Date: Tue, 24 Oct 1995 20:15:35 -0500 From: Julie Randolph Subject: Pot Knight ** I want it to go down on record that this is all ltdarks fault and I had nothing to do with it except the creative aspect. ** JCR Pot Knight Probably the single-most ridiculious piece of crap I will ever pen, but oh well. Cousin Julie Nat sat there across from him staring. She didn't think this was working. He was lying on the couch, staring intently at the ceiling, insisting to her that there was a spider up there so timy that the human eye was unable to percieve it. Nat sighed. "Nick?" He looked over, drool sort-of dribbeled down the from of his shirt,"OH, yeah-- -what is it?" "This isn't working." Nick started laughing hysterically at that prticular though, fell off his couch with a loud, omph, and with his face sticking to the floor procedded to try to lick up the dust balls that had gathered there. Nat stood and sighed, trying to pick him up, but had to put him down again when he started screaming that his face had melted and was now a permanent fixture of the linolium. Nat paused to wonder how much time it took before this stuff wore off. It was bad enough that she had bought an illegal drug off the street lke a hood, but to have Nick react like this...this was not good. A rare occurance in the FOREVER KNIGHT world--A Natalie FLASHBACK "I can't believe I'm doing this...you're a cop." "The book said that hemp was a cureall." Nat pinned him with a look of disgust,"Don't believe everything you read." "We might as well try, how do you know it won't work?" Well...she sighed, he did have a point, it was certainly something she had never considered trying. And what were they going to buy here? It was going to be some of that horrible ragweed that scortched your lungs even if you weren't smoking it. A dark figure approached them. Nick almost laughed,"LaCroix...ummmm...finding new work I see." LaCroix looked unamused,"I am simply here to talk you out of this foolishness, Nicholas." Nat spoke up,"Frankly, I'm gonna have to go with him on this one," Nick pinned her with a stare ,"Sorry Nick, but I don't think pot is going to do anything for you. You said yourself drugs have little to no effect on you at all." "We're talking medicinal purposes people." LaCroix produced a small bag fro his coat pocket and handed it to his son, shaking his head,"Well, at least smoke the good stuff." and with that, he did something completely unlike him and left without any mundane or suicidal ephitaphs. Nick and Nat went back to his apartment and patinetly awaited the dawn so he could close the windows without the neighboors wondering. This was going to work. They watched TV, Natalie got beat in chess at least 600 times before realizing that Nick was cheating, they talked and still he would not back down. This was ridiculious. As the first edges of the dawn began to glint over the horizen, Nick closed his electric windows and procedded to pull out all the illegal paraphanelia he had gathered over the night. He had, rolling papers, a very cool looking water bong with snakes coiling out of the nostrols, a small pipe that was carved to look like an elephant, and bong that looked somwthing like an indian peace pipe and of course, the weed that LaCroix had given him. "not very much here." "Nick, it doesnt take much." "Okay, what do I do?" His eyes glistened, he looked excited like a child. Natalie felt like an idiot,"Roll a join I guess...how should I know?" "You went to college didn't you?" She raised an eyebrow,"Yeah...so..." "What about KC?" Nat squirmed and moved across the room to help him. So far he had managed to dump most of the pot on the floor and destroy about 7 rolling papers. "Let's do something easier?" Nat picked up the pipe, hoping to God he wasnt wondering how she knew to do this and put a small layer of foil over the bowl. She poked a hole in it with an icepick and then put the weed into the bowl. "Okay, here," she handed him a lighter, "Light it and suck." Nick did so, got smoke in his lungs, choked, gaged, started coughing and turned purple. "Oh GOD....what is this shit?" "You said you wanted to do this." "You're right, what am I doing wrong...since you seem to be an expert on this." "In order for it to get in your system you have to hold it in your lungs before you exhale...and I learned all this in medical school." Nick grinned at her, the first effects of a buzz beginning to make him feel a little strange,"uuhuh." He tried again, managed to hold the smoke in for about 2.2 seconds before the gaging, spitting and coughing began again. "Well..if it tastes this bad, it must be good for me." "Nick thats probably enough for now." "One more blow, Nat." "Hit, Nick..one more hit." "Whatever." This time he was fairly successful, managing not to gag or choke, although he did turn purple again. His head was swimming, he realized. And why was Natalie naked? He blinked again, no wait, whe wasn't naked, he looked dow...HE WAS...oh, hadn't he posed for playgirl? Oh well, he lay back on his couch....watching little spiraling patterns of flourescent colors as they danced across his walls. "Cool." RETURN FROM FLASHBACK Nick had decided he was the guy from dumb and dumber that got his tougue stuch to a pole of ice and was trying to pull his head away from the floor with his tongue still intact. Nat gave up and dragged him to his feet, as steady as possible. "No more experiments like this." he wavered,"You really ought to wear leather thongs more often, they become you." "UP to bed, Mr. Vampire-cop...i can't believe I am babysitting a vampire who is stoned out of his mind." Nick paused,"I'm hungry." Natalie was garnering a contact high fro the sourrunding smoke and said it before she realized what she was doing,"Just feed fromme, lets get you to bed." Nick stopped cold (no pun) "Mean that?" Natalie thought about that for a moment. Wouldn't this be sort-of similar to taking advantage of a drunk woman? She went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of blood which he finished off in barely a second. 'You didn't answer my question." "You need to go to sleep. This was a dumb idea." "You still didn't answer my question." Nat paused, stared into his blue eyes and nodded,"Yes, I meant it, but not today." "Awwww...." "And stop pouting." Nick, like a beaten child, and after falling off the railing twice, finally made it to his room where he, thankfully, passed out cold 9pun intended). ***************************************************************** all response, flames, oreos, definitions of "irony", letters of recommendation, and/or Geriant Wyn Davies home address to randolph@tenet.edu "You didn't have a cat named Fluffy didja?"--Nick to Tracy, Blind Faith I just want it to go down on the record that any and all descriptions of how to make, use, or smoke pot come from books I have read and not personal experience, thank you. Cousin Julie *****************************************************************