Date: Thu, 15 Aug 1996 08:51:16 -0600 From: Rebecca Tanner Subject: Birthday: Reese vs The Water Cooler Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. I have simply borrowed them for my own demented purposes. Capt. Reese and company belong to James Parriot, Paragon, Tristar, or Sony - take your pick. This was my reaction to Last Knight, which no doubt says something interesting about me. I'm just not sure what. No spoilers though. Happy birthday Susan. I hope I did this right. It's my first post to a list. Reese vs The Water Cooler by Rebecca Tanner rebecca@rio.dixie.edu Captain Reese looked up from the file he was reading across the room to the water cooler. An officer was filling a cup. Reese watched as a bubble of air rose to the surface and caused the water to slosh back and forth in the container. The officer lifted the cup to his lips and drank. When he was done he crumpled the cup and threw it into the wastebasket at the side of the cooler. Reese shook his head and went back to the report. He wasn't that thirsty. He swallowed. Who was he kidding? He had been thirsty ever since he moved into this office. The report sat unread on his desk as he remembered the first time he had tried to use that water cooler. That week was the first time he sent in a request to get that cooler fixed, for all the good it did. The repair man was no longer accepting service calls from this precinct. After the tenth time he had come out to find the water cooler operating flawlessly he had marched into Reese's office and informed him that he was not coming back unless he had a service request signed by at least three other officers verifying the problem. And he couldn't find three other people who had problems using the cooler. No one else had any trouble at all. Why, when he was the captain, did he always get the cooler when it fouled up? It just wasn't fair. How do you suck up to an inanimate object? It was completely outside his experience. He hadn't always had trouble with water coolers. He remembered his old precinct. The water cooler there had been wonderful. Gallons of water he had gotten from it to quench his thirst. It was like a faithful friend, always there when he needed it. He smiled fondly at the memory. Unfortunately, it only served to remind him of exactly *how* thirsty he was. He looked again at the water cooler across the room. The glistening water mocked him and his thirst. Reese stared at the cooler as if it were an enemy. With a determined look he stood and moved around his desk. This time, *this* time he would get the water. He would get it, or die trying. His face settled into grim determination and his steps were purposeful and deliberate as he made his way around the people and things in his path. He stopped in front of the cooler and glared at it. With a deep breath he pulled a paper cup out of the dispenser and placed it under the tap, with the other hand he grasped the tap. Nothing happened. He furrowed his brow, shifted his weight, and tried again. Still nothing happened. He didn't understand. Was this some sort of sick joke the cosmos was playing on him? As he stared at the cooler in frustration something in him snapped. He crushed the cup and threw it violently to the floor, not even bothering with the wastebasket. "I am sick and tired of this INFERNAL MACHINE!" he said with rising hysteria. The noise level in the station dropped as Capt. Reese's volume increased. By the time he had finished his sentence he had the undivided attention of everybody in the precinct. People began to move slowly towards the exits as they realized that the captain was berating an inanimate object. Reese was unaware of the cautious exit. His attention was completely focused on the cooler, which he now viewed as Evil Incarnate. He had told Nick that he couldn't understand what would cause a man to commit mass murder, but he understood now. He understood evil, and the impulses that drove men to do drastic things. It wasn't as incomprehensible as he thought. It was sitting right before him. Mocking him. Well, he knew what needed to be done with this evil. The cautious exit abruptly turned into a panicked stampede as Capt. Reese pulled his gun and emptied it into the cooler. "Die evil demonspawn, die!!" he shrieked. Glass shattered in all directions under the force of the bullets. The shards cut him deeply, severing an artery in his arm. He laughed as he saw his enemy destroyed before him. His laughter grew weaker as the blood rushed from his body. He was beginning to feel dizzy from the loss of blood. As he collapsed, he saw his life flash before his eyes. One particular scene stood out in his mind. He seemed to hear his heart beating in time to a hypnotic voice as he stared into a pair of bottomless blue eyes. And then he seemed to hear his own voice, It was his last thought as he slipped into unconciousness. The ambulance got there too late to save him. The cause of death was listed as exsanguination and the ME who made the report nobly refrained from adding anything about the water cooler. The End Rebecca Tanner rebecca@rio.dixie.edu We'll have our own war. It's cheaper than borrowing somebody else's. - Jon