Date: Sun, 2 Jan 1994 20:08:29 CDT "Sidney Meets Janette" by Dionne E. Nelson *I'm happy. I'm on my persons lap.* I purred a little song to myself and my person Natalie. It had been a good day, Natalie had stayed home with me and cleaned things. I didn't like all the smells or the beast she called a 'vacuum cleaner', but she was reading now and petting me like she was supposed too. She didn't even smell like that 'formaldehyde' or dead people. I didn't understand that, when I give her a dead mouse she gets mad at me, but she spends all day with dead people. Cats are so much simpler, but Natalie is a good person so I obey her rules (most of them anyway) and she feeds me and pets me. *Wait, what was that?* I got up to investigate, that was one of my jobs, to protect my person from bad things. *Natalie, I think there is something out the window.* "What is it Sidney? Do you see a bird?" my person said. She didn't see it, and she rarely believed me when I said there was a bad thing - she even thought the 'vacuum cleaner' was a good thing! *Hello? Is there someone out there?* I asked. No answer. I decided that I needed to go on patrol so I checked all the windows. I thought I saw it again and now I could smell something dead. It smelled putrid, like something that had been dead for a long time, and something that was still fresh. It was a very strange smell and it scared me. I'm a HouseCat so protecting my person is very easy, I don't know how to stop the really bad things like cars and this was definitely worse than a car. *Go away! Get away from my house! I rule here!* I declared as I did my patrol. The smell was still there and I didnUt know what is was. It sort of reminded me of Natalie's friend Nick. He always smelled bad, like that 'gun' he carried, weren't his teeth enough? Nick had good teeth for a person. He also smelled like the blood from hamburger wrappers, and something else that I couldn't identify, something old. This smell seemed old, but there was more to it. "Sidney, calm down. There is nothing out there. Here kittykittykittykitty" Natalie didn't know her danger so I continued my patrol. I finished checking the windows and doors, the door was still safe but the windows were covered in the Bad Smell. Then I went to check the interior of all the rooms, even behind the toilet. As I was doing that I heard Natalie make a 'phone call' on the talking thing. "Ned Carter? Hi, this is Natalie Lambert from down the hall. I know this sounds silly, but is your cat acting strangely?" 'yeah, she is. just a minute ago angie started going berserk. she growled and checked all the windows twice. she's calming down now. what did sidney do?' "He went nuts too, only he's still checking out the apartment. I'm a little worried." 'if both cats got upset at about the same time i'm inclined to worry too. angie gets jumpy during thunderstorms but sidney is unflappable. want me to keep my ears open?' "Could you please? And if Sidney doesn't calm down soon I might just call the police." 'they'd come because of a nervous cat?' "No, but they might for a prowler. I'm good friends with a guy in homicide, so he'd be willing to stop by." 'ok, how about i call you in about 5 min. to check on you. and if i miss it could you call the police anyway?' "Sure thing. In the mean time I'll get out the Pounce." She hung up the 'phone'. Does she know I understand her? Probably not, otherwise she would beleive me when I said she was in danger. But what was she (and I) in danger from? The Bad Smell was fading, maybe it was going to be ok. I continued my patrol anyway, better safe than sorry. I checked the kitchen, the pantry, and under everything. The Bad Smell was gone. Good. Of course I had to stay alert all night to make sure it stayed gone, but things were looking up. *Look out Natalie! It's back.* I warned. She looked a little nervous, at least she was listening to me. *It's in the hallway! It coming!* I screamed. *Go AWAY! Your not welcome here! This is my space, GO AWAY!* Then I started swearing. It was in the hallway coming this way. I glared at the door, trying to make the thing go away. "What is it Sidney? I don't like this at all." my person said as she went into the kitchen, and came out carrying the huge butcher knife. Good, she did understand. There was a knock on the door. IT WAS HERE! and it knocked? This was not good. My person looked through the peep hole, and laughed. *No! Don't Open the Door! You'll let it in!!* I screamed but my person opened the door anyway. What did she think was out there! The thing was tall and dark. It looked like a woman wearing a black dress with dark hair. And the smell. The smell at the windows was nothing compared to this stench of death and decay. The most amazing thing was that it was wearing 'Chanel #5'! Like a mere perfume could cover the odor of it's vileness. *GET OUT! THIS IS MY PLACE! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE! GO BACK TO YOUR OWN HELL AND LEAVE US ALONE!!* I bristled my fur and showed all my teeth and claws. "Janette. I wasn't expecting you." My person actually spoke to the thing! Natalie was scared. Why did she open the door for the monster? At least she hadn't lowered the knife. "Don't worry, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would see where you lived." That thing could speak! That meant it could think too! *GO AWAY! GET BACK! LEAVE US ALONE!* "Ah, ok. How did you know I lived here?" At least my person hadn't invited the monster inside yet. But she was relaxing, wasn't she still afraid of that thing? "I check the phone book. DonUt worry Natalie, I won't hurt you." Uh-oh. It knew my persons name. *@^$%@&!&#(!^)(&$^#@* I swore venomously. "Do you promise?" Promise? You don't ask monsters to promise. They always lie. "Of course. Nicholas would never forgive me if I let something happen to you. Besides, he wants to bring you over himself, even if he won't admit it. And I still love him to much to take that away from him." Who was Nicholas? Did it mean Nick? They did smell something alike, but Nick merely smelled bad. This was EVIL. Natalie opened the door! "Please come inside" she said. Her voice trembled a little, but she lowered the knife anyway. How could she be so foolish? Not only was she letting the monster come inside but she actually invited the thing! *THIS IS MY SPACE AND YOU CAN'T COME IN!! GET OUT!! BEGONE YOU EVIL THING!!!* It walked into my house like it belonged here, looked at me and said "You would have a cat wouldn't you." *IF YOU TOUCH MY PERSON I WILL TAKE MY STRONG SHARP CLAWS AND RIP YOU INTO LITTLE BITS LIKE TOILET PAPER AND THEN LEAVE YOU FOR THE RATS IN THE BASEMENT WHO WILL EAT YOU AND LEAVE YOU IN EVEN SMALLER PILES OF EXRIMENT ALL OVER TOWN!!!* I had to protect Natalie from this abomination! *Get behind thee, Devil!!* *Begone you pathetic little hairball.* It growled in return. OHHH SSSSHHHHIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!! I bolted. I was so scared that I just couldn't stay there anymore. *Natalie, come under the bed with me! We'll be safer here!* I called to her, trying to tell her how to save herself. "Did you have to scare Sidney like that?" Good, she was going to try to protect me and hopefully herself. "I was just telling him to stop that infernal racket. I don't think he understood. Cats are such stupid creatures." "Considering that his brain is the size of a walnut, he's very smart." If my person thought I was so smart why was she still talking to the monster instead of hiding under the bed where it was safe? "Exactly my point. So this is your apartment. Interesting" I heard the monster moving around. It was no doubt touching everything, coating my house with it's horrible stench! "Uh, yeah, thanks. I've lived here for 4 years, so unless I take out a wall I'm happy with it." How could she show off our den to the thing? "I like the color. What do you call it, Soft Magenta?" Nothing that smelled that badly could be an interior decorator! It was going to kill us!! *GO AWAY!!* "Morning Fuchsia actually. Sidney, calm down, its ok honey." She tried to calm me! How could she not understand!! RRRIIINNGGG!!! *FUCKK!!!* I jumped and hit my head on the bed frame!!! "yelp!" Natalie jumped in surprise too. "Hello?" Her voice was shaky again. "natalie? are you alright? i'm calling the police right now.' "No, it's ok. It was just a, ah, a friend of mine. She, ah, owns several very large dogs. The cats must have smelled the dogs." *NO!! CALL THE POLICE!! IT'S INSIDE! MAKE IT GO AWAY!! HELP ME!!* I screamed, hoping Angie's person would understand me. *i'll try sidney* I heard Angie say over the 'phone'. She was a good neighbor, I'll have to give her a mouse when this is over. 'are you sure natalie? sidney doesn't sound convinced.' "I'm positive" I heard her voice tremble again. "Every thing is fine. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all." 'i don't believe you. can you tell me your friends name?' "Ok, It's Nick Knight, but he knows Janette too." So, the monsters name was Janette, and it did know Nick! That meant Nick was a monster too!! I felt faint. 'ok, i'm calling the police. just hang on.' Click, he hung up the talking thing. "How sweet, a neighborhood watch program." I could hear contempt in its voice, hopefully Natalie heard it to. "We got worried when the cats went berserk. They thought something very bad was going to happen. I was relieved to find out it was just you." "The devil you know?" "Exactly." "Well, if Nicholas is coming I should stay and talk to him. He will probably be mad at me for bothering you." "Ok, yeah that's a good idea. He's been know to get a little over protective of me. Unfortunately he was right that time." "Oh really? Tell me what happened." I heard the monster sit on the couch. It was in my spot!! "Ok, it all started..." Natalie started to tell the monster all about Roger who smelled like anger. Natalie was just finishing the story when I heard two men in the hallway. And I smelled 'guns'. Well, I think I smelled 'guns' the stench was so strong I could barely smell my own litterbox! There was a knock at the door and I heard Natalie get up to answer the door. RHi Nick, IUm afraid my cat has an overactive imagination." "No, not really. Hello Janette, what brings you to this part of town?" That was Nick's voice, at least he always ignored me. "Hey Nat, nice living room. Red is a very sensual color. I didn't know you had it in you. It doesn't go with your favorite perfume, Eau du Formaldehyde.' Who was this dweeb? "I was just curious." the monster sounded so sure of its self. "As in curiosity killed the cat? Where is the cat anyway?" What did Nick want with me? "I think Sidney's under the bed, and I don't think he's coming out anytime soon." Natalie sounded worried about me. *GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!! ALL OF YOU!! GO AWAY* I repeated. "Yep, under the bed. And frightened out of his wits." Natalie sounded annoyed. "I should be going now." The monster stood up. "I'm sure I'll speak to you later Nicholas. Goodbye Natalie, Mr. Schanke." It walked out into the hallway and was gone. *GET OUT AND TAKE YOUR STENCH WITH YOU!!*I shrieked at it. Nick laughed at me! *How dare you laugh! You smell like a monster too!* "He has a point" Nick said. "Who?" the dweeb again. "Sidney, he doesn't appear to like Janette very much." a pause. "Nat, are you alright?" A laugh, "I'm fine. She said she still loved you too much to hurt me. She promised. Besides, I think she really did just stop by to see where I lived." my person was starting to relax. Was it over? "Ok, want me to call you when I get off duty?" Nick sounded like he wanted to talk to her now. "No, that's ok, but you had probably better talk to Janette soon. I think she might be getting jealous." How could Natalie treat the monster like it was a person? "That could be problematic. I'd try to help you get Sidney out from under the bed but all I'd do right now is scare him more." Yeah, right, he was real concerned. "Don't worry about him. He'll come running just as soon as I open a can of tuna cat food." I was too upset to eat. "Sounds yummy, I'm glad you don't make me eat that stuff." I didn't want to know what Nick ate. "Sorry to bring you guys out here for nothing. I feel sort of silly for panicking." My person was embarrassed. "Don't, if she had wanted to hurt you... I don't want to think about that. I'll talk to you later. Bye." "Bye" They left and Natalie closed the door. *Hold me Natalie! I'm scared!* "It's ok Sidney, I'm right here." I could see her face peaking under the bed, looking for me. "Don't worry baby, I won't Janette the Big Bad Vampire hurt you." *You knew how evil the monster was and you let it in anyway?* "It's ok, she's gone. Here sit on my lap. Let me hold you." My person tried to comfort me. I eventually fell asleep in her arms. The end