This is my first attempt at fan-fic, any constructive criticism, comments, compliments are gratefully appreciated. e-mail to: bp116@freenet.carleton.ca The usual standard disclaimers etc...apply Things That Go Bump In The Night by Lara D. Sandala Natalie Lambert cautiously edged her wayy into the Raven, looking anxiously around to see if Nick was there. Nope, looked like the coast was clear. If Nick knew she was here, he'd have a cow.(and not the bottled kind, either). He seemed loathe to have her around his vampire buddies, they'd probably think she was an hor doerve, he'd said. She did feel little frissons on her back, but she really needed to talk to Janette about something, and it was none of Nick's business, really, she hung out with! Sighting Janette in a corner booth, curled up with a book Natalie wended her way toward her. Completely engrossed in her book, Janette didn't notice her approach. "Um, hello, is this seat taken?" "Yargh!" Janette gave a start, clutching the book to her chest. "It is very rude to sneak up on someone like that!" Janette looked at Natalie thru narrowed eyes. "Good book?" Natalie tried to break the ice. "Very. So what brings Nicolah's little 'friend' to my door- step? Slumming?" "No, nothing like that" Natalie nervously wrung her fingers and sat down opposite her. "I...It's about Nick, I need to talk to you about Nick", she breathed nervously. "Why not talk to 'Nick' about 'Nick'?" "Yousee, that's just the problem, he's off on one of his sulks again. To be frank, he really pisses me off when he gets like this, and I wanted to know, since you've known him longer than I have--" "Understatement." "--if you've found a good way to snap him out of it?" "Sulks...hmm, would this be the 'I'm so awful, I hate what I am' sulk, or is it the 'There's no hope, I'll never be mortal again' one, or could it be 'I have feelings for someone, but how could anyone love a monster like me', Janette counted them off one by one on her fingers. "Or 'LaCroix is being mean to me again', or 'Why can't I have a life? It's not !' or 'I feel so sorry for myself, I'll drink some blood, which will make me feel even more self-loathing than before.'" She put one finger up and down, up and down, trying to decide if there were any she'd forgotten. "I think it's all of the above, actually." Natalie said. "Hmmm...I think this calls for something drastic...have you told Nicolah about your feelings?" "No, he'd just feel even more guilty." "Tell me Natalie, may I call you Natalie?" at the other one's nod, she went ahead "Well, then Natalie, I will tell you what 'pisses off'! You and Nicolah are both behaving like a pair of ! Do you enjoy hanging around on hold 'til Nicolah gets his act together and decides to do something about your feelings for each other? You're being convenient. He runs around with other women, and when things don't work out, there's always 'good old Natalie' waiting patiently to make things better. Have a little dignity, Natalie, don't let him tak e you so much for granted! 'Fish or cut bait', sister!" Natalie nodded her head in agreement. "I like the way Nick seems to take me for granted, and I think it's pathetic the way he in self pity, I wish he'd 'get a life'!" "You need to express that to Nicolah! Help him see he needs to change." "But how?" "Here, this is an excellent book, I think we can modify the treatment a bit, but it will certainly make a statement Nicolah won't be able to ignore, and it will help you get rid of some pent-up frustration, as well!" Janette handed Natalie the book she'd been reading. "The Moccasin telegraph and other stories by W.P. Kinsella" "It's very good, the author wrote the original story for 'Field of Dreams'. Now you sit and read that, so you;ll understand my plan, and I'll get back to business, and when I'm done, we'll go and start working on your little problem". "I'm really grateful for your help, Janette, but I'm also a little surprised that you'd be willing to." Janette's eyes became serious, "This whining of Nicolah's is also beginning to annoy LaCroix, he might tire of Nicolah." "Won't that be a good thing?" asked Natalie. Janette shook her head "Not with LaCroix, if he tires of something that doesn't amuse him any longer and annoys him as well, he might decide it's 'fun' to kill it - a can kills a mouse it is done toying with, n'est pas? We need to teach the mouse some new tricks. Besides, cherie, do you really think that enjoy Nicolah coming in here whining, all the time? It is a real 'downer' as you mortals say. Nicolah was much more fun before he was afflicted with a concience. If we can shake him out of his rut, maybe he'll be fun again, no?" Natalie shook her head bemusedly as Janette turned and stalked over to the bar to give Miklos his turn at a 'coffee' break. Natalie looked at the book Janette had handed her "...Moccasin Telegraph...hmm", and started skimming thru it. By the time Janette was able to leave the club in Miklos' hands, Natalie had finished the book. She was confused, though, couldn't see how it could possibly help her, until Janette led her to a dusty storage room in the club's basement and rooted through it until she came to a small wooden crate. Blowing the dust off of it, she pried up the lid. Inside were various mis- matched pieces of fine china and glassware. Then Natalie understood. "I see the lightbulb has turned on above your head," said Janette. She and Natalie looked at each other and grinned conspiratorially, trying not to giggle. What if it doesn't work?" asked Natalie. "Who cares-it'll be fun-you deserve to have fun and Nicolah has been practically asking for it for the last two decades or so!" she carried it out of the basement for Natalie, and went back to the club with a slight detour thru the small kitchen area. "Here - phase one." Janette grandly presented her with an iron skillet "to catch his attention" she said. She and Natalie snickered. "I can hardly wait."Natalie said. Natalie let herself into nick's loft with her own key. Nick was where she had left him hours earlier, drowning his sorrows in blood. The sight of his pathetic form bolstered Natalie's courage as Janette placed the box on a table. Nick's back was toward her as she flashed Natalie a thumbs-up signal and left without saying a word. "What's in the box?" he half-heartedly asked. "Oh, just stuff-feeling any better, Nick?" He heaved a heavy sigh and continued where he had left off when she had left earlier that evening. Time for phase one, she thought. As Nick stared into the ruby depths of a blood-filled wine glass and enumerated his lengthy list of woes, Natalie removed the 12inch iron skillet from the box of items Janette had helped her bring in. She carefully walked up behind Nick who was com- pletely oblivious to anything but his own angst, drew back her arm, measured the distance, calculated her aim, and hauled off. "WHAAANNGGG!!!" The skillet made a resounding impack with Nick's skull, and sent him sprawling face first to the floor. Natalie clutched her arm which still vibrated from the impact. Nick lay there stunned for a moment before he rolled over and just sat staring at her in complete and utter shock and amazement, with his mouth hanging open. "I love you Nick, but you make me sick!! This 'bitch and moan' thing of yours has just gone on for too long! Get down off the cross, brother, some- body else needs the firewood! I've been listening to you belly-ache for ! Has it anything? Has it made your life better in anyway at all?!" Nick shook his head and Natalie ranted on. "Then don't do it - just say 'No!'. All right, you made a mistake, you messed up, you've realized that and you're trying to fix it! I've got news for you buddy, flagellation went out with the Middle Ages! Life's a bitch - deal with it! LaCroix's being hard on you, deal with it! Deal with your feelings for him! Do you love him? Do you hate him? Is some part of you longing for approval from him? Do you like the way you react to his prodding? No? Then change it! Just because you don't age, doesn't mean you can't grow!" Nick crab-walked backward from his position on the floor, trying to get as much distance between him and Natalie as possible. She looked dangerous, he could almost swear her eyes were glowing red. Natalie came after him, toting the box Janette had left on the table. She could see the fear in his eyes - good - now for phase two. She took a china plate from the box and threw it. It shattered a few feet away from Nick, he started, but stayed where he was. Natalie re-iterated his various sulks and neuroses, punctuating each one by pelting Nick's general direction with a piece of china or glassware. "I'm so evil!" Crash! "LaCroix's being mean to me!" Crash! "Someine I trusted betrayed me" Crash! "I mis- judged someone's charachter" Crash! "I love someone but how can I inflict myself on them?" Crash! "Nick are you such an arrogant ass that you think these things are endemic to you and you only?" Crash! " Well wake up and smell the bloodstains, buddy! They're not! It's called being subject to the human condition! Everyone goes through these things! You are not some kind of f---ing prima donna! Do you realize how many friends you have? You push them away in your self disgust! You push away the people who love you! Well, they're going to love you whether you like it or not, so spare yourself the effort!" Nick watched her with very wide eyes, for once really listening to her every word. "Maybe you'll get to be mortal again, maybe not- But" Crash! "Life" Crash! "Goes" Crash! "On!" Crsh! Crash! Crash!!! She upended the rest of the box's contents on Nick's head. "I love you nick," she sobbed," but I can't stand to see you doing this to yourself all the time. It's hurting me, too! So just stop it! Do you care about me at all? Well, Nick, if you love me, do something about it! I'm tired of all this one step forward, two steps back! If you want us to something or just to be friends- lets figure it out right now, because I can't put my heart on hold any longer!" Natalie sank down on the floor a few feet away from Nick. She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing. Natalie buried her face in her hands and started sobbing. A sick look of realization dawned on Nick's face as he realized what he had been putting her thru. He moved to her side, still on his knees. "oh, Natalie, I'm so sorry" and embraced her, holding her and stroking her back as she continued to sob helplessly. He rocked her back and forth as his own eyes started tearing. He buried his facHe buried his face in her hair and kissed her tenderly, he rained light kisses over her face as she quieted, murmering "I'm sorry, Natalie, you're so right, I've been such an idiot, such a fool! Please forgive me. Forgive me, Natalie." He grasped her by the arms and firmly put her away from him, so he could look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry Natalie, for being so insensitive and self-absorbed. I love you and I'd never want to hurt you. If being with me is what you really want, well, I want that, too. Natallie, will you go out with me tomorrow night? On a date?" "Nick?" "You're right...about so much, Natalie. I'm going to stop being a victim and I'm going to take my life into my own hands. In stead of moaning I'm going to do something about it. Starting with us. You know what we're up against and if you're still willing to chance it, I will, too. I do love you Natalie, so very very much." He tilted her face up and tenderly kissed her lips. "Oh, Nick! Whatever you have to face in life, it won't be alone, I'll stand by yuou." "Looks like I'm stuck with you, then?" he quipped. "Forever, Knight!".....a bit of kissy mushty stuff not for the faint of heart. **************************** Hovering outside Nick's loft, peering in the window, LaCroix gagged. "I hate happy endings." "Well, you have to admit, the floorshow was pretty spectacular" said Janette, grinning. "the look on his face when she whanged him with the fry pan was just priceless!" "Yes," chortled LaCroix "I believe the expression could be defined as 'poleaxed'. Nicolas should be very entertaining now that he's decided to stop behaving like a sniveling schoolboy and act like a man." "And what about Dr. Lambert?" Janette inwquired. LaCroix shuddered and flew off, but not before Janette heard him mutter something about a ten foot pole. She shrugged and headed home herself. THE END