Date: Wed, 26 May 1999 23:27:03 -0700 From: Kyer en Ysh Subject: Parenthood Can Be A Pain in the Neck (part 1 of ?) To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Mel, put on the asbestos mittens! Everyone else run for cover! -- (I've sucked on Bad Blood again and this is the result.) This can be archived at fkfanfic.com The characters of Forever Knight belong to Sony/Tristar. Kyer only owns the fledgling, (I feel like Dr. Frankenstein. My child! My child!) There. Happy, TPTB? (No desert denizens were harmed by my way of thinking. It takes a heck of a lot more than this to kill a scraggly cactus set in good Sonoran soil!) Kyer can be commented to via: kyer@prodigy.net Feel free to send virtual 'brought across' shower gifts. Thanks to Morgaine for previewing this part and giving it the rotf-- seal of approval. Future parts will be forthcoming as I get the time to make 'em up! :)= ********************************************** PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 1of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ********************************************** Part 1: Its Aliiive! Aliiive!! Nick hummed to himself as he watered his sole plant: a rather pathetic-looking cactus. "Don't worry, Spike," he told it, "I've been making phone calls. Even if Nat is right, I've sent away to Arizona for an experimental cactus food. Guaranteed to liven up even the most distraught desert denizen. Should get here soon." His face went slack as the water continued to pour from the metal watering can into the sand-filled pot, over the sides of said pot, down onto the getting-wetter-by-the-second-floor... ~~~~~yeah, its a flashback~~~~~ (The Loft. Three days before) "You, know, Nick, I think this thing is dead." "No its not. And *his* name is Spike." "Spike? Okaaay... well, if its not dead, it soon will be. Cacti don't do well in near darkness, you know." "I'm not an idiot, Nat. I bought Spike his own tanning light. See?" He indicated a small lamp with a Gro-Lite bulb. "And every week I give him his vitamins and a nutritious drink." He showed her the timed release fertilizer tablets and the liquid bottle of 'cactus food'. "Huh. And does Spike actually *take* the pills and drinks--- or does he lob them out the window when you're not looking?" "Why would he do that?" "You tell me. Maybe it wants to keep looking pathetic." "That's ridiculous! Spike wants to live, Nat." "Okay, okay. Have you tried talking to it?" "'Course." "... *about*?" "Oh... stuff." "What kind of *stuff*?" "Um... you know.... stuff." "Nick... Wait a minute!--- you don't discuss *us*, do you?" "For goodness sakes, Natalie! Spikes only four years old." " too young to discuss the birds and the bees, huh?" "Yeah!" "So what *do* you talk about?" "... um... (me)." "What's that?" "I talk to Spike about my past--- all right?" "Let me guess.... your 'Im soo evil its awful' past? Nick, when the garden pros tell people to talk to their plants, I think they mean to keep it to cheerful topics. No wonder Spike looks depressed. In fact, I'm surprised he hasn't yet succumbed! Face it, Nick. You just don't have a green thumb. That thing's dying." ~~~~~~end of flashback~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~start of another~~~~~~~~~ (one day later) "Oh, Spike! Nat's right--- you're dying and it's all my fault! His tears flowing freely, Nick gets down on his knees and gives 'Spike' a big bear hug. "My--OW!--Fault! "I've--Ouch!--killed another--Yow!--dear friend!" Completely guilt-ridden, Nick does nothing about the flow of blood from his wounds. The pointy torment is but a meager atonement for his continous evil. He doesn't notice the way his blood is quickly leeched up by the potting mixture. ~~~~~~end of flashback~~~~~~~~ Nick comes out of the flashback and finally notices that the water hasn't gone where it should. Wondering if the sandy potting mix has been allowed to get too packed down, he pokes his finger into the soil. Quick as lightening, a root erupts from the surface and grabs ahold of his digit. At the same time one of the cactus's 'leaves' wraps itself around his wrist. Caught completely off guard, Nick can only stare as the 'leaf' extends two rather vicious-looking thorns and slaps them into his wrist. He feels the blood being drawn from his vein and into the plant--- which is steadily looking much better. "Spike! You've been brought across?! Who *did* this to you? Was LaCroix here? Did that ba ... oh. Oh no!" Realization dawns as our hero remembers bleeding onto his precious plant. "Oh, GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" "Sorry," Nick apologizes for his choice of words. Bad form, mentioning a diety in front of a new fledgling. Feeling a little faint, he gently extracts his arm from the plant. It scrapes some thorns together in protest, but lets him go. Excusing himself, Nick goes into the kitchen to get himself some cow's blood. He drinks deeply from two bottles to replenish his own body's need, knowing that he'll be losing it again soon enough. (New fledglings are always so ravenous the first day.) Hunger satiated, he goes back to contemplate his newest childe. Nick has made a few children in the past--- but none, he admits to himself, have ever been quite like this. ****** end of part 1******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. All disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be reached at kyer@prodigy.net The adventures of Spike continue with: ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 2of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 2: Somebody call Dr. Spock! (...or maybe Mr. Spock) ++Previously in Part One++: (Hunger satiated, he goes back to contemplate his newest childe. Nick has made a few children in the past--- but none, he admits to himself, have ever been quite like this.) ~~~~~later in the day~~~~~~ It was no use. Apparently a plant-based vampire was just as picky an eater as an animal one. Nick had tried to feed his fledgling everything from cow's blood to Liquid Miracle Gro to bloodmeal. The bloodmeal had seemed the most promising, but *all* had been refused: Spike would lob them out the window when he thought Nick wasn't looking. The only thing it seemed willing to accept was its master's blood. It was time to admit defeat and call in professional help. Sighing at the prospect of having to explain this little quirk in the natural order of things, Nick went to the phone and dialed. "Hello, Nat? Would you mind coming over with your little black bag? No, no--- I'm fine. But I've got a problem. Yes, Nat, besides *that* one. Well... actually they are kinda related..... Please?.... Thanks, Nat!" He hung up the phone and went back to trying to get Spike to give french fries with ketchup a chance. The sound of the lift heralded the arrival of Dr. Natalie Lambert, full-time Medical Examiner to the city of Toronto and part-time (unpaid) doctor to the Undead. Hefting a bulging black bag she shoves the lift door aside enough to squeeze through. "More techno gadgets in this place than the Epcot Center--- you'd think he'd get an automatic door opener for this thing!" she grumbled to herself. Safely inside, she let the bag fall to the floor with a sigh of relief. It seemed the longer she knew Nick and Co., the more things she felt compelled to keep handy-- like extra stakes, crucifixes, and garlic spray. Thank god no other species of ghoulies had shown up yet or she'd have to switch from the bag to a small U-haul to carry just the necessities. "So who is it *this* time, Nick? Janette, Screed, LaCroix, some past neck-of-the-week? Another hereforto unknown plague?" She spots Nick over by the window and lugs her bag over that way, "C'mon---- I'm missing a King Kong Marathon to be here. Show me the patient." Nick moves aside so that she can see the cactus. It is the picture of cacti glowing health--- a specimen any Arizona Highways magazine photographer would drool over. The coroner, however, totally misses this as her attention has been attracted to a spot just below the spikey foilage. "Nick.... why are there french fries jammed into your plant's pot?" She reaches up to feel his forehead out of habit, half-convinced her angsty friend *is* the patient despite his earlier denial over the phone. An angry, raspy sound rises up as she does so. "What's that noise? Sounds like branches rubbing togeth----GAAAAH!" She jumps back a couple of feet from the sight of the desert plant shaking in its pot as if it and it alone was experiancing a major earthquake. Nick scowls down at the cactus and waggles a reproving finger at it. "Spike-- stop that! Natalie is a friend! Down, boy! Down!" Taking ahold of one thorny pad, he gently strokes it to calmness. "Easy there, boy. No harm done." Eyes filled with apology, he gives Natalie a lobsided grin. "Sorry, Nat. Spike's just a little protective of me. You know how kids can be." Despite having seen a 'dead' man rise up and drink blood before her very eyes; carving into cadavers on a nightly basis, and tending to the likes of Screed, the Doctor is trembling like a le... well, she's trembling. "Oh, my god, my god, my god--- Nick! Is that cactus-- is a... a... " Her tongue refused to voice the thought and give it reality. Nick, however, was happy to to do so. "Vampire, Nat. The word is vampire. Or maybe a carouche?" "But it's a plant! Plants can't be *vampires!* Can they?" Calming a little, she takes a cautious step back towards the cactus, warily noting its plump flesh, glossy wax coating.... the two 'fangy' thorns on the top leaf, the overall *smuggish* posture it assumed as she stared at it. "I take it *that's* why you called me?" "Yeah. I know botany isn't exactly your field, Nat. But I'm stuck on what to feed poor Spike. I've tried everything I can think of--- but he just won't feed from anything but me! I'm afraid he'll starve if I don't find something soon." "Maybe that would be best." Natalie breathed--- now convinced that 'Spike' was leering maloveantly at her. She hadn't particularly liked the thing when it was *living* and had often tried to talk Nick into getting some other plant. Maybe it remembered that. Research *did* show that plants could pick up on emotions. That's why.. ... uh oh. No doubt about it--- that plant didn't like her at all! And the feeling was mutual. This could be trouble. "Nat-- please don't talk like that! 'Specially in front of S.P.I.K.E. He's very sensitive." "C'mon Nick! We're talking about a potentially carnivorous plant here! We don't know what it's capable of or even how to kill it." Spike rattled its thorns even more aggressively at her. She slowly began backing toward the lift door. "Please, Nat. Spike's only a baby--- and it's not like I can call the local nursery for advice! He just needs some training and patience." And a good dousing in Weed Killer, Nat thought to herself. But Nick was giving her that wounded puppy look and... aw, shoot. She just *knew* she was going to regret this... "Well... if I *was* an employee at The Damned of God's Green Earth Plant Boutique, I'd have to guess that Spike looks just a tad pale. If you're that intent on nursing the thing then why don't you try giving it the plant equivalent of blood: Chlorophyll." "Nat-- your a genius! Why didn't I think of that!" The doctor was tempted, but she kept her mouth shut and her feet moving. At last her fingers brush the door. "Chlorophyll. Um.. Nat? Where do you get..." "Health food stores carry a bottled liquid form." She yanked the door back and stepped into the lift. "Gotta go! Bye!" The lift door clanged shut behind her as she made her get-a-way. Truth, she thought wryly," is just *too darn much* stranger than fiction! "Right now I'd rather deal with an oversized celluloid ape." ********end of part 2******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix ### Do to sickness (no...not mental!) and an impending relatives visit, (2 pains for the price of one) my conjuring up Part 4 may be delayed. Sorry about this, guys... Any comments on the story so far would be greatly appreciated-- kyer ### ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net (And before you health foods folk flame--Kyer has been a 'food faddist' for years herself.) If anyone knows where I can download a picture of 'Spike', *please* e-mail me! Additional disclaimer: Kyer knows not about the Stores & Streets of Toronto. She barely knows how to get around her own neighborhood. I'm claiming poetic license here, because (a) I'm a slacker and (b) I'm only in this for the fun and reknown. Research is too much like Real Work which is best left to Real Life-- which has absolutely no place here. You wan't accuracy and knowledge?-- go surf the Net. :) ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 3of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 3: Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Cactus Gone...? ++Previously in Part 2++ (Natalie met Spike and despite their mutual dislike, counselled Nick to try feeding the fussy cactus with liquid Chlorophyll) Parking the Caddy across the street from the Happenin' Health Habitat Natural Foods store-- the *only* 24-hour health food store in Toronto-- Nick gave his passenger a reassuring smile. It was a nice change to have a car ride with someone who didn't yak on and on the way the others did. No, sir--- his new childe was a born listener. Thoughts filled with parental concern and affection, he adjusted the seat belt wrapped around Spike's pot so that the new wooly pad was being used to maximum effect. Couldn't have Spike chafing from the rough fabric strap on his sensitive container. Oh, how he *loved* being a father! "Now, you stay here in the car, Spike, while daddy goes and does some grocery shopping for you" He flipped on the radio which was pretuned (like all of Nick's radios) to CERK. "Here. You can listen to grandpa while you wait. Shan't be long!" Making sure the doors were properly locked, (he had a child to watch out for now. Can't risk some cactus thief stealing his pride and joy) Nick walked across the street to the store. LaCroix's voice was just getting warmed up to his favorite topic: misguided children, when a fleshy, green pad hit the radio switch. The subsequent absolute silence was soon broken by the sound of fabric sliding against clay and then the slamming of a car door... A local drunk frowned mightily as he spied a potted cactus hop out of a teal-green Caddilac, elevate itself by means of protruding its roots from out the pot's drainage holes, and tippy-root its way toward a nearby plant nursery. "Andssh thheeyy sayysh itsh da pesh oo-ners tha sshtart too looknen lichta p-poochies! Nowsh thesh l-looings lich der's ungly CAArrsh!" Not one to look providence in the face-- especially one who had such an ugly mug as that poor handicapped driver, the drunk waddled over to the caddy and made himself comfortable before passing out on the vacated seat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meanwhile, in the Healthy Habitat... Nick had finally managed to navigate the maze-like aisles in the cramped, little store so as to best avoid the shelves and shelves of various garlic products and other noisome items. Most noteably the gung-ho clerk who insisted on giving out samples of some 'odorless garlic' and carob-fudge brownies to all the store's patron's. The stuff might be 'odorless' to humans, but to an 800-year old vampire with peculiar allergies, it *still* stunk as all get out. "Lesse... cheese-less cheese... wheat, dairy, and sugarless fat-free muffins..." Aah... at last-- a more promising looking aisle! Wheat-grass drinks, Rye-grass powder, Kelp powder, Spirulina, Sea-weed soup mix....(?!!) Nick idly wondered if in a blind taste test he would really be able to tell any difference between cow's blood and that of the people who actually consumed this stuff. And the prices! How could anybody charge *that* much for what was essentially someone's lawn without being laughed out of business? "Excuse me, sir-- since you don't care for carob, maybe you'd like to try our De-Garliked Garlic-enhanced lemon cookies?" "Ha-aackff!" Nearly doubling over, Nick tried to avoid the would-be helpful clerk and his smelly offering to no avail. "Oh, my.. you sound like your coming down with an absolutely *dreadful* cold. And your so pale! Not to worry, sir, if you'll follow me to our 'power the immune system' aisle-- we sell just the thi--errk!" Fingers wrapped around the man's windpipe, Nick was glad he had opted to leave Spike in the car. It wouldn't do for his protog'e to see daddy lose his temper and nearly throttle an annoying salesclerk. "I told you... I'm allergic to garlic. It doesn't like me; and I don't like it. Understand?" "(shuure.)", the clerk gurgled. "Good." Letting the man go, he glanced up and down the aisle. "So.... which product do you recommend to feed an anemic plant?" The clerk stopped rubbing his neck long enough to give him a strange look. Mother had warned him about the kinds of weirdos who frequented places like these. Maybe he *should've* went into the family Exotic Plants business. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fifteen minutes later, Nick exited the health store with a full grocery bag and headed for his car. Well, *there* went a sizeable chunk of the Brabant Foundation Funds, he thought grimly to himself as he tucked away the sales receipt into a pocket. How did mortal parents handle the increased bills? Maybe he should see Merlin about getting Spike a social security number and listing him as a dependent. Fishing out his car keys, he opened the driver's side door. "Spike, I found some..." The whiff of alcohol got him first. The sight of a grimy derelict on his otherwise immaculant upholstery got him second. "You're not Spike!" "(*hic*) an yer nna Sophia L-loren (*hic*)", the drunk accused back having been awakened from a terrific dream in which he played Mark Anthony. The caddy owner let his recent purchases hit the asphalt as he growled in vampiric rage. "Get you're filthy carcass off of my childe!" Practically tossing the man onto the street, Nick scanned the carseat for signs of crushed cactus, but there was only a thorn or two imbedded in the radio dial. The backseat was also devoid of botanical material. "SPIKE!" The anguished yell echooed forlornly down the nearly empty street. ********end of part 3******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Please note that I am writing this with absolutely no idea what the next chapter will contain, so please feel free to offer suggestions. (But I won't kill off Spike! I won't, I won't!) (**Serious Note. Please, Parents-- NEVER leave your kids unattended in a vehicle. This can be a recipe for disaster. Ever read of the kid who managed to start the car and send it rolling downhill? And don't forget that pets and plants *don't* withstand heatstroke very well, either. End of Seriousness**) ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 4 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 4: Always Bring Lysol To The Movies: You Never Know What Kind Of Crud Will Turn Up. ++Previously in Part 3++ (After braving a health foods store, Nick returns to the Caddy to find Spike missing.) Nick wanted to howl in despair. Spike was gone! He'd only been in the store a *second* and his beloved childe was gone! Was there a more wretched example of fatherhood than himself? Got to get a grip! Falling down into a sodden heap of angst wasn't going to help him find the Spikester. This case was going to need his full detective skills! He absently kicked at a light trail of sand grains that headed off towards a nearby plant nursery as he racked his brains for the most likely direction to start looking. The diner? No. The pet store? Maybe. The record shop? Spike *did* like classical music. Hmm... he used the toe of one boot to grind the sand further into the pavement's cracks. So many potential places to check out! Which should he try first? There! A Mid-Nite Cheap Seat Theatre was playing something called 'Day of the Triffids'. He had never heard of the flick, but it seemed to feature vegetation, and Spike loved horticultural shows. Good a place as any to search first! He loped past the nursery--- ignoring the sand trail that disappeared into a hole in the fence (in which a cactus thorn was embedded)--- and flashed his badge at the half-asleep ticket taker guarding the entrance to the ancient Bijou. "Did you happen to see a tall, rather unusual-looking plant come in here?" The ticket taker, a gawky 20-something man, rolled his eyes heavenward in the manner of the world weary. Oh, no-- another one! And this time play-acting as a detective yet. Well, at least he was more original than most. Why couldn't people just hand over their ticket and go see the movie instead of plaguing him with their stupid in-jokes! Sci-Fi fans! He just *had* to ask for a night-shift job. Well, tommorrow he was quitting! Nor more weirdos in stupid fantasy costumes! No more teenyboppers in Darth Vader masks! Yessir, he would seek a job at that health food place and work with *normal* people for a change! "Oh, sure, bub. *Lots* of strange-looking plants in the theatre just now," he deadpanned. Better humor this fruitcake-- that water-pistol bulge in his jacket just might be loaded and it was too cold to risk getting soaked. "Couple of them are even of the human *bean* variety. Hehe. Heh." "Okaay," the detective gave the guy a wary look as he edged around him. Boy, Nick thought as he entered the bijou, this place sure wasn't picky on the weirdos they employed for midnight shifts... The darkened theatre room was empty save for a young couple completely engrossed in each other. Nick started looking under seats, trying not to gag at the sights and smells that emanated from the floorboards: Candy wrappers, mummified chocolate bars, derelect soda cups, chewing gum wads possibly older than himself... Yech! Over half a century goes by and *still* movie houses couldn't seem to hire good cleaning help!. He was just about to get up from searching beneath the last row of seats when: (Spike?) "C'mon, now.. where are you?.... time to go home with daddy..." "My sentiments exactly." A small yelp of surprise escaped the ex-Crusader as a familiar pair of expensive black boots appeared practically right under his nose. He hastily tried to rise out of his undignified crawling position in order to face his vampiric master--- but found to his horror that his hands and trouser knees were 'glued' to the floor by the sticky residues of past movie goers. . Damn! He had stayed in one place too long! (in more ways than one--kyer) "LACROIX!" Nick growled helplessly, "What are you doing here?!" The senior vampire snickered softly. "Quietly, Nicholas... this *is* a theatre establishment... barely." Both vampires spared a glance in the direction of the kissing lovers. Luckily, however,the mortals were still suffering from a massive case of lip lock and looked disinclined to abort docking manuevers anytime soon.. The aristocratic Roman wrinkled his nose as he scanned the rather seedy-looking seat before him. Oh well, he had plenty of other tailor-made Armani suits, and this situation was just too delicious to pass up! Carefully sitting himself down he raised an eyebrow as he regarded his hapless son. "My, my.... after waiting for centuries... at *last* you've decided to pay me the homage that is my due." ********end of part 4******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Please note that I am writing this with absolutely no idea what the next chapter will contain, so please feel free to offer suggestions. Starting to look like chapter 8 will be the last though. Yeah, yeah, cut the cheering and sighs of 'thank goodness' already. Thanks to Morgaine and a couple of others for encouraging me with this. Just for that, I'll try to restrain myself should I ever decide to write your fav characters into a story. ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 5 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 5: My Compliments... (burp!)... to the Gardener ++Previously in Part 4++ (Spike takes matters into his own.. er... hands; Nick runs into LaCroix at a movie house.) Meanwhile at the Exotic Plant Nursery... Another string of deflated Senecio rowleyanus (string of beads) joined the rest. Spike was in heaven! Already he had put the 'bite' on three Bleeding Heart Vines (sweet nectar!), a Tillandsia (not much there, but interestingly tasty), bouquets of fancy orchids,( the Cattleya's sap was suprisingly close to that of dear old dad's),an Australian Kangaroo Pouch Plant.(a touch fuzzy, but tangy), assorted bromeliads (the striped Neopolitanish flavor of the Vriesea were best).... and who was that cute little thing in the corner flirting with him? The Nursery's nightwatch man flashed his light around the greenhouse. Strange... so many of his employer's plants looked kinda wilty tonight. Oh well. Not his fault. His flashlight beam fell on the odd sight of a spindly, yet healthy looking cactus partly growing around the owner's prized Platycerium bifurcatum (Staghorn fern). For some reason the guard couldn't shake the impression that the former was about to attack the latter. Something about the way it was hunched over the the thickish fronds... "Man! I've been watching that Day of the Triffids to much." Shaking his head over his unexpectedly morbid turn of imagination, he carefully (ouch!) lifted Spike away and started to carry him outside. "C'mon, you. I don't know how you got put in here, but a plain, 'ol cactus don't belong in this greenhouse. Specially such an ugly one." "Hmm... sounds like the wind's kicking up--- darn trees brushing the glass again. Got to talk to the gardener's about getting to lobbing off a few of those branches." <*faint*> "Good grief! This one's wilting too! Wonder if its some sort of contagious fungal infection. Maybe I should should call the boss and see if he wants me to burn the lot... " <**!!!!!!**> The concienteous watchman set down the wayward cactus and headed towards the phone. Turning around at the sound something moving, he was just in time to catch a glimpse of the root-running desert plant as it disappeared out the greenhouse door with the staghorn half draped over it. Wordlessly, he picked up the phone receiver and dialed. "Hello? Is this the Mid-Nite Cheap Seat Movie Theatre? Are you hiring?" Spike ran back towards the Caddy as fast as his root system could carry him. His sire was going to be so proud! Not only had he refrained from biting that fat, monsterous creature...much, but he had found himself a girlfriend. No stick-in-the-mud Plain Pot, either. This beautiful sprig of epithytic femininity was definitely *not* a down-to-earther! He had just got her comfortable in the Caddy's back seat, (admiring the way the moonlight shone on her foilage),and was about to bring her across with a well-placed cactus-thorn hickey when he felt it.... a tingley sensation of alarm that ran up and down the spine. Daddy was in trouble!! ********end of part 5******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix ** This chapter is affectionately Chex Mix ,dedicated to NAers because... well... *they* know. (hehe) Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Please note that I am writing this with absolutely no idea what the next chapter will contain, so please feel free to offer suggestions (thanks, again, Monica! ). ((FEED(back) Me!... FEED(back) Me!)) **Kyer does not own or purchase stock on: Chex Mix, theatre sound systems, or catered slumber parties.** ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 6 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 6: You Ought To Be In Pictures ++Previously in Part 5++ (Spike let loose his Beast on a plant nursery; Nick, meanwhile is 'stuck' with LaCroix...) Eyes fixed to the movie screen, the ancient vampire absently patted Nick on the head the way a father might pat a loved 5-year old whose just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. (Or, in this case, an errant 800-year old boy with his hands caught by a sticky floor.) (Get him, you overgrown vegetable! Get him!) LaCroix hastily directed his attention away from the movie. (By all rights he *should* be enjoying his favorite monster movie up in his exclusive, enclosed box with the THX Dolby Surround Sound and posh stadium seat, happily tossing Chex Mix pieces from his last slumber party at the unsuspecting plebians below. The rest of this dinosaur of a theatre might be deplorable decor-wise, but his private room was quite extravagant, and he had whammied the manager into indulged him with private showings--including his favorite cartoon shorts--- and being discreet. Not even Janette knew he came here. Which was why he had been so startled and alarmed to see Nicholas searching the place. Was it a fluke--- or did his son suspect his secret addiction to 50's horror flickers and Goofy? He had to know! He needed a plausible explanation to throw his son off the track! (.....) Shouldn't take much. (LaCroix searched their Link. Nicholas was worried for someone. Hmmm... Not long ago he remembered quite different feelings coming from his son. Aha! It had to be..) "Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas. Here, for the past three nights I have been minding my own business, --(which includes everyone else's-- the old busybody!--kyer) --when, what should happen? Why, all sorts of odd emotions coming through our link! What *kind* of emotions, you ask?" "Lacroix--" Nick began tiredly--- he just didn't have time for this. He had to find Spike before his child got into trouble! (Like him. ) The pat turned into an impatient fist pulling on the golden curls. "Ow! OK! OK!," Nick resigned himself to playing his sire's game while he slowly worked to free himself from the floor. It could be worse, he consoled himself. LaCroix could demand that he attend another of those Raven-catered slumber parties of his with the requisite round of Vampire Monopoly. LaCroix *really* became unbearable when he played *that* game-- throwing a sulk if he didn't win everything Nick had within the first two hours. And Heaven help the vamp who fell on the CERK square before his sire did. Poor Miklos was *still* wearing a supportive brace. Come to think of it, whatever *did* become of Alma after she unwisely chose the little microphone game piece the Ancient had held unspoken dibs on? (And what ever had possesed LC to hire Screed for the snacks? Chex Mix! Blech!) Gads-- how he hated slumber parties! (... unless'n they were private ones with Janette...) But back to current reality. "Uh, what kind of emotions...... 'father'?" "Why, gushy, warm & fussy, nurturing, and loving-type emotions, my son." The silky voice switched to a threating growl. "Emotions that would be pardonable *if* they were directed towards a certain, handsome vampire of ancient Roman extraction. --*Are* they?" "Not in this lifetime," Nick unthinkingly mumbled aloud, irritated that he had managed to free one knee from some nearly petrified butterscotch only to place it smack-dab into some other, undescernible gunk. "I see. Then these emotions are directed to another. The esteemable Dr. Lambert, perhaps?" "What? Oh. Dr. Lambert is not here, LaCroix! I'm alone." Ahh! Another limb fre---oops. Darn butterscotch! "In a run-down movie house?" "Yes." He got his second knee unstuck again, this time moving it in the opposite direction from last. Success! "Watching?" "Day Of The Triffids" Nick answered confidently, glad he had paid attention to the 'Now Showing' sign. His right hand came free as he smiled. "Which is about?" The confidence melted like Nat's dark chocolate on a vampire's white silk shirt. "Um... forestry?" he bluffed. After all, what was the likelihood that LaCroix had seen this particular show? LaCroix allowed a smirk to show on his face. He had him now! It was all absurdly clear! "Nicholas, when will you learn that you cannot lie to me. I know *exactly* what is happening here." (And *there!* Stupid mortals! Oooo... here come more Triffid lunchmeat! Hehe!) Nick gulped, "You do?" "Of course. Despite your little show at the Azure, you are deeply in love with the Doctor. This kind of trivial celluloid trash being her preferred form of entertainment--- (Yesss! Triffids: 6; Mortals: 0!)--- you brought her to see the movie. The fact that *you* have no idea what the movie is about shows that you were either flashbacking or too busy concentrating on the lovely mortal to pay attention to the movie's plot. But flashbacking would mean you came here yourself--- whereas you were just looking for someone. So, Nicholas, what bit of romantic ineptitude did you perform that sent Dr. Lambert scurrying under the seats? And considering this place," the fastidious elder vamp wrinkled his nose in distaste, "it must have been a truly foul act indeed." Nick felt his eyes start to glow golden. "I did no such thing!" he protested in indignation. "Did you hear her heartbeat? I'm telling you, LaCroix, I came in here alone! " "She has probably escaped into the powder room by now. Or taken a taxi home." "No-- you're wrong!" The Ancient felt his own anger rise. Wrong?!! *He* was *never* 'wrong'! Well... maybe that *one* time, but...! "Perhaps I should go get the details from the good Doctor?" Nick was truly angry now. Eyes crimson, he yanked himself upright, and grabbed at his pater. Snarling, LaCroix grabbed him right back. They were just about to exchange blows when Nick's vampiric hearing caught the sound of a familiar angry rustling coming from the balcony rail above them. "Spike?" Their link throbbed with something that sounded like... ' Bonzai!!' (?) He looked upwards. Good Grief! "NO! DON'T!!" Too late! LaCroix, curious to see what had so caught his son's attention, twisted around just in time to see the potted cactus teeter on the edge. Now how did *that* thing get there? He didn't keep plants about. Suddenly, the crazed kamikaze cactus leapt off the balcony heading straight for him, an outstretched mass of bristling spikes. What the--?!! "AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! OW!" NICHOLAS!! The last was shouted (out of necessity) through their 800-year old link . Nick watched in horror at the image of Spike wrapping himself around LaCroix's head 'Alien' style. He was just considering which one he should help when Spike's clay pot made abrupt contact with the ancient's equally-hard noggin. For precious seconds the old vampire wobbled like a Roman pillar with a bad base. Then he toppled over. Extracting himself from the taller vampire, Spike moved aside, looking inordinately pleased with himself having suffered only a small chip on his container and the loss of a few dozen thorns. LaCroix, however... Concerned, Nick knelt down besides his fallen sire. LaCroix was out like a light. Which was probably just as well as he now looked a little like that horror-film character with all the nails stuck in his cranium. Ah, hell. "Spike, ... we are soooo dead." "No. I mean 'dead' as in a bag of fertilizer." ********end of part 6******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Yeesh! This is definitely the last time I try to write a story on the fly. S'been more like on the crawl! Anyways, here's part 7. Looks like this will end in either part 8 or 9. ################################################### Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Please note that I am writing this with absolutely no idea what the next chapter will contain, so please feel free to offer suggestions. (Is *anybody* reading this? Hello?) Contains assorted references to past episodes: BM, KI, ND. Nothing that will spoil an ep for anyone, though. ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 7 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 7: We're Both In Trouble Deep.. ++Previously in Part 6++ ("Spike, ... we are soooo dead." "No. I mean 'dead' as in a bag of fertilizer.") Spike had disappeared for the few minutes in which it took Nick to pick up LaCroix's undead weight and carry him outside to the waiting Caddy. (He sure was glad he had chosen a car with an amble enough trunk space to stuff one 6-foot-plus sized vampire Roman General-- his sire was getting kinda hefty. Must be all that cholesterol and fat in modern man's blood the news magazine shows were harping on. Too, if LaCroix was to wake up before Nick could deposit him back at CERK, Nick would rather have the few seconds warning of the sound of rending steel in which to make a run for it. (Much as he loved his car--- better a ton of scrap metal than 100-some lbs. of scrapped ex-Crusader. At least the Caddy didn't have to worry about facing an uncompromising 'Guide' in the Great Junk Yard of Car Purgatory afterwards.) < (?!) hmmm...--kyer> Closing the trunk lid, Nick, hopped into the driver's seat, belted in Spike, and started driving toward his master's radio station. He glanced into the rear view mirror and automatically put on the brakes. Hard. The dull thump of a 2,000-year old vampire's unconscious body crashing against the inward side of the trunk was quite audible. Nick squeezed his eyes shut wincing in anticipation of his coming demise. Maybe he should just call Felix right now about setting his will in motion... "Spike? Why is there a strange fern sitting on the backseat?" "You what?! Geez, Spike!-- you can't just carry a gir-- a female off like some sort of prehistoric cave plant!" "*That* was different. Today's Condemned Bimbos have feminist clubs--- organized activism. We could get sued. Do you want the Women's Auxiliary Royal Botanical Society on my case?" "That's my boy. Trust me, you're too young for her anyway. And besides, in my experiance, falling for flashy females only leads to trouble." After a slight delay to return the staghorn to its rightful place, they were once speeding on their way to the radio station. Which was being picketed by a small group of surly-looking women who all looked uncannily alike with their long hair and Arizona-style duster coats. Several were brandishing Crusader-type swords and Johanna de Arc mock-up crosses in the direction of the building, while what looked like a midget in a concealing cloak played reed flute backup to their chants of: "EQUAL RIGHTS FOR UNDEAD KNIGHTS!" (Nick couldn't place names to faces, but the sight of them--- especially the black-coated one-- sent odd chills through his already cold body. No way did he want to break thru *that* mess!) Wonderful. It just wasn't his night. Now, he'd *have* to take LaCroix to his place. [Sorry about that, everyone. Couldn't resist! -- kyer] The journey to the Loft had been thankfully uneventful. After getting his sire situated on the couch, (and ordering the still sulking Spike to stay put by the window), Nick picked up the phone to dial an old vampire friend: Felix Twist, financial wizard and botany buff. "Hi, Felix. I have a favor to ask. I've got a new fledgling and I was wondering if you'd like to be the godpa--" He was cut off by the rather harried-sounding voice of his friend. "I'm kinda busy right now, deBrabant. You have *no idea* what an evening its been. First my night guard over at Exotic Plants Garden Nursery calls in saying he's had enough of weird greenery that's not actually on celluloid and is going to quit-- oh, and by the way, half of one greenhouse is full of wilting plants, and my best Platycerium bifurcatum specimen has been kidnapped by a cactus! Can you imagine? I thought I told that mortal I hired to front the place to screen out drunkards and such. Oh-- but *then* I get a call from that very mortal saying that his nerdy nephew needs a job. Can you say 'nepotism scam'? Wait! There's more! *That's* followed by yet another call from the guard to tell me that my Platycerium has rematerialized--- and get this!--- it looks lovesick. Yeh, right. I'm considering firing the whole bunch before *I* go bananas. But what can I do for you? And what's this about a fledgling?" "Um..." Nick glanced at Spike who suddenly was intensely interested in cleaning his thorns. "Sorry to hear that, Felix. You know... maybe I'll just call you at another time.. " he hung up the phone, gave an 'I-can't believe-this' moan, and started to dial again. Newborns! What a pain in the neck they could be. (But at other times -- a caddy full of trouble...!) "Hello, Miklos? Get me Janette. Hi, Janette--- listen, you know how you like to take in strays and orphans? Well, I've got a fledgling here who is soon to be the latter. Could you-- " "Oh, Nickola! I'm afraid I can't talk right now--- the most awfullest thing has happened! Some bunch of madwomen broke into CERK and made off with LaCroix's box of Vampire Monopoly and Forever in Jeopardy games! If I don't get them back by tonight, he will be in a furious mood the rest of the week!" "Oh..." Nick glanced at their comatose sire, "I think that's a foregone conclusion." "What do you mean by that? Nichola.... you didn't have anything to do with this.. did you?" "No. Not *that* anyway." He filled her in on recent events. "A cactus! You tried to kill our sire with a cactus! Is this some new angle on the flaming stake?" "No! ... it was a sort of..um.. accident." "Oh, Nichola! And with Enforcers in town too!" "Enforcers! What Enforcers?!" "That's why I cannot help you, Nichola. LaCroix will be looking for those games tonight. He's invited Grunt and Masher from the Training Academy over for a slumber party at the Raven." Nick slowly hung up the phone. Grunt and Masher. Two of the most stupid Enforcers on the Force. Also the most brutish. And when they didn't find their host at the Raven... they would come looking for his son. Sick with apprehension, Nick looked sideways at LaCroix's pincushioned head, (resting awkwardly on an old pillow to protect the black leather upholstery of his couch), and reached for an imbedded thorn. Maybe if he? No. No.... there weren't enough blonde bimbos in all of Canada let alone Toronto. His DeBrabant funds? Not enough millions for a bribe to *this*. He shifted his position to thoughtfully ponder the unconscious mug from a different angle while tugging out yet another thorn. < sigh..> Oh, yeah. He was definitely Near Death. Destined to shake hands with ol' Arabian LaCroix of Purgatory's Sight-Seeing Tours *real* soon. ********end of part 7******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Please note that I am writing this with absolutely no idea what the next chapter will contain, so please feel free to offer suggestions. (Is *anybody* reading this? Hello?) :) ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 8 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 8: Of Pride and Cactus Juice ++Previously in Part 7++ (Nick learns that he may be getting a visit from the Enforcers while playing host to LaCroix) Supposing... Nope. This time even Aristotle would not be able to put off his sire's rage. The thorn joined a growing pile on the loft floor. He pulled the last needle out and watched the pale skin heal itself from the small puncture wound. An eyelid fluttered. "Well.. it was nice knowing you, Spike." Nick grimaced, preparing himself for the inevitibility of their demise. LaCroix awoke with an odd expression on his face. "Nicholas.. ?" "Master?" Maybe-- just maybe-- if he kowtowed a little their deaths would be less painful. "I had the strangest dream. Some bad piece of cinema leapt out and attacked me..." "Really?" Nick chirped in innocent amazement as he surreptitiously began shoving the cactus needles under the couch. "Fancy that." "Actually, I didn't fancy it at all. Rather unpleasant." "Oh. Well, it's over now. Only a dream. Hehe.." Nick tried to sound nonchalant, not believing his good luck. Maybe he would live to see his next birthday after all! "Mmm... Oddly enough, my attacker looked rather like that scraggly plant over there that you insist on keeping..." Nick felt his heart beat as LaCroix got up and walked over to where Spike was sitting by the window. "Yes... very odd." Didn't this thing use to have much smaller thorns? These miniature sabers looked nearly as long as those in his nightmare. "Well, you know how dreams are..," Nick began nervously twiddling his thumbs as his sire reached out to slowly draw a finger over the chipped section of the clay pot. "Hehe... I remember how that Freud fellow was always carrying on--" C'mon, luck! Don't do something stupid now! LaCroix ignored him as he thoughtfully ran a hand over his chin--- and pulled out a tiny thorn that Nick had somehow missed. He stared at it for all of a millisecond before he swiveled to face his prot'eg'e, eyes aglow. Of course, good luck did tend to cut-and-run whenever his sire showed up. Not that Nick could blame it... "My, my.." Nick hiccuped. "How did *that* get there?" He matched the steps his master took--only in reverse-- as the Ancient began stalking him with the unfortunate splinter held out like a miniature stake. "Say... did I ever tell you about what happened over the last couple of nights?" the blonde knight giggled with just a touch of hysteria. "Most *amazing* thing..." "Who?" The red-eyed demon growled in a deadly, no-nonsense tone. "Who?" "*Who.*" LaCroix repeated. "Who tossed that plant of yours at me, Nicholas. I want the name of your accomplice--- NOW!" My... accomplice? Good grief! LaCroix couldn't sense that Spike was a vampire! He thought someone had *pushed* his childe unto him! Here was a chance to at least save Spike's life at least. A sudden thunderous noise followed by a choking cloud of brick dust saved him from having to think of a reply. Coughing, Nick peered thru the reddish particules and saw that his other unwanted guests: Grunt and Masher-- the two most brain-challenged Enforcers in that exclusive club-- had arrived. In typical fashion, both had eschewed the usual entrances to the Loft and opted for going through a wall instead. (Masher did most of the talking for the overly fanged duo.) "Grrrrr... rrr... arrrrr" LaCroix nodded to them, an acknowledgment of their superior strength if not their brain functions. "And greetings to you as well, my friends. May I ask what you are doing here?" "Rarrrrr...gaa...arrr...rrr." "I see. So you decided to leave the hospitality of my daughter and come looking for me?" "Rrrrrrr...aarr....graag." "A simple family misunderstanding between myself and my son. I am dealing with it." Meanwhile, Grunt had noticed the cactus and wandered over to peer at it, eyes shining with admiration of the larger, sharp thorns in the plant's arsenal. "Grrrr?" "ruustle" "Arrgrra...rr.ar?" "Rustle, ruustle, rrusstle" "Hehehe... grrowwllrr?" "ruuustle!" "HEHEHE!" Annoyed at the interrupting cacophony of growls, chuckling and strange rustling sounds coming from behind him, LaCroix rounded on the hefty Enforcer, "Do you mind?" Masher had a quick grunt exchange with his partner before exploding into his own snarling laughter. "Garrrlll...rarrr?" Masher asked him after getting control of himself. LaCroix was miffed. How dare they laugh at him?! The whole... wait a minute... "How do *you two* know about what happened at the theatre?" He had not sensed anyone else at the movie show other than himself, Nicholas, that ticket taker fellow and the mortal teenagers-- so how did these two morons find out? And for that matter, who, then, had pushed that arboreal porcupine upon him? "Grra...rr..arrr." "The *cactus* told you?! (Nick mentally berated himself for failing to have instilled in his childe the importance of not talking to strangers.) "Rrr" "I don't care how cute of a little whippresnapper it is! You're both insane!" "GGGRRRRRR!" "Perhaps.. *insane* was a touch strong." LaCroix hastily amended. The things he put up with to stay on the Enforcing Community's good side. And alas, these two mental delinquents *were* the only reliable source for Star Wars sequal updates. "Mentally disfunctional then." Masher and Grunt looked mollified at his *apology*. "Grrr..arrrrgg....rraar." "Don't be riduculous. I'm sure Nicholas is not interested in cross-breeding his cactus to your philodandreum." (sigh... totally fruit loopy the pair of them. Oh, for some decent mental stimuli!) He consoled himself with the thought that at least his son, though not brilliant, was of a higher mental capacity than Grunt and Masher. "Besides," Nick piped up from next to him, "Spike already has a girlfriend... oops." If there had not been witnesses, the master vampire would have groaned at the unfairness of his Unlife. Instead, LaCroix gave his prot'eg'e a withering look. "Don't think that feigning insanity is going to get *you* off my hook, mon fils." He turned back to the Enforcers. "Might I suggest that you both go back to the Raven and wait for me there? Ask Miklos to show you his bloodwine bottle cap collection. I'll join you as soon as I clear up this *private* family matter." Masher's eyes glowed with eagerness at the mention of the bottle caps-- he was an avid collector himself-- nodded his agreement and went to collect his partner, who was tickling one of thorns on the cactus' 'head' while making cooing growls. LaCroix stared dumfounded at the sight of the giggle-trembling plant even as the Enforcers left yet another hole in the warehouse wall. "Nicholas..." "Um.. I can explain?" "*Do* so." ******** end of part 8 ******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in part 1. I don't own mentioned below but my name and lone brain cell that came up with this. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Please note that I am writing this with absolutely no idea what the next chapter will contain, so please feel free to offer suggestions. (And thanks to all of those who did! Even if I don't end up writing your's in, they've given me some wonderful 'alternate universe' musings.) ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 9 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 9: It's *His* Party So I'll Skip Out If I Want To! ++Previously in Part 8++ (God--- what *did* happen in part 8? Oh.. yeah. The Enforcers showed up at the Loft and LaCroix got his first hint that something was up with that cactus.) [Meanwhile, at the Raven:] Brianna and Miklos stood close by as Janette came strode into the Raven looking flustered and a bit out of sorts. Not since that Emily Weiss escapade had they seen her suffer from such a 'bad hair' night. "Any luck with finding the games?" Brianna asked with some trepidation. Her employer snarled in annoyance. "Nooo... no, cherie, I did not. Both Vampire Monopoly and Forever in Jeopardy have completely diappeared from stock and my supplier can't get ahold of any more. Seems some stupid, mortal agency shut down production due to some idiotic copyright infringement or some such silly nonsense!" She grabbed one of the bloodwine bottles from behind the bar and proceeded to chug-a-lug it. Both of the younger vampires took a descrete step back. A Janette who did not drink from a dainty glass was a steamed Janette indeed. Filling a bit more calm now that she had finished fantasizing on draining a horde of government bureuacrats, the *normally* exquisite lady ran her gaze over the main room of her establishment. Because of her sire's insistance on throwing yet another slumber party, she had had to close a lot earlier than normal so that Miklos and Brianna would have time enough to clean up and prepare the snacks and refreshments. Of course, she would'nt have had to close down *quite* so early if she had been able to get more volunteer help for the preparations, but noooo! LaCroix just *had* to invite *Enforcers* to his little shindigg. It was bad enough her employees and patrons were already afraid of the Ancient-- but to add two Enforcers to the mix! Everyone had run off like scared mortals before she could bring her full persuasive powers to bear. Even Nicholas had made up some excuse about a new fledgling. Yeah, right. Like a fledgling of Nicola's would survive past a week anyway. At least she was not *totally* alone: Brianna who had the misfortune of being elswhere when word had first gone out, and Miklos who had been hobbled by that supportive brace--- he hadn't been able to break her grip on that! But the rest! Bunch of cowards! Here she'd given those gratitude-challenged strays a place to stay--- and they'd all run off like rats from a sinking ship! Which, unfortunately, reminded her.... "Miklos, where is that cache of carouche bones that-- darkness help me-- I was forced to hire?" "Ya kawled, lady mistressy?" Janette nearly went into flight as the bald-headed vampire appeared at her elbow. "Screed! Don't ever sneak up on me again or you'll be missing more than just a coifure!" "Coy fur? Is tha un o' them hoity toity taily-lost type ratsies that 'ol Screedy's hear'd tale o' ? Oh... I dah no! All tha' fansy pansty fur ju' gets'ta stuck inny fella's fangs, Screedy be thinkin'." "Not a *guinea pig* you idiot. A... oh, why bother! Did you find any entertainment for the party?" What *ever* had possessed her to hire Screed! Oh, yes--- utter desperation. Although now she wondered if it was really possible to be *that* desperate. She felt a slight tingling in the air, the warning effect of very powerful someones rapidly drawing nearer and not giving a dang who knew it. It was time to act decisively. "Well, whatever you found will have to do--- Myyyy! Would you look at the time. And I forgot to pick up my new dresses. If I rush I *might* just have time to make it to the seamstress's shop and make it back before sunrise ((or not)) so do moi a favor, Miklos, Brianna, and greet our guests for me?--Thanks! Ah Riviera! ((if I can make the next red-eye flight!)) Outta my way, Rat Breath!" "Doesn't she mean: 'Au revoire'?" Brianna asked Miklos. "Somehow.. I don't think so." If Janette had left her get-a-way just five seconds later, there would have been a mid-air collision, but as it was there were only the two extremely nervous vampires and one rodent-smelling carouche to witness Grunt and Masher's entrance thru the previously solid side of the Raven's front wall. It was a perfect match to its (now boarded-up) twin on the other side of the building that they had made when they first arrived. "Maybe if we bricked up the doorway..." Miklos muttered to himself as he straightened his supportive brace and went to greet the vampiric policemen. "Welcome back, gentlemen." "Grrr arrrR rrar." (( yeah--- whatever.)) "Of couse. Brianna, get our esteemable guests the good bottle while I.. uh... go check the backstock." "But you already-- " ((MIKLOS!)) Damn! More like 'check the backdoor'! That was going to be *my* excuse! Brianna trained her biggest, brightest, dumbest blonde smile on Grunt, then Masher. "Say... why don't I go back to my old place and slip into something more comfortable? The carouche can handle everything for a little don't you think?" "Grrreehehe." "Back quick as a jiff." "Garrr?" "I'll get you a picture of one when I return." Screed sidled up to her as she picked up her purse from behind the counter. "Aint yer auld ruem back e' Swicherland er sich?" "You know, I believe it is. Ta!" And she was gone. "Weeel, ain't tha a roight ket'le o' da bloodwormys. Leave ol' Screedy ta hol' ta papery partee bags, they 'ave." he complained to the Enforcers. "But t'aint na use b'moanin and b'bitcherin, s'pose." He went over to a large grocery sack and began rifling through it until he found the items he was looking for. Took him all night at the 'All-Nite Swap & Swindle' Swap Meet to find these beauties for the party. But what was that? Especially when the 'perty ladee' had asked so kindly--- and given him a couple of toonies to boot. And keep the change! Yep, it had been a good night for the old Screedy, so's he wasn't very put out by the unexpected twisting of events. "Sews, which'r of thes'm 'ere partee-type nogg'n toppers ya wanten ta try? Mightee or Micky Mousey?" ******** end of part 9 ******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix I am now so far behind on this! So much for getting done by Father's day. Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Well, I now have an idea of what the next chapters will contain. Suggestions, though, are still appreciated. Now if nothing *else* goes wrong in RL! **contains very small spoilers for... aw, shoot!... what was that ep? Blind something... 'Faith', I think. Also, Dark Knight.** ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 10 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 10: He's The Tall, Old Vamp from Ancient Pompeii! ++Previously in Part 8++ (LaCroix sent the Enforcers back to the Raven while waiting for Nicholas to explain about Spike.) Talking fast, Nick explained everything from Part 1 on while LaCroix's facial expressions went from sceptical to unbelieving, to outraged, and, finally... grudging acceptance that his son at least *believed* in what was coming out of his mouth. Not that LaCroix had changed his mind-- oh, no. He *still* planned to kill someone. Only now the target was a stupid plant instead of his stupid son and some unknown mortal. This *thing* was coming between Nicholas' affection and its truest destination--- him! Therefore, this *thing* must die. Sensing this, (it was rather obvious-- the red eyes and the stake in hand being dead give-a-ways), Nick placed himself between his son and his sire. "You can't kill him, LaCroix." he declared. "And why ever not?" The Ancient wanted to know. "Because... um.. because even when they fall on your head, knock you unconscious, and fill you full of prickilies-- they're still family?" LaCroix gave him a humorless laugh, "Oh, come now, Nicholas!" he chided while caressing the stake with one hand. Nick continued on: "And even though your an abusive, cold-hearted monster, Lacroix--- you are a *family man*! You can't destroy your own *grandson*! Damn it, Lacroix! You're Spike's *grandda-- !" A warning growl cut him off. "Nicholas-- If you so much as mindlink the word I think you're about to say in reference to myself and a *cactus*!" "Taste and read his blood if-- you.. don't... believe... um... " Nick's words awkwardly stumbled to a halt as he realized what his sire must be making of *that*! (Oh... Heck.) The General pointed a finger at his son in triumphant derision. "Soo... You thought you could con me into impaling my mouth on that photosynethesizing pincushion of yours just so I can get my fangs glued shut on its sticky sap? Really, mon fils! You'll have to do better than that!" The assertation of the cactus' heritage was ridiculous, of course, LaCroix decided. However this little green monster had come into being, it had definitely *not* been made by *his* prot'eg'e. It must be something of Screed's or some other such form of *lower* vampire. **Waay lower.** He would allow Nicholas to become mortal again before he accepted a lowly *plant* into his 'family' image! Yet.. perhaps... his tactical mind considered all the possible ways he might use his son's obviously deep attachment to the disgusting thing before him. Possibilities.. possibilites... LaCroix let the stake drop. "Very well, Nicholas. For your sake I will spare its life--" he allowed a wolfish smile to cover his face, "--*IF* you'll agree to spend the day with me at my slumber party. Otherwise 'Spike', here, will be joining the good Raleigh in Vampire Pet Limbo," he snarled in finish as the cactus 'rustled' aggressively at him. Nick paled at the mention of his beloved dog's horrible demise and... a slumber party? Again? Ack! He was still picking the Chex Mix crumbs out of his jammies from the last one! "Um... gee, LaCroix, I'd.. um.. love to, but.." LaCroix bent to retrieve the stake, a sight that sent the detective's brain cell communication's board into hypredrive. "But, LaCroix," he reasoned, "you can't have a slumber party without *games*--- and Janette said someone took all of yours." "True." Nick breathed a sigh of relief. "Guess I'll just have to take a raincheck, huh?" "Not necessarily." "But... a slumber party without games is like.." Nick gestured wildly about as he sought an adequate comparison in which to dissuade his sire's mind from this newest torture, "--is like french fries without ketchup! Nat's protein drinks without a garbage disposal! Schanke's music without earplugs! It shouldn't be attempted, LaCroix!" "Also, true. But I'm sure, mon fils, that you won't mind supplying my party with some of *your* fare? I must admit to some curiousity as to what sort of 'group entertainment' you keep lying around for when those idiot mortals come over. Yes-- you, mon ami, will supply the games." Another sharkish smile. Shoulders sagging, Nick could offer back a more sickly version in return. ```````````` Just an hour before dawn `````````` After failing miserably to get Natalie to agree to plantsit Spike for the day, [I'm afraid her verbatim response to Nick's request is unprintable here], Nick had no choice but to pack up Spike along with his overday suitcase containing his black pajamas, robe, sonic fangbrush and dental floss. He chose a mummy-style slumber bag for himself (a cozy, black silk number with little embroided cows of various breeds, bearing the caption: 31 Flavors.) The sight of it earned him a patricianish raised eyebrow from his sire, but Nick just shrugged at his look. LaCroix might force him to attend this fiasco--- but he was going to at least sleep comfortably without fear of the likes of Screed and his tendancy to bite in his sleep-- last time when he had awakened it had been to the feel of Screed's fangs at his neck while hearing that nearly unintelligible voice croon: "E' Bessie's jist s'a big ratsie... " It hadn't helped when the little rat exterminator had tried to explain that Nick smelled of cow to him and since a cow was an animal and he was a carouche.. Shuddering at the memory, he grabbed up a pet bed for Spike, raided his closets for the required games, and loaded it all into the Caddy. Any hopes that the ride to the vampire bar would at least be peaceful were dashed when LaCroix declared he was going along just to be sure Nick didn't decide to take an unscheduled detour to Siberia. Why wasn't he surpised to discover that his father was a worse back-seat driver than all of his mortal companions put together? After the 20th time (in only a kilometer of driving) of hearing the the silken-voiced radio host give warning to 'watch out for !' Nick sarcastically asked him if he wanted to drive. Big mistake. Big, Big, Big,Big BIG mistake! Next thing he knew he was being shoved to one side of the car, he and Spike holding onto each other for dear undeath and by the laws that govern g-forces as Leadfoot LaCroix seemed determined to get them to the Raven in record-breaking time--- (minus a generous amount of tire rubber, a section of rear fender, several swaths of teal paint... ) --- and not necessarily by the quickest route! Nick found himself flashbacking to the time Schanke had driven his car sans a working brake line. At least then he'd been in the trunk and had been unable to directly witness the trashing of his beloved car. The memory was certaintly more merciful than watching the crazed Roman careen from one side of the street to the other before he finally got the hang of things like steering wheel, brakes, and adequate gas pedal pressure. Not that he really seemed to care about the latter. But the worst was when he accepted a 'drag race' challenge from a pair of surly Hell's Angels-types sharing a Harley. Nick had to admit though, the girl cyclist was kinda cute with her short, blonde hair and black leather jacket with the name "Tracy" emblazoned next to an embroided pink teddy bear. At least she *was* cute until she made a most unlady like gesture when the Caddy nearly blew her off her vehicle. LaCroix laughed in delight as he pulled what was left of the car up to the Raven. "Myyy... no wonder you like to drive, Nicholas! This 'motoring' has all the thrills of the hunt! I must consider getting myself registered as well. Merlin should be able to see to that." The valid driver's-licensed car owner was *not* so amused. "LaCroix... the purpose of driving ISN'T to see how many mortals and public works you can 'pick off' before you run out of gas!" Nick chastised as he pried Spike's thorns loose from the upholstery and his jacket. His poor childe was still in shock from seeing most of Toronto go by in a blur. "And did you *have* to do that last little stunt with those motorcyclists? "They started it," LaCroix growled. "Calling *me* an 'old fogey'!---What *is* a 'fogey' by the way?---So I used vampiric powers to give this metallic monster a *little* extra speed during the home stretch. Would you have rathered I pushed it from *outside* the car?" "I'd preferred you hadn't nearly run down that traffic officer. You scared him half to death!" (the only consolation there, the detective thought to himself , was that the Caddy had been moving so fast Officer Hendrikson wouldn't have been able to recognize it.) "Nonsense." LaCroix pooh-poohed. "The increased blood circulation and adrenaline will do him good." He spotted the new hole in the wall of his daughter's establishment. "Looks like everyone else is here. Come along, Nicholas." ******* end of part 10 ******* Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix I know... I know.. but this is why I sent out the outline. Been swamped with other stuff! Disclaimers in part 1-- [Briefly, I don't own anything but the character of Spike] Comments and requests for previous parts can be sent to: kyer@prodigy.net The Cow Heart is a tip-o'-the fangs to one of Bill Cosby's hilarious tales on growing up. I think it was called 'The Chicken Heart That Ate The New York City Turnpike". ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 11 of 13) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 11: What Did You Do During The Party, Daddy? ++Previously in Part 10++ (LaCroix blackmailed Nick into attending his slumber party.) Nick groaned as he walked into the Raven's darkened interior. The theme for this party was the same as the last one: Ancient Roman Empire with depictions of a suspiciously LaCroixian-looking General conquering blonde curly-haired barbarians at every turn. He felt Spike stiffen in his pot and hastily sent soothing thoughts. What with his childe being so feistily protective and LaCroix's ego being the size of Alaska--- how long could he keep things peaceable? Masher and Grunt were busy at the bar, drinking down LaCroix's best vintages as his sire went to greet them. Both of the Enforcers were wearing party hats the detective noticed with some surprise. He didn't think Enforcers would go for that kind of thing. But then, those two weren't your normal-type Enforcers. It was highly unlikely that any other of the vampire-Code policemen would wear caps bearing the inscription: "I'm with Stupid." He cautiously approached the powerful threesome just as Screed appeared to hand the Ancient his 'hat'. A winner's laureate. Figures. "An' ere's a topper fer 'es di-fek-ative self a' 'es yungin'... 'ey! Wot's e kewtz backy scritchee! Ye gots tha' a' te swapsy meetz?" The former knight glared at the carouche. A back-scratcher indeed! "This is my *childe*, Spike." he corrected in his iciest tone. "Nowz, nowz-- don'tcha git yerself all in a snitz. Screedy ment na disrespec' ta yous e' yers." Screed quickly backed up a step and held out their hats. "E's ta Boss'iz piks-- mind." The carouche added hastily as the 800-year old eyes started to glow. Nick glanced at LaCroix who bared just the tips of his fangs in obvious amusement. Silently, he accepted the cow-horned Viking cap and put it on, leaving Spike the less heavy but no less undignified propeller beanie. After a few drinks were drunk, LaCroix announced that is was time for bed and story telling, so they changed into their sleepwear and climbed into their respective slumber bags. The Enforcers started first. Not wanting to offend, Nick looked approprately terrified even though he could hardly understand a single grunt from either of them. He guessed they must have been pretty scary though, as Spikes thorns were sticking straight out. At his sire's urging, Nick submitted his own horror flashback-- stuck in a tight space with nothing but a cold protein drink for sustenance and a leftover garlic pizza box for a pillow because a certain mortal had been eating in his car and then tried to hide the stash in the trunk. But it was LaCroix who won scariest story hands down with his silky voice telling the tale of an evil carouche that killed a cow--but the creature's undead heart beat on. A heart which subsequently went out seeking revenge on all vampire children who were not home safe with their families... ".. Thump moo-thump... the vampire cow heart still craved fresh blood... Thump moo-thump... Fresh *vampire* blood! At last it came onto a deserted warehouse where it sensed its next victim... a foolish fledgling *all alone* in his loft..." LaCroix paused for dramatic effect and to gauge the story's affect on his listeners. As expected, Nicholas' eyes were big as saucers-- this story never failed to work on his son, causing him anxious-ridden trips to his refrigerator for nights afterward: convinced the Cow Heart was waiting to ambush him as soon as he opened the appliance's door. Even Grunt and Masher were worrying the hem of their Count Von Count Sesame St. double-sized slumber bag with their fangs. Spike looked asleep. Asleep?! How dare it feign boredom while *he* was narrating? [Please Note: this is a *vampire* slumber party. Particpants need to get their beauty sleep in early before their brains can really kick into gear the next night. ..... Obviously, in these vampires' cases (for varied reasons) 8 hours shut eye is not enough-- but *that's* another topic. ] {Several hours later, wide awake and in resting comfortably in their respective bags while they played the games Nick had brought along...} "Grraff?" "Go Angst." "Hmm.. got any... 'Fastidiousness'?" "Na sich-- ba' Iys gots e' noice ratsie." "Eww-- put that thing away, Screed! Your turn LaCroix." "I refuse to ask for something even remotely like 'Redemption'. "Go Angst." "What?" "Spikes's turn." "" "Well, LaCroix... *do* you have any 'Saving Graces'?" Nick asked innocently. LaCroix looked up from his hand of 'Virtues & Righteousness' cards in order to turn murderous eyes on both son and grandson. "No." "You're supposed to say: 'Go Angst', LaCroix. And-- hey-- yes you do-- right there next to 'Faith'. Should be more careful how you hold your cards, you know? Guess Spike wins this round... " "One... Two... Three... Four.. Gee, LaCroix-- looks like Masher's just about sunk your leading galleon. You sure are good at this game, Masher." "Garrff rr...hehe." "My turn! Ooo-- five! One... Two... Three... Four... Five.. um.. sorry, LaCroix-- looks like your out of the game." "... And Screed wins again! Anyone for another round of 'Rat Trap'?" A frustrated growl emanated from Nick's master as he fixed his son with a glare, "I think not, Nicholas. Nor am I interested in another game of 'Steps to Mortality & Slides to Hellish Undeadness' or 'Trivia: The Abbarat Edition'. "Ah, c'mon, LaCroix-- lighten up! Just because I won at 'Don't Enrage Daddy!'..." "I wouldn't be *too sure* of that, mon fils." The glare was now taking a decidedly ruby hue. "Oh." Smiling nervously, Nick pulled out another game box. "How about 'Autopsy'? This is Nat's favorite." A paternal growl. "um.. 'Klew'?" A deeper growl. "Alright, then," the frustrated crusader threw up his hands in defeat. "*You* choose the next game." "Choose something from this pile of infantile.." LaCroix paused in his sarcasm as he spotted the title of the bottom box his son had brought with him. "What is that?" Nick pulled it out. "This? It's just some version of chess that Comissioner Vetter left behind at the last Christmas precinct party. I've been meaning to take it back to him.." LaCroix snatched it out of his hands like it was the cure for vampirism. Or the cure for absolute boredom. "Aah... Detectives v.s. TPTB... a travel-sized version of an ancient classical game of strategy..." The master vampire looked up at his waiting audience. Two stupid Enforcers, a klew-challenged son, and a cactus. He sighed in deep disappointment. What good was having the world's most challenging game when all of your potential opponents were morons? "What's the matter, sire?" "It seems I lack an adequate partner.." Spike straightened up in his pot. "" ".. with which to play.." The clay pot began making a racket as it hopped up and down a bit on the Raven's floor. "" ".. this game.. Nicholas, I do not think Janette will appreciate that thing of yours scuffing up the floor." "Spike is offering to play with you." "How rapturous. A game of Tiddlywinks, perhaps?" The cactus managed to look offended. "". "Chess." The proud father translated. LaCroix raised an elegant catepillar of an eyebrow. "Nicholas, chess requires skill, strategy, patience.. I don't think that animated pincushion qualifies." Every single needle on Spike's undead skin bristled. Nick grabbed and held down the pot just in time to stop his son from launching himself forward. "Spike-- calm down!" "" "Yes-- I know." He rolled his eyes. Boy! Did he know. "" "Well, maybe not *afraid* of losing to you-- exactly..." LaCroix's crew cut started to do some bristling of its own. Screed decided it was time to go search for a midday snack-- in the basement. Even the Enforcers simultaneously scooted back a few feet. The very air in the Raven grew absolutely still. It was like waiting for Vesuvius to erupt again. "*Afraid*!" The ancient scourge of Rome's enemies spat out. "Me! Afraid of cerebellum-lacking pile of pre-composted vegatation?! Set up the game, Nicholas-- I and 'Spike' are going to play *chess!*" He rubbed his hands in happy anticipation. This shouldn't take too long. Fifteen minutes--tops--and he'd have that lousy plant cringing in humiliation. Challenging *him* to a game of chess indeed! Nick looked up from where he, Screed, and the Enforcers had retreated to play their own game of 'UnLife'. Excusing himself, he went over to see what had caused that spark of annoyance to to come through his link with his sire. A quick look at the chess board gave him some idea. "Gee, LaCroiix... what happened to most of your black pieces?" he asked semi-innocently, gesturing at the Network-secretary shaped pieces of lead piled off one side of the board. The Roman General glowered at the interruption, but did not look up as he plucked one magnetized, major-television production-company logo piece from the metallic board and cautiously made his move. "Pawns." He said dismissively, "Just pawns. They are quite dispensable as are all lower beings." He smiled pointedly at Spike. The cactus hesitated for only a moment before moving a white Coroner-bishop. [don't ask.] The black logo figure joined its brethren off the playing board. "Um... are rooks dispensable too?" LaCroix's angry retort was fortunately cut off by the sound of the Raven's phone ringing. "Don't touch anything!" LaCroix warned them as he got up to answer the call. "Hello, this is the Raven. We are curr..." the ancient scowled into the reciver end. "What are you doing calling me here?.... Break in? A horde? A horde of what?" He saw his son frowning in his direction and quickly lowered his voice "Calm yourself-- you're rantin-- you will speak clear-- hello? Hello? Blast the idiot!" LaCroix glanced at his wristwatch. The sun would be going down any minute. It was time for the party to wind up anyway-- and this mysteriouus crisis would have to be looked into with a minimum of fuss. "My guests, it seems that my attention is required elsewhere." Nick stood up, his whole manner changed to that of his professional occupation. "Where's the break-in? Have the police been notified? Just give me a minute to get dressed--" "That will not be necessary, mon fils." LaCroix stopped him. "It is a Community-business matter--- not a mortal authority one. You will stay here until I return." "If it's a Community matter then shouldn't Grunt and Masher handle it?" Growls of assent from the Enforcers. Damn! The last thing he wanted was a bunch of tag-a-longs on this, but LaCroix couldn't think of anything to dissuade his 'policeman' guests. "Very well then, you may all join me--- as long as you do as I say, Nicholas! And bring the game along. I don't want trust that needle-spewing weed not to move the pieces in my absence." The moment his master turned to get dressed, Spike spit one in his grandsire's direction. "OUCH!" ********end of part 11******** Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Only one more chapter to go after this! Thank God!!! (Late Note: Oops. Maybe not. Would you believe: 14 chapters? This one's kinda gotten out of hand.) Out of my 'puter and thru the lines, look out Fic-L'ers, its story time! ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 12 of X1X3X 14?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 12: "A Night at the Movies (A)" ++Previously in Part 11++ (LaCroix's slumber party chess game was interrupted by a mysterious call for help) Despite Nicholas' protests, LaCroix insisted on driving the Caddy, with Nick and Spike in the Front and the two Enlarged Fang Faction members in the backseat. Nick couldn't help feel a little sorry for the two Enforcers as LaCroix slammed to a stop in one of Toronto's more seedier business sections. Unlike himself and Spike, they had had no idea what to expect and looked a bit catatonic with terror as they suddenly flew overhead out of the detective's car-- propelled by an ancient power older than their own. "I warned them to fasten their seat belts," muttered Nick to Spike, shaking his head as he started unfastening the restraining devices from around himself and his prot'eg'e. "But nooo... 'mortal laws don't apply to vampires'.. " "" " Heh.. yes--- certain natural laws will. That's why its so important we always use our seat belts." He whispered close (but not *too* close) to Spike: ((("especially when *grandpa* is driving."))) Quick as lightening his ancient sire refastened them in. "You will stay here." "But, LaCroix!" "This matter is *not* your concern, Nicholas. You will *not* accompany me any further, but wait in this vehicle. Understood? Nick sighed. "Yes." It wasn't worth getting into a fight. Not with Spike here. Smiling at his son's unusual, but gratifying acquiesance, LaCroix took to flight, closely followed by Masher and Grunt who had finished picking the chunks of asphalt out of their teeth and clothing. Looking about the empty alley way, Nick suddenly recognized where they were. "Hey, Spike, the health food store should be just around the corner. Want anything?" The Raven had been woefully lacking in chloryphll and Spike had already consumed what bottles of the green liquid Nick had brought from the loft hours ago. "" "I thought so. C'mon-- it won't take even a jiff to get you some breakfast." "" "I'm not sure. Brianna promised to show me a picture of one once, but she must have forgot." Carrying Spike in the crook of his arm (yes-- by the *pot*. What'd ya think? He's not *always* a brick!) the 800-year old vampire entered the alternative-eating establishment. The first thing Nick thought was that the Happenin' Health Habitat Natural Foods store had been visited by that giant ape creature Nat so adored: Aisles were filled with knocked over boxes and jars of merchandiseand the fresh produce section was a smeary mess. Hearing a groan from behind the sales counter, Nick set down Spike and went to investigate. He was surprised to find the same guy who had taken his ticket at the movie theatre last night-- this time wearing the green smock of a store employee-- and looking terrified out of his wits. "What happened here?" Nick demanded, half pulling out his cell phone to call the precinct, but thinking better of it and just showing his badge instead. This might be connected to that mysterious phone call LaCroix got-- and thus the Community. The new night clerk's eyes widened as he fastened them on Nick. "You! Get away from me! It all started with you!" "What started?" "The nightmares! The horrible nightmares! First, a flying old geezer-- then... *They* came!" The mortal started to tremble again. Nick frowned. The old geezer was likely LaCroix. But who were *they*? A group of vampires? Grunt and Masher? "Describe them to me!" "M-Monsters!.... H-Horrib-b-b-le m-monsters! R-right o-out of the m-m-movies!" The salesclerk stuttered. "They c-came in a-and s-s-started trashin' the place l-like they'swas *a-lookin* for s-something!" Vampires. It had to be vampires. And ones that didn't give a hoot about the Code either. Damn! He had to warn the others. "Anything else?" "Yea--it w-was *w-weird*, man! They h-had these t-t-iket s-stubs f-from t-t-he s-s-show!" "The Mid-Nite Cheap-Seat Theatre?" A nervous nod of assent. "Did you see what they took?" "B-bott-les of somethin-- I dunno-- it was h-horrible, man!!!" The traumatized guy was close to screaming now. Placing his hand on the clerk's chest, Nick forced him to look into his vamped out eyes. " Forget you saw any of those vampires." Then he picked up Spike and ran out in the direction of the movie house leaving the mortal with a quizzical expression on his face. "Vampires?... there are *vampires*?" Nick sped toward the movie house past the boarded up Exotic Plant Nursery with its "Closed for Repair" banner, the wind from his wake nearly knocking over the easel sign advertising a new double feature: "Day of the Triffids/ Little Shop of Horrors-- Tonight Only!" The sight of an older guy at the ticket booth standing stock still with a glazed look over his face, told the homicide detective he was on the right track. "Monsters?" The man wordlessly pointed inside the theatre doors. "Thanks-- Here! Watch my cactus for me." he set down Spike to keep him out of harm's way should the rogue bloodsuckers prove dangerous. Oh! And forget you saw any of those vampires." The former Nursery security guard's otherwise frozen face twitched into a frown. "Vampires? There are *vampires*?" His thoughtful musings were cut off as he saw the potted cactus protrude its roots and scurry off after its master. "Nome, Alaska... tundra.. no plants there... none at all." Deciding it might be wise to get a more aerial view in order to size up the situation, Nick rushed up the balcony stairs (ignoring the Keep Out--You Morons!--Private Area signs). He had barely gotten past the doors when he felt someone grab him by the trouser leg and yank him down behind the private balcony seats. A second hand effectively stifled his reactionary yelp of surprise. Nick suddenly found himself eyeball to eyeball with his sire. Just beyond him crouched Grunt and Masher. Each one wore a slightly worried look. ((("Nicholas!"))) LaCroix hissed as quietly as possible. ((("I told you to stay in the car!"))) "Mmnfphhtfph!" ((("Excuses, excuses."))) "Mmff?" ((("Well... you're here now---'stuck' with us."))) The ancient seemed to draw some satisfaction from that statement. Nick freed his mouth to whisper urgently, ((("LaCroix-- there's rogue vampires about! We have to find them before they reveal our kind to more mortals!"))) He frowned. ((("Why are we all hiding behind these seats?"))) ((("Well firstly,"))) LaCroix snarled nastily, ((("Some idiot of a chambermaid must of spilled an extra-large size butterscotch ice cream cone up here."))) Nick glanced down at the trio's besmirched and thoroughly stuck trousers, realizing with sickening dread that he was probably likewise adhered to the floor. "Oh." "And secondly.." His master gestured beyond their hiding place. Cautiously, Nick elevated himself just enough to peer over the top of the chair. His jaw fell open in horror. Egads! A giant plant was busy consuming some hapless mortal! No... Wait.. That was just the movie. He lowered his gaze and rose up as much as the butterscotch would allow in order to see down into the main audience section. Plants. All kinds. Almost two dozen of them. And they didn't look like they were part of a movie promotion either. More like particpants in an unruly sorority party. Ferns sipped chlorphyll from a stack of 'Happenin' Health Habitat' stamped bottles while simultaneously dodging flying debris and watching the movie. Pansies reloaded their sap-soaked spitballs into pilfered drinking straws and waged ground-to-air-battles with similarly weaponed Miniature Roses. A Catclaw was climbing the theatre drapes, pursued by a spry young Dogwood who in turn was being harrassed by a Spider Plant, who *in turn* was fending off the playful nips of a Venus Fly Trap. Peace Lilies were throwing exploding cattail bombs at the screen, cheered on by pregnant onions. And there--- blissfully unaware in the midst of all this botanical mayhem and mess-- sat the teenaged lovers from the night before *still* checking out each others tonsils the hard way! Nick turned at the sound of the exit/entrance doors parting open. It was Spike stopping dead in his pot, mesmerized by the scene before him. "Um.... Spike.." Nick asked drily, "Is there something about last night that you wanted to tell me?" His son sheepishly shrugged back. ******* end of part 12 ******* Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix And so can computers... : ( Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net My computer is acting up again so I've decided to cut this one a little short as well. i.e: Since half of it got ate up and now I have to remember/retype so much with my day's off coming to a close... Kyer is feeling rather depressed. Those who like this story might do well to savor this chapter as #14 may be another while in coming. ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 13 of ?) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 13: "A Night at the Movies (B)" ++Previously in Part 12++ (Nick, Spike, LaCroix, Masher, and Grunt discover the mysterious crisis involves a bunch of Spike's offspring who have taken over a theatre) ((("Good grief, Spike! Didn't I tell you to break their stems after you bite them?"))) "" ((("I didn't? Oh... yeah.. um.. hehe gee, guys--how was I to know this would happen?"))) Nick's expessive puppy-dog blue eyes did their darndest to diffuse the others' ire. Thankfully it worked. LaCroix gave an ancient oath but managed to contain himself otherwise. ((("How many times have I told you, mon fils, that you must *immediately* fill your childe in on the Rules?"))) LaCroix seethed. ((("Ha! You did it!"))) ((("Did what?"))) the General looked startled. ((("You acknowledged Spike as my childe."))) Nick grinned in triumph. LaCroix's eyes narrowed to slits. ((("I did no such thing."))) (((Yes you... um.."))) Nick decided that to live eternally damned was better than to crow-- and have that discarded popsickle stick his sire was wielding thrust up his nose. ((("What do we do now?"))) he asked humbly. ((("We? This is *your* mess, mon fils. Therefore, it is *your* responsibility to clean it up!"))) ((("You don't seriously think I'm going to just go down there and start killing them off?))) the Belgium vampire asked, horrified at the very idea. Oh sure, he had bumped off unruly fledglings like Elizabeth and Richard before with hardly a qualm-- but these were his *grandkids!* No self-respecting grandpa did in his own grandkids. Spoil 'em rotten--sure; discipline?-- that was the parent's problem. Only the parent in this case was too young for such a weighty responsibility. ((("Um... why don't you make a call to the Raven and ask for assistance? Someone's bound to be back by now."))) He proferred his cell phone. ((("And broadcast this little fiasco to the whole Community?"))) his sire hissed back, grabbing his childe by the wrist to push the device away. ((("Absolutely not! Think of the blow to my-- the *Community's* pride if word got out to-- say-- the Montreal kindred that Toronto's Elders and two Enforcers were stumped by a pallet of vampiric pansies?!"))) ((("Grrarrr!"))) concurred the Enforcers, looking *very* uncomfortable. H.Q. tended to frown mightily on that sort of thing. ((("Ok, Ok..."))) Nick let out a breath. ((("I'll call Felix. He knows plants better than anyone and I can count on him to be discreet."))) ((("Very well,"))) LaCroix agreed. Masher and Grunt nodded. What else could they do? None were too eager to find out just how formidable a vampire plant could be. Expecially *18* vampire plants with rather (from the looks of things) rowdy dispositions. ((("Call in this botanical friend of yours."))) The detective started to dial when he noticed a video cabinet with a smashed in glass door. One of the more worn slots was conspicuously empty. He fingered the label under the spot which read simply: S.C.C.T.M. ((("You know, if the owner of this theatre files a complaint.."))) LaCroix, (who had gone somewhat paler than normal at the site of the abused cabinet), shook his head, but his voice tinted with anquish as he said, (((Rest assured, Nicholas, your *precinct* will not be receiving a complaint from the owner of this establishment.))) Nick gave his sire an thoughtful look. Something was *really* upsetting his master. Oh well, LaCroix was often inscutable. He shrugged off the odd vibes and made the call. <> ((("Felix, its Nick. I've got a problem."))) <> Nick hurriedly hit the cell phone's 'mute' button. ((( "Hehe... no, Felix, that problem's...er.. stuck and on hold for the moment."))) He avoided looking directly at his sire, who was currently working to free himself from the butterscotch's insidious clutches, but still flashed him an annoyed glance that said quite clearly: We Will Talk Later. <> The crusader filled the botanist in--then hastily removed the phone from his ear just before the expected blast. (Timing was everything when it came to a phone conversation-- and he had gotten that skill down pat what with the amount of calls he received from Natalie.) <> Waiting until he was fairly sure it was safe once more, Nick put the phone back to his ear for a moment. "Hold on, Felix." Spike had started to edge towards the exit; Nick reached out and grabbed him by the pot rim, dragging the reluctant cactus back to the cell phone. ((("Apologize to him, Spike."))) He thrust the phone up against his son's skin. Spike hesitated for a moment, caught the growing red in his father's eyes and did the plant version of a gulp. <> LaCroix grimaced to himself as the phone conversation droned on. ((("How is it that everyone seems to be able to understand that thing except me?"))) he wondered aloud in annoyance. Masher grunted and growled softly in answer. ((("A green thumb? What does having a some verde pigmentation have to do with anything?"))) the Roman looked his hands over in perplexity. < Felix's voice sounded resigned. <> Nick plucked out the odd needle from his phone before putting it (the phone) to his own ear. ((("Hello, Felix. All straightened out?"))) he asked hopefully. He didn't have too many friends and could ill afford to lose anymore what with LaCroix all to willing to provide pruning in that particular area of his unlife. <> Nick took another peek down at the main seating and ducked back quickly to avoid getting hit by a random pollen pod missile. ((("You're telling me. Any suggestions?"))) <> ((("That's your *best* recommendation?! Can I get a second opinion?"))) <> ((("Yeah?"))) <> ((("Felix!"))) his Medieval friend groaned in mounting exasperation. <> ******* end of part 13 ******* Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in part 1. Kyer can be contacted thru: kyer@prodigy.net Felix is spelled 'Feliks'? Ok, Ok! I didn't stick around for the end credits that episode.. Did I say this would end in 14 parts? So I was lousy at Math as well as English. Send over Merlin with an abacus. Fifteen! This time fer sure! Fifteen parts to round this up. ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 14 of 15) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 14: "A Night at the Movies (C)" ++Previously in Part 13++ (Still in the movie house. Contacted via cell phone, Feliks counseled Nick to show the plants who was boss.) It was unaminously decided that Nick and Spike would try to restore order first before the elders joined in.(Alright, actually the vote was 3 to 2, but by this time LaCroix and the Enforcers as well as Nick had managed to free themselves from the butterscotch residue.) Standing on top of the balcony rail, Nick clutched Spike's pot close to his chest as he contemplated a good place to land. The sudden push of hands upon his back forced him to contemplate even faster. He flew to a comparatively open spot in front of the movie screen and set Spike protectively behind himself, before whipping out his badge and proclaiming in his best authoritative voice: "QUIET! EVERYONE STAY *EXACTLY* WHERE YOU ARE!" All movement and noise stopped-- except for the sounds of teenage mortal smooching and the odd bit of debris already executing their flight plans. Nick watched one hit the back of the boy's head in a perfect bull's eye. The kid didn't even flinch. Teenagers. Bundles of hormones. He forced his eyes away from the mortals-- this was no time to slip into an I'm-with-Janette!--Flashback. "I'M NICK KNIGHT OF THE METRO POLI--YAAH-Uuuooomph!" The medieval vampire of mammalian ancestry didn't stand a chance as the nearest plants leapt upon the detective and knocked him over flat (thankfully, not onto Spike), followed post haste by the rest of the botanical menangerie. In moments he was hidden under a mound of various shades of green, a silent and still Spike looking on; while overhead on the silver screen, Audrey the man-eating plant dispatched yet another excuse for an actor. Back up on the balcony, LaCroix and the Enforcers watched the scene with dismay. LaCroix in particular was almost misty eyed as he surveyed the carnage below. "Guess I'll have to get a new one after all..." He frowned, wondering how he was going to explain her lover's demise to Janette. Hmm... punctured by pansies? Flogged by ferns? Strangled by a spider plant? "Oh well... better him than me." His epitathical musings were cut short by the spreading grin on first Masher, then Grunt's faces. How dare the Enforcers be so disrespectful! That *had* been his favorite son after all. "And *what*, do you find so terribly funny?" (You big oafs!) LaCroix demanded sourly, suddenly realizing that with Nicholas' failure it was now up to *them* to subdue the rampaging foilage. "Grrafff-rrer arrrr grarrrrhehehe." "What do you mean: "that's so cute you wished you had your Polaroid"? What kind of insane statement--" the General stopped as his sensitive ears picked up an unexpected but vaguely familiar sound from below. What by Zeus? Leaning slightly over the balcony he saw the mound start to move in quick, jerky movements. And it was.. giggling..? "Nicholas?" A tossled mop of curly blonde hair broke through the vegetation. It disappeared again for a moment, only to reappear a second afterward along with a gasping face. "Waah--Wa-ait! Hoah-- Uncle! I'said 'UNCLE' already!" Nick half gasped, half giggled as he started unburying himself from the clinging leaves, fronds, and roots. "Spike!-- tell them *enough*!" <"RRUSSTLE!"> Instantly the assorted plants disengaged from their prone quarry and straightened at attention, allowing their captive to struggle to a standing position once more. He fixed his mock-severe gaze on the still tittering spider plant; waggled a disapproving finger at them all. "Shame on the bunch of you! Look at this *mess*! This is no way for those carrying the name of deBrabant to behave!" The chastised plants appeared to wilt a bit, but Nick showed them no mercy as he spread his arms to indicate the nearly destroyed theatre. "I want this all cleaned up before sunrise or you can all just forget about any bedtime stories tonight! ---------------------------------- "And then when I shouted out my name and they realized I was their Grandpa-- " "Grandfather." LaCroix corrected stonily, eyes never leaving the road as his son droned on for several more minutes. "--so then when I'd had enough of being leafpiled upon.." "Dogpiled.." "Yeah--- *that* wasn't so bad, but when they started the tickling! Well, you know how kids can be-- get to rough-housing and don't know when to stop?-- anyhow, everything worked out fine, don'cha think? It sure was nice of Masher and Grunt to adopt Venus and Spydie like that. And Feliks and the Enforcer Elders taking in the rest.... you sure you don't want to adopt Catty? She sure took a liking to you. Thought we'd never pry her loose." "Positive." "Tell you what, I'll pay to have your suit replaced." The ancient didn't even glance down at his chloryphll-stained, and severely snaggled clothing. "Count on it." "Gee, LaCroix! You're still mad at me about those mortals? I mean, Grunt's whammy worked fine--- the store clerk and theatre workers don't believe in vampires anymore. And even the Enforcer Elders agreed that it wasn't worth the bother to locate a crowbar to get those teens apart long enough for eye contact. Why are you still so sour faced? It's not my fault the grandkids took exception to your growling at me. It's not like you didn't heal." LaCroix thought about his missing video tape and how his once-secret hidey place would soon be fodder for the local Community's gossip mill after the debacle that had taken place at the theatre.... ~~~~~~~~~ LaCroix flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~ "I want this all cleaned up before sunrise--" LaCroix felt a tide of rolling anger engulf him. Here he had allowed a bunch of assorted ingrediants for a demented Caesar's Salad to keep him bottled up in his own balcony, *ruined* what had been a pair of perfectly good Armani trousers, nearly lost a tear-drop of blood in misspent grief, suffered the break-in and loss of a treasured artifact... and there stood his son, commanding those self -same B-movie rejects as if they were a bunch of snot-nosed boy scouts! He leapt over the balcony and flew down to harrass his far-too-happy-looking offspring. "Nicholas-- a word with you, mon fils." "LaCroix... what's wro--?" His prot'eg'e had instinctively taken a fearful step back on seeing LaCroix's face--the master vamp was just starting to display his patented shark's grin... When all hell had broken loose. He had still been fighting off the tenaciously grasping garden greenry when the Toronto Enforcer Elders had arrived, drawn by the plethora of highly-charged emotional, chaotic, (not to mention exotic) vampiric vibes that had been emanating from the theatre. ~~~~~~~~~ end of LaCroix flashback~~~~~~~~ It was all he could do to keep his hands wrapped around the Caddy's steering wheel as opposed to his prot'eg'e's neck. Oblivious to just how close he was to being staked with the gear shift, Nick resettled Spike more comfortably in his lap and looked out the window. All in all the night hadn't turned out too terribly. He still had Spike, 18 adoring grandkids to spoil, (Eighteen! Good thing he had vampiric memory and a Latin background to remember who was who), and the well wishes of the entire Toronto Enforcer faction which had taken an extreme liking to all of the plants-- especially those that had expressed Enforcer-like dispositions. Sigh. If only his own father would lighten up as well. "LaCroix...? This isn't the way back to the Raven." Nick ventured cautiously, not wanting to push his sire into even a deeper funk than he already seemed to be stuck in. His father never did take kindly to being corrected. "That, mon fils," the Roman answered tightly, " is because we are going to your loft to finish that game of chess." "Oh. But...?" "Your place is closer." LaCroix grimaced. And, more importantly, had less potentially annoying witnesses. ******* end of part 14 ******* Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix Disclaimers can be found in Part 1. Kyer can be commented to thru: kyer@prodigy.net Here it is! At long last! THE END! I'm done,done,done,done-- ain't gonna write no more, no more, no more! (at least for a while.) ************************************************* PARENTHOOD CAN BE A PAIN IN THE NECK (part 15 of 15) by Kyer en Ysh ************************************************* Part 15: "The Games Vampires Play" ++Previously in Part 14++ (the mysterious problem at the theatre is taken care of to everyone's satisfaction but LaCroix's.) Despite the tenseness in the room, Nick couldn't help giving a yawn as he tiredly rubbed his eyes. LaCroix and his son had been going at it straight for nearly 20 hours now; conscripting him to move the pieces for them--neither now trusted the other one not to do something 'unchivalric'. "Ka-boom!" LaCroix grinned ferally in delight as he made his move, knocking over a white, somewhat portly, balding 'cop' figure which appeared to be clutching a donut box. "Ratings takes Homicide Detective." He gestured for Nicholas to remove the fallen from the playing field. Nick did as he was bid, unaccountabily feeling a deep sense of loss as he did so--- he had rather liked that particular piece. Gingerly, he laid it with the rest of the captured white metal forms. Now both sides were down to just a few main pieces to battle with. "One down, one Knight to go, you stupid plant." the Ancient vampire leered possessively at the casualty's partner piece--a taller figure in a long duster coat holding some car keys. "You know that one is *mine*." Spike bristled a bit at the mocking chuckle, but kept his cool and considered his options carefully. He still possessed his White Coroner-Bishop, the Commissioner's Kid-Queen, the King-Captain, and of course, the lonely Knight. Nick reached over to take the tall, angsty-looking Knight and move it up two and over one left-- displacing the Black Queen-Rating System that had been previously occupying that particular square. "Knight takes Ratings." Nick helpfully translated for his sire. "Hit." "Don't tempt me, mon fils." His master growled. LaCroix narrowed his eyes as he studied his King-Network Owner's situation. For the unlife of him he could see no move that would stop the insufferable desert weed from being able to proclaim: Cult Hit! End of Game. And that was simply intolerable. Unthinkable. Impossible. And since it *was* impossible... "You cheated." The master vampire declared getting to his feet while shooting out his arm in a move meant to dramatically sweep the 'surviving' pieces from the board--- forgetting that it was a *magnetized* travel set. And 'travel' it did. The entire game went sailing up at high speed into his unprepared son's face. Nick lay dazed with the board on top of his head, staring entranced at the blurry, checkered pattern and white-suited image of his master doing the Macarena that swam before his eyes. "Curiouser and curiouser..." he gurgled to himself before passing out on his living room floor. "!" (translation: DADDY!) All the needles on Spike's skin elongated to their full extent as the cactus leapt over and landed full force on one highly polished shoe that happened to be attached at that moment to one 6-foot plus vampire.. LaCroix gave a yelp of pain as the clay pot smashed into his foot with such force that the container cracked-- causing a sizeable chunk of the pottery to fall off. From this chink poked the corner of a video box sandwiched between the potting mix and gravel. LaCroix stared at it in recognition for a moment before turning red-filled eyes at his adversary. "You! You will *pay* for this!" He snatched up a decorative sword Nick kept near the fireplace next to an assortment of wooden stakes and hefted it menacingly. "Prepare to become COMPOST!" Spike leapt backwards out of his ruined pot, arms whirling in a karate-esque manner. (Nick had the entire Bruce Lee and Karate Kid video collections and Spike had become an avid fan.) "! The cactus challenged back in his best badly-dubbed Japenese accent. ____________________ Groaning, Nick, pushed off the board game and rubbed his aching head. From the racket going on it sounded like Spike had left a Bruce Lee video running again. The kid thought electricity grew on trees. "Spike! Turn that darn tele-- " He froze. Oh no! The room was a shambles. Kitchen, Undead Room, Entertaiment. This could only mean... A loud crash. "" "Rustle yourself, you demented pincushion! Ha! You miss--OW!" The noise was coming from upstairs. Nick staggered to his feet in time to see a bruised-looking Spike sail down the bannister followed by an enraged Ancient Roman Sire. LaCroix looked like he had suffered through one of that 'China Blossoms' herbalist's acupuncture sessions while the Chinese doctor had been drunk. Great. Another Family dispute. He hated Family Disputes. "Can't we all just get along?!" he cried out plainitively. LaCroix, brandishing a wooden stake he had traded for the sword, made a lunge at his prickly prey . "Of course, Nicholas--- right after I've tapped us both a refreshing Cactus Cooler! Ow!" Spike had scored another direct hit. Unfortunately, doing so put him in reach of LaCroix for a split second too long. The Roman grabbed a needled cactus pad in triumph. It hurt like hell, but at this point he didn't care. "Ha! Now I've got you!" Lacroix hefted the makeshift stake high while Nick looked on in horror. "NNNNOOOOOOOO! LACROIX, DON'T!" "Sorry, mon fils!" LaCroix cackled in utmost insincerity, "It's for the best!" Without a second's hesitation he plunged the stake into the struggling cactus, holding on with a grip of iron until he felt his quarry go limp, then he dumped Spike on the ground. Pausing only to gather up his video tape from the pot and place it safely in a jacket pocket, the victorious vampire flew straight up out the skylight, leaving a fading trail of maniacal laughter and his devastated son. Sobbing, Nicholas went over to his childe and pulled out the stake, but it was clear Spike was rapidly fading away. There was nothing he could do now but hold...ouch!... him close. "I'm sorry, Spike! I'm soo sor--" His angsting was rudely cut short when the doorbuzzer went off. "--hold on a moment, Spike." He went to the door and flipped on the intercom. "Yes?" <<"Hiya, pal. I've got a special-delivery type package here from Arizona? Receipt says 'Carl's Crazy Cactus Concotions-- It Ain't Compost Til We Say So, Inc.' going to one 'Nick Knight'. You wanna sign fer it?">> ------------------------- A few days later at the Raven... "I warn you, Janette-- if you so much as bring a plastic *daffodil* into this establishment I will personally hang you from the ceiling with your own chains!" Janette took a pouty sip from her drink. She had just come back from a wonderful day trip to Paris only to have to return to this mess. "If I allowed plastic *anything* other than a credit card, mon pere, I would *want* you to stake me. Now, why don't you go to your room and relax? Between the Montreal vampires and our own Enforcers you are still so keyed up you are frightening away the customers." LaCroix huffed at that, but it was true enough. Putting out the various gossip fires about himself had made him a touch irascible. Perhaps a little light entertainment *was* in order. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that that pesky prickly pear was out of his and Nicholas's lives forever. "I suppose." He poured himself his own glass of bloodwine from the bar. "Thank you Janette." "What for?" "For never creating any Frankenstein fledglings." "I leave those to Nicolah." Janette smiled at him. "Now, go get some rest, mon pere." She watched him head toward his room in the back of the club, sipping thoughtfully at her drink. So, another of Nicolah's fledglings had ceased to exist. How unfortunate for him. Yes... she would definitely have to go see him soon--- maybe spend the day. All in the interest of offering sisterly comfort of course. Smiling, she headed towards her own rooms to check over her new dresses. She wanted to look her best when she offered her angsty brother a shoulder to cry on. Maybe the red strapless? Minutes later Lacroix was taking out his 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians--Deluxe Version with Additional Footage' tape and slipping it into his vcr. Lying down on his satin-covered bed, he points the remote control at the tv and tape machine, pushed the button and: !!GRRRRRIIIIIIInnccccccccrrrrrrrruuuukkkkkkcrrccrrrrrcrrrrrrkunkknunkknunk!! Moving faster than superman on steriods, LaCroix flew to his vcr to stop the machine, but it is too late. The brown film looks like a dog has chewed it. As he tipped the cassette a bit to further assess the damage, a small stream of sandy potting soil cascaded out to land on his shoe. "AAAAAHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!" _______________________ "A wooden stake, huh?" Natalie chewed thoughtfully on one finger as she moved to sit curled up next to Nicholas on his leather couch. When Nick had called to tell her what had happened she had rushed right over to offer her support--- though she was secretly glad the creepy thing was gone. "I would have thought that what with its being... oops, sorry, Nick. This must be very hard on you-- " she placed a consoling hand on his shoulder, "Spike's death, I mean." "He's gone to a better place, Nat." "Yeah," his true love (for this decade anyway) gave him a sweet smile as she playfully socked him on the arm. "Told you you should have gotten petunias instead." (Nick casually rubbed his offended body part. He really had to talk to her about those spousal abuse tendancies that kept surfacing... Oh, well. After Natalie left, raven-haired Janette would be dropping by to soothe his grieving psyche and any other incurred boo-boos. Sometimes unlife wasn't so bad... ) His mouth formed into a lop-sided smile. "How about cowslips?" He waggled his brows at her. "Cat o' Nine Tails?" Natalie suggested. "Dragonsnaps?" "Do knights do well with dragons?" his damsel wondered aloud. "Dunno. Do coroners do well with vampires?" Natalie grinned widely. "Let's find out." Nick hugged Natalie close, quietly pulling out from his jacket pocket a 'Phoenix, AZ' marked postcard he had been reading earlier and sliding it under the sofa as he kissed the coroner . The doctor was too involved in the sudden smooching to notice the sly manuever or the desert sunset theme. ______________ Meanwhile, somewhere in the Sonoran desert under a bright canopy of stars... A tall, prickly pair cactus, (that would have done any Arizona Highways photographer proud), quietly stuck a Toronto nightscaped-scened postcard into a handy saguaro boot storage container. As the plastic-coated missive leaned against the remains of a half-eaten stake, the cactus casually slipped one thorny arm around one prized Platycerium bifurcatum (Staghorn fern)--- who coyly covered them both with a large frond. ******* end of part 15 and this story ******* Hoped you all enjoyed. Well all you non-LaCroix fanatics anyway... Grins, :)= Kyer, Loyal Squire(ette) to the Knight de Brabant; Knight de Soir, Cousin to the Knight, Schitzoid Knightie with Multi-Personalites who's having a blast and an angstfest at one and the same time. "You're deranged." "Yes... I know." ~~ Nick & LaCroix