From: Christine Hawkins 

Subject: Vampires Anonymous: Junk Mail



 
"Good Heavens, Nick!" exclaimed Nat.  "What on Earth have you been doing?"

Nick glanced down at the pile of brightly coloured pamphlets at his feet. 
"Junk mail," he said succinctly.

"*Vampires* get *junk* mail?  I don't believe it," said Natalie, grinning.
 "I thought that was an an affliction only suffered by mortals."

"Yeah, well," said Nick shuffling through the pile.  "Someone gave my name
to a mailing list."

"Let me see," said Natalie, pulling an envelope off the top.  "The Vampire
Bookclub," she read aloud. "Our special selection for Christmas."  She
slit open the envelope and pulled out the pamphlet inside.

Nick nodded glumly.  "They're the worst of the lot, you know.  Worse than
Reader's Digest.  Once you get on their list you can't get rid of them."

Nat picked up another piece of paper.  "Help a homeless vampire this
Christmas," she read.  "Once the winter solistice has passed the nights
start getting shorter.  In the current economic climate many vampires are
homeless.  Your contribution can help one of these poor immortals -"
Natalie snorted and dropped the leaflet and grabbed another one.  "Blood,
Blood, Blood!" she read.  "Spread a little Christmas cheer with our CRAZY
Winter bargains!" Natalie looked through the pile of leaflets advertising
coffins ("The Christmas box which shows you care"), conservation groups
("Werewolves. An endangered species."), black-out curtains ("Don't be
caught out THIS season!"), blood banks, sunblock ("5000+.  Enjoy a cloudy
day with someone you love"), and bars ("Rave-on at the Raven!"). 

"Are they *all* like this?" Natalie asked.  When Nick nodded she asked:
"Who's been sending them to you?"

"That," said Nick meaningfully, "is what *I'd* like to know".

                      **********

High above the city in his lair LaCroix sighed as he licked his 10,000th
envelope.  The job was tedious, but it did pay.  And he needed the money. 

He had a subscription to the Vampire Book Club to pay for!

END.