comfort her but needed to know what was going on. He looked around and saw Richard happily playing with his blocks. He moved around to the kitchen where he saw his mother picking up the pieces of a broken glass. He could see the milk on the floor. He knew that Natalie sometimes spilled things or knocked things over when she was excited about going somewhere or doing something special. A while later all seemed to be fine. His mother and his daughter were playing a game. Richard was playing not too far from them. After the game Natalie got up to fast and knocked over her chair earning her another hard swat on the butt. He wondered if he should intervene. Wondered if it was the reason for the changes in Natalie. He knew he couldn't stay out there all day, but knew he would return. He had to find out for himself what was going on. Robert entered his office but couldn't concentrate. What he had seen kept intruding on his thoughts. Seeing Natalie so scared bothered him most of all. He didn't think much of anything scared her. Natalie had always had more tomboyish instincts than most girls her own age. She even preferred pants to dresses except when going out for dinner. He finished the two reports that were the most urgent and ducked out of the office. He arrived back at his mother's house early but did not ring the bell. Instead he peered in the window. He was stunned by what he saw. They were baking cookies and Natalie had accidentally dripped some of the batter on the floor showing it to Mary. Mary roughly grabbed the spoon, slapping Natalie across the face. Robert wanted to rush in there and ask what the hell was going on, but knew that it wouldn't get him anywhere. He saw Natalie leave the room and followed her, finding her hiding in the corner again. At least he now knew why she did that. A memory assaulted him. He remembered the last time he had become angry and yelled at Natalie how he had found her hiding in the corner of her room, exactly like she was now. He decided that he would ring the bell and take Natalie and Richard home before he said or did anything he would regret. Their well being was his most important consideration at the moment. He walked around to the front door, made sure his face was neutral before ringing the doorbell. Mary answered it showing no evidence of the anger she had directed towards her own granddaughter. "Hi." "Hi. They're in their rooms playing." Robert entered his daughter's room was nearly knocked over as she ran to him, practically throwing herself into his arms. He hugged her tighter than ever and felt her relax. "What's wrong?" "Nothing. Can we go home?" Natalie asked, her eyes begging him to take her home now. Robert nodded his head as he scooped her up in his arms. He picked up her book bag, slinging it over his arm, and left the room. "Mom, what happened?" Robert asked, being careful to keep the anger he felt under control. "We were making cookies and she grew tired. I told her that cooks have to finish what they start. She ran into the bedroom. Maybe she's just overtired." Robert couldn't believe the lies coming from her mouth so convincingly. "Thanks for taking care of them." Robert scooped up Richard and left before he did or said anything he would later regret. Natalie was too quiet that evening. She stayed in her room. Amanda was concerned. She had seen the difference even stronger in Natalie's eyes when she had seen her daughter before dinner. "Robert can you come here for a moment?" Robert sat down next to his wife, concern on his face. "What is it honey?" "Is something wrong with Natalie?" Amanda asked concerned. "I'm thinking about taking Nat to work with me tomorrow. She's always wanted to see where I work." "Robert, what's wrong?" "It's my mother. I'd noticed the changes in Natalie over the last few months and thought it was because of your being sick. The other day at work I began to wonder about that and decided to see if there was something going on at mom's house. I saw her hitting Nat. Not just a swat on the butt either. For no good reason she slapped our daughter. She doesn't seem to have a problem with Richard." "What!? Did you say anything to her?" "No. I was too furious. She even lied to me, blaming it all on Nat. She didn't know I had seen her. She said that Natalie had left their cookie making because she was tired. Natalie was hiding in the corner hugging her knees, scared and crying when I doubled back this morning. After being slapped before I picked her up she was again hiding. She's not going back there. She tried to tell us but we couldn't hear her." "Natalie, can you please come in here," Amanda called out. "Yes, mommy," Natalie said as she entered. Amanda patted the space on the bed in between her and her husband. Natalie eagerly scampered up there. She saw the concern on their faces, and grew concerned. "Natalie, how would you like to come to work with me tomorrow?" Natalie happily nodded. "You'd have to be quiet. You couldn't disturb me unless it was important, like having to go to the bathroom. You couldn't wander around." "Okay. I'll be quiet. I won't disturb you. I won't wander around." "Natalie, I want you to honestly tell me what happens at grandma's." Natalie hesitated. "It's okay. We won't be mad at you." "She hits me. Any mistakes I make she hits me. I try not to make any but..." "It's okay. You do the best you can. We know that. It's not your fault," Amanda said soothingly as she wrapped her arms around her daughter. "Do I have to go back there? I don't want to," Natalie said fearfully. "No. We should've paid more attention to you when you said you didn't want to go back there. We didn't understand. We're sorry. Why didn't you tell us?" "I didn't want you to get in trouble. I didn't think you'd believe me." "I would not have gotten into any trouble. We'll always believe you, honey," Robert said reassuringly. "Can I sleep here tonight?" "Sure," Amanda said. The next morning Natalie was dressed and ready to go when her father was. She looked quite relieved not to be going back to grandmas. He stuck her lunch, snacks and drinks in a small bag he carried. "Do you have your books, crayons and paper?" "Yes." "You ready?" "Yes," Natalie said with a smile. Robert scooped up Richard. He was taking Richard to a neighbor's house. Natalie curiously looked at all the people and things around her. "Hi there. What's your name?" asked one of the secretaries. Natalie looked over at her father, who nodded that she could talk to the woman. "Natalie." "Hi. Natalie." "Robert, you have a cute daughter there." "Thanks." The day went pretty well. Natalie got a little fidgety near the end of the day so he took her on a walk around the floor. Once they got back to his office she was able to sit still and color until he was ready to leave. "Natalie, you did very well today," Robert said and saw his daughter smile. Mary called to see why Natalie had not stayed there. Amanda lied and said that Natalie wasn't feeling well so they kept her at home. Amanda told her husband when he came home that night. Robert put off dinner, gave Natalie and Richard a snack and headed for his mother's house. Robert rang Mary's doorbell and was ushered into the living room by his mother. She noticed how he did not kiss her or even greet her. She knew that something was bothering him, but was not sure what it was. "Robert, such a pleasure." "Mom, have a seat. We need to talk," Robert said seriously. He was torn between being easy on his mother because she was his mother and telling her what he really thought of what she had done to his daughter. "I hope Tashka, Richie or Amanda aren't too sick." "No. They're fine. How could you hit your own granddaughter?" He asked, keeping most of his emotions under control. "She's a headstrong little thing and needed to be taught discipline. I did nothing wrong. When will she be coming back?" She said, subtly blaming him for what she had done. "She won't be unless there's an emergency." Robert said refusing to fall for her mind games. He knew there was nothing wrong with Natalie. She was a bright, curious five year old child. Her enthusiasm came from her natural curiosity. "Will Richie be coming back?" "No." "Why are you punishing me for disciplining Tashka?" Mary asked confused. "I'm not punishing you. I'm protecting Natalie," Robert said, knowing that his daughter's well being came first. If that caused problems well, then so be it. "We discipline her without hitting. It works well for us." Robert left, knowing there was nothing to say that would change her mind. The next day he tried leaving her at home with her mother. He was trying different things to see what worked best. Richard was again left with a friend because he needed more looking after than Natalie did. Natalie spent the day playing in her room and keeping her mom company. She felt safe and secure at home. The mother's helper noticed that Natalie was no problem. She was a very self- reliant little girl who wasn't afraid to try new things. Both Robert and Amanda could see the lingering effects on Natalie. They tried to counteract the effects of the abuse by giving her all the love they could. Still the damage remained. The End PS Hug an author - send feedback