Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 07:08:30 -0700
From: Hitchhiker <hitchhiker@weirdness.com>
Subject: SUBMISSION: Reflections (1/1)

Reflections
By Michelle David
*******

        Natalie studied the glass for a moment, admiring the ruby red
liquor, how the light reflected off of it, how it rippled when she moved her hand,
little eccentric nuances such as that. She then took a long draught from it,
trying to savor the delicous sensation as it coursed through her body.
        And she reflected.
        Natalie thought of her life in Toronto, her life as Natalie
Lambert, a coroner for the Metro Police. It was so long ago... it seemed like
centuries ago, countless eras before.
        And in a way, it was, wasn't it?
        She had been so different then, vulnerable, lonely. Yet fiercely
independent, a strange draw.
        Natalie thought about her first meeting with Nick, that fateful
night when she had been working overtime on her birthday. When he had been rolled
in. Such a waste, such a waste. Such a handsome young man, blown apart.
        But he hadn't been, had he? He had been Nicholas De Brabant, a
knight of the Cruasdes, he had been Nick Knight, a funny and charming detective.
He had been so much, seeking something that had been impossible. Seeking
mortality.
        And Natalie had in a way promised him a mortality, hadn't she?
She had promised him that she would work day and night in search of a cure, that
she would devote herself, body and soul, to being able to give him the chance to
see the sun again.
        A chance for him to be with her.
        But, fierce though her devotion was, they had been slipping.
Little... setbacks. Things that made Nick truly question the possibility that he
could be brought back across, that he could be able to live, truly live, and to
die. Just little things. A demon possession here, a copkiller's bullet there...
        And Natalie too had wondered, she had wondered if it would be
possible to bring him back when he was slipping too quickly, when he began to lose
his footing. She had had her doubts.
        But she loved Nick, she really did. She really longed for him,
she honestly dreamed of his touch, of his smile... she didn't want to be scared that
he couldn't be brought back.
        And she had honestly wondered if she was really making a
difference. If the only reason she felt she mattered to him was because she was 
his woman of the lifetime, that perhaps everytime he changed his name and moved 
off to anothercity he didn't fall in love with yet another Natalie.
        But did he really do for all of them what he had done for her
that night? 

*********

        The night had been long. She could barely keep her eyes open,
and as she stabbed meekly at the keyhole with her key she wondered if perhaps she
should get someone else to drive for her.
        She pulled out of the parking lot with relative ease, glad that
her hours were so late; that when she drove to work, most people were already
home, and when she drove back, the day had hardly begun.
        Perhaps she had been too engrossed with the thought of a normal
person's sleeping habits to see the Chevy's flashing lights, to hear the crash of
metal against metal.
        In the hospital, she remembered mostly only a curtain of gauze
covering her thoughts, seeing vauge shadows moving in pitch-black, hearing muffled
voices.
        But for some reason, the memory for Nick reluctantly biting
into her neck was crystal clear.

**********

        Was it only a few nights ago, when she had had the Big Fight
with him? When their different values clashed, when Natalie began to realize what a
mistake it all was?
        "Natalie!" he had yelled loudly, trying his best to refrain from
fully letting his rage out. "You are *not* going hunting tonight!"
        "And why not?" she had snapped back, her self-control already
slipping, her eyes specked with gold. "I have a right to!" She bared her fangs, as an
example. "Just because you don't want to doesn't mean I can't!"
        The next words, the next words had stung. Had stuned her. "I
would expect this from LaCroix, but..." He realized what he had said too late, much
to late.
        "What the hell do you mean?" she asked. "Nick, you with your
'hunting is bad' principals, and your angsty mood once I *embraced* my new self? 
You are *not* better than me for drinking down bovine, you know!" Her eyes were
crimson, now, fueled by so many things, by rage, rage that he looked down on her,
anger, and hunger, hunger for the sweetness only mortals offered. "I realize you
were the one who brought me across, but what I *didn't* realize is what a coward
you are!"
        And she had left. Three had died.

*********

        A tear slipped down her cheek. She didn't really care, though.
She just let it dry. For a moment, she thought of those little porecelian jester
statues, with their elongated, painted tears. Fake. Not like these tears of pain.
        Did she regret it? Leaving him?
        No.
        Yes.

**********

        In her rage, that night, she had simply thought to herself, he
can get himself another plaything if he wants! If he wants a good little girl
who drinks cow and never hunts, Tracy's still at the precinct. The thought had
brought her little amusement. As she stared into the eyes of her victims, she had
thought to herself, and yet, he compares me to LaCroix, simply for enjoying the
hunt! 
        After the third victim, she felt calm enough to relax. She hadn't realized 
he was standing in her presence, but now that she could concentrate, she realized 
that indeed, LaCroix had been watching her feed.
        "Natalie," he admonished, stepping behind her. She did not turn.
"Natalie, really, you're so..." he arched an eyebrow at the bloodstains on her
black dress, at the little specks of rust on her arm. "You really must learn to
excercise  more control when you hunt. After all," he said, staring into her eyes 
as she slowly turned, "Killing is never a good decision when you're in a rage." With 
a fluid gesture, he scraped a bit of dried blood off of her face. She didn't
move.
        Her tone was measured. "I'm sorry if I've caused a... disturbance, LaCroix."
He didn't say anything, which she took as a sign to proceed. "He... objected to
me embracing my newlyfound... talents."
        LaCroix sighed. "Ah, isn't that so much like him, though? Natalie... to
offer you this gift of immortality, and to then object to it." He paused. "He'll
get over it."
        She looked at him, and for a moment, a half a second, he could
see the gold. "What do you mean?"
        "Sooner or later, most likely sooner, he'll have to pack up and
move. In another city, under a different job, he'll meet someone else."
        She spoke bitterly. "It wouldn't surprise me," she half-spat out.

**********
        Natalie slipped out of her flashback and poured herself another glass.
        Perhaps this was really better for him. She would never give up her gift of
immortality, much less the 'fringe benifits', and he would never waver from his
ancient principles.
        Did she still love him? Did she still burn with the same passion for him
right now, at this moment, as she has felt so many other times? Did she?
        No.
        Yes.
        Was her love her him now more platonic, like a dear brother, rather than the
lover he had once been? Certainly, she did not hate him, not to any extent. But
yet, she didn't really want him. Perhaps all of the raw passions had been
shattered that night, when she had left him. And when the maya, the veil of
illusion, had been torn away when she saw the true LaCroix. And she had shed her
inhibitions, and finally felt truly alive, truly at peace.
        She looked out a window, into the night sky. It gave her a vauge sort of
thrill to know that, if she only wanted, she could fly, fly out into the night.
Perhaps that's what she had always longed to do- to fly away.
        She felt his presence as he opened the door.
        "Are you ready?" he asked her.
        She put down the glass. So many emotions flowed through her. Forgive me,
Nick. Please forgive me. Or, Nick, how was I to know, how was I to know how I
would drive us apart for eternity?
        An eternity before she spoke to him.
        "I'm ready," she said softly.
        He could sense it in her. "It's Nicholas, isn't it?"
        She couldn't speak. It was so hard to force out the words. Just open the
mouth, Natalie. Say it. Say it. "Yes."
        He stood next to her, running a hand through her hair. "It's hard for you."
        "Yes." A wall of mixed emotions kept any real expressions from escaping.
She laughed bitterly. "You know, when I mortal, I thuoght to myself, more than
once, that Nick was so right. And you were so wrong. That what you did, anything
for him, to get him back, was wrong." His arms wrapped around his daughter. "How
was I to know...? How can I think that now? Now that I've left, I can't let go
of my pride..." She sunk into his arms, seeking shelter from life's truths.
        It was the longest time before he spoke. "Natalie... you know he can't bear
the thought. Of you. Of you, hunting. It hurts him."
        Anger. "Why should it hurt him?" she asked. "It was his own choice, his own
doing that brought me across."
        He spoke reasonably, but as hurt as her. "His own choice... his own choice
to save you. His own choice to let you run free."
        "Run free?" she asked, her voice broken. "He hasn't let me run free. I... I
just couldn't face living like him." She smiled tightly. "Ironic, huh? Once, he
was all I lived for..." The dried tears were replaced with new ones.
        He took her into his arms, embraced her. "Do you want to go back?"
        She looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"
        He shrugged. "Do you think... if you went back to him, he would accept you?"
        She thought. "No. I... I can't go back. I can't. I was drawn to him... but
the light... the mystery left long ago." He was so understanding. He wasn't
forcing her. It was her own stubborness, her own determination to love him, but
now that she knew everthing, both sides of the story...
        "Stay with me."
        She sighed. "How I wish... but I can't."
        "Why not?" he asked. Still their eyes did not meet.
        "LaCroix... how can I see you, without seeing him?" She closed her eyes for
a moment. "How can I live each second of my immortal life, without knowing it was
him who has given me my gift?"
        She turned to him now, her face streaked with red. "Goodbye, LaCroix," she
said softly, turning to face the skies.
        His hands froze on her arms. "No. You can't."
        "If you truly meant that, you could easily overpower me," she said, gently
releasing herself.
        He looked at her, and she saw so much in his eyes. Pain. That dominated
his eyes, cool as an autumn afternoon. As if she would ever see *that* again.
"I do."
        She couldn't leave him. But the sorrows permeated her heart. Each drop of
immortal blood, in there Nick existed. But...
        Could she truly feel such dedication to the man? No, she couldn't. Yes,
of course. His hands recaptured hers and squeezed them tightly. "I'm not forcing
you, Natalie. But..."
        "I'll stay," she whispered, her voice low and raspy.
        "What?" LaCroix asked.
        "Together. With you. I need more time." She walked over to him, and fell
into his arms again.
        "Nicholas..."
        "I need more time," she repeated. "I don't know."
        "I have never known," LaCroix breathed, feeling the burden of his daughter's
sorrows.
        "Two thousand years?"
        "Yes."
        "And then we shall stay," Natalie said. "I wouldn't hurt Nick like you,
LaCroix, but I won't be able to ever return to him."
        LaCroix couldn't fathom his elusive child's mind, <Natalie, did
you but know...> but held her tightly in his arms.
        They didn't hunt that evening. Nor the next. They did again one
evening, but sorrow demanded to be drowned.
*********
The End


-- 
Michelle///hitchhiker@weirdness.com///Don't blame me, I'm on digest
mode///
"How does a tentacle sit in a beanbag chair?" "Thank you, naive human!
Now 
I can finish TAKING OVER THE WORLD! HAHAHA!" -Day of the Tentacle/// 
Gabriel Knight Loop Owner/Keeper of the GK FAQ/Ask me for info/
Schattenjager Wannabe///
Cuzn/UFBEARmantic/COTK/UT/NNP/Val/Fthful/FlrBster/