From: Valery King Subject: Vampires Anonymous:talk show VAMPIRES ANONYMOUS "HARRY KING UNDEAD " (transcript of the Vampire News Network broadcast of January 10, 1995) HARRY KING: Good evening, and welcome to Harry King Undead here on VNN. Tonight's guest has made quite a name for himself in the Vampire community of Toronto, for his well- known desire to become mortal again. Nick Knight was brought across in 1228, and after almost 800 years as a vampire has decided he wants to cross back. Nick, welcome and thanks for coming on the show. NICK KNIGHT: Thanks, Harry, it's good to be here. HK: Nick, pardon my strong language, but why the *hell* would you want to be mortal again? NK: Well, Harry, it gets a little complicated, but I suppose the short answer is that I hate being a vampire. HK: C'mon, Nick, what's there to hate? You've got superhuman strength, the ability to fly and hypnotize humans into doing whatever you want, and-- the real clincher for most of us-- immortality. NK: At the expense of our humanity. At the expense OF humanity. I don't like preying on humans for their blood, taking their lives to extend mine. HK: But why is that important to you? Humans are so short- lived as to be ultimately unimportant to an immortal, aren't they? NK: That's what the vampire who brought me across would like me to believe. To him, humans are prey to be hunted, played with, and ultimately drained. For me, this is appalling. We were all human once. HK: True, of course. But wouldn't you agree that we've actually *transcended* humanity to become a higher life- form? NK: No, definitely not. What we've done is lost our humanity, not evolved into something better. I was raised Catholic, of course-- HK: --as so many of us were-- NK: --and while I do have many doubts about the teachings of that medieval church I believe in the existence of a soul...and that becoming a vampire has put mine into deadly peril, if I haven't been completely damned already. HK: This is getting pretty heavy here, Nick. NK: Yes, I realize that, but that's how it is. A human friend of mine-- HK (surprised): You have human friends? NK (matter-of-factly): Of course I have human friends. Don't you? Anyway, she believes that vampirism isn't a metaphysical condition, but a physical one that might possibly be cured. I tell you, that simple statement gave me more hope than I've had in centuries. I've always concentrated on supernatural cures; she convinced me to try the scientific method. HK (shocked): Your human friend *knows you're a vampire*??? NK (a little testy): When were you brought across, for heaven's sake? Yes, she knows I'm a vampire. Lots of humans over the centuries have known about us, how do you think all those stories got around? HK: But-- but-- what about the Enforcers? NK: What about them? HK: Aren't you concerned that they'll kill your human? NK: First of all, she's not *my* human, she's her own person as she never tires of telling me. And the Enforcers have better things to do than harass people who don't threaten us. Besides, Nat wouldn't do that. As a matter of fact, she's been a tremendous help to Toronto vampires on occasion. I doubt she's in any immediate danger from them. She's too useful. HK (recovering nicely): For those of you just joining us, my guest tonight is Nick Knight, Toronto vampire and member of the Toronto Metro Police Force. Nick, isn't being a cop a bit unusual for a vampire? NK: Well, I suppose many might think so. HK: Why choose this cover? NK: It's not a "cover," Harry. I take my job very seriously. I look at it as a way to repay society for my sins. I do it because I hope I can in some small way redeem all the evil I've done to humanity over the centuries, by "protecting and serving" the people of Toronto. And there are a lot of things I can do that a human cop can't. HK: Such as? NK: Well, I can certainly take more bullets than other cops. When it first happened it caused some comment about holes in my coat, but I laid down a hypnotic imperative on all my coworkers to ignore that and since then I've had no problem. Traffic's no problem, either, when you can take to the air and fly over it to catch a perp. On the other hand, testifying in court during the day is a real bitch. HK: Is it an interesting career? NK: I like it. I think I can really make a difference, and that's the most important thing. HK: When we come back, we'll take your calls. [commercial] DEEP VOICED ANNOUNCER (sounding like Darth Vader): This...is VNN. [*another* commercial] HK: Welcome back. We're talking tonight with Nick Knight, a vampire who wishes to become human again. And now lets take a call...Hello, you're on the air. CALLER: Hi, Harry, Nick. This is Louis in New Orleans. Nick, my question to you is, were you brought across against your will? HK: How about it, Nick? NK: Well, now, Louis, that's a tricky question. I consider that I was seduced and misinformed. While it sounded very appealing to live forever, and perhaps not have to answer to God for my sins, I regretted my decision almost immediately. But there appeared to be no turning back, and I came to accept my state. But always, in the back of my mind, was that desire to be human again. CALLER: The pain, the torment of having to killing humans-- NK: Yeah, there's that, but there's also the fact I have no love-life to speak of. Now that we can get our nourishment without killing it's possible to live, and live well, as a vampire in today's modern society. However, there's always that urge to rip and tear when you get close to someone, so you have to be very careful in your relationships. HK: Now, hold on here a minute, Nick. If such a thing bothers you, why not stick to *vampire* women? Surely there is no lack of willing vampire female companionship, especially in a city as populous as Toronto? NK: No, no, I think you miss my point. Sure, there are a lot of beautiful vampire women around, and I flatter myself that I wouldn't have *too* much difficulty finding a companion. But getting involved with my own kind on a romantic basis would completely undermine the progress I've made in my quest to become human. And it isn't just drinking your lover's blood; it's the whole lifestyle that's a threat to my goal. HK: I see your problem. It is generally acknowledged that the vampire race is very hedonistic, needing a great deal of sensual gratification of one kind or another. And you don't have this outlet available to you-- NK: Precisely. It's a terrible dilemma. Physical lust triggers the bloodlust in us, so I find I live nowadays more or less like a monk. HK: Let's take another call. CALLER: Hello, Nicholas. This is the Nightcrawler. NK (very stiff): LaCroix. What do you think you're up to? CALLER: I felt it would be somewhat ironic if, instead of trying to get you to call me with your problems and desires, that I should call you. NK (to Harry): Hang up. HK (scenting a juicy scandal): Now, let's just hold on here a second-- NK: Hang Up! I will not talk to this seducer, this destroyer of innocence! I'm finished with all that. HK: But-- (Mr. Knight stands up and leaves the set) CALLER (chuckling wickedly): Typical, Nicholas, typical... HK: Well. That looks like the end of this evening's program. If he'd had the manners to stick around, I'd thank my guest this evening, Nicholas Knight. Please join us tomorrow as I lead a discussion about unusual modern professions of today's vampires. Joining me will be Henry FitzRoy, also from Toronto, a writer of historical romance novels; and by satellite from Los Angeles, rock and roll legend Lestat. Until then, keep flying! [roll end credits]