Date: Wed, 23 Aug 1995 10:48:24 +30000 From: Valerie Meachum Subject: POETRY: Unspoken Farewell The below attacked me when I was *trying* to finish the belated party favor that was supposed to be for CCC (I'm sick today, folks, so maybe I'll get some progress on it...). Language note: I'm really bad at being able to tell whether non-francophones will understand something or not. I *think* it can all be figured out, but I'm not positive, so I'll put translations at the end. Sorry for the inconvenience. You don't argue with Janette. She wants it in French, it's in French. ;-) The English doesn't sound as good anyway... UNSPOKEN FAREWELL Time to move on I can feel it coming As it always does Time and again Through the endless stream of nights Time to give up these playthings And start fresh In a new place A new fiction A new frame of mind It's always worst when I must do it alone I must remember I am go *to* Not running *from* To discover new faces New amusements New blood Who am I trying to fool? We all know the way of it These lives can never last We are always forced to flee From one thing or another Or a while army of circumstances Driving us away You have not seen the army coming, Nicolas For you are part of it in your way Led by the eternal general Notre pere Le maitre de nos nuits Le diable lui-meme You always defy his orders And never fail in the end To carry them out Perhaps you are too much the soldier still Tonight, though You belong to me And I to you A thing we have not shared in so long I wonder how long it might be Before we share it again Never mind that We are here now Witnessed only by the stars Even the moon hides her face To give us this moment alone Soon enough the moment will be gone And so will I Perhaps I could face the forces Conspiring to drive me out But I don't want to I don't want to defy him as you have It's not that I don't want my freedom But that is not the way to win it I will not be here To be ignored until he Chooses to make some use of me No doubt he will take for himself What I have built here Of my own volition Independent of him It doesn't surprise me That has always been his way And nothing will ever change that You would do well To remember that And be prepared When he takes away what is yours The tug-of-war has already begun Hasn't it? I will not be here To pick up the pieces When you lose it all again I would be in too much danger Of caring about it myself You see, I have no illusions About what drove you to me tonight And why you apologise for "using" me For sharing with me What must never touch her But it will, my love She has made her choice And will never flee I like her, you know Reckless child that she is Ton ange de soleil Si forte, si fiere, si folle And that's a thing I can't afford You will fight To keep him from claiming her As he does all things That are yours Or mine Or ours He will not let us have What he has not given us I will not be here To watch you tear her apart Don't think it doesn't hurt me to go He wants me to And you would not So you mustn't know You would never understand Why my choice Allows his will to prevail You look so sad Have you tasted farewell in my blood? Mais non, c'est simplement mon Nicolas Forever unhappy with the way things are And with what you need It's best this way, mon amour I know you will be angry And hurt I know you will not understand But I won't see Your wounded little-boy face The storm in your eyes When he tells you I've gone I won't have to share The hurt in your never-hardened heart I will not be there. --Valerie Lynn Meachum August 10, 1995 Offered in tribute to two remarkable ladies, Deborah Duchene and Janette DuCharme. May they both find happiness wherever their paths lead them. LANGUAGE NOTES: (usual apologies for lack of accents in my character set apply) Notre pere = our father Le maitre de nos nuits = the master of our nights Le diable lui-meme = the devil himself Ton ange de soleil = your angel of the sun Si forte, si fiere, si folle = so strong, so proud, so foolish/mad Mais non, c'est simplement mon Nicolas = But no, it's simply my Nicolas