Date: Wed, 08 Jan 1997 15:31:46 -0800 From: Cat MacLean To: FKarchiver@fkfanfic.com Subject: Submission:Remember Me With Love REMEMBER ME WITH LOVE (c) 1996 Cat MacLean Disclaimers: The standard disclaimers apply with regard to Nick and Company. Also disclaimers apply to the owners of the song interwoven throughout this story. Authors Note: This story comes directly after "What Goes Around" which appeared recently on this same channel. This is the final portion of a four part series that started with "Can't Forget You" and "The Voice of the Raven" which are available on the fan fiction site. This portion should be rated no more than a PG for some language and a triple MMM (for mush). I know that I've disillusioned some Nick and Nat Packers with the previous stories in the series, but this one should redeem me to full membership status in that faction. Enjoy... REMEMBER ME WITH LOVE (01/4) *If one day you should go away *I know you say you'll always stay *Oh, but life takes funny turns at times *And has a way of changing minds *Though I could never be your friend *To me the end would be the end *But we've shared so much happiness, just remember ***** "Natalie, are you planning to eat your dinner or just play with it for another ten minutes?" Carol rested her chin on her hands and watched Natalie intently from across the table. Shaken from her daydreams, Natalie looked down at the shambles of her plate. Her mind was so much in another time and place, she'd completely forgotten what she'd ordered and she certainly couldn't tell from the swirled patterns of food in front of her. In fact, she'd even forgotten that she was at dinner at all until Carol's voice had brought her sharply back to reality. "What, oh, sorry, Carol." Natalie blinked at her companion and tried to recall their conversation. "What were you saying?" "I was saying that you're a class A-1 idiot, Nat. That's what I was saying." "What?" Natalie didn't remember personal insults being a part of a casual dinner chat with a friend. "I was saying that you are really starting to get on my nerves. You and Nick both. I swear, if I see you two being so damn polite to each other much longer, I'm going to smack both of you." "I don't know what you mean." Natalie folded her napkin carefully and covered the remains of her dinner with it. "Natalie, Natalie, come on, it's me, remember? You meet in the hallway, neither one of you says more than 'hi' and 'bye', you won't even look each other in the face and then yesterday in the lab, you stood in the door for a full minute trying to let the other one talk first. So, nobody said anything. Jesus. You are so damned stubborn. And so is that brick of a detective you're in love with. I'm going to lock the two of you in a closet somewhere until you get over it." "Stop it, Carol." Natalie smiled in spite of herself. Carol meant well, but Natalie felt awkward baring her soul to her, especially when she felt like ten kinds of a fool. "Let it out, Nat. Tell 'Carebear' all about it." Carol sounded like she was coaxing a reluctant two year old to eat her strained carrots. And it was just about as difficult. "You'll feel better, trust me." That did it; Carol was just too hard to resist. Natalie took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "OK, but stop me when I've made a complete idiot out of myself." "No problem. Stop." Natalie's head snapped up and Carol grinned at her. "No, just kidding, Nat, go on." "Funny, Carol, real funny. If you weren't my best friend..." "Who would give you a hard time? And who would listen and then put you back together again?" The gentleness of her tone softened her words. "Well, you know how things have been lately?" "You mean, the night out, the big fight, all that?" Carol nodded her head in encouragement. "Yeah, in a nutshell. Something's just not right. There's a distance between us that I just can't seem to get past." "I thought you got all that worked out; you thought he was with another woman and he wasn't and he thought you were with another man and you weren't, so everything could go back to abnormal." "Abnormal is right. We can't go back; Nick was the one who didn't want to go back to where we were, to what we were...before." Natalie forced herself to continue; it all sounded so cold, so casual, so unimportant. But, it was everything to her. "Sounds like a reasonable reaction. You can't push him, kiddo. You wouldn't want him to push you, would you? Be honest, Nat." "Stop being so damn rational, Carol. You're supposed to be on my side." Natalie sat back heavily in her chair, irritated with her friend and herself. "I am. Believe me, kiddo, I am. I don't want you to get hurt, again. It's just going to take you both a while; lovers have to begin as friends." "But, we were so much more than friends, Carol; we were so close." Natalie dabbed at the tears slowly slipping down her face. "I don't want to be 'just friends', Carol; I love him. And, it hurts...so bad." "I know, Nat, I know. You've got to give it time; time for both of you to get over the hurt." Carol reached across the table and placed her hand over Natalie's. "You're not alone. OK? You just need to give him some space. What's that line about loving something and letting it go? Cliches have a weird way of being true, you know." "I know, Carol. Part of me understands but, the rest of me just wants everything to be how it was...only better. I don't know what it is, but I don't know if I can believe the things he says to me. He says that he still loves me and that he's here for me, but I have such a feeling that I'll wake up someday and he'll be gone...whoosh, into the night." "Getting a little theatrical, aren't you? I mean, really, 'whoosh into the night'?" Carol cocked one inquisitive eyebrow at her. Natalie had to smile in spite of herself herself. Come on, you know what it's like to be in a bad relationship." "Yeah, I do." Carol huffed under her breath. "And that's how I can tell you that you're not in one. Not all men are like that bastard I was married to; they're not all lying sob's, Nat. You've got one who tells you the truth even if it hurts you; but it ended up hurting him, too. Afterall, he has only your welfare at heart. Jesus, listen to me of all people on the 'Nick's a wonderful man' bandwagon. Go back to him, Nat. Give him another chance. Let him give you another chance. They just don't make men like Nick anymore." "You're not kidding, Carol." Natalie smiled to herself. "Have you told him how you feel? Natalie shook her head mutely. "I didn't think so. Maybe, he feels that same way, that you're going to leave him, maybe that's why he's backing off. So what happens? The both of you tap dance around the subject and treat each other like strangers and you're both miserable. You've got to take some responsibility for your own actions, Nat. You're an adult; act like one. Why the hell are you talking to me when you should be talking to him?" Natalie was stunned by Carol's vehement and cruel sounding words. Then her true intentions sank in and Natalie almost laughed out loud. "You're right. I hate it, but you're right. You know, Carebear, having an older sister you never wanted can be a real pain in the ass sometimes." "I know and I'm always right; it's in my contract. So, scram. Go find him." Carol made shooing motions at Natalie. "Scat. No time like the present for soul baring conversation." Natalie rose from her seat and picked up her purse, rumaging for her wallet. "I'll get it. You hardly ate anything anyway. And, next time, I'll out fumble _you_ for the check." "Thanks, Carebear." Natalie squeezed Carol's hand once in gratitude. "What would I do without you?" Carol returned Natalie's gesture. "It's OK, you don't have to find out." She smiled before they both started to cry. "Just _try_ and get rid of me. Now, shoo." Smiling again and resolute, Natalie hurried out of the restaurant, turning at the door to give a small wave. to be continued...comments, etc. to: REMEMBER ME WITH LOVE (02/4) (see disclaimers in part 1) *I know you tell me every day *You'll love me till the end of time *I tell it to you just in case *Someday you are no longer mine *There's just one thing I'll ask of you *Since both of us have so much to lose *For all the things we've made it through *Just remember, please remember Natalie made her way through the labyrinth of hallways that made up the old building that housed both the Metro police station and the morgue. She was determined to have more than a three word conversation with Nick, if she had to make an appointment with Reese to do it. She tried to order her thoughts, to come up with all the right things to say to express herself. It wouldn't do to just stand there under that piercing blue gaze of Nick's and stammer like a scolded schoolgirl. An open elevator waited conveniently for her at the end of the hall, but Natalie disdained using it for two reasons. One, the lift was built circa 1800 something and she didn't want to get stuck in it until she'd lost her train of thought. Two, that train of thought hadn't quite left the station yet and she needed the extra time to think. She found herself counting the steps silently as she ascended the stairs. Carol's solution to the 'situation' seemed overly simplistic. Reese's voice could be heard echoing through the bullpen and out into the hallway. Natlie's steeled her nerves and stepped into the midst of chaos. The captain was standing over Nick and Tracy's desks, hands on his generous hips and a belligerent look on his face. She must be imagining the steam coming out of his ears. "Damn it, Knight. You and your partner better get your act together or you'll both be off this case and counting parking meters before the day's over. I want Blaise Connoly in custody and I want him yesterday." Before either detective could offer any kind of defense, Reese was gone, slamming his office door and leaving the two of them staring blankly at each other. "What the hell was that? Jesus Christ on a piece of toast." Tracy half stood up as if to follow Reese into his office, but then apparently thought better of bearding the lion in his own den and plopped back into her chair. A muffled snort from her partner caught her attention. She glared at Nick. "What?" The snort escalated into a full fledged chuckle and then to unrestrained laughter. "You." Nick could barely get the one word out. "Me what? What's so God damned funny, Nick?" Tracy leaned across the desk and shot daggers from her eyes at her partner, who had apparently taken leave of his senses. "You...never...swear, Trace." Nick was trying to compose his expression and having very little luck at it. "Yeah, well, sorry." She sat down and tried to look abashed. "Well, there was just no reason for the Captain to holler at us like that. I mean, we're working on the case; Connoly must have a real good bolt hole. There's an APB out, the RCMP have been alerted, too. He's just vanished." Natalie took the opportunity to slip into the room and the conversation. "Hi, guys. What's new?" Tracy started to splutter all over again until she caught the ingenuous cat-ate-the canary-grin on Natalie's face and realized she was being had. Nick was still smiling from Tracy's outburst as he turned to face Natalie. The sweetness of his expression as he met her eyes nearly broke her heart to see and she fought to keep an answering smile on her own lips. "Nat, hi." It was only two words, but it seemed that a door opened before her. She had only to take the first step and then another, down to her doom or up to her salvation. "Nick." She lingered over the one small syllable of his name as if she could say it forever and never tire of the sound. "Well, I think I'll just go..." Tracy gathered up a file and rose from her chair. She could see that neither Nick or Natalie were listening to her, intent as they were on each other. "I'll just go solve a murder...or maybe commit one of my own." Her words fell on deaf ears as she hastily headed for the door, leaving the other two alone. "Nick..." "Nat..." "Go ahead..." "You first..." They stopped, stopped speaking, stopped smiling and at least one of them stopped breathing. "Nick, we're doing it again." "Doing what, Nat?" He looked down into eyes as if he were trying to look into her heart. "Screwing it up, that's what." Slowly, shyly she reached out and touched his sleeve. It felt like an electric charge in her fingertips. How she'd longed to touch him again, even in this tiny way. "Nat." Nick apparently felt some of the charge himself, his voice was low, yet filled with unspoken emotion. "It's the end of shift. Let's go home. I mean, let me take you home?" Natalie clutched at the fabric of his jacket to keep her hand from shaking, but the attempt didn't help her trembling voice. "I'd like that." "Me, too." From the corner of the room, two uniforms watched the detective and coroner as they left the bullpen together. Willet tugged his wallet from a back pocket, removed two bills and passed them to Gardner. She plucked the cash from his hand with a smirk. "I told you so. Never underestimate the power of true love." Nick and Natalie didn't speak as they made their way out of the precinct, down the massive stairs of the building and out into the cool dampness. It was last hour of their shift; when it was the coldest and the darkest, when the night held it's breath before giving way to the new life of the dawn. The caddy sat at the curb, illegally parked as usual, a huge slumbering beast under the street lights. The top was up, Nick's silent acknowledgement that for once the weathercaster might be right. Nick opened the heavy door for Natalie and waited as she slid in, not quite to the middle, but not quite on the passenger side, either. A concession of space, an unspoken willingness to meet him halfway or maybe just a bit more. Natalie watched Nick as he stode around the front of the caddy, slipped into the driver's seat, and quickly brought the powerful engine to life. She couldn't help but watch him. In his own way, he was as powerful and imposing as the machine he drove. Sleek, dangerous... Still, she had a soft spot for anything that Nick loved, even this damned caddy. As they pulled out into the sparse traffic of the pre-dawn, Natalie checked her watch. "Nick, why don't we go to your place? I mean, it's awfully close to dawn, don't you think?" Nick glanced quickly at her, gauging her intent, then returned his attention to the road. "I'd like to talk, if you would." After a moment, a dreadfully long moment, Nick nodded once as if coming to a monumental decision. "Sure, Nat, if you don't mind being stuck at my place all day." "No. No, that's ok." She relaxed into the plush upholstery of the caddy, relieved and scared to death simultaneously. ***** "Nat. Nat, we're here." Nick's soft voice penetrated her hazzy thoughts and she sat up abruptly, flushed with embarassment. "I guess I dozed off. Sorry." Natalie pushed herself fully upright and straghtened her coat. Not only had she fallen asleep, but she'd apparently been resting her head on Nick's shoulder as she slept. Her cheek itched from the wool of his jacket and she lifted a hand selfconsciously to her heated face. "It's ok, Nat." Nick turned in the seat to face her, a half-smile on his lips, a wistful, hopeless look. "You were tired. Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?" "No, thanks." Impulsively, she placed her hand on his as it rested on the steering wheel. "This is where I want to be." The cool hand was withdrawn from under Natalie's warm one as Nick opened the car door, exited and went around to help her out. He offered her his arm as they made their way to the elevator and she took it. It was a chess game, a pawn moved, another pawn responded, the end game was yet to come. God willng, both black knight and white queen would still stand at the conclusion of the match. It was silent in the lift except for the creakings and moanings of the ancient apparatus. The rise to the loft had never seemed so long, for either of them. Jerking to a halt, the far off motor whined down, Nick slid the heavy, battered door to one side and motioned for Natalie to preceed him. "Can I get you anything, Nat?" He was all politeness, to a stranger. Nick shed his coat and scarf tossing them haphazardly onto a chair and striding into the tiny kitchen. "Tea would be nice, if you have it." The polite response of a guest. Natalie draped her own coat over Nick's and noted the symbolic closeness of the garments with envy. When she reclaimed her coat she knew that it would carry the scent of him, musk with that ever so slight acidic taint of blood that never left him. Would that be all she had to remember him by when the dawn had come? She sat carefully on the couch and waited for him to join her. It was nearly time, time for the queen to make her move. to be continued...comments, etc. to: Date: Wed, 08 Jan 1997 15:35:45 -0800 From: Cat MacLean To: FKarchiver@fkfanfic.com Subject: Submission:Remember part 2 REMEMBER ME WITH LOVE (03/4) (see disclaimers in part 1) *Remember me with love, baby, remember me with love. *No matter where or when, if you think of me again, *Remember me with love, baby, remember me with love. *I know that you care for me, but if someday you set me free *Remember me with love. *Seems like everywhere I turn *Somebody else is breaking up *I know as far as I'm concerned *With you I'll always be in love. *But, if one day you feel differently *All you have to do is come to me *I will let you go so easily, but remember, please remember. Nick set the fragile tea service on the coffee table in front of a surprised Natalie. Normally, a mug of hot water and a teabag would have been offered in the not so distant past. She felt him pushing her away, ever so slightly, ever so diplomatically. The china clinked together in a disharmonic way. Natalie focused on pouring her tea, adding the milk, stirring slowly, exactly five times, tapping the spoon delicately and sipping once, twice, setting the cup back into it's saucer. The ritual calmed her racing and unruly thoughts. Natalie looked up at Nick seated in the corner chair, a careful distance from her, not too distant, but not invasively close. Was that for his benefit or hers? "So, what did you want to talk about, Nat?" The question was disarming, unexpected, the barest hint of a smile on his face didn't quite reach his eyes. "Well, not the weather." Natalie's attempt at light humor fell flat between them. "Nick, things can't go on the way they are between us. I know we can't go back. The only place to go is forward, maybe our separate ways. So, this is goodbye, if you want it to be." She held her breath and tried to close her eyes tightly against the light in the room, against the pain in her heart, but she couldn't. The offer of release lay on the chess board between them, the queen had begun the intricate dance of movements, advance and retreat; the knight was silent, imobile. "What are you talking about, Nat?" Nick sat forward in his chair, his artist's hands flattened on his knees, gazing at her, questing for a deeper meaning to her words. "Are you going somewhere?" "No, you are. If you want to." Natalie stammered to a halt. "God, I'm getting this all wrong." She concentrated all her thoughts to clarity and truth. "The past few weeks have been awkward, for both of us. You've been avoiding me and I got my feelings hurt and started to avoid you too. I'm sorry." Nick let her statement about his lack of contact with her pass. How could he refute the absolute truth of her words. But, leave her...? "Nat, I don't plan on going..." "Please, don't interrupt me or I'll never get through this." "Nat, you don't have to do this." "Yes, I do, Nick...for myself and for you, for us." Natalie fought through a momentary shroud of indecision. Pressing her lips firmly together and gathering her shaken emotions together, she began again. The renaissance timepiece on the mantel ticked away the mortal minutes of life, a counterpoint to her quiet voice, the rest was silence. "I believe you're telling me the truth when you say that you'll be here for me, but I also understand that you have the right to change your mind. What I'm trying to tell you is that if you feel you have to leave, I won't try to stop you." Nick shook his head in denial. "Nat, I won't leave you. I promised you that." No matter what transpired between them, his honor would not allow him to desert her. Black knight to white queen, constant defender and protector. "I can't hold you to that promise, Nick. You already have left me in some ways; things have changed, we've lost what we've had in the past." "It's not lost, Nat, just mislaid for a while." For a moment, she could look into his eyes and see down the path of ages, see the long years of lost chances, mislaid dreams. How many had he been able to retrieve? Would their dream be one of the lucky ones? "You believe that?" Hope warred with resolution; she would go forward at the peril of her future. White queen's gambit, risking the game, a feint within a feint. "I do. And, I won't accept that you don't believe it, too, Nat." She'd been the keeper of his faith, the keeper of his cold heart for too long to deny her power over him. He waited. Natalie groped for the right words, the words that would sound with truth. Nick wasn't making this easy for her; in all fairness, he couldn't. That was her point, she was her own person, responsible for her own self esteem, self reliant; she would meet him on the field as on equal in the game or not at all. She shook her head slowly, auburn wisps floating around her pale face. She raised her eyes to his. Her grief was plain, hope lurked just beyond the agony of self discovery. Unaware of her own responsibilites no longer, her path was difficult and strewn with hazard. "Nick, I'm not sure you can understand how I feel about you, about us; I don't know that I even comprehend it, but I've come to realize that I can't keep you with me out of guilt or a feeling of responsibility, or even 'honor'. Or, because you think there's a chance that I can give you back your mortality. I can't make you into what I want you to be, Nick. I don't want you that way. "I don't want to end up like all those terrible late night movie tragedies where the heroine spends her life pining away for a man who doesn't love her and watches all the joys of life pass her by. Or, worse, she has such a stranglehold of guilt on him that both their lives are ruined and empty." Natalie blinked the budding tears back with a vengenance. Her breathing changed to a brief tortured laughter, at her own expense. "It's been a real eye-opener of a realization for me; I have to stand on my own two feet and be a separate person from you, not depending on you for what I need, but able to accept, on an equal level, what you want to give, what you're able to give. I have to let you go to be free myself." The tears would not be restrained, but slipped hotly down her face, tracing the path of her anguish. "God, growing up's a bitch. I don't want you to need me, I need you to want me." Nick fought his initial impulse to go to her, to hold her close and protect her from...herself. Something in her eyes denied him that right, willed him not to move. She was on a journey and determined to forge the way alone. He ached to watch her struggle, yet was proud of the strength he saw rising in her spirit. No matter how strong the desire, the knight was restricted, contained. Of it's own will, Natalie's trembling hand reached out to him, for the solace and comfort he'd always offered. Slowly, her hand folded into itself, was captured by it's mate and both lay stilled in her lap. She felt alone and yet more powerful than if she was standing before an invisible army. "Nick, this is the bottom line. Can you love me?" The knight was threatened. Nick was speechless for a long minute. Natalie had bared her soul to him, exposed the fragile framework of her searching heart. "On my honor, I do, Nat, you know that I do." "That wasn't my question, Nick. Not, _do_ you love me, _can_ you love me? Are you willing to take the risk of loving me?" "Yes, as far as I'm able to." He forced himself to meet her gaze, to let her see the weakness of will that bound him. "What the hell does that mean, Nick?" She deserved his honest, considered answer; he'd sworn that she would hear only truth from him, no matter the cost. He came to her then, sitting carefully beside her, brushing a strand of silky hair from her cheek, caressing that cheek lightly and then taking both her hands into his, conveying with his feathery touches the depth of his uneasiness, his feelings of unworthiness. "It means, Natalie, that I don't know if I'm even capable of this all consuming love you're looking for. I can't love you the way I want to." His voice trailed off into a faint whisper as he turned his head away from her. "The way I need to." Black knight retreated. "Can't or won't?" "Can't. It's too dangerous for you." Briefly, he allowed his eyes to flare with gold, the inner beast would be seen, acknowledged and then firmly leashed, waiting for the day it might break free. He was protecting her once again, a hard habit to break, but she denied the shelter he offered. "Don't give me that sanctimonious, idealistic bullshit anymore, Nick. I've heard it all before. I know the beast can be controlled." A brave move by the queen, a costly one, a dangerous one. "So, why can't I? Is that what you want to know, Nat?" She was compelling him to look within to that darkened place where love battled with need. Had Natalie managed this setting just to replay all the injuries they'd inflicted on each other in the recent past, to deliver an ultimatum of sorts, to point out all his flaws and inadequacies and dissect them one by one? The black knight stood between the white queen and her goal, victory still out of her reach. She saw his pain, knew that she was the cause and forged on. "Vachon's theory is that if you admit the existence of something, acknowlege it's power, you can begin to master it. You've spent so many years denying the vampire within you that you've forgotten how to control it." "I've tried, Nat. You know how I've tried." "But, you were alone then; I was too self absorbed to see how to help you. I understand, Nick. I know your flaws, not as well as you do, but I also know your strengths that you diminish with your guilt." "I'd still end up killing you, Natalie, now there's a bottom line for you. And, I couldn't bear that." Natalie gripped his hands harder, binding him to her, not willing to admit defeat. "No, what you can't bear is the thought of trying to love someone, as you are, not as you think you should be. Because then you'd have to be yourself, all that you are, not just one facet of yourself; you'd have to let that person into your life, Nick." "I _did_ let you in. I tried to, anyway, and you walked away from what you saw. You made it very clear that night at the Raven." His voice was full of self-righteous anger underlaid by pain. Black knight challenged and waited. "I was scared, Nick, I _am_ scared. Let me tell you, any sane 'human being' should be scared of getting into a relationship...scared to death." "Only in this case, it might be literal, Nat. Don't forget that." "I can't forget it; you won't let me. But, you do let it get in the way of every happiness we could possibly find together. I love _you_, Nick. I don't give a damn if you're a vampire, a mortal or the man-in-the-moon. I won't deny what you are. You can't continue to deny the vampire; you suppress it, bury it so deep that when it surfaces it's like a volcano erupting. Let it out, a little at a time and we'll learn to handle it...together. Just admit that you're not perfect, I'm not perfect, nobody's perfect. And, nobody gets all the blame when things don't go according to plan. There's plenty of guilt to go around." White queen captured the black knight. As her heartfelt words penetrated his mind, Nick felt the warmth of her love wash over him in palpable waves. He could feel the heat of her body, hear the beloved rhythym of her heart, smell the heady scent of roses. There was no fear in her; this woman before him offered him all she was, and all that he could be with her. She was his Grail, his long-sought goal, not mortality, but the acceptance that smoothed away his past and looked forward to a future. Nick hugged her roughly to him, hiding the single tear and whispered into her hair, admitting the long hidden truth. "That's one inescapable fact I've discovered in 800 years, Nat, the world never seems to run out of guilt. I never found anyone strong enough to share mine." "I'm here now, Nick, and I'm strong...stronger than I ever knew I could be." She looked up into his deep blue eyes and smiled through her crystalline tears. "Together, we're damn near invincible." Mate. to be continued...comments, etc. to: REMEMBER ME WITH LOVE (04/4) (see disclaimers in part 1) The night had long passed away and with the breaking of the new day came the dawning of a new reality. They had spoken the inner truths, wept the hidden tears, purged themselves of anger, mis-trust and betrayal, real and imagined, until only faith, hope and love remained. Natalie felt as if she'd been suffered the pangs of rebirth and emerged a new soul. The clarity of her thoughts, the strength of her convictions were a pillar of steel that held her. She was free. And, in her acceptance of his own reality, Nick had found the beginnings of his own release from guilt; he was worthy of being loved and so was capable of loving. ***** "Oh, my God, Nick." Natalie stood transfixed in horror by the images looming larger than life from the immense televison screen. The voice of the reporter tolled the news like a funeral bell. "And, in a breaking story just in from our city correspondent, Blaise Connoly has been found dead in Allan park, apparently from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. As you know, Connoly was being sought by local law enforcement agencies as a suspect in the brutal murder of his estranged wife just one week ago. At this time, Metro police homicide detectives have released no official report, however, our sources have obtained a copy of the actual suicide note left by Connoly which reads in part: 'I killed her to keep her safe, safe from what I was afraid I would do to her. Now, no one can hurt her anymore.'" "Headline News consulted local psychiatrist Dr. Gerald Taylor for an analysis of what might have been the motive behind Blaise Connoly's apparent murder of his own wife, a woman he professed to love. Dr. Taylor?" "It would appear to me, that Mr. Connoly was certainly suffering from a distorted sense of reality. In my opinion, Mr. Connoly thought he would 'save' his wife by killing her and remove the possibility that he would injure her in one of his 'rages' caused by his mental instability. That she would no longer be in danger from him was paramount in his mind. The fact that he killed her to save her made perfect sense to him in his condition.' "Thank you, Dr. Taylor. Stay tuned for more details on this story, later at our regularly scheduled time." Blindly, Natalie reached for Nick's hand and was relieved when he clasped it tightly in his own. He pulled her urgently to him and held her as if he would never release her. Natalie clutched at him in return. "Nick, that woman, what her husband did. He killed her because he loved her, so much." She was horrified, not only at the crime committed, but her feelings of familiarity, of understanding. "I know, Nat. I know." He did know what Natalie was thinking, for he had reached the same realization. "He put her out of reach, where he couldn't hurt her anymore...the same way I was pushing you away...so that I couldn't hurt you...anymore than I have." She pulled away and brought her hands to his face. "It's wrong. It doesn't work." "No, it doesn't, does it, Nat? I've been a shadow of a man for so long, that I'd forgotten how to be there for someone else, out of love, not because I felt I owed it to them. Here is where I want to be, with you." "Carol was right and I'll never hear the end of it. 'If two people love each other, nothing else matters'." "Nat..." "Shut up, Nick." She stood on her tiptoes, linking her arms around his neck and kissed him, softly. Nick obeyed her as he ran both hands through the mass of her hair and kissed her again in apology, in promise of a new future. Natalie couldn't _make_ Nick love her, he already did. But, what she had done was give him the freedom to love her on his own terms within his own limitations. Whether those limitations were real, imagined or self-imposed out of guilt or 800 years of living left to undo didn't matter. She revelled in his love, freely given, and his avowal that he was where _he_ wanted to be. For his part, Nick marveled at the incredible woman he held in his arms. She had seen him for all that he was and now she accepted him freely for who and what he was. That didn't mean that the quest for mortality was forgotten, oh, no, it only meant that there were more important things in this life. Being with Natalie was one of them, loving Natalie as much as he could, whenever he could was the most important. They had both learned vital lessons in the endless night and day gone by; no matter how long you lived there was always something you didn't know. No matter what you thought you knew, there was always the possibility that you were wrong. No matter how long you thought you would live, there may be no tommorrow, and second chances don't come often. They were both determined to make the most of this second chance they'd been given. finis There. All put back together again with new insights and new hopes for a better or at least a more honest future. Hope you enjoyed the series as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks ever so for reading...