Date: Mon, 26 Jul 1999 00:19:04 EDT From: Lady NiteRaven Subject: Pain of Denial (1/1) To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Title: Pain of Denial Date: 6/12/99 Author: LadyNiteRaven Status: FK(/HL crossover hinted at,ONLY at the very end.) Archiving permission: Permission granted to www.fkfanfic.com and to Mel Moser to post this entire story (Chapters 1 to whatever) to the FK fan fiction sites (any or all of them). Disclaimers: The characters of "Forever Knight" (and Highlander)do not belong to me,(Wish they did) I'm just going to play with them a bit, I ll put them back when I m done I PROMISE. *QUESTION: In the episode where Janette is mortal, what is LaCroix last line (the last line of that episode), what does it mean? All comments are welcome, Flames are doused with water and left to die, I m not suffering from insanity, I m enjoying every minute of it. Plato ~ NOTE: This takes place some months after Valentines Day .Obviously, And sometime after Janette gave the Raven to LaCroix. TITLE Chapter 1 Natalie was sitting back on her couch with her hands covering her eyes. The blinds were drawn, but the smallest bit of light that did manage to get through was enough, just enough to cause her headache to slash through her head with even more pain (if that was even possible). She didn t think the pain would ever end, just two weeks ago she had started having these wonderful dreams about Nick. Dreams that took place here in this very room. The dreams had been something she had started looking forward to every night, they seemed so real, (The way he held her. The way he had kissed her, his words of love.)but she could never remember the ending. A week after the dreams started, things started to change, they were more like nightmares, Nick was there but he was powerless to fight the darkness that she could feel pulling at her. Although she knew the dreams weren t real, for some reason they really bothered her. By the fifth day of the second week she had started getting headaches. She just figure it had been due to lack of sleep, because even if she was able to get to sleep, it wasn t restful by any means. Today had been the worst. ********Earlier that night*** She had gone to work feeling somewhat ok. The morgue was pretty quite, only one body, a Jane Doe. As luck would have it, (at lease her luck lately anyway) she was going to have to fudge with the report. Vampire strikes again, Dr. Natalie Lambert doctor to the un-dead, covers up ..AGAIN. ************************************************************** About a month earlier there had been several body s found thanks to a few new vampires in the city that didn t seem to care about the code, causing her to have to cover about a half dozen "accidental" deaths. Shortly after the cover-ups went by without a second glance she started receiving almost nightly visits from the UN-dead , all with one problem or another that required a small amount of medical help, mostly with the removal of wood shards, a few bullets and one with a broken knife tip embedded in the shoulder blade. The first few times it scared the hell out of her to have a strange vampire just show up behind her, but it didn t last long. They never said very much. They would just show up right behind her holding out the wood effected area or a few would just hand her the surgical pliers the hop up on the table. Vachon had been in a few times. She even had a few REGULARS now that would actually just call and give a time, place, and then would ask her to bring them a snack so that she would know it was one of the community. Her habit of answering the phone "Natalie s Bed and Breakfast" was really starting to be too close to the truth. After she had finished fixing them up she would claim her payment in the form of a donated vial of blood. Only a few had tried to refuse her, but realized that they would receive a free snack from the freezer before they left, they gave in. Thus, giving her all the different samples she would ever need. The one thing that went unsaid, but was expected, was the fact that they were not to say anything to Nick or LaCroix, or the service would stop. ******************************************************************** As soon as she had seen the fang marks, (with the very sloppy knife wounds that were supposed to cover the marks), her head had started aching with a dull pulse at the back of her head. Having been down this road before, she turned off all the lights in the morgue except the one over the autopsy table. Making sure no one was around, she pulled out her pen knife and FIXED the botched cover up attempt. She d have to call Nick and tell him that someone was getting sloppy again. A sloppy vampire was in danger of being discovered, and a discovery like that would effect the whole community. The pulsing at the back of her head was now throbbing. Natalie shivered, when she realized that would mean Nick would have to talk with LaCroix. LaCroix, she had never met him, but the thought of him pulled at her mind for some reason, she could almost picture him, but that was impossible . wasn t it? The door behind her opened and Natalie turned at the sound, too fast, MUCH too fast. The throbbing was now a pounding. Then someone turned on all the lights and everything went black. ******************************************************************************** ************** "Natalie?" Grace was hovering over her, wiping her head with a cold cloth. "Natalie, are you ok? How do you feel? Do you know what day it is?" Nat groaned as she took the cloth from Grace as she tried to sit up. "WHOA, slow down. You hit your head pretty good on the floor when you passed out." said Nat s supervisor, as he walked into the office carrying some aspirin and a cup of water. She had finally achieved an upright position, but decided that her head hurt a heck of a lot less if she kept the cloth over her eyes and her head tipped back and leaned it on the back of the sofa. "Here, hold out your hand." Matt handed her the aspirin then the water. Matt had been on his way into the morgue to talk to her about her present state of health, due to some slight but firm hints from Grace over the past few days. When he walked into the morgue and found most of the lights off he just flicked them all on, it wasn t the first time Dr. Lambert just hadn t bother turning them on. How was he supposed to know? When he turned around after turning on the lights the only thing he saw was Natalie hitting the floor. Screaming for Grace, he had dashed to her side to scoop her up and bring her into the office. Somewhere at the back of his mind he made a mental note, that if Grace EVER hinted about a "possible" problem with one of his employees ever again, he d consider it the same as being hit up side the head with a frying pan, and to wake up and smell the coffee FAST!!!!! "As of now, your on a leave of absence until further notice." Matt turned to Grace and added, "You take her home. Use her car, I ll have someone pick you up at her place. I don t want her to have ANY reason to come back here early." END FLASH BACK ******************************************************************************** ************* So, here she was in her apartment, sitting quietly on the couch with Sydney on her lap, without moving, tears streaming down her face, trying to find something to think about other than the pain in her head. This time, when she had finally fallen asleep she had gotten almost 10 full hours of sleep before the nightmare started again. This time the dream was different, in her dream everything was clear and she could finally put a name to the darkness that was pulling at her, what Nick was powerless to protect her from.. LaCroix. ******************************************************************************** ************** Natalie sat up so quickly when she woke up from the nightmare, that it took her a minute to realize that the headache was gone. Getting up off the couch still in her usual morning fog, her body on auto-pilot, she headed for the kitchen .. and COFFEE. The fog of her memory was slow to clear, as she pulled a coffee cup down from the cabinet it slipped out of her hands and crashed to the floor. With the sound of ceramic breaking , the doors between her subconscious dreams and her waking reality also crashed open. Natalie fell back against the wall and slid down to the floor, the clear memories of what had happened at the Azure came flooding back. Natalie sat on the floor in stunned silence for over a half an hour before she realized that she had been crying. Her mind and her heart warring with each other, trying to decide what the real truth was, how things had gone from being so wonderfully romantic to hearing those painful words come from Nick s lips. She could hear them over and over in her head "She means nothing to me" "I love you" "Forgive me.", what could she believe? Natalie remembered her computer journal and scrambled off the floor and made a bee line for her computer. Sitting down at the terminal she called up the two file entries that had been made on that day. They were the same perfectly boring daily entries that she had been typing for almost the past year Date: Feb. 14, Time: 3am Had the usual boring day at the office, nothing new with ANY of the tests done for N. Went home early, fed Sydney, watched a movie, had some chocolate, heading for bed. N. Lambert Date:Feb.14, Time: 11pm Had the night off, didn t see N or go anywhere special today, watched a few movies, fed Sydney, My pillow s calling me. N. Lambert Natalie looked at the entries again. She hadn t questioned them before, but now that she knew different, she knew that Nick had changed them. Calling up the file search to find out when they had been changed, she realized that he must have done it after he brought her home from the Azure. She may have been hurting and confused by what she remembered before but now she was getting pissed. How DARE he re-arrange her life, even if it was , as he would say, "for her own protection" she mumbled under her breath, he had NO right to make that decision for her. Shutting off the computer,( but not before changing her password), she got up and started pacing. She had to think, she had to figure out what she was going to do. If she went to Nick he may just wipe her mind again to try to protect her from LaCroix again, and she was pretty sure at this point that her headaches were the result of her subconscious fighting the hypnotic mind wipe that Nick had placed her under. She had to find a way to protect them both from LaCroix, to beat him at his own game, she paced through all the rooms in her apartment aimlessly. Natalie thought about what LaCroix had said, what their terrible bargain had been, and could only think of one alternative. If LaCroix required her life or for her to become a vampire, then so be it. She knew in her heart that Nick would never bring her across, but at least Nick would be free from that promise to LaCroix. She would do this for Nick, maybe she might even come out of this alive well sort of anyway. She picked up Sidney and hugged him. "Time to face the devil." She sighed. Placing the cat on the couch she went to her computer and turned it on. Changing the password back to what it was before, she left a file for Nick to find, Just in case. She knew this would hurt him, but it was the one thing she COULD do for him. It wasn t long, but it said everything that needed to be said, everything that HAD to be said. With that finished she closed the file which she had titled The AZURE and headed to the closet to get her coat. Nick would know that the file was for him. Hopefully he would never have to read it. Before putting on her coat she took her phone off the hook and left it on the table. If anyone tried to get in touch with her they would think she was home on the phone, then she grabbed her purse and cell phone, and headed for the Raven. *********************************************************** Natalie sat in her car outside the Raven listening to NightWatch and LaCroix droning on about some drivel that she was sure was aimed at Nick . She hoped for once that he wasn t listening as the call-in part of the show started. Picking up the cell phone, she dialed the number and waited. "Good evening my child, you re on the air. What bits of knowledge do you wish to share with us tonight?" LaCroix s voice purred as he waited for his next victim. Quietly she spoke into the phone, only those with supernatural hearing would be able to hear her as she breathed into the phone. "I m here, . And I remember." That said, she hung up the phone. There was silence from the other side for almost ten seconds. Either he didn t know who it was or he was in total shock. Finally his voice broke through the silence. "We re going to pause for a brief station identification, be good my children." His words were followed by the station break, then music. Natalie smiled, "Good,...I think." Leaving her phone and her purse in her car she headed for the front door of the Raven. Going right to the front of the line she could hear the grumbling of others in line say "Yeah, RIGHT! Like they re just gonna let someone like HER walk right in". Natalie stopped at the door and looked at the bouncer and smiled. He was one of her regulars at the morgue, which she now understood why. Being a bouncer was dangerous even for a Vampire. He opened the door for her and nodded his head as she walked past him. The noise that blared when the door opened was nothing compared to being in the middle of it and she almost had to block her ears. Looking across the room to the back where the offices were, she saw him standing there looking around, with a worried look on his face. Smiling again, she realized that he hadn t recognized her voice and had no idea it was her. Moving to the end of the bar furthest from him, she leaned against it and just stared at him, waiting for him to make the connection. His gaze passed over her once before doing a double take. The look of surprise or shock, (which ever came first) passed over his face, he turned and went back into his office, leaving the door open. *************************************** Across town: The hair on the back of Nick s neck stood on end. Something was wrong, really wrong. He could feel it. "Nick, you O.K.?" Tracy looked at her new partner, still unsure of him. "You look like you just saw a ghost or something." Nick looked at Tracy and pulled out his cell phone then mumbled, "Or something." He punched in Nat s phone number and waited it was busy. "Tracy, I have an errand I forgot to run, I ll catch a later." Before she could even blink, he had tossed her the keys to the caddy and was gone. ************************************** Natalie headed straight for the office, just before she got there she thought to herself, Into the lions den , and prayed that she d make it out alive. She closed the door behind her when she was inside. The took off her coat, and sat down to wait. LaCroix stared at her before he spoke. "Well Doctor, we ARE full of surprises aren t we?" Natalie sighed as she tilted her head to the side and stared right back at him. She had already resigned herself to the fact that she may die,.. but Nick was worth it. "So, you re going to be nasty about this, aren t you?" LaCroix was getting quite perturbed, Most VAMPIRES were terrified of him, yet she sat here calm as could be, not even having the mortal decency to have an execellerated heart rate. "Tell me Doctor Lambert, just what do you think is going to happen now?" How dare she even think to face him with yet another of Nick s obvious failings. He couldn t even hypnotize someone already under HIS effects and have it keep. He was definitely going to put a stop to this, and he was going to do it TONIGHT! "I m here of my own free will LaCroix. I m here to pay Nick s debt thats owed to you, for Fleur. Nick and I can t go any further with this hanging over us, over him, one way or another this debt ends for Nick tonight, whatever it takes." Natalie leaned back in the chair and waited. LaCroix smiled as he stood up out of his chair, but it didn t reach his eyes. "Really Doctor, how very well put." ************************************************ Natalie s apartment: Nick used his key to get into Nat s place, he already knew that the only living thing in there was the cat, but he could hear that the phone was off the hook and that WASN T good. Sidney greeted him at the door, complaining about the lack of food in his bowl. Nick walked over to the phone and hung it up, looking around he saw that the computer was on. "She must have left in a hurry, huh Sid." He said to the cat . As he reached to turn it off a file on the desk top caught his eye and practically screamed READ ME!!! . He sucked in a sharp breath and held it as he said a quick prayer, then double clicked on the blue icon. "Dear God, . NO!" the words breathed over his lips, barely audible to his own ears. He sunk into the chair as he read. My beloved Nick, I remember. I m sorry I wasn t able to go to you instead of him, but the options just weren t there. Remember that I ll love you forever, and that I loved you from that very first night. You were my knight in shining armor, even if it was a bit tarnished with age. I will be waiting for you on the other side. I have faith in you. I know that you will find what you seek, just not in my life time. I think you knew this too and that thats why you distanced yourself from me, from us. No matter what happens, the debt owed to LC will have been paid forever. Think of me with a happy heart and know that what I did, I did out of love for you. Please keep the faith and hope that I KNOW you have inside you. He can never touch it, unless you let him. Promise me that you will never give up hope, or you re Quest. It is a just one, and I truly believe that you will find what you want, including happiness. Remember me, but do not dwell on my death. It ISN T your fault, it was MY choice. It may not be the correct one in you re eyes right now, but for me... it s the only one I can make. There was Nothing you could have done to stop me or change anything, NOTHING. Your eternal love, Forever. Nat A blood tear splashed onto the key board as he re-read the letter and then deleted it. Nat s letter to him looked too much like a suicide note. Even if he felt like thats exactly what she d done. "I promise." Whispered past his lips. Nick felt a faint spark of anger come across from the link he had with LaCroix. "He must be really slipping, to let his emotions through to me, either that or he s really pissed at Oh NO, NAT!" He was off again, this time to try to save Natalie from saving him. ************************************************* The Raven s Back office: LaCroix had moved faster than Natalie could see and was now standing right behind her, and STILL she showed no fear of him. His blood began to boil with anger and rage. The only outward emotion that she was showing was a single tear that slid down her cheek. At the sight of her tear LaCroix snatched her out of the chair and pulled her backwards to his chest. Natalie just closed her eyes and whispered from the depth of her heart " I m sorry Nick." LaCroix had one arm around her chest supporting her weight, with the other he moved her hair off her neck and grasped it tight in his hands to immobilize her head, as he hissed into her ear "If you think that Nicholas s feelings for you will stop me from doing this you are severely mistaken. You wish to pay his debt, then so be it. My revenge will be complete. I will drink from you as he has never done, and then I will kill you. I will not bring you across and give either of you you re silent wishes" Painfully he wrenched her head to the side and plunged his fangs into her neck. Natalie whimpered at the fire tearing at her throat, giving in to it, letting it over take her, she refused to fight him and lay limply in his hold. I love you Nick was her last conscious thought as he continued to drain the life from her. LaCroix felt her give in far too easy, and it made him even more angry than before. Her heart beat began to slow and he withdrew his fangs. He listened to her heart beat slow down calmly, never once racing with fear, and with a burst of anger he snapped Natalie s neck. Only then did he realize what he had done. Easing her back into the chair her tore her from, he felt the air stir and turned around to face his son. Nick didn t move from the door way, his own rage barely held in check. He looked at her body slumped in the chair then looked at the man who had tormented him for the last 800 years. When he finally spoke his voice was quiet but steady. "You have two choices LaCroix." "Nicholas, I " "No, there is NOTHING you can say that will undo this, nothing that I would ever want to hear. You and I both know that if you truly didn t believe me about not brining Fleur across, that there was nothing that I could have done to stop you, But you knew that I was right. You chose to let her live a normal mortal life. For that I do thank you, but for this I will never forgive you. You will leave this city, you will leave ME forever, and never return or you will kill me now. The choice is yours." LaCroix could feel the slight connection that he had had with his son close off, and he knew that he had lost him for now. "Forever is a long time, Nicholas." Nick walked over to Natalie and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. "Not long enough LaCroix, not even close." "I will leave, Nicholas, But I will be waiting. You will eventually see that this was for the best." Nick starred at him with eyes fired with golden anger, "Keep saying that to yourself LaCroix, maybe you might even begin to believe it after a few hundred years." Carefully picking up Natalie s body and cradling her in his arms, he walked out of the office and went out the back door to the alley. Making sure the coast was clear, he took to the air. ******************************************************* Nick entered the loft through the skylight and barely made it to the couch before his legs gave out under him. Sitting kitty corner on the couch he released Natalie s legs stretching them out on the couch, pulling her upper body close to him with the hand he had around her waist, the back of her head resting against his chest with her face turned in towards his. Slowly he started rocking back and forth, cupping her face with his free hand, the damn burst and for once he didn t care who came in to see him cry, blood tears and all. His beloved was dead. "Oh, Natalie .. You ve set me free, but what do I do now .., what do I do now?" He whispered into her hair, and for the briefest moment he thought, no WISHED that she moved. Gently he lifted her and eased himself off the couch and walked to the fridge, he had a few things to do for her, he knew that much. She was too important of a person to just disappear off the face of the earth, he had to make her death look like an accident or there would be a big investigation. "Damn you LaCroix!" Opening the fridge he found that another bottle of the Raven s best had appeared. Grabbing the bottle he hurled it across the room, hitting the side of the easel and knocking the painting off it s stand before the bottle finally smashed against the wall. On it s journey to the floor the tarp covering it had fallen off. Nick closed the fridge door and walked past the couch over to the painting, he hadn t looked at it in months. Bending down on one knee he picked up the portrait he had done of Natalie. She had never seen it, would never see it. Movement on the couch caught his eye and he looked directly at Nat s body, holding his breath he starred at her as a few seconds later her body jerked again in some kind of spasm. Nick exhaled in a ragged breath, "What the ?" He got up and walked to the side of the couch and knelt next to her. "Natalie?" She had told him that a body could move after death due to decomposition, but this wasn t just muscles contracting. Suddenly Natalie s back arched, her head thrown back, eyes and mouth wide open, as she gasped for breath like someone who had almost drowned. "NATALIE!!!!" Nick scooped her up and held her while a coughing fit passed and didn t let go until he felt her hand brush away a blood tear that had managed to slip by him unnoticed. "Natalie ? I don t understand." Natalie looked around the room. "Nick? How did I get here?" His answer never came. He kissed her until she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him away so she could breathe. Looking into his eyes she could see that they were already flecked with gold but she didn t care as she kissed him again. Neither of them noticed it when their shirts were tossed onto the floor, hands grasping and touching each other trying to get closer. Nick had been so over come by his grief then by his pure joy at having her in his arms alive again that he didn t realize that his control had flown out the window. When his fangs sank into Natalie s neck the pleasure was almost to much for him to comprehend. He abruptly pulled away when he felt her loosen her grip on his arm. "NO, Natalie no! Forgive me, please don t go." She smiled up at him, and he watched in awe as the marks on her neck where he had tasted her sparked with blue electricity, then vanished leaving no sign that he had ever bitten her. Nick smiled down at her and kissed her gently on the lips. Understanding finally filling him. "Natalie?" "Hmmm?" she said as she brushed his hair off his forehead. He smiled again at the gesture. "Did I ever tell you about an old friend of mine from Paris?" "No, I don t think so. Why Nick, is it important?" "Oh, Yes." Smiling a smile that almost split his face, Nick reached over Nat s shoulder for the phone and dialed a number. "Hello? Amanda?" *********************************************** END???? Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know. Should I continue, or do you get the idea? MY Home Page: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dungeon/9055/disclaimer.html E-Mail: LadyNiteRaven@hotmail.com May the Lord watch over you in all the dark places you must walk ~ J.J. Sheridan B-5 Irish Toast: May you be an hour in heaven, before the devil even knows your dead. The end to forever isn t that far away, it may be a long road but we re on it together- LNR _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com