Date: Sat, 13 Jan 1996 21:54:17 -0600 From: Julie Randolph Subject: You don't know me ** Yeah, yeah--I lied...no actually, I have a week before I have to leave and I figured I might as well make the most of it...and to be totally honest, this stupid board is addictive. This is a dialogue and if you are confused, good...it is my intention to stump you and make you think...I know, it's a challenge, but you can do it. Look at what you accomplished with the SOS campaign? this should be nothing. ** JCR You don't know me Julie Randolph Eternal Cousin Forever FFFROGie Immortal Beloved and Nick&Nat Packer (How's that for a mixture?) You don't know me, I am not who you think I am. You stand there and judge, and watch and hope and yet you've no idea what you've begun. You cannot know me, for there are depths to my nature that you can never see, or, perhaps one day you will see. That should frighten you, I am afraid, that should make you quiver with fear, that you might one day know me on such a level, but I suppose it is possible. We are of two minds, you and I, we are of two souls, inside the chest of one beat by beat is the heart of a mortal, inside the chest of the other, every so often, though it is faint, one beat, perhaps one each hour or two. Therein lies our destiny, to see that we are so very different, and yet we look upon one another and we see the same creature, for I too was a mortal once, I was flesh and blood and all the wonderful and painful things that came with it, but I gave that up, or perhaps it was chosen for me...be that as it may, you should never have come here. It is dangerous for us to take such a road together, when you fall inside the mind of something so evil, something so overwhelmed with anger, what do you hope to gain from it. Understanding, happiness, hope? None of these things will be given from me, for I cannot...no, I will not give them. You do not know me. I see throught the eyes of something you cannot begin to understand, I see with the eyes of what many would call a monster, and yet look out there, look beyond the horizon and see the millions of faces. Can you see them? they do not see the monster inside my soul, they will not accept it, as you so clearly have. Or perhaps it is the other way around. Those millions of souls, they watch, and they wait, I can see them, they don't know it, but I am always watching. Perhaps they have accepted me as I am and that is why they can attest to something you cannot, that I am so much like you, that we are one in so many ways. You have seen death, you have watched it, I will not lie, it fascinates me. In this moment of destiny, in this whirlwind of life where the realms of fantasy and reality mingle and mix one against the other, there is nothing but truth. Death is another aspect of life, be that I am dead, I am also alive for I have feelings inside my heart and knowledge inside my mind. Does this make me dead or alive, or a mixture of both? Why is it that they out there who sit and read this now, they who are watching can accept what you cannot? Why? I look out there, I watch their smiling faces as they tremble with the excitement of knowing that I can see, that I do know, and I know that they love me, each one of them, and I also know that you do not. I see you. You have given me life for years, you who have given us hope through these past few months, you who have once again breathed the breath of life into our dying bodies, I do see you, and I know what you have done. And so the controversy must continue, the antogonist must remain in his formidable bounds, the pain of knowing they hate me must linger on, but in that pain, I am alive and in that knowledge I look upon you and know that I am endebted...and I always pay my debts. ***************************************************************** response, flames, oreos, letters of recommendation, definitions of "irony", and/or Geriant Wyn Davies home address to randolph@tenet.edu "Quid pro quo, Nicholas...and I always pay my debts."--LaCroix, Night in Question (For those of you without basic Latin or philosophy, quid pro quo means "this for that") *****************************************************************